1
00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:08,800
I don't wanna go on a rant here, but America's
foreign policy makes about as much sense

2
00:00:08,996 --> 00:00:13,116
as Beowulf havin' sex with Robert Fulton
at the first battle of Antietam.

3
00:00:13,376 --> 00:00:15,576
When a neo-conservative defenestrates,

4
00:00:15,795 --> 00:00:19,475
it's like Raskolnikov filibustered
dioxin monohydroxanate.

5
00:00:19,757 --> 00:00:21,437
What the hell does "rant" mean?

6
00:00:21,926 --> 00:00:25,246
"It seems today that all you see

7
00:00:25,471 --> 00:00:28,471
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

8
00:00:28,725 --> 00:00:32,205
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

9
00:00:32,478 --> 00:00:34,478
"On which we used to rely?

10
00:00:35,481 --> 00:00:38,601
"Lucky there's a family guy

11
00:00:38,818 --> 00:00:43,418
"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

12
00:00:43,739 --> 00:00:45,219
"Laugh and cry

13
00:00:45,408 --> 00:00:50,488
"He's a family guy

14
00:00:58,129 --> 00:00:59,609
Go, Dust Mites!

15
00:00:59,797 --> 00:01:03,797
- I wish they'd put Chris in already.
- Relax. It's his first game.

16
00:01:05,511 --> 00:01:07,511
Griffin, get in there.

17
00:01:07,597 --> 00:01:11,117
- They're sending him in. Yay, Chris!
- Attaboy, Chris!

18
00:01:14,061 --> 00:01:16,861
That's my son out there.
I taught him how to wipe.

19
00:01:17,106 --> 00:01:21,586
- Why won't you teach me how to wipe, Dad?
- Because you don't have a bottom, son.

20
00:01:23,154 --> 00:01:27,354
- Man, you and that towel are representin'.
- Yo, that's what's just fightin', G!

21
00:01:27,617 --> 00:01:30,817
The Buddy Cianci
Junior High cheerleaders!

22
00:01:30,953 --> 00:01:33,673
Is everybody pumped up?

23
00:01:33,872 --> 00:01:35,872
Give me a D-U-S-T!

24
00:01:36,083 --> 00:01:37,763
D-U-S-T!

25
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:39,360
M-I-T-E-S!

26
00:01:39,628 --> 00:01:41,228
M-I-T-E-S!

27
00:01:41,380 --> 00:01:43,380
- What does that spell?
- Dust Mites!

28
00:01:43,465 --> 00:01:47,265
- Who's gonna win this game?
- Dust Mites!

29
00:01:47,553 --> 00:01:49,953
My God, what... what just happened to me?

30
00:01:50,138 --> 00:01:53,658
It's those sirens. They had us all
completely under their spell.

31
00:01:53,892 --> 00:01:56,092
Like that hypnotist at the airport Hilton.

32
00:01:59,648 --> 00:02:01,728
And... three!

33
00:02:01,942 --> 00:02:06,142
- Wow. Were we just hypnotised?
- That's incredible. I don't remember a thing.

34
00:02:06,405 --> 00:02:08,005
Why do I taste crotch?

35
00:02:09,241 --> 00:02:12,641
I must unlock the secret to
their mind-control powers.

36
00:02:12,870 --> 00:02:15,870
- Can we go now? I'm starvin'.
- The game's almost over.

37
00:02:16,123 --> 00:02:19,123
Try to think about somethin' else.

38
00:02:51,158 --> 00:02:53,158
Ahhhhh...!

39
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:58,400
- Peter!
- Sorry.

40
00:02:58,540 --> 00:03:01,940
Nice job tonight, Chris.
You wiped the floor with that towel.

41
00:03:02,086 --> 00:03:05,406
Yo, did y'all check me when
that hottie was all up in my Kool-Aid?

42
00:03:05,631 --> 00:03:07,751
I was lookin' to break off somethin',

43
00:03:07,924 --> 00:03:11,644
but my crew gave me the 411 on that skank
and she's all about the bling-bling.

44
00:03:12,930 --> 00:03:16,530
- What's wrong?
- He's speaking in tongues. He's possessed.

45
00:03:16,683 --> 00:03:21,483
Meg, start at Psalm 41. Don't stop readin' till
I tell you. The power of Christ compels you!

46
00:03:21,688 --> 00:03:25,608
- Agh! Agh! Agh!
- The power of Christ compels you!

47
00:03:25,859 --> 00:03:27,859
Stop. He's not possessed.

48
00:03:27,944 --> 00:03:30,464
He's just talking street. Lots of kids do it.

49
00:03:30,655 --> 00:03:32,855
Oh. Well, that's kinda weird.

50
00:03:33,074 --> 00:03:36,274
It's just a phase.
You've gone through a few yourself.

51
00:03:36,495 --> 00:03:39,215
Like those two weeks
you spent narrating your life.

52
00:03:39,414 --> 00:03:42,014
I walked into the kitchen and sat at the table.

53
00:03:42,250 --> 00:03:46,050
I grimaced at the questionable meal
Lois had placed in front of me.

54
00:03:46,296 --> 00:03:51,416
I'd never tell her how disgusted I was with
her cooking, but somehow I think she knew.

55
00:03:51,718 --> 00:03:57,038
Lois had always been full of energy and life,
but lately I had grown aware of her ageing.

56
00:03:57,349 --> 00:03:59,949
The bright, exuberant eyes
I had fallen in love with

57
00:04:00,184 --> 00:04:03,864
were growing dull and listless
with the long fatigue of a weary life.

58
00:04:07,275 --> 00:04:09,755
I awoke several hours later in a daze.

59
00:04:12,780 --> 00:04:14,980
"I was brought up on the streets,
no moms and dads

60
00:04:15,074 --> 00:04:17,674
"I had to fend for myself
with my own two hands

61
00:04:17,786 --> 00:04:19,906
"But today I'm hurtin', and I'll tell you why

62
00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:22,800
"I got a hangnail
hangin' from my cuticle

63
00:04:22,999 --> 00:04:25,319
"A hangnail
It ain't beautiful

64
00:04:25,501 --> 00:04:27,621
"It hurts like a bitch that I did last night

65
00:04:27,796 --> 00:04:30,596
- Hey, what ya doin'?
- Just layin' back in the cot,

66
00:04:30,715 --> 00:04:33,715
peepin' at this here homey.
Yo, Pops, gimme some cheddar.

67
00:04:33,968 --> 00:04:37,648
Some player-haters be throwin' salt
in my game, grillin' me over my gear.

68
00:04:37,930 --> 00:04:40,610
And I needs to be mackin' style.

69
00:04:40,850 --> 00:04:45,050
Well, uh, the important thing is you tried,
son.

70
00:04:47,190 --> 00:04:52,590
There they are. And now to infiltrate this
coven and learn their mind-control secrets.

71
00:04:52,820 --> 00:04:56,740
- I just need to get their attention.
- OK. That was much better.

72
00:04:56,991 --> 00:05:00,791
But it still sucked worse than ever.
What's wrong with you guys?

73
00:05:27,772 --> 00:05:31,052
- Look how cute he is!
- He must be one of the teachers' babies.

74
00:05:31,192 --> 00:05:33,392
He wants to be a cheerleader too.

75
00:05:33,611 --> 00:05:36,011
My! So it's that easy to win you over.

76
00:05:36,197 --> 00:05:39,597
Consider yourselves lucky
I'm not after your gully holes.

77
00:05:41,744 --> 00:05:46,424
Chris starts with all this "Yo, yo, yo" stuff,
and I don't know what he's talkin' about.

78
00:05:46,749 --> 00:05:50,549
So I started beatin' him with a hose.
Then my arm got tired, so I came here.

79
00:05:50,794 --> 00:05:54,114
Perhaps Chris has adopted
another culture's mannerisms

80
00:05:54,339 --> 00:05:56,739
because he doesn't know
enough about his own.

81
00:05:56,842 --> 00:06:00,842
I never thought of that. I should
teach Chris about his Irish roots.

82
00:06:01,013 --> 00:06:04,213
We haven't spent time together
since we played Operation.

83
00:06:04,349 --> 00:06:08,949
- I'm going for the funny bone, Dad.
- Oh! You touched the sides!

84
00:06:09,146 --> 00:06:11,666
He's wakin' up. Get him
back to the bus station.

85
00:06:13,859 --> 00:06:17,139
Dad, I don't wanna be here.
I wanna be chillin' with my homeys.

86
00:06:17,405 --> 00:06:22,005
Now, Chris, it's important
you learn about your Irish heritage.

87
00:06:38,550 --> 00:06:44,550
Archaeological evidence shows Ireland was
very different before the discovery of alcohol.

88
00:06:44,806 --> 00:06:47,526
Most experts believe
it was something like this.

89
00:06:51,397 --> 00:06:54,477
Gentlemen, today we, Ireland's top scientists,

90
00:06:54,608 --> 00:06:58,008
have found a way to convert our
entire population to pure energy.

91
00:06:58,278 --> 00:07:00,358
- It's a glorious day.
- Absolutely.

92
00:07:00,573 --> 00:07:04,253
Hey, Michael McCloud's just
invented a new kind of beverage.

93
00:07:04,409 --> 00:07:06,609
Hm. "Whiskey. "

94
00:07:17,131 --> 00:07:19,451
You were right, Dad. Bein' Irish rocks!

95
00:07:19,633 --> 00:07:23,953
That's more like it, son. Today we're gonna
learn about the Griffin family history.

96
00:07:24,221 --> 00:07:25,741
What's a library, Dad?

97
00:07:25,889 --> 00:07:30,409
It's just a place where homeless people
come to shave and go BM. Let's go inside.

98
00:07:32,271 --> 00:07:35,151
Look, Dad. I found
this book on our genealogy.

99
00:07:35,399 --> 00:07:40,799
Way to go, son. Here's a picture of
your great-great-granddad, Osias Griffin.

100
00:07:41,113 --> 00:07:44,913
He owned one of the first dozen telephones.

101
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,880
- Hello?
- Hello, Jonathan?

102
00:07:47,077 --> 00:07:49,157
- No. What number are you callin'?
- Seven.

103
00:07:49,371 --> 00:07:51,171
- This is three.
- Oh. Sorry.

104
00:07:51,331 --> 00:07:55,251
And his great-grandpa was
Thomas Griffin, a great philosopher.

105
00:07:55,502 --> 00:07:58,822
Thomas, would you please go look for a job?

106
00:07:59,047 --> 00:08:00,647
Why?

107
00:08:00,716 --> 00:08:03,436
Wow! That's cool! Go back even further, Dad.

108
00:08:03,635 --> 00:08:05,355
OK. Settle down, spaz.

109
00:08:05,512 --> 00:08:10,432
In 1840, Nathaniel "Nate" Griffin
used to groom horses. What the hell...?

110
00:08:13,854 --> 00:08:15,774
Holy crap, I'm black!

111
00:08:19,901 --> 00:08:21,701
But I-I can't be black.

112
00:08:21,904 --> 00:08:25,384
I gotta say, the man in this book
does look an awful lot like you.

113
00:08:25,657 --> 00:08:27,857
The Diary of Nate Griffin.

114
00:08:28,034 --> 00:08:30,234
"May 7th, 1836."

115
00:08:30,453 --> 00:08:35,533
"I was brushing down Lucy, the new colt,
when she let out a fart right near my face. "

116
00:08:35,876 --> 00:08:40,876
"So I took her head and stuck it by my butt
and blew a huge fart right back at her. "

117
00:08:42,341 --> 00:08:45,421
That laugh's in here, too. See?

118
00:08:45,552 --> 00:08:47,272
Wow. Then it's true.

119
00:08:47,428 --> 00:08:49,828
Cool! I get to be black and Irish.

120
00:08:50,056 --> 00:08:53,456
Now I can wear clothes that
actually show off my big butt.

121
00:08:53,684 --> 00:08:56,604
I gotta tell Bonnie
I'm sleeping with a black man!

122
00:08:58,481 --> 00:09:02,681
Oh, my God! Update! Exclam!
Scott Martin just asked me out again!

123
00:09:02,860 --> 00:09:06,660
Oh, my God. This is date three.
Are you gonna let him get to second base?

124
00:09:06,948 --> 00:09:11,348
I think that would be a bad idea.
And I know something about bad ideas.

125
00:09:11,620 --> 00:09:15,940
I'm telling you, Juice,
she's screwin' around behind your back.

126
00:09:16,207 --> 00:09:19,727
And if I were in your Bruno Maglis,
I wouldn't stand for it.

127
00:09:19,961 --> 00:09:21,961
Another mai tai. Thanks.

128
00:09:22,047 --> 00:09:24,247
So, listen...

129
00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:28,140
- Here comes Scott!
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

130
00:09:31,848 --> 00:09:35,048
Have yet to discover the secret
of their mind-control powers.

131
00:09:35,309 --> 00:09:39,509
Also trying to comprehend their obsession
with the homosexuals from *NS YNC.

132
00:09:42,191 --> 00:09:45,271
Cleveland, you got a minute?
I really need to talk to you.

133
00:09:45,403 --> 00:09:49,003
Sure. I was just goin' for a ride. Hop on.

134
00:09:51,159 --> 00:09:56,039
- I've found out I have a black ancestor.
- Is that right? That's fantastic, Peter.

135
00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:59,567
Yeah, but the problem is,
I got no idea how to be black.

136
00:09:59,792 --> 00:10:02,712
Except for not smilin'
when I get my picture taken.

137
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:08,320
Well, you should go out and commingle
amongst your newly found brethren.

138
00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:10,876
You know, absorb the culture.

139
00:10:11,053 --> 00:10:14,373
- Wheelie time! Yee-hah!
- Aaargh!

140
00:10:14,598 --> 00:10:19,998
You're right. I should be hangin' around
more black people like myself. Thanks.

141
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,336
- Hey! Peter, what the...?
- It's the vibration.

142
00:10:27,528 --> 00:10:30,448
Who here used to wear a lot of Jheri Curl?

143
00:10:30,656 --> 00:10:35,176
Yeah, that's right. Y'all know that Exxon
Valdez thing? That ain't how it happened.

144
00:10:35,452 --> 00:10:38,052
Some brother just fell in the ocean!

145
00:10:38,289 --> 00:10:40,889
God, I remember that. All those seals died.

146
00:10:42,752 --> 00:10:45,752
It was... it was all over the news.

147
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:49,479
The... the Channel Two news with Dan Rather.

148
00:10:49,634 --> 00:10:55,034
Although I think Connie Chung might've
been substituting for him that night.

149
00:10:55,264 --> 00:11:00,064
Well, 'bout time for me to be
hittin' the old dusty trail.

150
00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:03,312
I like your hat.

151
00:11:04,648 --> 00:11:06,848
Can't get out that way.

152
00:11:10,696 --> 00:11:13,296
Oh. Found the emergency exit.

153
00:11:14,867 --> 00:11:20,467
1967 was the year that Thurgood Marshall
was named to the Supreme Court of the US.

154
00:11:20,831 --> 00:11:24,311
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

155
00:11:26,545 --> 00:11:30,145
Well, I should probably be saddlin' up now.

156
00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:35,606
Oh. Found the fire door.

157
00:11:37,598 --> 00:11:40,198
Urgh! Look at how fat you are.

158
00:11:40,309 --> 00:11:43,429
You disgust me. Oink, oink, fatty.

159
00:11:43,646 --> 00:11:46,446
You'll take butter on that
English muffin, won't you?

160
00:11:46,690 --> 00:11:49,170
You're the cheerleading squad's token blimp!

161
00:11:49,401 --> 00:11:52,001
You don't deserve to eat!

162
00:11:56,158 --> 00:11:57,958
Thanks for bringin' me here.

163
00:11:58,035 --> 00:12:02,235
Welcome. For our first order of business,
Cleveland has an announcement.

164
00:12:02,539 --> 00:12:05,619
Yesterday I received reparations

165
00:12:05,876 --> 00:12:08,556
from the family that enslaved my ancestors.

166
00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:10,076
Amen!

167
00:12:10,255 --> 00:12:15,455
The family has become poor white trash since
then, so they only gave what they could.

168
00:12:15,761 --> 00:12:18,881
This tray of scrumptious Rice Krispie treats.

169
00:12:19,097 --> 00:12:24,417
I share them with all of you in the hopes that
one day your wounds may be healed as well.

170
00:12:24,728 --> 00:12:26,248
- Amen!
- Right on!

171
00:12:26,396 --> 00:12:30,116
- Hey, why is he taking one?
- This is my friend Peter Griffin.

172
00:12:30,358 --> 00:12:32,558
He recently discovered he was black.

173
00:12:32,778 --> 00:12:34,858
He doesn't look very black to me.

174
00:12:35,071 --> 00:12:39,151
Gentlemen, please. Please.
Judge me not by the colour of my skin.

175
00:12:39,451 --> 00:12:42,731
For I have always been there with you.

176
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:46,076
I was there when George and Weezy
moved on up to the East Side.

177
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:50,213
Oh! Oh! Hallelujah! Those were happy times!

178
00:12:50,504 --> 00:12:54,104
But... but... but I was also
there for the bad times.

179
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:59,340
When Florida lost James to that
tragic auto accident. Oh! Oh!

180
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:04,160
And I was there when Tootie got
those terribly painful braces. Oh, yes.

181
00:13:04,476 --> 00:13:08,556
And when Arnold Jackson got
beat up by the Gooch, I was there.

182
00:13:08,855 --> 00:13:14,255
So before you decide that I don't belong here,
remember this: I was there!

183
00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:25,302
Way to go, Peter! You tell it like it is!

184
00:13:27,415 --> 00:13:30,215
Now, Chris, what's the secret to happiness?

185
00:13:30,418 --> 00:13:33,018
- Money!
- Very good. Babs, give him a caramel.

186
00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:43,028
Hey. Hey, Lois, what are
your parents doin' here?

187
00:13:43,264 --> 00:13:47,344
They surprised us with a visit after
I told them about your recent discovery.

188
00:13:47,644 --> 00:13:50,324
Yes. Peter, we hear you're a Negro now.

189
00:13:50,438 --> 00:13:55,958
Yep. I even got my own posse. Big Dog,
T-Bone, Shades, go make some sandwiches.

190
00:13:56,278 --> 00:13:59,998
- We'll hook up later.
- My jacket's in there. Please don't write on it.

191
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:04,440
I think Chris and Meg should know
the Pewterschmidt side of their ancestry too.

192
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:08,224
Did you know the Pewterschmidts
were among the first colonists?

193
00:14:08,498 --> 00:14:12,178
Now, kids, don't be taken in
by the man. Stay black and proud.

194
00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:16,140
Here's Silas Pewterschmidt
bartering with some local Indians.

195
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:18,222
- Cool!
- Here's a picture of...

196
00:14:18,382 --> 00:14:20,582
- Oh. Never mind that one.
- What was that?

197
00:14:20,802 --> 00:14:25,082
Nothing. Just some fellow we fed and took
care of in exchange for doing a few chores.

198
00:14:25,390 --> 00:14:28,070
You mean a slave! Let me see that!

199
00:14:28,309 --> 00:14:30,109
Oh, my God!

200
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:32,624
It's Nate Griffin!

201
00:14:32,771 --> 00:14:37,371
Well... 'bout time for me to be
hittin' the old dusty trail.

202
00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:41,979
Lois, your family owned my family!

203
00:14:42,156 --> 00:14:45,876
- Daddy, is that true?
- It appears so. Boy, this is embarrassing.

204
00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:50,038
- Yes, it is. And don't call me "boy"!
- Peter! Please, calm down.

205
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:53,490
Babs, it's time we went to bed.
Things'll look better tomorrow.

206
00:14:53,751 --> 00:14:57,751
Come here, kids. Give Grandma
and Grandpa a kiss good night.

207
00:14:58,005 --> 00:14:59,525
Whoa!

208
00:14:59,673 --> 00:15:00,593
Argh!

209
00:15:00,717 --> 00:15:04,837
You can whip me all you like, white devil,
but you'll never break my spirit!

210
00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:16,391
There must be some clue to the source
of their mental manipulation techniques.

211
00:15:16,565 --> 00:15:18,485
Your Body and You.

212
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:22,571
"Every four weeks, it's entirely normal
for every young woman to... "

213
00:15:22,821 --> 00:15:27,141
Oh, my God! Oh! That's the most
disgusting thing I've ever heard in my life!

214
00:15:27,410 --> 00:15:30,010
Ugh!

215
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:34,364
That totally sucked! You guys
call yourselves cheerleaders?

216
00:15:34,625 --> 00:15:36,905
Well, I call you cheer-losers!

217
00:15:37,127 --> 00:15:39,527
Cindi is definitely the alpha of the group.

218
00:15:39,713 --> 00:15:42,833
And what happened with the pyramid?
I almost broke my neck!

219
00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:47,050
The pyramid. Of course!
That must be the key to their power.

220
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:52,146
Mission objective: Eliminate Cindi and take
her place at the top of the pyramid.

221
00:15:52,434 --> 00:15:56,434
They're getting nude! I mustn't watch.
It's not the proper thing... Whoa!

222
00:15:56,730 --> 00:15:58,810
I say! Nice ones, Jeanine.

223
00:15:58,899 --> 00:16:02,019
And look at Lisa in all of
her curvaceous glory.

224
00:16:02,236 --> 00:16:05,356
It appears my wee-wee has been
stricken with rigor mortis.

225
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:11,421
- Good mornin'.
- Peter, what on earth are you wearing?

226
00:16:11,620 --> 00:16:17,140
It's a dashiki. And don't call me Peter. That's
my slave name. Call me Kichwa Tembo.

227
00:16:17,459 --> 00:16:20,059
Cool! And I'll be Mambuto O'Malley.

228
00:16:20,170 --> 00:16:21,690
- Peter...
- Kichwa!

229
00:16:21,839 --> 00:16:24,359
I'd like to have a word with you.

230
00:16:24,549 --> 00:16:26,149
- Peter, I think...
- Kichwa!

231
00:16:26,343 --> 00:16:28,623
Kichwa, we're both sensible men.

232
00:16:28,845 --> 00:16:31,325
There must be something
I can do to make it right.

233
00:16:31,556 --> 00:16:35,036
Actually there is. I want reparations,
just like Cleveland got.

234
00:16:35,310 --> 00:16:39,310
- What are you talking about?
- I want an apology and Rice Krispie treats.

235
00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,565
I will not give you an apology,

236
00:16:41,775 --> 00:16:45,855
and I assume "Rice Krispie treats" is
black slang for money, so here's $10,000.

237
00:16:46,154 --> 00:16:49,034
I expect you never to mention
this ugly business again.

238
00:16:49,282 --> 00:16:50,562
$10,000?

239
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:53,343
Not enough? Make it 20.
How do you spell "Kichwa"?

240
00:16:53,537 --> 00:16:57,137
Screw the "Kichwa".
Make it out to "Peter", P-E-T-E...

241
00:16:57,416 --> 00:17:01,816
This just in: Slave-owner descendant
Carter Pewterschmidt has paid $20,000,

242
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:05,607
or two million pennies,
in reparations to a local black man.

243
00:17:05,841 --> 00:17:07,761
We now go live to the local black man.

244
00:17:07,926 --> 00:17:12,526
Well, the money helps, but I'll
always feel my ancestor's pain.

245
00:17:12,847 --> 00:17:17,247
Hey, from down there, does it look like
I'm talking into a bunch of robot penises?

246
00:17:19,396 --> 00:17:22,516
Lois, come and see what I did
with the money your dad gave me.

247
00:17:22,733 --> 00:17:27,253
Oh, my God! You turned the den
into Pee-wee's Playhouse?

248
00:17:27,529 --> 00:17:28,849
"Come on, get up

249
00:17:28,988 --> 00:17:31,308
"Knock off your nappin'

250
00:17:31,491 --> 00:17:35,291
"It's a crazy, messed-up place
where anything can happen

251
00:17:35,579 --> 00:17:37,659
"There's a chair that freakin' talks

252
00:17:37,873 --> 00:17:40,273
"There's some fish that give advice
Holy crap!

253
00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:44,779
"It's screwy in Peter's Playhouse

254
00:17:45,046 --> 00:17:49,046
- Peter...
- Watch this. Watch this. Hey, Jambi!

255
00:17:49,217 --> 00:17:53,817
- OK, say it.
- Mekka lekka hi... God, I hate you so much.

256
00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:57,339
That reparation money
should be going to a black charity.

257
00:17:57,559 --> 00:18:01,559
The king of cartoons will be here in five
minutes, and I won't have you embarrass me.

258
00:18:01,855 --> 00:18:04,535
You're acting ridiculous.

259
00:18:04,649 --> 00:18:06,569
You said the secret word!

260
00:18:07,986 --> 00:18:10,386
Uh-oh.

261
00:18:12,365 --> 00:18:16,165
- Hey, you're that black guy I saw on the
news. - Uh, yeah, that's me.

262
00:18:16,452 --> 00:18:20,132
- I need backup. I've got a stolen vehicle here.
- But this is my car.

263
00:18:20,415 --> 00:18:23,295
Suspect's getting belligerent. Officer down.

264
00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:32,092
So it's agreed: We'll keep on pretending to
like pigs' feet just to confound the white man.

265
00:18:32,385 --> 00:18:36,905
Uh, sorry I'm late, you guys.
The white man was makin' me his bitch.

266
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:39,702
What? Oh, sorry. His be-atch.

267
00:18:39,892 --> 00:18:44,012
Peter, we know about your selfish
squandering of your reparation money.

268
00:18:44,272 --> 00:18:48,472
I shared mine. You, however, have
given nothin' back to the community.

269
00:18:48,651 --> 00:18:50,651
But... that's not true.

270
00:18:50,861 --> 00:18:53,341
I've brought you the greatest gift of all.

271
00:18:53,573 --> 00:18:55,653
A child's laughter.

272
00:18:59,412 --> 00:19:02,292
- Peter, I think you should go.
- Yeah, I'm going.

273
00:19:07,211 --> 00:19:09,011
Hi, guys.

274
00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:11,414
Uh, hey, how's it goin'?

275
00:19:11,591 --> 00:19:14,911
No one wants to sit with me.
It's like I'm a freakin' leper.

276
00:19:15,136 --> 00:19:18,336
- Hey, can we sit there?
- No, these are saved.

277
00:19:18,597 --> 00:19:22,477
- Where is Cindi?
- She'd better show up. It's almost half-time.

278
00:19:23,686 --> 00:19:28,806
Cindi, I'd feel worse about this if you didn't
spell your name with that insufferable i.

279
00:19:29,108 --> 00:19:32,908
Oh, and that cockadoodie smiley face
you use to dot it. You sicken me!

280
00:19:33,196 --> 00:19:35,396
I'm not gonna hurt you.

281
00:19:43,706 --> 00:19:46,026
- Agh!
- Hello, Peter.

282
00:19:46,208 --> 00:19:50,808
Nate Griffin. Oh, my God, you're haunting me
because I've been a terrible black man.

283
00:19:51,130 --> 00:19:53,930
You gotta stop puttin'
so much importance on race.

284
00:19:54,133 --> 00:19:55,733
- I didn't.
- You didn't?

285
00:19:55,926 --> 00:20:00,126
No. If I had, would I have slept with
your white great-great-great-great-granny?

286
00:20:00,389 --> 00:20:03,909
- I guess not.
- I wouldn't have slept with her sister, neither.

287
00:20:04,143 --> 00:20:08,743
You see, Peter, the most important thing is
how a man acts. You see what I'm gettin' at?

288
00:20:09,064 --> 00:20:12,544
You think I should do something good
with that reparation money.

289
00:20:12,818 --> 00:20:15,898
- That'd be mighty fine, Peter.
- I guess you're right.

290
00:20:16,030 --> 00:20:20,030
For what it's worth, I'm sorry my wife's
ancestors made you suffer so much.

291
00:20:20,201 --> 00:20:26,121
Don't worry about me. If it makes you feel
better, I peed in their cereal every morning.

292
00:20:26,457 --> 00:20:30,977
- Well, so long, Peter.
- Wait. Before you go, what's heaven like?

293
00:20:31,253 --> 00:20:34,373
Oh, it's fine. There's a shortage of chairs.

294
00:20:35,007 --> 00:20:36,527
Oh.

295
00:20:36,675 --> 00:20:37,675
Yeah.

296
00:20:38,135 --> 00:20:40,135
Take it easy, Peter.

297
00:20:41,263 --> 00:20:44,383
Look, we're just going to
have to go on without her.

298
00:20:54,318 --> 00:20:56,398
- Give me a D!
- D!

299
00:20:56,611 --> 00:21:02,091
That's enough of that. There's a hunting knife
under your seats. On my command... Argh!

300
00:21:03,786 --> 00:21:08,106
Argh! You idiots! I had them!
Cindi was right. We need a lot more work.

301
00:21:09,208 --> 00:21:11,328
Uh, excuse me. Yeah.

302
00:21:11,501 --> 00:21:13,501
Uh, hi. I'm Peter Griffin.

303
00:21:13,712 --> 00:21:18,312
Listen, uh, as many of you may know,
I recently came into some money.

304
00:21:18,592 --> 00:21:20,992
Well, I don't really deserve it.

305
00:21:21,094 --> 00:21:24,814
So I've decided to share it with my brothers!

306
00:21:28,185 --> 00:21:31,585
Uh... Actually, I just meant the black guys.

307
00:21:31,855 --> 00:21:35,255
That was very generous.
Look how happy you've made everyone.

308
00:21:35,483 --> 00:21:39,603
It just goes to show you, Lois,
it doesn't matter if you're black or white.

309
00:21:39,864 --> 00:21:43,584
- The only colour that really matters is green.
- Oh, Peter!

310
00:21:45,077 --> 00:21:47,277
I wonder what happened to Cindi.

311
00:21:51,541 --> 00:21:54,261
"Dear diary. Jackpot. "

