1
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,991
This is a message to all American infidels.

2
00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:19,953
Prepare to die in a sea of holy fire.

3
00:00:20,286 --> 00:00:24,332
You will be punished for your decadent
ways on the first day of Radaman.

4
00:00:24,457 --> 00:00:25,416
You...

5
00:00:26,626 --> 00:00:27,919
Wait. Wait a minute. Did I just say...

6
00:00:28,044 --> 00:00:30,004
What did I say? "Radaman"?

7
00:00:31,256 --> 00:00:34,175
Ramadan. Radaman. What is that?

8
00:00:34,384 --> 00:00:37,720
Yeah, maybe Dennis "Radaman"
is gonna punish you with his crazy hair.

9
00:00:37,846 --> 00:00:39,597
No?
Osama.

10
00:00:39,722 --> 00:00:43,393
What's that? Right, right. Yeah, no.
Okay, okay.

11
00:00:43,518 --> 00:00:47,230
All right, let's go again. Okay.
This is a message to all...

12
00:00:48,773 --> 00:00:50,817
I'm not gonna be able to do it now.

13
00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:53,027
Okay, all right, okay. I got to get all the...

14
00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:56,614
I got to get all the laughs out. Okay?
I got to get all the laughs out.

15
00:00:59,909 --> 00:01:01,828
- Okay, all right.
- Today sometime.

16
00:01:01,911 --> 00:01:05,206
Stop making that face over there!
What are you doing? I can't...

17
00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:07,667
He makes that face
and it makes me laugh, okay?

18
00:01:07,750 --> 00:01:09,836
You know what, just turn around.
Turn around.

19
00:01:09,919 --> 00:01:13,047
I don't care where you look.
Just look over there. Okay, all right.

20
00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:16,050
They're cracking...
They're cracking up over there. Okay.

21
00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:18,344
Oh, yeah.
Look who's snickering over there.

22
00:01:18,470 --> 00:01:21,222
Mr. L-can't-do-a-suicide-bombing-
because-I'm-sick.

23
00:01:21,306 --> 00:01:22,348
He had a note.

24
00:01:22,474 --> 00:01:23,558
He got you.
He's so bad.

25
00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:25,351
He had a note from his doctor.

26
00:01:25,477 --> 00:01:28,730
He brought a note from his doctor.
It's a suicide bombing.

27
00:01:28,813 --> 00:01:30,190
- It's true.
- What are you...

28
00:01:30,273 --> 00:01:31,816
Okay, all right. Here we go.

29
00:01:31,900 --> 00:01:34,819
This is where I get all serious now.
Okay. Death...

30
00:01:36,070 --> 00:01:39,199
I can't. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't.

31
00:01:39,282 --> 00:01:41,242
Oh, come on.
Now you're just trying to make...

32
00:01:41,326 --> 00:01:43,036
Hey, wait, wait, wait.

33
00:01:43,161 --> 00:01:45,205
Look, look, rubber chicken, you know?

34
00:01:45,288 --> 00:01:48,249
I should do, like, the whole tape
with this in my hand, you know?

35
00:01:48,333 --> 00:01:51,377
Just totally, like, with the chicken
right here because everyone will be like,

36
00:01:51,461 --> 00:01:54,714
"What the hell?
What is 'Death to Americans'?"

37
00:01:55,215 --> 00:01:57,091
Just let him do it. Let him do the tape.

38
00:01:57,217 --> 00:01:58,218
Talking chicken.

39
00:01:58,301 --> 00:01:59,385
Don't blame me. It was the chicken.

40
00:01:59,511 --> 00:02:01,429
He was... Oh, no. Actually, no.

41
00:02:01,513 --> 00:02:03,431
You know what would be better?
Hey, wait, wait.

42
00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:07,769
Just walk out like this.
I just come out like this, but all serious.

43
00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:10,063
Like this totally, like, completely serious.

44
00:02:10,146 --> 00:02:12,607
- Like I don't even know I'm wearing them.
- Oh, man!

45
00:02:12,732 --> 00:02:15,777
Death. Death to America. What? What?

46
00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:18,113
What are you looking at?
Do I have something on my face?

47
00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:22,200
What? Right here? What?
Boys, I'm just wearing my regular glasses.

48
00:02:22,283 --> 00:02:24,119
- I always wear these.
- That is crazy.

49
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:26,412
Hey, it's me in an '80s movie, right? Yeah.

50
00:02:27,622 --> 00:02:30,917
Hey, he got it. He got it over there.
The little guy got it.

51
00:02:31,042 --> 00:02:33,294
Who is that guy?
I've never seen him around here before.

52
00:02:33,419 --> 00:02:35,088
How's it going, chief?

53
00:02:35,421 --> 00:02:38,299
Good day to you, sir.
And now prepare to die.

54
00:03:15,753 --> 00:03:19,090
- Who are you?
- I'm Stewie Griffin.

55
00:03:20,675 --> 00:03:23,636
And don't ever let me
catch you guys in Quahog!

56
00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:09,432
Hey, Stewie. Who the hell is that?

57
00:04:18,316 --> 00:04:21,945
- Peter, it's 5:30 in the morning.
- Oh, sorry, Lois.

58
00:04:22,028 --> 00:04:24,572
- I didn't know you were home.
- What the hell are you doing?

59
00:04:24,697 --> 00:04:27,158
I'm laying down the red carpet.
The Emmys are on tonight.

60
00:04:27,283 --> 00:04:30,078
Oh, God. Don't tell me
you forgot about Meg's play tonight.

61
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:31,579
But, Lois, Meg sucks!

62
00:04:31,704 --> 00:04:34,332
Everything she does
is so freaking terrible and depressing.

63
00:04:34,457 --> 00:04:36,584
Plus, I went to her first grade play
that one time.

64
00:04:36,668 --> 00:04:40,630
Oh, Robin Hood, the king is keeping me
prisoner here in his castle.

65
00:04:40,755 --> 00:04:43,091
Don't worry, Maid Marian, I'll save you.

66
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:46,010
Boy, you guys are not sucking me
into the story at all.

67
00:04:46,094 --> 00:04:48,179
I'm just telling you for your own benefit.

68
00:04:48,304 --> 00:04:51,015
I'm very aware
that I'm watching a play right now.

69
00:04:51,099 --> 00:04:52,600
Come on, I got to watch the Emmys.

70
00:04:52,684 --> 00:04:55,520
Peter, you're going to Meg's play
and that's that.

71
00:04:55,645 --> 00:04:58,857
Is that that now, Mrs. That's that?

72
00:04:58,982 --> 00:05:02,694
If you're gonna shoot me,
you might want to tie your shoelaces first.

73
00:05:04,154 --> 00:05:06,030
Now, are you gonna go
to Meg's play or not?

74
00:05:06,156 --> 00:05:07,157
Yes!

75
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,742
- You like eating red carpet, tough guy?
- Yes!

76
00:05:09,909 --> 00:05:13,371
Say you like eating red carpet!
I like eating red carpet.

77
00:05:14,164 --> 00:05:15,248
Giggity.

78
00:05:20,295 --> 00:05:22,964
God, why do you wear
those rainbow suspenders?

79
00:05:23,047 --> 00:05:26,134
Well, I could tell you,
but I'd rather show you

80
00:05:26,384 --> 00:05:28,720
through interpretive dance.

81
00:05:39,689 --> 00:05:41,524
Crying baby. I'll take him out.

82
00:05:42,484 --> 00:05:45,403
You know, Lois, if we leave now,
we can get home and catch the Emmy

83
00:05:45,487 --> 00:05:47,238
for Best Documentary.

84
00:05:47,530 --> 00:05:51,743
- I hear there's one on vacuuming.
- Really? Well, that sounds interesting.

85
00:05:51,868 --> 00:05:54,370
Wait a minute.
You can't fool me that easily.

86
00:05:54,496 --> 00:05:57,457
You are not watching the Emmys tonight.
Now shush.

87
00:06:01,419 --> 00:06:03,963
Excuse me.
I got to go do some black guy stuff.

88
00:06:05,173 --> 00:06:08,009
Man, this sucks worse than
my 16th birthday party.

89
00:06:08,259 --> 00:06:11,262
Thanks for coming
to my birthday party, Jake Ryan.

90
00:06:11,346 --> 00:06:13,765
Thanks for having me
at your birthday party, Peter.

91
00:06:13,890 --> 00:06:16,768
- Make a wish.
- It's already come true.

92
00:06:16,893 --> 00:06:18,603
Here's your present.

93
00:06:19,229 --> 00:06:21,314
No, Jake! Not like this!

94
00:06:25,026 --> 00:06:29,405
<i>Our top story, beloved entertainer
Bob Hope briefly came back to life today</i>

95
00:06:29,531 --> 00:06:31,825
<i>only to die in a tragic motorcycle accident.</i>

96
00:06:31,908 --> 00:06:34,369
Hey, I'm gonna jump all those trash cans.

97
00:06:39,749 --> 00:06:43,419
<i>In other news, actor David Hyde Pierce
created a major controversy</i>

98
00:06:43,545 --> 00:06:44,796
<i>at the Emmys last night</i>

99
00:06:44,921 --> 00:06:48,216
<i>when a trouser malfunction
caused him to expose his testicles.</i>

100
00:06:48,299 --> 00:06:50,176
<i>Sure glad
I didn't miss the Emmys, Diane.</i>

101
00:06:50,260 --> 00:06:51,636
Oh, that's just great, Lois.

102
00:06:51,761 --> 00:06:54,222
Thanks to you,
I missed a moment of television history.

103
00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:58,184
Well, now you know how George W. Bush
felt when he showed up in Vietnam.

104
00:06:59,978 --> 00:07:02,313
All right, let's do this. Let's kick some ass.

105
00:07:02,605 --> 00:07:04,566
- George, the war is over.
- What?

106
00:07:04,649 --> 00:07:06,901
- Yeah, it's done.
- Get out of here! Are you serious?

107
00:07:06,985 --> 00:07:08,570
- Yeah.
- Oh, man! Oh, man!

108
00:07:08,653 --> 00:07:11,197
I just got your messages. Oh, I'm sorry.

109
00:07:11,281 --> 00:07:13,116
George, it's been over for a while.

110
00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:15,243
- Really?
- Yeah. It's 1981.

111
00:07:15,326 --> 00:07:17,954
It's... Oh, wow!
Oh, so I'm way late. Oh, boy!

112
00:07:18,079 --> 00:07:19,956
- Yeah.
- Well, you want to do something else?

113
00:07:20,039 --> 00:07:21,624
- I got some blow.
- Son of a bitch!

114
00:07:21,749 --> 00:07:23,960
It took you this long to tell me?
Break it out, man!

115
00:07:26,129 --> 00:07:29,507
Gentlemen, we got 20 calls
about the David Hyde Pierce incident.

116
00:07:29,632 --> 00:07:32,218
And as you know,
one call equals a billion people.

117
00:07:32,302 --> 00:07:35,680
Which means 20 billion people
were offended by this.

118
00:07:35,805 --> 00:07:37,515
Needless to say, something must be done.

119
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:40,435
- Perhaps we should ask the chairman.
- Good idea.

120
00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:43,813
Sir, we're wondering
what course of action you recommend

121
00:07:43,938 --> 00:07:45,648
regarding the Hyde Pierce incident.

122
00:07:45,774 --> 00:07:48,276
You've got to censor television, you fools!

123
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,236
Now follow my orders.

124
00:07:56,493 --> 00:07:59,120
<i>And now,
stay tuned for Three's Company.</i>

125
00:07:59,204 --> 00:08:02,248
<i>Jack, are you out there?
I want to show you my new bikini.</i>

126
00:08:02,373 --> 00:08:05,126
What the hell! Why are they blocking out
all the good stuff?

127
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:06,544
<i>It's The... Van... Show</i>

128
00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:09,714
<i>Starring... Van...</i>

129
00:08:10,006 --> 00:08:11,591
They're messing with my shows.

130
00:08:11,716 --> 00:08:13,760
Come to think of it,
there was something very different

131
00:08:13,885 --> 00:08:15,929
<i>about that Honeymooners episode
I watched today.</i>

132
00:08:16,012 --> 00:08:18,973
<i>One of these days, Alice,
one of these days...</i>

133
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:22,602
<i>I'm gonna help stimulate the economy
by buying an American car.</i>

134
00:08:22,685 --> 00:08:26,147
This must be the FCC overreacting
to the David Hyde Pierce incident.

135
00:08:26,231 --> 00:08:28,858
They're censoring anything
that might be viewed as unpleasant.

136
00:08:28,983 --> 00:08:32,070
What the hell!
They let Sarah Jessica Parker's face on TV,

137
00:08:32,153 --> 00:08:33,446
and she looks like a foot.

138
00:08:33,530 --> 00:08:36,074
Well, mark my words, I'm gonna fight this.

139
00:08:38,409 --> 00:08:41,121
You're on TV, Mr. Tucker.
Can't you do something about this?

140
00:08:41,204 --> 00:08:43,498
Well, Peter, I'm flattered
you came to me for help.

141
00:08:43,581 --> 00:08:45,250
We'll have more after this.

142
00:08:46,167 --> 00:08:47,210
Good evening. We're back.

143
00:08:47,335 --> 00:08:50,046
Peter, to answer your question,
if you want to control content,

144
00:08:50,171 --> 00:08:52,173
you'd have to start
your own television station.

145
00:08:52,298 --> 00:08:53,633
My own TV station?

146
00:08:53,716 --> 00:08:56,636
I haven't had my own business
since I ran that mail order operation.

147
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:59,931
Yeah, I bought a giant,
life-size slingshot from you,

148
00:09:00,014 --> 00:09:01,683
and it just slammed me into a mountain.

149
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:04,310
- Sorry, no returns.
- I've been a customer here for years.

150
00:09:04,436 --> 00:09:08,106
- I can maybe give you a store credit.
- But... Really? Well, I guess...

151
00:09:08,189 --> 00:09:10,650
- What's the holdup in here?
- I'm taking care of it.

152
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:14,863
Peter, what are you doing?
What is all this stuff?

153
00:09:14,946 --> 00:09:18,783
Dad's starting his own TV station,
but I'm not supposed to tell Mom

154
00:09:18,867 --> 00:09:20,702
because she's just gonna bitch him out.

155
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:23,121
What the hell do you expect
to accomplish with this?

156
00:09:23,204 --> 00:09:25,123
I'm saving television, Lois.

157
00:09:25,206 --> 00:09:27,125
Apache Chief, put the satellite on the roof.

158
00:09:27,208 --> 00:09:29,294
Sure, Peter. Apache Chief...

159
00:09:34,549 --> 00:09:38,595
Well, that was the high point of my day.
Guess I'll go gamble.

160
00:09:45,727 --> 00:09:49,022
<i>Hi, there. I'm Peter Griffin.
And you're watching PTV,</i>

161
00:09:49,147 --> 00:09:52,233
<i>where you get to watch your
favorite shows as nature intended them,</i>

162
00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:55,487
<i>with all the sex,
violence, swearing and farts intact.</i>

163
00:09:55,570 --> 00:09:59,032
<i>Like the episode of All in the Family
where Archie got the Jeffersons to move.</i>

164
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:03,203
Time for you to move there, Jefferson.

165
00:10:03,328 --> 00:10:07,290
Oh, Archie. I can't see out of my sheet!

166
00:10:07,415 --> 00:10:11,252
Edith, will you stifle yourself?
We're supposed to be incognitus.

167
00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:14,714
<i>And who could forget that classic episode
of The Waltons?</i>

168
00:10:14,798 --> 00:10:17,217
- Goodnight, Jim-Bob.
- Goodnight, Mary Ellen.

169
00:10:17,342 --> 00:10:19,677
- Goodnight, Pa.
- Goodnight, Jim-Bob.

170
00:10:19,761 --> 00:10:21,846
- Goodnight, Elizabeth.
- Goodnight, Pa.

171
00:10:21,930 --> 00:10:24,474
- Goodnight, Ma.
- Goodnight, Elizabeth.

172
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,309
Goodnight, John-Boy.

173
00:10:27,102 --> 00:10:28,394
Goodnight, John-Boy.

174
00:10:30,688 --> 00:10:31,689
John-Boy?

175
00:10:31,773 --> 00:10:34,275
Damn it!
Can't a guy masturbate in this house?

176
00:10:37,445 --> 00:10:39,531
Peter, look at these numbers. We're a hit.

177
00:10:39,656 --> 00:10:42,450
If I were you, I'd think about
expanding your programming somehow.

178
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,035
Brian, that's a great idea.

179
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:47,205
That's exactly what we need
to take PTV to the next level.

180
00:10:47,330 --> 00:10:49,207
Original programming.

181
00:10:49,374 --> 00:10:52,669
<i>Hi, there. And welcome to
The Peter Griffin Side Boob Hour.</i>

182
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:55,171
A wonderful look back
on all the partial nudity

183
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:57,257
network television used to offer.

184
00:10:57,382 --> 00:10:59,259
Look at that side boob.

185
00:10:59,884 --> 00:11:02,137
Check out this side boob.

186
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:06,141
How about that side boob?
That turn you on?

187
00:11:06,307 --> 00:11:09,853
Well, it shouldn't,
because that's my side boob.

188
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:11,646
Goodnight, everybody.

189
00:11:12,230 --> 00:11:14,566
- So, what do you think?
- I'm not sure, Peter.

190
00:11:14,649 --> 00:11:17,235
You got to be careful
about what you put on your network.

191
00:11:17,318 --> 00:11:19,279
You know how impressionable
children are.

192
00:11:19,362 --> 00:11:21,906
I mean, remember what happened
after Chris saw Jackie Mason?

193
00:11:22,031 --> 00:11:24,075
Chris, you should have
left for school already.

194
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:25,827
<i>Oy, shiksa, don't start with me.</i>

195
00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:28,246
I didn't go, I wanted to go,
I forgot to go, I should have gone.

196
00:11:28,371 --> 00:11:30,039
- Chris, just go!
- Mom, relax.

197
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:31,416
<i>You look so haggard, zebezel.</i>

198
00:11:31,541 --> 00:11:32,667
You should lie down
or your heart might go...

199
00:11:33,877 --> 00:11:37,088
Lois, don't worry about it.
I got a bunch of great new shows lined up.

200
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:39,924
<i>Cheeky Bastard is filmed
in front of a live studio audience.</i>

201
00:11:40,049 --> 00:11:42,427
Oh, my God! Where is my roast pheasant?

202
00:11:42,510 --> 00:11:45,305
By now I think it's in my lower intestine.

203
00:11:46,598 --> 00:11:49,768
You ate it? But I told you
my boss was coming here for dinner.

204
00:11:49,851 --> 00:11:52,979
Well, unless he likes pork rinds,
he's going home hungry.

205
00:11:54,522 --> 00:11:56,232
You cheeky bastard.

206
00:12:01,529 --> 00:12:03,198
<i>Welcome to Midnight Q.</i>

207
00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:06,534
Tonight we're gonna enjoy
the smooth jazz of Charles Mingus.

208
00:12:06,701 --> 00:12:09,621
Norman Mailer is here to read
an excerpt from his latest book.

209
00:12:09,746 --> 00:12:12,624
And then we also have a girl from Omaha
who's hiding a banana.

210
00:12:12,749 --> 00:12:13,917
We'll find out where.

211
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,669
Giggity Giggity Giggity Goo.
Stick around.

212
00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:21,090
More fan mail.

213
00:12:21,216 --> 00:12:23,885
Sheesh, Brian, people freaking love us.
We're gonna be huge.

214
00:12:23,968 --> 00:12:27,430
Peter, I really want you to cancel
that show with the animals having sex.

215
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:30,100
<i>For your information, Lois,
it's called Dogs Humping,</i>

216
00:12:30,225 --> 00:12:32,685
and it is the cornerstone
of our Wednesday night lineup.

217
00:12:32,811 --> 00:12:35,021
Lois, responsibility lies with the parents.

218
00:12:35,146 --> 00:12:38,108
There are plenty of things that are
much worse for children than television.

219
00:12:38,233 --> 00:12:40,193
Like when Peter babysat
for the neighbor's kid.

220
00:12:41,486 --> 00:12:43,279
All right, I couldn't find your toys,

221
00:12:43,404 --> 00:12:46,741
so why don't you just play
with this blow dryer and these rattles?

222
00:12:46,825 --> 00:12:49,869
Guess that's it. You probably want me
to get out of your hair.

223
00:12:49,994 --> 00:12:52,539
So here's the Drano in case there's a clog.

224
00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:56,334
Soap's right there next to the radio,
and towels are on the roof.

225
00:12:56,417 --> 00:12:57,836
So, goodnight.

226
00:12:59,295 --> 00:13:02,298
Look, it's one thing for a network
to run inappropriate shows

227
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:03,842
that I can't do anything about.

228
00:13:03,925 --> 00:13:06,094
But I will not have it happening
in my own house.

229
00:13:06,177 --> 00:13:09,889
Lois, there is absolutely nothing
inappropriate about my programming.

230
00:13:13,017 --> 00:13:15,019
All right, Dad. You're on.

231
00:13:15,145 --> 00:13:18,106
<i>Hey, PTVfans, welcome to douchebags.</i>

232
00:13:18,189 --> 00:13:20,233
We're out here on the I-95 overpass

233
00:13:20,358 --> 00:13:23,570
doing our first segment,
"I dare you to crap off of that. "

234
00:13:23,695 --> 00:13:25,947
Basically, we'll spend the day
crapping off things

235
00:13:26,030 --> 00:13:27,824
that others have dared us to crap off.

236
00:13:27,949 --> 00:13:30,452
- I dared him.
- All right, here we go.

237
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:34,247
I say, are those two pigs
vomiting up there?

238
00:13:38,710 --> 00:13:39,669
Uh-oh.

239
00:13:39,794 --> 00:13:43,047
Now, Lois, before you start yelling,
let me remind you that you were the one

240
00:13:43,173 --> 00:13:45,341
who recklessly drove
into oncoming crap.

241
00:13:45,467 --> 00:13:46,968
It was inexcusable, Peter.

242
00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:49,679
And Stewie may never
be able to ride in a car again.

243
00:13:49,804 --> 00:13:51,431
Turn off the windshield wipers.

244
00:13:51,514 --> 00:13:54,017
They don't work.
They're just making it worse.

245
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,351
Peter, that's it.

246
00:13:55,477 --> 00:13:57,979
I asked you to stop this
and you didn't listen to me.

247
00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:02,150
I'm sorry, but you left me no other choice.
I called the FCC.

248
00:14:02,233 --> 00:14:04,986
Oh, yeah. I know all about the FCC.

249
00:15:24,023 --> 00:15:26,234
Mr. Griffin, that was terrific.

250
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:30,196
But I'm here to tell you, that as of today,
PTV is officially shut down.

251
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:33,741
Shut me down, huh?
Well, you'll have to catch me first.

252
00:15:46,921 --> 00:15:48,506
All right, you caught me.

253
00:15:48,673 --> 00:15:51,134
We're tired of you infecting people
with your smut.

254
00:15:51,259 --> 00:15:53,595
This is an epidemic.
And it must be contained.

255
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,514
Well, Mr. FCC, you can stop PTV,

256
00:15:56,598 --> 00:15:59,642
but you can never stop people
from being who they are!

257
00:16:00,602 --> 00:16:02,103
Or can we?

258
00:16:06,149 --> 00:16:08,693
- What are you doing?
- Censoring real life.

259
00:16:08,777 --> 00:16:11,529
His chin looks like balls.
You want me to cover that, too?

260
00:16:14,908 --> 00:16:16,826
How long are you guys
gonna be censoring us?

261
00:16:16,951 --> 00:16:20,038
Until you and all of Quahog
start to clean up your act.

262
00:16:20,121 --> 00:16:23,082
Like Ozzy Osbourne when he stopped
biting the heads off bats.

263
00:16:24,542 --> 00:16:28,505
<i>Before I start playing,
I'm gonna eat this whole sandwich.</i>

264
00:16:43,353 --> 00:16:44,813
<i>I'll finish it later.</i>

265
00:16:44,938 --> 00:16:45,897
<i>Yay!</i>

266
00:16:46,022 --> 00:16:47,774
Lois, these eggs are scrambled.

267
00:16:47,857 --> 00:16:50,860
I thought for sure you'd be making
eggs Benedict Arnold.

268
00:16:52,070 --> 00:16:54,405
Brian, stop writing jokes for Peter.

269
00:16:54,489 --> 00:16:58,034
And, Peter, you brought this on yourself
by putting on those filthy shows.

270
00:16:58,159 --> 00:16:59,285
Oh, Lois, you are so full of...

271
00:17:00,537 --> 00:17:01,538
What?

272
00:17:01,663 --> 00:17:04,249
Now I can't say... in my own... house?

273
00:17:04,833 --> 00:17:06,751
Great, Lois. Just... great.

274
00:17:06,835 --> 00:17:10,088
You know, you're lucky you're good at...
my... or I'd never put up with you.

275
00:17:10,171 --> 00:17:13,424
You know what I'm talking about.
When you... lubed up... toothpaste

276
00:17:13,508 --> 00:17:17,637
in my... cherry... Episcopalian...
extension cord...

277
00:17:17,762 --> 00:17:19,639
wetness... with a parking ticket.

278
00:17:19,764 --> 00:17:21,224
That is the best.

279
00:17:25,687 --> 00:17:29,065
- What the hell is this?
- The FCC has forbidden audible flatulence.

280
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:31,401
Everyone is now required
to wear this device

281
00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:34,237
that converts all fart sounds
into Steven Wright jokes.

282
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:37,449
<i>I spilled spot remover on my dog.
Now he's gone.</i>

283
00:17:37,532 --> 00:17:38,700
Oh, this is bogus!

284
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:44,622
Two shakes, that's it. Move along.

285
00:17:44,747 --> 00:17:47,125
Oh. Why, thank you, tinkle fairy.

286
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,171
Lois, you ruined everything,
you know that?

287
00:17:51,296 --> 00:17:54,716
Peter, I know it's a little extreme.
But when it comes to our children,

288
00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:57,385
it's better to err on the safe side.
Isn't that right?

289
00:17:57,510 --> 00:18:00,555
No. You know, Lois,
if everybody was as closed-minded as you,

290
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,516
the world wouldn't have
some of its most inspired creations.

291
00:18:05,143 --> 00:18:08,229
Man, this chocolate bar is delicious.

292
00:18:09,939 --> 00:18:12,650
Oh, yeah. I love peanut butter.

293
00:18:16,988 --> 00:18:19,032
I'm Officer Reeses. What happened here?

294
00:18:19,157 --> 00:18:21,659
He got peanut butter on my chocolate.

295
00:18:21,785 --> 00:18:24,412
He got chocolate in my peanut butter.

296
00:18:31,169 --> 00:18:32,712
Oh, come on.

297
00:18:32,837 --> 00:18:34,839
I know what'll make you feel better.

298
00:18:34,964 --> 00:18:38,009
- How about a little angry sex, huh?
- Oh, all right.

299
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:42,097
Whoa! Whoa!
Those actions are highly inappropriate.

300
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:44,682
What? Wait a minute.
We're not allowed to have sex?

301
00:18:44,808 --> 00:18:45,892
Oh, you can have sex.

302
00:18:46,017 --> 00:18:50,396
Just no moaning, no tongue-kissing,
no thrusting, no movement whatsoever.

303
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:56,694
Well, this isn't very romantic.
I mean, how are we supposed to...

304
00:18:56,820 --> 00:18:58,404
I'm done. Night, Lois.

305
00:19:04,369 --> 00:19:06,037
Come on, you son of a...

306
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,415
Oh... me.

307
00:19:09,541 --> 00:19:11,876
- Brian, would you mind?
- Yeah, sure.

308
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,211
Oh, sorry.

309
00:19:13,336 --> 00:19:17,006
I haven't had sex in two weeks.
I'm just a little on edge lately.

310
00:19:17,340 --> 00:19:20,468
A little? There wasn't this much tension
when the slaves were freed.

311
00:19:20,552 --> 00:19:23,012
Okay, so you're free to go.

312
00:19:23,721 --> 00:19:25,056
But we're cool, right?

313
00:19:25,473 --> 00:19:26,933
Peter, we have to talk.

314
00:19:27,058 --> 00:19:29,769
Look, I thought this FCC thing
was a good idea at first,

315
00:19:29,894 --> 00:19:31,604
but it's just gone way too far.

316
00:19:31,729 --> 00:19:34,274
- What are you saying, Lois?
- Well,

317
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:37,527
I don't want to admit it,
but I think you were right.

318
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:40,238
I don't believe it! Finally I can do this!

319
00:19:42,490 --> 00:19:45,994
I set that thing up 15 years ago.
Hey, where's the clown?

320
00:19:46,077 --> 00:19:49,497
We've got to do something about this.
Pack your bag, Peter.

321
00:19:49,581 --> 00:19:51,291
We're going to Washington.

322
00:19:51,916 --> 00:19:53,001
Oh, there he is.

323
00:19:55,044 --> 00:19:57,422
- Are we there yet?
- No, Chris, honey, we're not.

324
00:19:57,505 --> 00:19:59,549
- Are we there yet?
- No, Chris.

325
00:19:59,674 --> 00:20:02,427
- Are we there yet?
- Yes, Chris, yes. Okay? We're there.

326
00:20:02,552 --> 00:20:03,553
Liar!

327
00:20:03,678 --> 00:20:08,183
<i>East of Eden? So you pretty much do
whatever Oprah tells you to, huh?</i>

328
00:20:08,266 --> 00:20:11,269
You know, this book's been around
for 50 years. It's a classic.

329
00:20:11,352 --> 00:20:12,687
But you just got it last week,

330
00:20:12,771 --> 00:20:14,773
and there's a giant Oprah sticker
on the front.

331
00:20:14,856 --> 00:20:17,400
Is that what that is?
Let me just peel that right off.

332
00:20:17,525 --> 00:20:19,277
So, what are you gonna read
after that one?

333
00:20:19,402 --> 00:20:20,737
Well, she hasn't told us yet. Damn!

334
00:20:23,698 --> 00:20:27,577
<i>And the motion carries.
The janitor's new nickname is Sweepy.</i>

335
00:20:38,213 --> 00:20:40,548
Gentlemen, that was a fart.

336
00:20:40,632 --> 00:20:43,343
- What's going on out here?
- I'll tell you what's going on.

337
00:20:43,468 --> 00:20:47,347
This government's FCC is trying to take
all the farts away from television!

338
00:20:47,472 --> 00:20:49,974
And all the sex, and all the nudity,
and all the poop.

339
00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:51,643
Well, I say it's wrong.

340
00:20:51,768 --> 00:20:54,562
These things are part of the fabric
of American life.

341
00:20:54,646 --> 00:20:58,441
Well, we appreciate your passion
but this Congress supports the FCC.

342
00:20:58,525 --> 00:21:01,194
- Indecency is un-American.
- Oh, yeah?

343
00:21:01,277 --> 00:21:03,613
Well, I can prove to you
that that's a bunch of bull.

344
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:04,739
Look around you.

345
00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:08,785
The Washington Monument.
Looks an awful lot like a penis, doesn't it?

346
00:21:08,910 --> 00:21:12,330
The Capitol Building,
quite obviously a giant boob.

347
00:21:12,455 --> 00:21:13,915
And the Pentagon?

348
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:17,794
Well, you look me in the eye and tell me
it doesn't look like a big anus.

349
00:21:17,919 --> 00:21:20,880
My God!
How could we have been so blind?

350
00:21:20,964 --> 00:21:22,132
He's absolutely right.

351
00:21:22,257 --> 00:21:25,760
Come to think of it, have you ever looked
closely at the Lincoln Memorial?

352
00:21:28,805 --> 00:21:33,393
<i>Our top story, the FCC's content ban
on Quahog has finally been lifted.</i>

353
00:21:33,476 --> 00:21:36,604
Well, you did it, Peter. You beat the FCC.

354
00:21:37,021 --> 00:21:39,983
<i>Lois, Lois,
let's watch The Brady Bunch.</i>

355
00:21:40,233 --> 00:21:41,693
Look what I did, everybody.

356
00:21:41,818 --> 00:21:45,655
Isn't it the biggest,
most super-special poop you've ever seen?

357
00:21:45,905 --> 00:21:50,368
Well, Cindy, I guess it's true
that big things come in small packages.

