1
00:00:01,980 --> 00:00:04,901
"It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:04,981 --> 00:00:08,302
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:08,382 --> 00:00:11,904
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:11,984 --> 00:00:13,984
"On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:14,705 --> 00:00:17,786
"Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:17,906 --> 00:00:22,588
"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

7
00:00:22,708 --> 00:00:24,188
"Laugh and cry

8
00:00:24,308 --> 00:00:29,310
"He's a family guy

9
00:00:35,392 --> 00:00:38,113
Whoo-hoo, baby! 12 in a row!

10
00:00:39,394 --> 00:00:42,795
You must have had a great body
before it went all fun-house mirror.

11
00:00:42,915 --> 00:00:47,317
- I can't believe how terrific you look.
- I've been taking tae-jitsu classes.

12
00:00:47,397 --> 00:00:49,798
- You should come with me sometime.
- I'd love to.

13
00:00:49,918 --> 00:00:52,799
- Oh! The baby's kicking. Wanna feel?
- Sure.

14
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,200
- You are freakin' dead, kid.
- Peter!

15
00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,322
- Oh, I love this time of year.
- Me, too.

16
00:01:00,402 --> 00:01:03,323
The tourists are gone and
we have the town to ourselves

17
00:01:03,403 --> 00:01:08,325
before those idiots from New York show up
to watch the leaves change and take over.

18
00:01:14,327 --> 00:01:15,927
Leafers!

19
00:01:16,007 --> 00:01:18,528
Holy crap. We gotta get outta here.

20
00:01:21,609 --> 00:01:24,010
- What about the boat?
- Leave it!

21
00:01:25,011 --> 00:01:29,412
- Hurry, Peter. They're almost here.
- We're too late.

22
00:01:29,532 --> 00:01:34,334
Yo, check out those colours. Yellow like
a taxi, orange like the ball at the Knicks game,

23
00:01:34,414 --> 00:01:37,135
and red like the sauce
on my mamma mia's gugotz.

24
00:01:37,215 --> 00:01:40,016
Yeah, and brown, like the guys
I don't pick up in my cab.

25
00:01:40,136 --> 00:01:42,537
- Bea-utiful!
- Aagh!

26
00:01:42,617 --> 00:01:44,618
Good evening. Tonight's top story:

27
00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:49,220
Quahog is infested with loud, hairy
creatures, also known as New Yorkers.

28
00:01:49,220 --> 00:01:51,941
They migrate north
every autumn to see the foliage.

29
00:01:52,021 --> 00:01:54,022
I think I speak for all of us when I say

30
00:01:54,142 --> 00:01:57,023
New Yorkers can fornicate
themselves with an iron stick.

31
00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:04,545
- We're gonna be late for church.
- Move it! Damn leafers.

32
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:08,227
Christ, quit it! Mom,
Chris put his foot on my side again.

33
00:02:08,347 --> 00:02:12,228
- I can't help it. I have long dancer's legs.
- Move it.

34
00:02:12,348 --> 00:02:16,350
Stop whining. Stay on your side.
Lois, get off your ass and do some parenting.

35
00:02:16,430 --> 00:02:19,551
If you don't stop, we won't
go to McDonald's after church.

36
00:02:19,631 --> 00:02:22,232
- Mom!
- Don't worry. We're goin'.

37
00:02:23,833 --> 00:02:26,634
- But you don't get the Super Size.
- Oh!

38
00:02:26,754 --> 00:02:29,955
- OK, you can Super Size, but no apple pie.
- Come on.

39
00:02:30,035 --> 00:02:32,156
OK, but you can't blow on it.

40
00:02:32,236 --> 00:02:34,757
Peter, don't contradict me in front of the kids.

41
00:02:34,837 --> 00:02:39,558
Brothers and sisters fightin' is as natural as
a white man's dialogue in a Spike Lee movie.

42
00:02:39,638 --> 00:02:44,760
Wassup? Can I get two slices of pepperoni?

43
00:02:48,962 --> 00:02:51,243
- Who are all these people?
- Damn New Yorkers.

44
00:02:51,363 --> 00:02:53,363
They took all the good seats.

45
00:02:53,444 --> 00:02:55,444
Aren't you precious!

46
00:03:00,166 --> 00:03:04,167
Some of my novelty items
were provided by Jack's Joke Shop.

47
00:03:04,248 --> 00:03:06,568
If it ain't funny, it ain't worth Jack.

48
00:03:07,449 --> 00:03:10,370
I'd like to welcome
all our out-of-town parishioners.

49
00:03:10,450 --> 00:03:14,051
My cousin, Father Sapienza,
is in from New York to see the leaves.

50
00:03:14,171 --> 00:03:17,252
I'd like to invite him
to do the opening prayer.

51
00:03:17,372 --> 00:03:20,454
Yo, God is good, huh?
And he expects us to be good.

52
00:03:20,574 --> 00:03:24,575
And if you're not, he's gonna come down
and bust your freakin' skull. Amen.

53
00:03:24,655 --> 00:03:27,776
Who do you think you're talking to?
God ain't tougher than me.

54
00:03:27,856 --> 00:03:30,857
You can't talk to the father like that,
you stupid gavone.

55
00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:33,258
I oughta come and break your freakin' arm!

56
00:03:33,378 --> 00:03:36,579
Wanna go, tough guy?
I'll snap you in half like an almond biscotti

57
00:03:36,660 --> 00:03:39,661
from Valero's on 51st Street, best in the city.

58
00:03:39,661 --> 00:03:43,262
Fellas, this is God's house.
And the Patriots kick off in 45 minutes.

59
00:03:43,262 --> 00:03:45,783
- Can we move this along?
- Patriots suck.

60
00:03:45,863 --> 00:03:47,864
Blasphemy!

61
00:03:47,864 --> 00:03:49,664
It burns!

62
00:03:49,784 --> 00:03:52,585
Holy water? Where's that acid I ordered?

63
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,787
Hey, Guido, watch this.

64
00:03:55,867 --> 00:03:59,188
Whoa! I've got to lay off the coffee.
Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha!

65
00:03:59,268 --> 00:04:01,469
That's Jack's. Exit 14 off 295.

66
00:04:03,670 --> 00:04:07,191
Tae-jitsu is about power -
for your body and your mind.

67
00:04:07,271 --> 00:04:09,792
Don't be afraid to free the beast inside you.

68
00:04:09,872 --> 00:04:13,073
Left kick, right kick, punch combo, stomp.

69
00:04:13,193 --> 00:04:15,274
Beautiful. Again. Left kick...

70
00:04:15,394 --> 00:04:19,075
- You're doing great for your first lesson.
- I'm really cuttin' loose.

71
00:04:19,195 --> 00:04:22,396
Like Julie Andrews in that movie
where she showed her breasts.

72
00:04:22,476 --> 00:04:25,878
Mary, you'll never leave us, will you?

73
00:04:26,798 --> 00:04:29,479
Lovely, but it doesn't quite
answer our question.

74
00:04:35,081 --> 00:04:36,602
Jets rule!

75
00:04:39,003 --> 00:04:44,004
Watch where you're going. Horace, put the
Pats game on the TV and get me a few beers.

76
00:04:44,085 --> 00:04:46,886
Sorry, Peter. Someone stole the remotes.

77
00:04:47,006 --> 00:04:51,407
And the kegs. And I'm not sure,
but I think I've been shot.

78
00:04:51,487 --> 00:04:53,088
Yep.

79
00:04:53,208 --> 00:04:57,289
Hey, pal, watch my seat.
I gotta bleed the lizard.

80
00:04:59,290 --> 00:05:03,612
Public urination is just wrong.
Except during the Million Man March

81
00:05:03,692 --> 00:05:06,293
when protesters burned our Porta-Pottis.

82
00:05:06,413 --> 00:05:09,614
Then I used my stream of justice
to put out the hate.

83
00:05:09,694 --> 00:05:13,095
I don't know, fellas. I think
there's potential in this crowd.

84
00:05:13,215 --> 00:05:16,416
Honey, why don't you turn around
and show me the Lower East Side?

85
00:05:16,497 --> 00:05:18,497
- Sure.
- Transvestite! Back off.

86
00:05:18,497 --> 00:05:20,618
- Wait a sec. Pre-op or post-op?
- Pre-op.

87
00:05:20,698 --> 00:05:25,820
Transvestite! Back off. This place blows.
We gotta send these strap-hangers back.

88
00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:27,901
Don't worry. I got an idea.

89
00:05:27,901 --> 00:05:35,103
An idea so smart, my head would explode if I
even began to know what I was talking about.

90
00:05:38,625 --> 00:05:41,506
Aagh! I am a man-eating tree.

91
00:05:41,626 --> 00:05:44,307
Go back to New York or I will eat you.

92
00:05:44,307 --> 00:05:48,828
Just like I ate insane
New York anchorman Dan Rather. Pah!

93
00:05:48,909 --> 00:05:54,030
And look who I had for dessert.
Asexual former mayor Ed Koch. Pah!

94
00:05:54,110 --> 00:05:57,512
Leave my land or I will smite you
with my powerful limb.

95
00:05:57,632 --> 00:05:59,833
What are you, nuts? Give me that branch.

96
00:05:59,913 --> 00:06:01,913
Get off of me!

97
00:06:03,514 --> 00:06:06,115
Oh, my God! Stop fighting!

98
00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:11,517
- Holy crap!
- Oh, my God!

99
00:06:13,518 --> 00:06:15,638
Mom, you could be a world champion,

100
00:06:15,718 --> 00:06:19,840
and no one could hit you below the belt
cos girls don't have anything down there.

101
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:23,641
- Can you teach me to kick ass?
- No. I do not condone violence.

102
00:06:23,721 --> 00:06:27,123
I won't be responsible for
bringing fistfighting into our schools.

103
00:06:27,243 --> 00:06:30,124
Gee, can you hear me
all the way back there in the '50s?

104
00:06:30,124 --> 00:06:33,445
- That was lame.
- Poor Peter.

105
00:06:33,525 --> 00:06:37,847
I emasculated him in front of all those people.
I think he's really upset.

106
00:06:37,927 --> 00:06:41,248
Gather round, everybody.
10 bucks is all it takes.

107
00:06:41,328 --> 00:06:43,729
Step right up and fight my wife.

108
00:06:47,050 --> 00:06:51,452
Come one, come all. She floats like a
butterfly and stings like when I pee.

109
00:06:51,532 --> 00:06:55,733
Peter, I am not a sideshow attraction.
At least, not any more.

110
00:06:56,654 --> 00:06:59,935
Me likey bouncy! Me likey bouncy!

111
00:07:00,055 --> 00:07:05,057
I want you to get rid of all of this right now,
cos I am never fighting again, ever!

112
00:07:05,137 --> 00:07:08,538
Come on, Chris. We'll have to go to plan B.

113
00:07:11,939 --> 00:07:14,940
No! Oh, God! Oh, my God!

114
00:07:14,940 --> 00:07:19,542
Help me! Help me!
For God's sake, he's gonna kill me!

115
00:07:19,662 --> 00:07:22,943
Don't worry. It's a trained bear.
He's in no real danger.

116
00:07:26,065 --> 00:07:29,066
He's teaching a class. I can't bother him now.

117
00:07:29,146 --> 00:07:33,347
Sure you can. Hey, Ralph Macchio!
My wife here needs to talk to you.

118
00:07:33,467 --> 00:07:34,948
There you go, honey.

119
00:07:35,068 --> 00:07:39,069
- What is it, Lois?
- I don't think I should do tae-jitsu any more.

120
00:07:39,149 --> 00:07:42,871
- I'm afraid I'm gonna hurt someone.
- But, Lois, you're my star pupil.

121
00:07:42,951 --> 00:07:46,672
- I want you in my advanced class.
- Advanced class? No, no, no.

122
00:07:46,752 --> 00:07:49,353
- I'm trying to quit.
- Well, fine. Quit.

123
00:07:49,473 --> 00:07:52,754
- But get used to people walking all over you.
- Hold on, there.

124
00:07:52,874 --> 00:07:55,555
Nobody walks all over my wife,
cos I won't let 'em.

125
00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:57,556
- Peter...
- Quiet. Men are talking.

126
00:07:57,676 --> 00:08:01,158
She learns things eventually.
It just takes her longer. Come on.

127
00:08:01,278 --> 00:08:05,479
If you hurry, I'll let you try on hats.
I won't let you buy, but you can try 'em on.

128
00:08:05,559 --> 00:08:06,880
I'll do it.

129
00:08:18,084 --> 00:08:20,085
Ow!

130
00:08:24,966 --> 00:08:28,568
- Stewie, you wanna swing?
- Yes, why not? I'll have a go at it.

131
00:08:28,688 --> 00:08:31,289
Perhaps a quick stretch first.

132
00:08:32,769 --> 00:08:35,970
Damn. Must have pulled something
playing hoops last week.

133
00:08:37,171 --> 00:08:41,372
I know you're not puttin' that rock
up from here. You ain't got no J.

134
00:08:43,973 --> 00:08:47,095
- Yo, man, that's trippin'!
- You're the one who's trippin'.

135
00:08:47,175 --> 00:08:49,295
Cry home to your mama. She waitin' for ya.

136
00:08:49,375 --> 00:08:52,176
Now don't make me put
my size 13s up your narrow ass!

137
00:08:52,296 --> 00:08:55,898
I don't sweat you. Bring it on, bitch!
Now how you gonna act?

138
00:08:55,978 --> 00:08:59,499
Sheesh! Bringin' that trash in here.
This is my house.

139
00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:03,501
Excuse me. We were about to use that.

140
00:09:03,581 --> 00:09:06,502
- You snooze, you lose, lady.
- You have two choices.

141
00:09:06,582 --> 00:09:09,983
Either my baby swings from
this jungle gym, or you do.

142
00:09:11,303 --> 00:09:14,905
Ooh, Lois! Someone's wearing
their ovaries on the outside.

143
00:09:14,985 --> 00:09:17,906
- She saw me walking to the swing.
- She saw you. Easy, now.

144
00:09:17,986 --> 00:09:22,508
Nobody walks all over me. Those days
are over. Lois Griffin demands respect.

145
00:09:24,989 --> 00:09:29,510
I smell a messy diaper.
God, why does that turn me on?

146
00:09:32,911 --> 00:09:35,512
- Hold it, Meg. Those two are mine.
- What?

147
00:09:35,592 --> 00:09:40,794
That's Randy, and that's Fred.
Randy is the messy one. Fred's very neat.

148
00:09:40,794 --> 00:09:44,716
When you get 'em together,
hold on to your sides!

149
00:09:45,316 --> 00:09:47,597
Nice to meet you both.

150
00:09:48,317 --> 00:09:50,318
Murderer!

151
00:09:50,998 --> 00:09:54,600
Stop it, both of you. Starting now,
you two are gonna love each other.

152
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,720
Now stay that way.

153
00:09:57,801 --> 00:09:59,922
It's gonna be weird to potty.

154
00:10:00,802 --> 00:10:04,203
Sheesh, Lois, look at the garbage
those damn leafers dumped on our lawn.

155
00:10:04,323 --> 00:10:07,804
New York Post, New York Magazine,
the New York Mets.

156
00:10:07,924 --> 00:10:12,406
Peter, I'm sick and tired of hearing you whine
about the leafers. Take some action.

157
00:10:12,526 --> 00:10:14,527
Free the beast!

158
00:10:18,128 --> 00:10:21,129
That was strangely arousing. Aagh!

159
00:10:23,810 --> 00:10:28,212
Hello? 911? It's Quagmire.
Yeah. It's in a window this time.

160
00:10:28,212 --> 00:10:33,214
- Wow, look at them run.
- Wait a second, Brian. That gives me an idea.

161
00:10:37,215 --> 00:10:42,617
The Drunken Clam? Why couldn't we go
someplace fancy, like The Olive Garden?

162
00:10:42,737 --> 00:10:46,419
The breadsticks!
Me likey breadsticks! Me likey...

163
00:10:46,419 --> 00:10:49,420
- You're a big girl now. Stop it.
- Hold on, Lois.

164
00:10:49,540 --> 00:10:54,222
Excuse me, New Yorker. You're in my seat,
and I had sex with your mother last night.

165
00:10:54,342 --> 00:10:56,342
- Are you crazy?
- What did you say?

166
00:10:56,422 --> 00:10:59,424
About the seat, or about
my ploughing your father's wife?

167
00:10:59,424 --> 00:11:03,225
- What the hell are you doing?
- Excuse me. Is your refrigerator running?

168
00:11:03,345 --> 00:11:07,427
If it is, it probably runs like you -
very homosexually.

169
00:11:07,427 --> 00:11:09,827
- What?!
- Oh, you wanna dance?

170
00:11:10,748 --> 00:11:13,349
Jets suck, Yankees suck, Knicks suck.

171
00:11:17,350 --> 00:11:19,351
Krypton sucks.

172
00:11:32,556 --> 00:11:36,757
That's right. Go back where
you came from, you bastards!

173
00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:45,641
We'll conclude the graduation ceremony
with a demonstration by the black belts.

174
00:11:45,641 --> 00:11:47,641
Let's show 'em what we've learnt.

175
00:11:47,761 --> 00:11:51,243
- Kathy, get in there with Lois.
- I can't. I have cramps.

176
00:11:51,363 --> 00:11:53,644
Why are you putting me up
against the scrubs?

177
00:11:53,764 --> 00:11:58,565
- Be a man and fight me yourself.
- Lois, the sensei is a sacred position.

178
00:11:58,645 --> 00:12:02,967
I could never violate the spiritual bond
of the student-master relationship.

179
00:12:03,047 --> 00:12:05,448
- Then allow me.
- Ooh!

180
00:12:05,568 --> 00:12:09,049
- The bond is broken.
- Then spin the wheel, raggedy man!

181
00:12:09,169 --> 00:12:13,251
Go, Lois! Pummel him
with your powerful fists of female fury.

182
00:12:13,251 --> 00:12:16,972
And then when he's weary,
emasculate him with your incessant nagging.

183
00:12:17,052 --> 00:12:19,853
Women! Yakety-yak, yakety-yak, yak, yak.

184
00:12:19,853 --> 00:12:22,574
You know, huh? Enjoy the fight.

185
00:12:35,979 --> 00:12:37,660
Yah!

186
00:12:37,780 --> 00:12:41,061
Lois, that was amazing. Congratu...

187
00:12:41,181 --> 00:12:44,983
This is mine.
This is where my babies come from.

188
00:12:46,583 --> 00:12:49,384
And now back to the movie of the week.

189
00:12:51,065 --> 00:12:54,666
If this glacier goes slower
than one mile a year, we're all dead!

190
00:12:54,666 --> 00:12:57,787
Tell me something I don't know!
Get out of the way!

191
00:13:01,389 --> 00:13:03,870
Lois, I was watching that.

192
00:13:04,870 --> 00:13:07,871
- What you looking at?
- The underpants. Lose 'em.

193
00:13:07,991 --> 00:13:11,272
Actually, I kinda...
I sorta have a headache, kinda.

194
00:13:11,392 --> 00:13:13,673
- Maybe tomorrow or...
- Take 'em off.

195
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,194
Yeah, OK, honey.

196
00:13:18,875 --> 00:13:22,196
Whoa! What the hell are you doing?
Those are my graham crackers.

197
00:13:22,276 --> 00:13:25,198
Run along, Stewie. Daddy had a rough night.

198
00:13:25,278 --> 00:13:28,079
Why, you tottering, fem-sucked dewberry!

199
00:13:28,199 --> 00:13:32,400
I'm going to go find something
to strike you with. Excuse me.

200
00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:36,082
Good morning.
Peter, you look terrible. What happened?

201
00:13:36,202 --> 00:13:39,883
Last night Lois was... the man!

202
00:13:40,003 --> 00:13:44,205
- Good Lord.
- I just want you to know, Brian, I didn't cry.

203
00:13:44,285 --> 00:13:47,286
It's OK. Shh.

204
00:13:50,007 --> 00:13:53,208
Oh, no! Peter! Stewie, what did you do?

205
00:13:53,288 --> 00:13:56,009
He freed the beast
all over the back of Peter's head.

206
00:13:56,089 --> 00:13:58,610
Oh, my God. This is my fault.

207
00:13:58,690 --> 00:14:01,811
This is my fault!
I brought violence into this house!

208
00:14:01,891 --> 00:14:05,492
- I'm the worst mother in the world!
- Ah-ha! I got it all on tape.

209
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:10,214
OK, this is me
interviewing Ed Sullivan.

210
00:14:10,294 --> 00:14:11,815
What's new, Ed?

211
00:14:11,895 --> 00:14:15,896
Well, Stewie,
tonight we have a really big show.

212
00:14:16,016 --> 00:14:18,897
OK, and now a word
from our sponsors.

213
00:14:18,897 --> 00:14:22,699
It takes a very steady hand.
Don't touch the sides!

214
00:14:22,699 --> 00:14:25,100
Butterfingers!

215
00:14:25,220 --> 00:14:27,701
I was making radio shows for fun.

216
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:31,902
Everybody does it.
At least, everybody I know. Shut up!

217
00:14:36,104 --> 00:14:41,506
Stewart, take this mommy doll and daddy
doll and show me how they act together.

218
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:44,107
Oh. Yes, very well. All right.

219
00:14:45,227 --> 00:14:50,229
"Margaret, after 20 years of marriage, your
curious indiscretions no longer faze me. "

220
00:14:50,309 --> 00:14:53,110
"Really? And I suppose
you think I enjoy hanging onto

221
00:14:53,230 --> 00:14:56,711
those hammocky deposits of
gin sugars you call buttocks?"

222
00:14:56,831 --> 00:15:00,033
- What was that? What did you just write?
- Give me that.

223
00:15:00,113 --> 00:15:05,235
"Insecurity. Gender confusion. "
I'll give you something to write about.

224
00:15:05,315 --> 00:15:09,436
Look at me. I'm insane!
I'm Martin Lawrence on a bender.

225
00:15:14,518 --> 00:15:17,919
Mr and Mrs Griffin, does Stewart
have a history of aggression?

226
00:15:17,919 --> 00:15:21,321
No. Hitting Peter is the first
violent thing he's ever done.

227
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:26,322
Technically, the first was that time bomb
I left ticking in your uterus before I came out.

228
00:15:26,442 --> 00:15:28,643
Happy 50th birthday, Lois.

229
00:15:28,723 --> 00:15:31,724
Your son is learning
misbehaviour from someone.

230
00:15:31,844 --> 00:15:35,246
I... I know who's responsible
for Stewie's behaviour,

231
00:15:35,326 --> 00:15:37,647
but if I told you,
Lois'd beat the crap out of me.

232
00:15:37,727 --> 00:15:41,728
Now, just a minute! The whole reason
I started fighting is because of you.

233
00:15:41,848 --> 00:15:46,450
I felt weak. You never listen to me.
You undermine me in front of the kids.

234
00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:49,731
And besides, you're not exactly
Father of the Year yourself.

235
00:15:49,851 --> 00:15:52,932
Well, there seems to be a lot
of anger in your household.

236
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:56,254
You owe it to your son to learn
how to manage these feelings.

237
00:15:56,334 --> 00:15:57,454
Manage what?

238
00:15:59,055 --> 00:16:01,736
I know I went a little overboard
with my tae-jitsu,

239
00:16:01,856 --> 00:16:05,457
but from now on we're not gonna have
any more anger in this house, OK?

240
00:16:05,537 --> 00:16:08,458
Tell Chris to quit drawing
pictures of me with a pig's body.

241
00:16:08,538 --> 00:16:11,059
- Don't censure me!
- No more anger!

242
00:16:11,139 --> 00:16:17,341
OK. The psychologist wants us
to try an exercise called role reversal,

243
00:16:17,461 --> 00:16:21,063
where we pretend to be
the person who makes us angry.

244
00:16:21,143 --> 00:16:22,543
I'll go first.

245
00:16:22,663 --> 00:16:26,145
"Don't listen to your mother, kids.
She's worthless and dumb. "

246
00:16:26,265 --> 00:16:29,666
"Lgnore her and only listen to me - Peter. "

247
00:16:29,746 --> 00:16:34,348
"I'm Lois. I brake for yard sales,
but I don't let Peter buy anything he likes,

248
00:16:34,348 --> 00:16:38,149
like that Narragansett beer sign
where the hot chick has two mugs for jugs. "

249
00:16:38,269 --> 00:16:41,750
It was eight freakin' dollars,
and we have a dozen places to put it!

250
00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:42,951
Me next, me next!

251
00:16:43,071 --> 00:16:46,872
"I'm the dog. I'm well-read
and have a diverse stock portfolio,

252
00:16:46,952 --> 00:16:51,874
but I'm not above eating grass clippings and
regurgitating them on the rug by the door. "

253
00:16:51,954 --> 00:16:56,076
"I'm a pompous antichrist who will probably
drop my plans for world domination

254
00:16:56,156 --> 00:16:59,557
when I grow up and fall in love
with a rough trick named Jim. "

255
00:17:11,681 --> 00:17:13,082
Whoa, Peter, calm down.

256
00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:16,963
I'm sick of Lois's anger-management
techniques. They're not working.

257
00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:19,965
What about writing angry letters
and not sending them?

258
00:17:20,085 --> 00:17:23,566
- I wasn't supposed to send those?
- I got a letter from Dad.

259
00:17:23,686 --> 00:17:29,088
"Dear Meg. For the first four years of your
life, I thought you were a house cat. " Dad!

260
00:17:29,168 --> 00:17:31,769
"Dear Stewie. Get out. " That's nice.

261
00:17:31,769 --> 00:17:36,571
Mine just says "Dear Lois. " And after that
it looks like someone just spit on the paper.

262
00:17:36,571 --> 00:17:39,692
- You got somethin' to say to me?
- Yeah. PS:

263
00:17:43,093 --> 00:17:45,094
Hold on a sec.

264
00:17:45,694 --> 00:17:47,695
Hold on. Relax. Everybody, relax.

265
00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:49,976
I was hoping it wouldn't come to this,

266
00:17:49,976 --> 00:17:53,377
but we need to get our anger under control
before we kill each other.

267
00:17:53,377 --> 00:17:55,978
My psychiatrist gave me
these mood elevators.

268
00:17:55,978 --> 00:17:58,379
I think they could help even us out.

269
00:17:58,499 --> 00:18:01,380
We're not taking pills. It's not natural.

270
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:04,301
Nor is bleaching the hair
on your upper lip, Martin Mull.

271
00:18:04,381 --> 00:18:06,102
Give us the pills.

272
00:18:07,702 --> 00:18:09,703
- " Ah-um
- " Ba-ba

273
00:18:09,903 --> 00:18:11,904
- " Ah-um
- " Ba-ba

274
00:18:11,984 --> 00:18:15,785
"Ay-oh, Mother Africa

275
00:18:15,905 --> 00:18:16,906
"Ah-um

276
00:18:16,986 --> 00:18:18,386
"Ba-ba

277
00:18:18,386 --> 00:18:21,387
That was fun. What country shall we do next?

278
00:18:21,507 --> 00:18:24,989
Monaco. Wait - that's a principality.

279
00:18:26,509 --> 00:18:31,191
Wanna hear something really funny? Those
pills I gave you were placebos. Sugar pills.

280
00:18:34,112 --> 00:18:38,113
Are you telling me I just sang
Ladysmith Black Mambazo for nothing?

281
00:18:38,193 --> 00:18:40,714
Did it kill you to be
multicultural for a minute?

282
00:18:40,794 --> 00:18:46,196
- I died a little inside, yes. You happy now?
- Don't you use that tone of voice, you...

283
00:18:46,316 --> 00:18:48,997
- What were you gonna say? Fat ass?
- Wide load?

284
00:18:49,118 --> 00:18:51,518
- Dough boy?
- Country virtuoso Roy Clark?

285
00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:54,199
- How about all of the above?
- How's this for a name?

286
00:18:54,319 --> 00:18:57,000
"Pony Express is in. "
"What have you got for me, Joe?"

287
00:18:57,121 --> 00:18:59,521
"Let me see. It's here somewhere. "

288
00:18:59,601 --> 00:19:02,923
"Here we are. A big bag
of liver spots for Lois. "

289
00:19:04,403 --> 00:19:07,524
- You... You just hit me.
- That's right.

290
00:19:09,205 --> 00:19:13,327
- You can't hit me! I'm a girl!
- Sometimes I wonder.

291
00:19:16,007 --> 00:19:19,209
- Kicking, Lois?
- Ha! Hurts, doesn't it?

292
00:19:19,209 --> 00:19:21,209
You tell me.

293
00:19:26,611 --> 00:19:28,932
Go, Dad! Kick her ass!

294
00:19:29,012 --> 00:19:33,214
- Shut up! This is all Dad's fault.
- I don't like to be touched!

295
00:19:41,417 --> 00:19:42,617
Aaagh!

296
00:20:04,425 --> 00:20:05,626
Aaaaagh!

297
00:20:32,036 --> 00:20:34,637
Man, I'm glad we got that out of our systems.

298
00:20:34,757 --> 00:20:38,158
- I wonder what came over us.
- Maybe people are naturally violent.

299
00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:41,559
I don't believe that.
I think it's all the TV we watch.

300
00:20:41,639 --> 00:20:45,161
- There's so much violence.
- Yeah, TV is dangerous.

301
00:20:45,241 --> 00:20:49,242
Why the hell doesn't the government
tell us what we can and can't watch?

302
00:20:49,242 --> 00:20:51,843
Shame on the network
that puts this junk on the air!

303
00:20:51,843 --> 00:20:55,164
Peter, maybe you shouldn't say
anything bad about the network.

304
00:20:55,244 --> 00:20:58,646
What are they gonna do? Cut our budget?
I'm gonna go get a beer.

305
00:21:26,976 --> 00:21:29,457
Visiontext Subtitles: Sally Lewis

