1
00:00:01,360 --> 00:00:04,760
"It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:05,029 --> 00:00:08,229
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:08,447 --> 00:00:12,047
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:12,325 --> 00:00:14,325
"On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:15,035 --> 00:00:18,235
"Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:18,453 --> 00:00:23,253
"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

7
00:00:23,581 --> 00:00:24,981
"Laugh and cry

8
00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:30,240
"He's a family guy

9
00:00:31,294 --> 00:00:35,494
"Alan Adler, David Preslack, Julie Axlerod,
Shep Sutton, Scott McCormack. "

10
00:00:35,755 --> 00:00:39,875
Those were the people who were mean to me
in junior high. Tomorrow, high school.

11
00:00:40,132 --> 00:00:44,052
Finally we go to Asian reporter
Tricia Takanawa for 60 seconds of filler.

12
00:00:44,302 --> 00:00:49,622
I'm here on Spooner Street where several
Quahog families are holding a car wash

13
00:00:49,930 --> 00:00:53,650
to raise money for an organ transplant
for young Paul Lewis.

14
00:00:53,890 --> 00:00:57,890
- What do you call this device, Paul?
- An iron lung. It keeps me from dying.

15
00:00:58,185 --> 00:01:00,265
I wanna play baseball!

16
00:01:00,478 --> 00:01:03,558
With me is one of Paul's
classmates, Chris Griffin,

17
00:01:03,813 --> 00:01:08,413
who helped organise this charity event.
You're a very thoughtful young man, Chris.

18
00:01:08,607 --> 00:01:10,887
- Can I say hello to my mom?
- Sure.

19
00:01:11,109 --> 00:01:13,709
- Hi, Mom!
- Hi, sweetheart.

20
00:01:13,902 --> 00:01:18,902
So you want the full wash... Oh, you've got a
nick there. I can probably get that out for you.

21
00:01:19,239 --> 00:01:24,119
If you want to go with a scent, I've got
PB and J, Sugar Cereal, and New Toy.

22
00:01:24,450 --> 00:01:26,330
What the deuce?

23
00:01:26,534 --> 00:01:30,814
- Hey! Somebody dropped a money clip.
- Wow! $26.

24
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:34,920
- I've never seen so much money at one time.
- What should we do with it?

25
00:01:35,164 --> 00:01:38,884
I say we buy 26 dollars' worth
of ice cream and just pig out.

26
00:01:39,125 --> 00:01:43,045
We can dish, talk about who's getting fat.
We'll be great big bitches.

27
00:01:43,211 --> 00:01:45,611
Hold on, kids. That's not your money yet.

28
00:01:45,796 --> 00:01:49,116
You gotta put up signs and wait
two weeks for someone to claim it.

29
00:01:49,256 --> 00:01:51,256
If no one does, it's yours.

30
00:01:51,424 --> 00:01:53,424
Ah, lunch is here!

31
00:01:56,135 --> 00:01:58,135
Everyone, we've reached our goal.

32
00:01:58,303 --> 00:02:01,903
It looks like somebody's
gonna live to see puberty.

33
00:02:02,180 --> 00:02:04,980
- Oh, my God! That man took our money!
- What man?

34
00:02:05,098 --> 00:02:08,778
He wore a Jimmy Carter mask,
like the robber in that Keanu Reeves movie.

35
00:02:09,059 --> 00:02:12,459
- The Matrix?
- No. They were jumping out of a plane.

36
00:02:12,603 --> 00:02:14,803
- Executive Decision.
- That was Kurt Russell.

37
00:02:14,979 --> 00:02:17,499
The other guy in this movie
looks like Kurt Russell.

38
00:02:17,689 --> 00:02:21,409
- He's getting away!
- Don't worry. He won't get far.

39
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:24,280
Stop! Police!

40
00:02:55,628 --> 00:02:57,628
- Joe, what happened?
- I got the money.

41
00:02:57,837 --> 00:03:00,717
- All right, Joe!
- But I lost the perp.

42
00:03:00,964 --> 00:03:04,244
Well, the money's the important thing.
Now Paul can get his...

43
00:03:04,508 --> 00:03:06,388
Point Break! That was the movie.

44
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:12,280
Here's to Joe, who helped
little Paul get a new liver

45
00:03:12,513 --> 00:03:16,833
and, barring a massive infection,
a new lease on life.

46
00:03:17,015 --> 00:03:19,895
Don't you understand? I lost the perp.

47
00:03:20,142 --> 00:03:22,342
I lost the perp!

48
00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:26,073
So, um... the 26 dollars
would probably be safe in my room.

49
00:04:26,305 --> 00:04:32,705
Right. Probably get lost among the pin-ups
of Justin Timberlake and Tom Cruise and...

50
00:04:33,101 --> 00:04:37,301
Blast! Who the devil do the teenagers like?
Morgan Freeman.

51
00:04:37,562 --> 00:04:42,682
We can't keep it in my room cos there's
an evil monkey that lives in my closet.

52
00:04:45,191 --> 00:04:48,191
The sad part is, he wasn't always evil.

53
00:04:49,235 --> 00:04:52,435
Honey, good news! I made partner!

54
00:05:01,451 --> 00:05:04,851
Peter, Bonnie says Joe's really
depressed about that robbery.

55
00:05:04,995 --> 00:05:08,395
- Why don't you go talk to him?
- I don't know. There's a game on.

56
00:05:08,622 --> 00:05:12,222
Shame on you. You march over there
and cheer your old friend up.

57
00:05:12,499 --> 00:05:15,379
Don't listen to that sissy.
Grab a beer and watch the game.

58
00:05:15,626 --> 00:05:17,426
That sounds good.

59
00:05:18,127 --> 00:05:20,327
- Oh, my God!
- Get your fat ass over to Joe's.

60
00:05:20,504 --> 00:05:21,504
- Buddy...
- Move!

61
00:05:21,671 --> 00:05:24,471
All right. Take it easy, man. Everything's cool.

62
00:05:26,674 --> 00:05:30,954
- Hey, buddy.
- Close the door. I don't wanna see the light.

63
00:05:31,260 --> 00:05:35,860
Come on, Joe. Cheer up.
What do you say you and me go roller-ska...

64
00:05:36,054 --> 00:05:40,854
bike-ri... jump ro...
go lay on the grass?

65
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:44,541
Peter, the other day was
the first time I've ever lost a perp.

66
00:05:44,809 --> 00:05:47,689
It was also the first time
I've really felt handicapped.

67
00:05:47,936 --> 00:05:51,216
I've made up my mind about this.
I'm quitting the force.

68
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,880
Come on, Joe.
You don't have to quit the force.

69
00:05:54,065 --> 00:05:57,585
You could get a desk job. Huh?

70
00:05:57,817 --> 00:06:01,417
- You could be a desk.
- Forget it. I'm washed up.

71
00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:05,894
In local news, Quahog will soon play
proud host to the Special People's Games.

72
00:06:06,072 --> 00:06:10,952
If you and/or a friend are disabled and would
like to challenge yourself, sign up today.

73
00:06:11,283 --> 00:06:14,683
Joe, that's it! You gotta compete
in the Special People's Games.

74
00:06:14,910 --> 00:06:17,510
Gosh, I don't know, Peter.
You really think I can?

75
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:21,545
Hey, I believed you could be a desk.
Come on! I'll even be your coach.

76
00:06:21,706 --> 00:06:23,986
All right. Let's do it!

77
00:06:24,207 --> 00:06:29,287
Coming up, our exposé on conveniently
placed news reports in television shows.

78
00:06:29,627 --> 00:06:32,627
- But first, Peter, look out for that skateboard.
- Agh!

79
00:06:41,384 --> 00:06:44,384
- Had a row with a fellow in the steam room.
- You don't say!

80
00:06:44,636 --> 00:06:46,836
- Gave him a cauliflower ear.
- Bully!

81
00:06:46,929 --> 00:06:50,209
- Come on. Two more.
- Peter, you're pushing me too hard.

82
00:06:50,472 --> 00:06:52,752
Trust me, Joe. I know physical fitness.

83
00:06:52,974 --> 00:06:55,574
I was in Richard Simmons'
Sweatin' to Books on Tape.

84
00:06:55,767 --> 00:06:58,687
"The Red Sox were in town, but I didn't care,

85
00:06:58,894 --> 00:07:02,614
because it was Tuesday and
I was on my way to see Maury. "

86
00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:06,975
"He couldn't go to the bathroom by himself
any more, but his indomitable spirit... "

87
00:07:09,734 --> 00:07:13,054
How does he check out, Doc?
Is my boy ready to compete?

88
00:07:13,194 --> 00:07:16,794
Um... I don't quite know
how to tell you this, Mr Swanson.

89
00:07:16,946 --> 00:07:20,346
- You're paralysed from the waist down.
- I know.

90
00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:23,407
Oh, thank God!

91
00:07:24,450 --> 00:07:28,130
God, I was standing out there
for like 10 minutes!

92
00:07:28,411 --> 00:07:30,811
Whoo, boy! Is that a load off!

93
00:07:32,872 --> 00:07:35,992
Mort, Joe's gonna compete
in the Special People's Games.

94
00:07:36,124 --> 00:07:38,804
You got anything to give him
a little extra juice?

95
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:44,442
You mean steroids? Peter, haven't you seen
what happens to those ladies on ESPN2?

96
00:07:44,671 --> 00:07:48,471
They get big hair faces and
their breasts become like flapjacks.

97
00:07:48,715 --> 00:07:53,435
- I was thinkin' more like a protein shake.
- Oh, God, I'm sorry.

98
00:07:53,634 --> 00:07:57,634
Aisle three next to the creams.
Oh, I don't like saying that word.

99
00:07:59,137 --> 00:08:01,857
We now return to "Touched by an Angel".

100
00:08:02,056 --> 00:08:06,176
- Where exactly did the angel touch you?
- Here.

101
00:08:06,433 --> 00:08:09,153
Who are ya gonna believe?
I got a freakin' halo!

102
00:08:09,352 --> 00:08:10,872
Sh, sh!

103
00:08:11,353 --> 00:08:14,233
- Bye. I'm goin' to the mall.
- What for?

104
00:08:14,479 --> 00:08:16,959
Don't worry. The $26 is safe.

105
00:08:17,189 --> 00:08:20,069
Safe, huh? The skirt's trying to pull a fast one.

106
00:08:20,316 --> 00:08:22,516
- Knuckles, get the handbag.
- Right, boss.

107
00:08:22,609 --> 00:08:24,609
Give me my purse, you psycho!

108
00:08:24,694 --> 00:08:28,574
Let's see. Make-up, chewing gum,
a picture of Meg in a two-piece swimsuit.

109
00:08:28,863 --> 00:08:32,543
Oh, God! I pray this is not my first memory.

110
00:08:32,823 --> 00:08:36,023
Cool it. I am not gonna put up
with this racket for two weeks.

111
00:08:36,242 --> 00:08:39,562
I'll hold on to the money.
I'm a neutral party, so it'll be safe.

112
00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:41,906
- OK.
- I suppose we can trust you.

113
00:08:42,079 --> 00:08:44,479
- Now, where is it?
- What the...?

114
00:08:44,705 --> 00:08:48,585
Very clever. Take another reach.
You forgot your change.

115
00:08:52,418 --> 00:08:56,098
Hello and welcome to the Quahog
Special People's Games. I'm Tom Tucker.

116
00:08:56,379 --> 00:09:00,259
I'm Diane Simmons. It's a great day
to be alive, Tom, able-bodied or not.

117
00:09:00,548 --> 00:09:04,828
It sure is. Today we'll see some of
our finest athletes struggle valiantly

118
00:09:05,134 --> 00:09:09,534
against God's twisted designs. You'll cheer,
you'll cry. You might get a cheap laugh.

119
00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:15,120
I know I will, Tom. In fact, by the end
of the day, we may all be going to hell.

120
00:09:15,432 --> 00:09:17,032
I'll see you there, Diane.

121
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,624
It sounds like the opening
ceremonies have begun.

122
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:22,329
There are the paraplegics,

123
00:09:22,936 --> 00:09:25,336
followed by the blind team.

124
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,480
Still no sign of the deaf team.

125
00:09:32,441 --> 00:09:35,641
- You're gonna be late.
- Maybe they're not there.

126
00:09:35,860 --> 00:09:40,380
And now we turn our attention
to the lighting of the flame.

127
00:09:41,822 --> 00:09:43,822
And these games are under way.

128
00:09:43,990 --> 00:09:48,390
We begin with the 100-metre dash
for people afraid of yellow tape.

129
00:09:52,870 --> 00:09:55,750
It's anybody's race now, Tom.

130
00:09:55,997 --> 00:09:58,597
And it's Odai Mutambo of Kenya!

131
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:03,132
The decathlon.
That's quite a mountain to climb, Peter.

132
00:10:03,293 --> 00:10:05,293
Joe, look at me. Look at me!

133
00:10:05,461 --> 00:10:07,661
- Do I have food in my teeth?
- No.

134
00:10:07,879 --> 00:10:09,359
Great. Thank God!

135
00:10:09,546 --> 00:10:13,226
Listen, Joe. You and I both know
you have what it takes to win this thing.

136
00:10:13,507 --> 00:10:15,507
So get out there and do it!

137
00:10:15,675 --> 00:10:19,875
That gold medal is mine,
pretty boy. You don't have a chance.

138
00:10:20,177 --> 00:10:22,577
- He may be right, Peter.
- Joe, he's an android.

139
00:10:22,762 --> 00:10:25,682
Don't let him push you around.
You can do this.

140
00:10:25,806 --> 00:10:27,406
Yeah. Yeah!

141
00:10:27,473 --> 00:10:30,473
You think you're so hot, fella?
Well, I can do this.

142
00:10:33,393 --> 00:10:36,713
Oh, crap.

143
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:37,937
Let's do it!

144
00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:40,785
Now the first decathlon event,
the pole vault,

145
00:10:41,023 --> 00:10:44,103
where Joe Swanson
takes his starting position.

146
00:10:48,611 --> 00:10:50,931
- Way to go, Joe!
- Yeah!

147
00:10:51,112 --> 00:10:54,032
- How do you like that, buddy?
- A stinker says "what".

148
00:10:54,239 --> 00:10:57,359
- What?
- Ha, ha, ha, ha. You stupid bastard.

149
00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:06,243
Good to see your new fiscal responsibilities
haven't interfered with your reading.

150
00:11:06,538 --> 00:11:10,338
Ah! Dostoevsky, the mad Russian.

151
00:11:10,623 --> 00:11:12,423
Good stuff. Good stuff.

152
00:11:12,499 --> 00:11:15,699
You're not gonna get the $26,
and you're despicable for trying.

153
00:11:15,918 --> 00:11:18,038
What? Oh, you thought...

154
00:11:18,128 --> 00:11:20,928
I wasn't trying to get the $26.

155
00:11:21,129 --> 00:11:25,129
I thought we were just having
an innocent conversation about literature.

156
00:11:25,424 --> 00:11:27,024
Oh, you're silly.

157
00:11:27,175 --> 00:11:30,775
I love that you'd go there.
You're silly. Goodbye.

158
00:11:32,303 --> 00:11:34,503
We'll go to bulimic pie-eating in a moment,

159
00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:39,279
but first, decathlon frontrunner
Joe Swanson will attempt the long jump.

160
00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:44,199
- Come on, Joe. Break a wheel!
- I'm ready. Let's get it on!

161
00:11:48,645 --> 00:11:51,245
That'll knock him out of the lead.
Tough break.

162
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,680
- Tough break, Tom.
- Good contribution, Diane.

163
00:11:53,857 --> 00:11:59,057
For Swanson to take the gold, he'll have
to win the final event, the 100-metre dash.

164
00:11:59,402 --> 00:12:03,002
- That's OK, Joe. You can still win this thing.
- That was pathetic.

165
00:12:03,237 --> 00:12:08,757
Tell your wife to come over to my place if she
wants a little boom-lacka-lacka-lacka-lacka.

166
00:12:08,991 --> 00:12:13,791
Boom-lacka-lacka-lacka-lacka.
Boom-lacka-lacka-lacka-lacka. Boom.

167
00:12:14,911 --> 00:12:17,631
- Peter, it's over.
- What are you talkin' about?

168
00:12:17,829 --> 00:12:21,149
If I couldn't catch a two-bit criminal,
how can I win a race?

169
00:12:21,373 --> 00:12:23,373
Hey, what kinda talk is that?

170
00:12:23,582 --> 00:12:29,182
It's un-American. Did George W Bush quit
even after losing the popular vote? No.

171
00:12:29,502 --> 00:12:34,822
Did he quit after losing millions of his father's
friends' money in failed oil companies? No.

172
00:12:35,131 --> 00:12:38,051
Did he quit after knockin' that girl up? No.

173
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:41,254
Did he quit after he got that DUl? No.

174
00:12:41,509 --> 00:12:46,389
Did he quit after gettin' arrested for drunk and
disorderly conduct at a football game? No.

175
00:12:46,721 --> 00:12:50,121
I get the message, Peter.

176
00:13:12,361 --> 00:13:14,641
Gee, Peter, this water tastes kinda funny.

177
00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:20,742
Uh... You mean ha-ha Jerry Seinfeld funny, or
Elayne Boosler bless-her-she's-trying funny?

178
00:13:21,116 --> 00:13:23,716
- Racers, on your mark.
- Go get 'em, Joe.

179
00:13:23,909 --> 00:13:25,709
Get set.

180
00:13:43,629 --> 00:13:46,709
- Yeah!
- Joe Swanson wins the gold medal.

181
00:13:46,964 --> 00:13:50,364
- You did it, Joe
- We did it, Peter.

182
00:13:58,221 --> 00:14:01,021
Mommy, look at the ladyb... Agh!

183
00:14:29,697 --> 00:14:31,377
- Hey, speedy.
- Do I know you?

184
00:14:31,573 --> 00:14:33,853
- Jim Kaplan, sports agent. Like my car?
- Yeah.

185
00:14:34,075 --> 00:14:35,755
- It's yours. Like my pants?
- Sure.

186
00:14:35,951 --> 00:14:37,751
- You know what a merkin is?
- No.

187
00:14:37,910 --> 00:14:39,830
- Pubic wig. I got one. You want it?
- No.

188
00:14:39,995 --> 00:14:42,395
- Of course you don't. You wanna be rich?
- Yes.

189
00:14:42,621 --> 00:14:43,501
Sign here.

190
00:14:47,082 --> 00:14:49,082
What the hell...?

191
00:14:51,793 --> 00:14:56,073
I don't understand why he did that without
me. We were gonna do everything together.

192
00:14:56,379 --> 00:14:59,859
It was one cereal ad, Peter.
Besides, he won the medal.

193
00:15:00,132 --> 00:15:01,332
Yeah, I guess.

194
00:15:01,466 --> 00:15:05,186
Coming to ABC, the simple story
of a man and his chair:

195
00:15:08,053 --> 00:15:09,053
What is this?!

196
00:15:09,178 --> 00:15:11,578
Starring Tony Danza as Joe Swanson.

197
00:15:11,805 --> 00:15:14,085
Once a man at his physical peak,

198
00:15:14,306 --> 00:15:16,706
brought down by a cruel twist of fate.

199
00:15:18,892 --> 00:15:22,492
Whyyyyyy?

200
00:15:22,728 --> 00:15:26,728
- With Valerie Bertinelli as Bonnie.
- Joe, you must accept your limitations.

201
00:15:27,022 --> 00:15:29,702
Why don't you just ask me
to lay down and die?

202
00:15:29,941 --> 00:15:32,741
I can't live like this any more!

203
00:15:34,818 --> 00:15:35,818
That's it!

204
00:15:35,986 --> 00:15:40,266
- That's not how it happened. It was my idea.
- With Bea Arthur as Peter Griffin.

205
00:15:40,572 --> 00:15:44,052
You'll never make it, Joe.
Why don't you just give up right now?

206
00:15:44,324 --> 00:15:46,404
No. I've got to try.

207
00:15:46,617 --> 00:15:51,097
- Even if it's by myself.
- You're a fool, Joe. A fool.

208
00:15:54,413 --> 00:15:58,533
Friday on ABC, followed by "Dharma
and Greg", but you don't have to watch that.

209
00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:03,107
Joe wouldn't be famous if it wasn't for me.
How come he's gettin' all the glory?

210
00:16:03,293 --> 00:16:06,173
He's handicapped.
That makes his story inspirational.

211
00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:09,020
Handicapped... Hm...

212
00:16:09,964 --> 00:16:12,244
Agh! How did these get up here?

213
00:16:17,135 --> 00:16:19,135
What the hell is this, Brian?

214
00:16:19,344 --> 00:16:22,024
It's my new passport.
Why are you opening my mail?

215
00:16:22,263 --> 00:16:25,463
You weren't planning on going somewhere
with our $26, were you?

216
00:16:25,681 --> 00:16:29,001
For God's sake, I just had
the damn thing renewed.

217
00:16:29,142 --> 00:16:31,822
You're obviously taking us for saps,
but we're not.

218
00:16:32,060 --> 00:16:35,140
Fess up or I'll do to you
what I did to John Lennon.

219
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,475
John, have you met Yoko? Yoko, John.

220
00:16:37,688 --> 00:16:41,488
You want your money? Fine.
I hope you all kill each other.

221
00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:46,766
All right, I know how to settle this.
Whoever wants the money, raise your hand.

222
00:16:47,069 --> 00:16:51,669
Ho-ho. You're smarter than I thought.
Give yourselves a round of applause.

223
00:16:51,946 --> 00:16:52,746
Damn!

224
00:16:54,865 --> 00:16:58,265
Honey, I'm gonna be late tonight.
I've got a hooker coming over.

225
00:16:58,534 --> 00:17:01,214
I know it's late notice,
but what about the pool guy?

226
00:17:01,452 --> 00:17:04,332
- Mr Tucker, Mr Griffin's here to see you.
- I gotta go.

227
00:17:04,579 --> 00:17:07,779
Mr Tucker, I have just become
handicapped like Joe Swanson.

228
00:17:07,997 --> 00:17:11,317
I demand commercial endorsements
and a TV movie based on me

229
00:17:11,541 --> 00:17:13,941
- starring Valerie Bertinernie.
- Mr Griffin...

230
00:17:14,168 --> 00:17:19,568
I even got the first piece you're gonna run.
Exclusive footage of my tragic accident.

231
00:17:20,088 --> 00:17:24,288
Oh, no! A car going too fast
to stop in time! Aieee!

232
00:17:26,883 --> 00:17:28,683
Agh! Agh!

233
00:17:28,843 --> 00:17:31,963
I'm handicapped now. Agh!

234
00:17:32,303 --> 00:17:37,583
Mr Griffin, you can't expect me to believe this.
That was clearly a scarecrow in your clothes.

235
00:17:37,931 --> 00:17:40,011
- Come on!
- And when I freeze-frame,

236
00:17:41,559 --> 00:17:42,959
you're driving the car.

237
00:17:43,143 --> 00:17:44,743
- There's your hook.
- Get out.

238
00:17:46,895 --> 00:17:48,895
Today we're here to honour Joe Swanson

239
00:17:49,063 --> 00:17:54,663
for pulling my one-eyed cat Bootsie out of
the old stovepipe of my grandmother's cabin.

240
00:17:55,025 --> 00:18:00,705
Joe Swanson won the Special People's
decathlon and we're here to honour him.

241
00:18:01,070 --> 00:18:04,950
- Backstabber.
- Peter, I'm sure Joe will acknowledge you.

242
00:18:05,239 --> 00:18:09,119
Don't forget our deal, Lois.
I sit through this and later tonight I get anal.

243
00:18:09,408 --> 00:18:12,208
No matter how neat I want the house,
you clean it.

244
00:18:12,410 --> 00:18:14,010
Thank you, thank you.

245
00:18:14,203 --> 00:18:16,883
You know, no one can win
a gold medal by himself.

246
00:18:17,121 --> 00:18:21,601
It takes friends. I want to acknowledge
a special friend in the audience today.

247
00:18:21,915 --> 00:18:23,715
My friend Peter.

248
00:18:23,875 --> 00:18:28,475
Peter Yarrow, of Peter, Paul and Mary.
Let's give him a hand, folks.

249
00:18:30,128 --> 00:18:32,848
That's nothing compared to
what this next man did.

250
00:18:32,963 --> 00:18:37,443
He challenged me to go that extra mile.
And that man is Mr Griffin.

251
00:18:37,758 --> 00:18:40,758
Comedian Eddie Griffin, get up here!

252
00:18:42,636 --> 00:18:47,156
Your acerbic anti-white humour was
a constant inspiration. Thank you, sir.

253
00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:51,030
And last but not least,
who could forget the fat guy?

254
00:18:51,307 --> 00:18:54,787
Chef Paul Prudhomme,
you get your Cajun ass up here!

255
00:18:55,060 --> 00:18:56,860
I didn't even do anything.

256
00:18:57,019 --> 00:19:00,139
That's it.
There's someone else he didn't thank.

257
00:19:00,271 --> 00:19:03,951
- Mr Steroid. That's how he won.
- That's not true.

258
00:19:04,232 --> 00:19:07,832
Yes, it is. I put steroids in your water bottle
before the last race.

259
00:19:10,152 --> 00:19:13,352
I'm sorry, everybody. I've let you all down.

260
00:19:13,612 --> 00:19:16,412
Yes. You suck. I rule.

261
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:19,530
Who da man? Who da man? Who da man?

262
00:19:22,659 --> 00:19:26,579
All right. If anyone tries to lift the glass,
the bell will ring.

263
00:19:26,745 --> 00:19:30,345
- Well, let's all go to bed.
- Off we go, then.

264
00:20:04,266 --> 00:20:06,346
- Did you find the place OK?
- No problem.

265
00:20:06,559 --> 00:20:08,439
Hey, kids.

266
00:20:08,644 --> 00:20:11,924
I only had soup. I don't see why
we should split the bill evenly.

267
00:20:12,188 --> 00:20:15,588
Wake up! This is Mr Taylor.
He's here to claim the money clip.

268
00:20:15,731 --> 00:20:17,331
- Oh!
- Oh!

269
00:20:17,482 --> 00:20:19,602
Uuuuuuugh!

270
00:20:22,819 --> 00:20:26,619
Peter, go talk to him. After all,
you set out to make him feel better.

271
00:20:26,863 --> 00:20:29,383
- Now he's worse than ever.
- I don't know, Lois.

272
00:20:29,573 --> 00:20:34,973
He's probably waitin' to be interviewed
by Dan Rather or that dreadful Gene Shalit.

273
00:20:35,326 --> 00:20:38,326
I think those days are over now, Peter.

274
00:20:41,997 --> 00:20:44,677
- Hey there.
- Hi, Peter.

275
00:20:45,624 --> 00:20:49,144
- Listen, Joe, about this whole mess...
- Hold it, Peter.

276
00:20:51,877 --> 00:20:54,197
That's the car-wash thief.

277
00:21:05,343 --> 00:21:08,743
- Ha, ha! Tough luck, wheelie!
- Yeah. For you.

278
00:21:11,264 --> 00:21:16,664
I'm Joe, your waiter. Today's special
is justice, served cold with a side of jail.

279
00:21:17,017 --> 00:21:21,697
Order the soufflé now,
cos it takes 10 to 15 years.

280
00:21:24,313 --> 00:21:27,393
Peter, I really appreciate
what you did for me.

281
00:21:27,648 --> 00:21:30,848
- What do you mean?
- That slimy agent had me believing the hype.

282
00:21:31,067 --> 00:21:34,387
I forgot it was really you who got me
to believe in myself again.

283
00:21:34,610 --> 00:21:39,130
- By the way, I'm goin' back to the force.
- Good for you.

284
00:21:39,738 --> 00:21:41,738
What happened to the car-wash thief?

285
00:21:41,906 --> 00:21:44,706
Ironically, I severed his spine
when I landed on him.

286
00:21:44,950 --> 00:21:47,950
Looks like you got more competition
at next year's games.

287
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,560
No. He's dead.

