1
00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:05,559
"It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:05,679 --> 00:00:08,879
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:08,959 --> 00:00:12,558
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:12,678 --> 00:00:14,677
"On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:15,277 --> 00:00:18,477
"Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:18,557 --> 00:00:23,356
"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

7
00:00:23,475 --> 00:00:24,875
"Laugh and cry

8
00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:30,074
"He's a family guy

9
00:00:30,874 --> 00:00:35,073
"Alan Adler, David Preslack, Julie Axlerod,
Shep Sutton, Scott McCormack. "

10
00:00:35,153 --> 00:00:39,272
Those were the people who were mean to me
in junior high. Tomorrow, high school.

11
00:00:39,352 --> 00:00:43,271
Finally we go to Asian reporter
Tricia Takanawa for 60 seconds of filler.

12
00:00:43,351 --> 00:00:48,670
I'm here on Spooner Street where several
Quahog families are holding a car wash

13
00:00:48,750 --> 00:00:52,469
to raise money for an organ transplant
for young Paul Lewis.

14
00:00:52,549 --> 00:00:56,549
- What do you call this device, Paul?
- An iron lung. It keeps me from dying.

15
00:00:56,668 --> 00:00:58,748
I wanna play baseball!

16
00:00:58,868 --> 00:01:01,947
With me is one of Paul's
classmates, Chris Griffin,

17
00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:06,666
who helped organise this charity event.
You're a very thoughtful young man, Chris.

18
00:01:06,666 --> 00:01:08,946
- Can I say hello to my mom?
- Sure.

19
00:01:09,066 --> 00:01:11,665
- Hi, Mom!
- Hi, sweetheart.

20
00:01:11,745 --> 00:01:16,744
So you want the full wash... Oh, you've got a
nick there. I can probably get that out for you.

21
00:01:16,864 --> 00:01:21,743
If you want to go with a scent, I've got
PB and J, Sugar Cereal, and New Toy.

22
00:01:21,863 --> 00:01:23,743
What the deuce?

23
00:01:23,863 --> 00:01:28,142
- Hey! Somebody dropped a money clip.
- Wow! $26.

24
00:01:28,262 --> 00:01:32,061
- I've never seen so much money at one time.
- What should we do with it?

25
00:01:32,141 --> 00:01:35,860
I say we buy 26 dollars' worth
of ice cream and just pig out.

26
00:01:35,940 --> 00:01:39,859
We can dish, talk about who's getting fat.
We'll be great big bitches.

27
00:01:39,859 --> 00:01:42,259
Hold on, kids. That's not your money yet.

28
00:01:42,339 --> 00:01:45,658
You gotta put up signs and wait
two weeks for someone to claim it.

29
00:01:45,658 --> 00:01:47,658
If no one does, it's yours.

30
00:01:47,738 --> 00:01:49,737
Ah, lunch is here!

31
00:01:52,257 --> 00:01:54,256
Everyone, we've reached our goal.

32
00:01:54,336 --> 00:01:57,936
It looks like somebody's
gonna live to see puberty.

33
00:01:58,055 --> 00:02:00,855
- Oh, my God! That man took our money!
- What man?

34
00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:04,534
He wore a Jimmy Carter mask,
like the robber in that Keanu Reeves movie.

35
00:02:04,654 --> 00:02:08,053
- The Matrix?
- No. They were jumping out of a plane.

36
00:02:08,053 --> 00:02:10,253
- Executive Decision.
- That was Kurt Russell.

37
00:02:10,333 --> 00:02:12,852
The other guy in this movie
looks like Kurt Russell.

38
00:02:12,932 --> 00:02:16,652
- He's getting away!
- Don't worry. He won't get far.

39
00:02:17,451 --> 00:02:19,331
Stop! Police!

40
00:02:49,325 --> 00:02:51,324
- Joe, what happened?
- I got the money.

41
00:02:51,444 --> 00:02:54,324
- All right, Joe!
- But I lost the perp.

42
00:02:54,444 --> 00:02:57,723
Well, the money's the important thing.
Now Paul can get his...

43
00:02:57,843 --> 00:02:59,722
Point Break! That was the movie.

44
00:03:01,922 --> 00:03:05,441
Here's to Joe, who helped
little Paul get a new liver

45
00:03:05,521 --> 00:03:09,840
and, barring a massive infection,
a new lease on life.

46
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:12,720
Don't you understand? I lost the perp.

47
00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:15,039
I lost the perp!

48
00:04:12,707 --> 00:04:16,226
So, um... the 26 dollars
would probably be safe in my room.

49
00:04:16,306 --> 00:04:22,705
Right. Probably get lost among the pin-ups
of Justin Timberlake and Tom Cruise and...

50
00:04:22,825 --> 00:04:27,024
Blast! Who the devil do the teenagers like?
Morgan Freeman.

51
00:04:27,104 --> 00:04:32,223
We can't keep it in my room cos there's
an evil monkey that lives in my closet.

52
00:04:34,422 --> 00:04:37,422
The sad part is, he wasn't always evil.

53
00:04:38,302 --> 00:04:41,501
Honey, good news! I made partner!

54
00:04:50,019 --> 00:04:53,418
Peter, Bonnie says Joe's really
depressed about that robbery.

55
00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:56,818
- Why don't you go talk to him?
- I don't know. There's a game on.

56
00:04:56,898 --> 00:05:00,497
Shame on you. You march over there
and cheer your old friend up.

57
00:05:00,617 --> 00:05:03,496
Don't listen to that sissy.
Grab a beer and watch the game.

58
00:05:03,616 --> 00:05:05,416
That sounds good.

59
00:05:06,016 --> 00:05:08,215
- Oh, my God!
- Get your fat ass over to Joe's.

60
00:05:08,295 --> 00:05:09,295
- Buddy...
- Move!

61
00:05:09,415 --> 00:05:12,214
All right. Take it easy, man. Everything's cool.

62
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:18,493
- Hey, buddy.
- Close the door. I don't wanna see the light.

63
00:05:18,613 --> 00:05:23,212
Come on, Joe. Cheer up.
What do you say you and me go roller-ska...

64
00:05:23,212 --> 00:05:28,011
bike-ri... jump ro...
go lay on the grass?

65
00:05:28,091 --> 00:05:31,490
Peter, the other day was
the first time I've ever lost a perp.

66
00:05:31,610 --> 00:05:34,490
It was also the first time
I've really felt handicapped.

67
00:05:34,610 --> 00:05:37,889
I've made up my mind about this.
I'm quitting the force.

68
00:05:38,009 --> 00:05:40,408
Come on, Joe.
You don't have to quit the force.

69
00:05:40,488 --> 00:05:44,008
You could get a desk job. Huh?

70
00:05:44,088 --> 00:05:47,687
- You could be a desk.
- Forget it. I'm washed up.

71
00:05:47,807 --> 00:05:52,006
In local news, Quahog will soon play
proud host to the Special People's Games.

72
00:05:52,006 --> 00:05:56,885
If you and/or a friend are disabled and would
like to challenge yourself, sign up today.

73
00:05:57,005 --> 00:06:00,404
Joe, that's it! You gotta compete
in the Special People's Games.

74
00:06:00,484 --> 00:06:03,084
Gosh, I don't know, Peter.
You really think I can?

75
00:06:03,204 --> 00:06:07,003
Hey, I believed you could be a desk.
Come on! I'll even be your coach.

76
00:06:07,003 --> 00:06:09,282
All right. Let's do it!

77
00:06:09,402 --> 00:06:14,481
Coming up, our exposé on conveniently
placed news reports in television shows.

78
00:06:14,601 --> 00:06:17,601
- But first, Peter, look out for that skateboard.
- Agh!

79
00:06:25,879 --> 00:06:28,878
- Had a row with a fellow in the steam room.
- You don't say!

80
00:06:28,998 --> 00:06:31,198
- Gave him a cauliflower ear.
- Bully!

81
00:06:31,198 --> 00:06:34,477
- Come on. Two more.
- Peter, you're pushing me too hard.

82
00:06:34,597 --> 00:06:36,877
Trust me, Joe. I know physical fitness.

83
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:39,596
I was in Richard Simmons'
Sweatin' to Books on Tape.

84
00:06:39,676 --> 00:06:42,595
"The Red Sox were in town, but I didn't care,

85
00:06:42,675 --> 00:06:46,395
because it was Tuesday and
I was on my way to see Maury. "

86
00:06:46,475 --> 00:06:50,594
"He couldn't go to the bathroom by himself
any more, but his indomitable spirit... "

87
00:06:53,073 --> 00:06:56,392
How does he check out, Doc?
Is my boy ready to compete?

88
00:06:56,392 --> 00:06:59,992
Um... I don't quite know
how to tell you this, Mr Swanson.

89
00:06:59,992 --> 00:07:03,391
- You're paralysed from the waist down.
- I know.

90
00:07:04,271 --> 00:07:06,270
Oh, thank God!

91
00:07:07,190 --> 00:07:10,869
God, I was standing out there
for like 10 minutes!

92
00:07:10,989 --> 00:07:13,389
Whoo, boy! Is that a load off!

93
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:18,388
Mort, Joe's gonna compete
in the Special People's Games.

94
00:07:18,388 --> 00:07:21,067
You got anything to give him
a little extra juice?

95
00:07:21,187 --> 00:07:26,586
You mean steroids? Peter, haven't you seen
what happens to those ladies on ESPN2?

96
00:07:26,586 --> 00:07:30,385
They get big hair faces and
their breasts become like flapjacks.

97
00:07:30,465 --> 00:07:35,184
- I was thinkin' more like a protein shake.
- Oh, God, I'm sorry.

98
00:07:35,184 --> 00:07:39,183
Aisle three next to the creams.
Oh, I don't like saying that word.

99
00:07:40,463 --> 00:07:43,183
We now return to "Touched by an Angel".

100
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:47,382
- Where exactly did the angel touch you?
- Here.

101
00:07:47,462 --> 00:07:50,181
Who are ya gonna believe?
I got a freakin' halo!

102
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:51,781
Sh, sh!

103
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:55,060
- Bye. I'm goin' to the mall.
- What for?

104
00:07:55,180 --> 00:07:57,659
Don't worry. The $26 is safe.

105
00:07:57,779 --> 00:08:00,659
Safe, huh? The skirt's trying to pull a fast one.

106
00:08:00,779 --> 00:08:02,978
- Knuckles, get the handbag.
- Right, boss.

107
00:08:02,978 --> 00:08:04,978
Give me my purse, you psycho!

108
00:08:04,978 --> 00:08:08,857
Let's see. Make-up, chewing gum,
a picture of Meg in a two-piece swimsuit.

109
00:08:08,977 --> 00:08:12,656
Oh, God! I pray this is not my first memory.

110
00:08:12,776 --> 00:08:15,976
Cool it. I am not gonna put up
with this racket for two weeks.

111
00:08:16,056 --> 00:08:19,375
I'll hold on to the money.
I'm a neutral party, so it'll be safe.

112
00:08:19,455 --> 00:08:21,574
- OK.
- I suppose we can trust you.

113
00:08:21,654 --> 00:08:24,054
- Now, where is it?
- What the...?

114
00:08:24,174 --> 00:08:28,053
Very clever. Take another reach.
You forgot your change.

115
00:08:31,572 --> 00:08:35,252
Hello and welcome to the Quahog
Special People's Games. I'm Tom Tucker.

116
00:08:35,372 --> 00:08:39,251
I'm Diane Simmons. It's a great day
to be alive, Tom, able-bodied or not.

117
00:08:39,371 --> 00:08:43,650
It sure is. Today we'll see some of
our finest athletes struggle valiantly

118
00:08:43,770 --> 00:08:48,169
against God's twisted designs. You'll cheer,
you'll cry. You might get a cheap laugh.

119
00:08:48,169 --> 00:08:53,568
I know I will, Tom. In fact, by the end
of the day, we may all be going to hell.

120
00:08:53,648 --> 00:08:55,247
I'll see you there, Diane.

121
00:08:55,367 --> 00:08:57,767
It sounds like the opening
ceremonies have begun.

122
00:08:57,847 --> 00:09:00,366
There are the paraplegics,

123
00:09:00,846 --> 00:09:03,246
followed by the blind team.

124
00:09:04,245 --> 00:09:06,245
Still no sign of the deaf team.

125
00:09:09,964 --> 00:09:13,164
- You're gonna be late.
- Maybe they're not there.

126
00:09:13,243 --> 00:09:17,763
And now we turn our attention
to the lighting of the flame.

127
00:09:18,962 --> 00:09:20,962
And these games are under way.

128
00:09:21,042 --> 00:09:25,441
We begin with the 100-metre dash
for people afraid of yellow tape.

129
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:32,439
It's anybody's race now, Tom.

130
00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:35,159
And it's Odai Mutambo of Kenya!

131
00:09:35,759 --> 00:09:39,558
The decathlon.
That's quite a mountain to climb, Peter.

132
00:09:39,558 --> 00:09:41,558
Joe, look at me. Look at me!

133
00:09:41,637 --> 00:09:43,837
- Do I have food in my teeth?
- No.

134
00:09:43,957 --> 00:09:45,437
Great. Thank God!

135
00:09:45,557 --> 00:09:49,236
Listen, Joe. You and I both know
you have what it takes to win this thing.

136
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:51,355
So get out there and do it!

137
00:09:51,435 --> 00:09:55,635
That gold medal is mine,
pretty boy. You don't have a chance.

138
00:09:55,755 --> 00:09:58,154
- He may be right, Peter.
- Joe, he's an android.

139
00:09:58,234 --> 00:10:01,153
Don't let him push you around.
You can do this.

140
00:10:01,153 --> 00:10:02,753
Yeah. Yeah!

141
00:10:02,753 --> 00:10:05,752
You think you're so hot, fella?
Well, I can do this.

142
00:10:08,432 --> 00:10:11,751
Oh, crap.

143
00:10:11,831 --> 00:10:12,831
Let's do it!

144
00:10:12,951 --> 00:10:15,630
Now the first decathlon event,
the pole vault,

145
00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:18,830
where Joe Swanson
takes his starting position.

146
00:10:23,029 --> 00:10:25,348
- Way to go, Joe!
- Yeah!

147
00:10:25,428 --> 00:10:28,348
- How do you like that, buddy?
- A stinker says "what".

148
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:31,547
- What?
- Ha, ha, ha, ha. You stupid bastard.

149
00:10:35,146 --> 00:10:40,145
Good to see your new fiscal responsibilities
haven't interfered with your reading.

150
00:10:40,225 --> 00:10:44,024
Ah! Dostoevsky, the mad Russian.

151
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,944
Good stuff. Good stuff.

152
00:10:45,944 --> 00:10:49,143
You're not gonna get the $26,
and you're despicable for trying.

153
00:10:49,223 --> 00:10:51,343
What? Oh, you thought...

154
00:10:51,343 --> 00:10:54,142
I wasn't trying to get the $26.

155
00:10:54,222 --> 00:10:58,221
I thought we were just having
an innocent conversation about literature.

156
00:10:58,341 --> 00:10:59,941
Oh, you're silly.

157
00:11:00,021 --> 00:11:03,620
I love that you'd go there.
You're silly. Goodbye.

158
00:11:04,940 --> 00:11:07,139
We'll go to bulimic pie-eating in a moment,

159
00:11:07,219 --> 00:11:11,818
but first, decathlon frontrunner
Joe Swanson will attempt the long jump.

160
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:16,537
- Come on, Joe. Break a wheel!
- I'm ready. Let's get it on!

161
00:11:20,617 --> 00:11:23,216
That'll knock him out of the lead.
Tough break.

162
00:11:23,336 --> 00:11:25,536
- Tough break, Tom.
- Good contribution, Diane.

163
00:11:25,616 --> 00:11:30,814
For Swanson to take the gold, he'll have
to win the final event, the 100-metre dash.

164
00:11:30,934 --> 00:11:34,534
- That's OK, Joe. You can still win this thing.
- That was pathetic.

165
00:11:34,614 --> 00:11:40,132
Tell your wife to come over to my place if she
wants a little boom-lacka-lacka-lacka-lacka.

166
00:11:40,132 --> 00:11:44,931
Boom-lacka-lacka-lacka-lacka.
Boom-lacka-lacka-lacka-lacka. Boom.

167
00:11:45,811 --> 00:11:48,531
- Peter, it's over.
- What are you talkin' about?

168
00:11:48,611 --> 00:11:51,930
If I couldn't catch a two-bit criminal,
how can I win a race?

169
00:11:52,010 --> 00:11:54,010
Hey, what kinda talk is that?

170
00:11:54,129 --> 00:11:59,728
It's un-American. Did George W Bush quit
even after losing the popular vote? No.

171
00:11:59,808 --> 00:12:05,127
Did he quit after losing millions of his father's
friends' money in failed oil companies? No.

172
00:12:05,207 --> 00:12:08,127
Did he quit after knockin' that girl up? No.

173
00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:11,206
Did he quit after he got that DUl? No.

174
00:12:11,326 --> 00:12:16,205
Did he quit after gettin' arrested for drunk and
disorderly conduct at a football game? No.

175
00:12:16,325 --> 00:12:19,724
I get the message, Peter.

176
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,199
Gee, Peter, this water tastes kinda funny.

177
00:12:43,319 --> 00:12:49,198
Uh... You mean ha-ha Jerry Seinfeld funny, or
Elayne Boosler bless-her-she's-trying funny?

178
00:12:49,318 --> 00:12:51,917
- Racers, on your mark.
- Go get 'em, Joe.

179
00:12:51,997 --> 00:12:53,797
Get set.

180
00:13:10,913 --> 00:13:13,993
- Yeah!
- Joe Swanson wins the gold medal.

181
00:13:14,113 --> 00:13:17,512
- You did it, Joe
- We did it, Peter.

182
00:13:24,910 --> 00:13:27,710
Mommy, look at the ladyb... Agh!

183
00:13:55,104 --> 00:13:56,784
- Hey, speedy.
- Do I know you?

184
00:13:56,904 --> 00:13:59,183
- Jim Kaplan, sports agent. Like my car?
- Yeah.

185
00:13:59,303 --> 00:14:00,983
- It's yours. Like my pants?
- Sure.

186
00:14:01,103 --> 00:14:02,902
- You know what a merkin is?
- No.

187
00:14:02,982 --> 00:14:04,902
- Pubic wig. I got one. You want it?
- No.

188
00:14:04,982 --> 00:14:07,381
- Of course you don't. You wanna be rich?
- Yes.

189
00:14:07,501 --> 00:14:08,381
Sign here.

190
00:14:11,780 --> 00:14:13,780
What the hell...?

191
00:14:16,299 --> 00:14:20,579
I don't understand why he did that without
me. We were gonna do everything together.

192
00:14:20,699 --> 00:14:24,178
It was one cereal ad, Peter.
Besides, he won the medal.

193
00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:25,497
Yeah, I guess.

194
00:14:25,577 --> 00:14:29,297
Coming to ABC, the simple story
of a man and his chair:

195
00:14:31,896 --> 00:14:32,896
What is this?!

196
00:14:32,976 --> 00:14:35,375
Starring Tony Danza as Joe Swanson.

197
00:14:35,495 --> 00:14:37,775
Once a man at his physical peak,

198
00:14:37,895 --> 00:14:40,294
brought down by a cruel twist of fate.

199
00:14:42,294 --> 00:14:45,893
Whyyyyyy?

200
00:14:45,973 --> 00:14:49,972
- With Valerie Bertinelli as Bonnie.
- Joe, you must accept your limitations.

201
00:14:50,092 --> 00:14:52,772
Why don't you just ask me
to lay down and die?

202
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:55,691
I can't live like this any more!

203
00:14:57,571 --> 00:14:58,570
That's it!

204
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:02,970
- That's not how it happened. It was my idea.
- With Bea Arthur as Peter Griffin.

205
00:15:03,090 --> 00:15:06,569
You'll never make it, Joe.
Why don't you just give up right now?

206
00:15:06,689 --> 00:15:08,768
No. I've got to try.

207
00:15:08,888 --> 00:15:13,367
- Even if it's by myself.
- You're a fool, Joe. A fool.

208
00:15:16,367 --> 00:15:20,486
Friday on ABC, followed by "Dharma
and Greg", but you don't have to watch that.

209
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:24,885
Joe wouldn't be famous if it wasn't for me.
How come he's gettin' all the glory?

210
00:15:24,885 --> 00:15:27,764
He's handicapped.
That makes his story inspirational.

211
00:15:27,884 --> 00:15:30,484
Handicapped... Hm...

212
00:15:31,284 --> 00:15:33,563
Agh! How did these get up here?

213
00:15:38,162 --> 00:15:40,162
What the hell is this, Brian?

214
00:15:40,282 --> 00:15:42,961
It's my new passport.
Why are you opening my mail?

215
00:15:43,081 --> 00:15:46,280
You weren't planning on going somewhere
with our $26, were you?

216
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,680
For God's sake, I just had
the damn thing renewed.

217
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,359
You're obviously taking us for saps,
but we're not.

218
00:15:52,479 --> 00:15:55,558
Fess up or I'll do to you
what I did to John Lennon.

219
00:15:55,678 --> 00:15:57,758
John, have you met Yoko? Yoko, John.

220
00:15:57,878 --> 00:16:01,677
You want your money? Fine.
I hope you all kill each other.

221
00:16:02,557 --> 00:16:06,756
All right, I know how to settle this.
Whoever wants the money, raise your hand.

222
00:16:06,876 --> 00:16:11,475
Ho-ho. You're smarter than I thought.
Give yourselves a round of applause.

223
00:16:11,555 --> 00:16:12,355
Damn!

224
00:16:14,354 --> 00:16:17,754
Honey, I'm gonna be late tonight.
I've got a hooker coming over.

225
00:16:17,874 --> 00:16:20,553
I know it's late notice,
but what about the pool guy?

226
00:16:20,673 --> 00:16:23,553
- Mr Tucker, Mr Griffin's here to see you.
- I gotta go.

227
00:16:23,673 --> 00:16:26,872
Mr Tucker, I have just become
handicapped like Joe Swanson.

228
00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:30,271
I demand commercial endorsements
and a TV movie based on me

229
00:16:30,351 --> 00:16:32,751
- starring Valerie Bertinernie.
- Mr Griffin...

230
00:16:32,871 --> 00:16:38,269
I even got the first piece you're gonna run.
Exclusive footage of my tragic accident.

231
00:16:38,549 --> 00:16:42,748
Oh, no! A car going too fast
to stop in time! Aieee!

232
00:16:45,068 --> 00:16:46,868
Agh! Agh!

233
00:16:46,948 --> 00:16:50,067
I'm handicapped now. Agh!

234
00:16:50,267 --> 00:16:55,546
Mr Griffin, you can't expect me to believe this.
That was clearly a scarecrow in your clothes.

235
00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:57,745
- Come on!
- And when I freeze-frame,

236
00:16:59,145 --> 00:17:00,545
you're driving the car.

237
00:17:00,665 --> 00:17:02,264
- There's your hook.
- Get out.

238
00:17:04,264 --> 00:17:06,264
Today we're here to honour Joe Swanson

239
00:17:06,343 --> 00:17:11,942
for pulling my one-eyed cat Bootsie out of
the old stovepipe of my grandmother's cabin.

240
00:17:12,062 --> 00:17:17,741
Joe Swanson won the Special People's
decathlon and we're here to honour him.

241
00:17:17,861 --> 00:17:21,740
- Backstabber.
- Peter, I'm sure Joe will acknowledge you.

242
00:17:21,860 --> 00:17:25,739
Don't forget our deal, Lois.
I sit through this and later tonight I get anal.

243
00:17:25,859 --> 00:17:28,659
No matter how neat I want the house,
you clean it.

244
00:17:28,739 --> 00:17:30,338
Thank you, thank you.

245
00:17:30,458 --> 00:17:33,138
You know, no one can win
a gold medal by himself.

246
00:17:33,258 --> 00:17:37,737
It takes friends. I want to acknowledge
a special friend in the audience today.

247
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:39,656
My friend Peter.

248
00:17:39,736 --> 00:17:44,335
Peter Yarrow, of Peter, Paul and Mary.
Let's give him a hand, folks.

249
00:17:45,735 --> 00:17:48,455
That's nothing compared to
what this next man did.

250
00:17:48,455 --> 00:17:52,934
He challenged me to go that extra mile.
And that man is Mr Griffin.

251
00:17:53,054 --> 00:17:56,053
Comedian Eddie Griffin, get up here!

252
00:17:57,733 --> 00:18:02,252
Your acerbic anti-white humour was
a constant inspiration. Thank you, sir.

253
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:05,931
And last but not least,
who could forget the fat guy?

254
00:18:06,051 --> 00:18:09,530
Chef Paul Prudhomme,
you get your Cajun ass up here!

255
00:18:09,650 --> 00:18:11,450
I didn't even do anything.

256
00:18:11,530 --> 00:18:14,649
That's it.
There's someone else he didn't thank.

257
00:18:14,649 --> 00:18:18,328
- Mr Steroid. That's how he won.
- That's not true.

258
00:18:18,448 --> 00:18:22,047
Yes, it is. I put steroids in your water bottle
before the last race.

259
00:18:24,127 --> 00:18:27,326
I'm sorry, everybody. I've let you all down.

260
00:18:27,446 --> 00:18:30,246
Yes. You suck. I rule.

261
00:18:30,246 --> 00:18:33,245
Who da man? Who da man? Who da man?

262
00:18:36,125 --> 00:18:40,044
All right. If anyone tries to lift the glass,
the bell will ring.

263
00:18:40,044 --> 00:18:43,643
- Well, let's all go to bed.
- Off we go, then.

264
00:19:16,036 --> 00:19:18,116
- Did you find the place OK?
- No problem.

265
00:19:18,236 --> 00:19:20,115
Hey, kids.

266
00:19:20,235 --> 00:19:23,514
I only had soup. I don't see why
we should split the bill evenly.

267
00:19:23,634 --> 00:19:27,034
Wake up! This is Mr Taylor.
He's here to claim the money clip.

268
00:19:27,034 --> 00:19:28,633
- Oh!
- Oh!

269
00:19:28,713 --> 00:19:30,833
Uuuuuuugh!

270
00:19:33,832 --> 00:19:37,632
Peter, go talk to him. After all,
you set out to make him feel better.

271
00:19:37,711 --> 00:19:40,231
- Now he's worse than ever.
- I don't know, Lois.

272
00:19:40,311 --> 00:19:45,710
He's probably waitin' to be interviewed
by Dan Rather or that dreadful Gene Shalit.

273
00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:48,829
I think those days are over now, Peter.

274
00:19:52,228 --> 00:19:54,908
- Hey there.
- Hi, Peter.

275
00:19:55,708 --> 00:19:59,227
- Listen, Joe, about this whole mess...
- Hold it, Peter.

276
00:20:01,706 --> 00:20:04,026
That's the car-wash thief.

277
00:20:14,624 --> 00:20:18,023
- Ha, ha! Tough luck, wheelie!
- Yeah. For you.

278
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:25,701
I'm Joe, your waiter. Today's special
is justice, served cold with a side of jail.

279
00:20:25,821 --> 00:20:30,500
Order the soufflé now,
cos it takes 10 to 15 years.

280
00:20:32,820 --> 00:20:35,899
Peter, I really appreciate
what you did for me.

281
00:20:36,019 --> 00:20:39,218
- What do you mean?
- That slimy agent had me believing the hype.

282
00:20:39,298 --> 00:20:42,618
I forgot it was really you who got me
to believe in myself again.

283
00:20:42,698 --> 00:20:47,217
- By the way, I'm goin' back to the force.
- Good for you.

284
00:20:47,617 --> 00:20:49,616
What happened to the car-wash thief?

285
00:20:49,696 --> 00:20:52,496
Ironically, I severed his spine
when I landed on him.

286
00:20:52,616 --> 00:20:55,615
Looks like you got more competition
at next year's games.

287
00:20:55,695 --> 00:20:58,094
No. He's dead.

288
00:21:24,089 --> 00:21:26,409
Visiontext Subtitles: Sarah Emery

