1
00:00:01,019 --> 00:00:04,898
"It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:04,980 --> 00:00:08,234
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:08,316 --> 00:00:11,861
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:11,985 --> 00:00:14,988
"On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:15,113 --> 00:00:18,324
"Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:18,448 --> 00:00:23,120
"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

7
00:00:23,243 --> 00:00:24,911
"Laugh and cry

8
00:00:24,993 --> 00:00:30,124
"He's a family guy

9
00:00:33,041 --> 00:00:35,127
- Here you go, boys.
- Thanks, Horace.

10
00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:40,005
So I told my boss I'm not staying in that
stupid toy factory. I'm gonna go places.

11
00:00:40,130 --> 00:00:41,881
That's cool.

12
00:00:43,965 --> 00:00:46,050
- Here you go, boys.
- Thanks, Horace.

13
00:00:46,175 --> 00:00:51,055
So I told my boss I'm not staying in that
stupid toy factory. I'm gonna go places.

14
00:00:51,178 --> 00:00:52,930
That's fly.

15
00:00:55,014 --> 00:00:57,225
- Here you go, boys.
- Thanks, Horace.

16
00:00:57,307 --> 00:01:02,020
So I told my boss I'm not staying in that
stupid toy factory. I'm gonna go places.

17
00:01:02,103 --> 00:01:05,022
You are livin' la vida loca.

18
00:01:05,147 --> 00:01:08,900
- I better head home.
- What do you mean, "home"? You live here.

19
00:01:10,775 --> 00:01:15,989
Here's to The Drunken Clam, where they
don't ask for proof of age and neither do I.

20
00:01:15,987 --> 00:01:19,198
Quagmire, you forgot to say "Oh".

21
00:01:19,322 --> 00:01:23,910
Are you sure? I-I think I did.
All right, well, just to be safe... Oh!

22
00:01:23,993 --> 00:01:28,289
We interrupt this programme for a bulletin
on the approach of Hurricane Norman.

23
00:01:28,370 --> 00:01:31,415
Here with an update
is Greg the Weather Mime.

24
00:01:31,415 --> 00:01:34,543
OK, it's gonna be cold. Very cold.

25
00:01:34,625 --> 00:01:36,419
And there's gonna be wind.

26
00:01:36,418 --> 00:01:41,840
And people's parents will throw faecal matter
down on them from the rooftops. How awful!

27
00:01:41,921 --> 00:01:45,049
Oh. No. I'm sorry. That's rain.

28
00:01:45,174 --> 00:01:47,676
Yes. It'll rain.

29
00:01:49,552 --> 00:01:53,514
The number one cause of injury
during a hurricane is broken glass.

30
00:01:53,597 --> 00:01:57,142
So stay away from the windows.
And, Peter, put those away.

31
00:01:57,265 --> 00:01:59,559
Aw, come on, Lois. Just one more song.

32
00:02:06,022 --> 00:02:11,444
Mom, I'm afraid if I fall asleep the hurricane's
gonna sneak up and give me a vasectomy.

33
00:02:11,525 --> 00:02:16,864
Chris, nothing bad ever happens when you're
asleep. Sometimes good things can happen.

34
00:02:16,945 --> 00:02:20,199
Oh, Jenny... Jenny...

35
00:02:20,198 --> 00:02:23,117
Oh, yeah. Jenny, don't stop.

36
00:02:23,116 --> 00:02:29,998
Oh, Richard Jeni, your HBO comedy specials
have brought pleasure to millions.

37
00:02:29,996 --> 00:02:32,165
And what a sweet ass.

38
00:02:34,166 --> 00:02:37,294
- This way, everyone.
- Bless you for helping us, Father.

39
00:02:37,293 --> 00:02:40,088
It's God's wish, my dear.

40
00:02:40,212 --> 00:02:42,589
All right.

41
00:02:42,713 --> 00:02:48,427
Hurricane Norman is about to pound Quahog.
We go live to Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa

42
00:02:48,550 --> 00:02:52,096
to see how locals are dealing
with the imminent disaster. Tricia?

43
00:02:52,178 --> 00:02:54,806
Diane, I'm here in...

44
00:02:54,805 --> 00:02:58,141
- Thank you, Tricia. Stay tuned for further...
- Aaargh!

45
00:03:06,271 --> 00:03:09,066
- What a mess.
- Look at that!

46
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:10,857
Wow.

47
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:14,486
- Aaargh! Aaargh! For the love of God...
- Oh, my God! Daddy!

48
00:03:14,610 --> 00:03:16,904
Aaargh! Oh, God! Oh, God!

49
00:03:16,986 --> 00:03:23,451
Gotcha! See, kids? Disasters have their
lighter sides too. You just have to be creative.

50
00:03:23,574 --> 00:03:26,494
Yeah, like my dead-rat marionette theatre.

51
00:03:26,493 --> 00:03:31,081
"I'm so stressed. Life sure is a human race. "

52
00:03:35,125 --> 00:03:36,376
That's brilliant.

53
00:03:37,126 --> 00:03:40,754
Oh, my. Look at all the damage.

54
00:03:40,878 --> 00:03:45,258
Thank God
the Open Air Debris Garden is still intact.

55
00:03:45,339 --> 00:03:48,050
Peter, look. The Clam.

56
00:03:48,174 --> 00:03:50,260
Aaagh!

57
00:03:50,885 --> 00:03:53,680
- This is horrible.
- You think this is horrible?

58
00:03:53,804 --> 00:03:56,807
Try losin' a testicle
in a knife fight with your mother.

59
00:03:56,931 --> 00:03:59,434
- What about your bar?
- It's not mine any more.

60
00:03:59,516 --> 00:04:02,644
I sold the place. Let someone else
worry about hurricanes.

61
00:04:02,768 --> 00:04:06,522
- Who'd buy a wrecked bar?
- The bar's not wrecked.

62
00:04:08,188 --> 00:04:11,608
Thank you, God.

63
00:04:11,733 --> 00:04:14,027
Don't mention it.

64
00:04:18,195 --> 00:04:19,947
Wait. Something's different.

65
00:04:26,117 --> 00:04:29,037
Evening, gents.
How about a nice warm lager?

66
00:04:29,037 --> 00:04:32,790
- Help yourself to a packet of crisps.
- Or a ruddy nice plum pudding.

67
00:04:32,788 --> 00:04:35,916
Holy crap! It's a gay bar!

68
00:04:39,752 --> 00:04:42,588
They turned The Drunken Clam
into a British pub?

69
00:04:42,587 --> 00:04:45,173
Well, at least they still got sports on TV.

70
00:04:45,297 --> 00:04:51,136
The new bowler has a cover point, long-on,
square leg, extra cover and two short legs.

71
00:04:51,218 --> 00:04:53,429
What the hell is he talkin' about?

72
00:04:53,511 --> 00:04:56,014
It's cricket. Marvellous game, really.

73
00:04:56,138 --> 00:05:00,934
You see, the bowler hurls the ball towards the
batsman, who tries to play away to fine leg.

74
00:05:00,932 --> 00:05:03,643
He scores by dashing between the creases,

75
00:05:03,727 --> 00:05:07,397
provided the wicketkeeper
hasn't whipped his bails off.

76
00:05:07,479 --> 00:05:10,315
- Anybody get that?
- The only British idiom I know

77
00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:13,025
is that "fag" means "cigarette".

78
00:05:13,108 --> 00:05:18,238
- Well, someone tell this cigarette to shut up.
- Guys, there's no girlie magazines in the can!

79
00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:20,822
All they got is this David Copperfield.

80
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:23,866
Wait. Any pictures of his girlfriend?

81
00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:25,950
No pictures at all!

82
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:31,039
- I think we should go.
- Yes. This is a dark and evil place.

83
00:05:33,455 --> 00:05:37,292
I say, Carruthers,
you know what's very, very funny?

84
00:05:37,416 --> 00:05:39,585
A man dressed in women's clothing.

85
00:05:39,709 --> 00:05:42,212
- Yes, quite. Ripping good laugh.
- Yes.

86
00:05:44,171 --> 00:05:49,510
Lois, The Drunken Clam's been taken over
by lousy limey tea-suckin' British bastards!

87
00:05:49,591 --> 00:05:52,719
- Peter!
- Hello. Nigel Pinchley here.

88
00:05:52,843 --> 00:05:59,725
I was introducing myself to your wife, who
I must say is a gorgeous bit of crumpet.

89
00:05:59,723 --> 00:06:02,434
- Holy crap. You're one of them!
- Peter.

90
00:06:02,517 --> 00:06:05,436
Nigel and his daughter
are our new neighbours.

91
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:09,314
I'm afraid I'm the limey bastard
who's purchased your bar.

92
00:06:09,313 --> 00:06:12,233
- Bit of an awkward moment, really.
- Awkward moment?

93
00:06:12,315 --> 00:06:16,611
I'll give you an awkward moment.
One time during sex, I called Lois "Frank".

94
00:06:16,694 --> 00:06:21,407
- Your move, Sherlock.
- Peter! Excuse us.

95
00:06:21,488 --> 00:06:26,076
Why are you acting like this?
Nigel's charming. All British men are.

96
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,995
That's what they said
about Benjamin Disraeli.

97
00:06:29,827 --> 00:06:33,372
You don't even know who I am.

98
00:06:33,496 --> 00:06:38,501
The British are a lovely people.
Not physically, of course, but inside.

99
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:41,211
And Nigel has a very sweet little daughter.

100
00:06:42,752 --> 00:06:45,380
Aw! Look at the little baby!

101
00:06:45,463 --> 00:06:50,385
- What the devil is that ghastly noise?
- It's me. Eliza Pinchley.

102
00:06:50,383 --> 00:06:52,677
You wanna flower, little baby?

103
00:06:52,759 --> 00:06:56,096
Excuse me, what I think
you mean to say is, would I like a flower?

104
00:06:56,220 --> 00:06:59,432
You don't so much speak the language
as chew it and spit it out.

105
00:06:59,556 --> 00:07:02,767
Go on. What's wrong with the way I talk?

106
00:07:03,309 --> 00:07:09,148
Everything. Here's a shiny sixpence
if you keep your mouth shut and go away.

107
00:07:10,814 --> 00:07:12,357
Oh...

108
00:07:12,481 --> 00:07:14,567
I know The Drunken Clam was your bar,

109
00:07:14,649 --> 00:07:18,194
but you and your friends can find
somewhere else to act like idiots.

110
00:07:18,319 --> 00:07:21,238
I guess you're right.
You know why I married you, Lois?

111
00:07:21,321 --> 00:07:26,034
It's not just the rack or the caboose.
It's that big sexy brain of yours.

112
00:07:31,661 --> 00:07:36,958
- All right. This place isn't bad.
- Yeah. Good music, real sports on the tube.

113
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,835
I've never seen so many chicks in one place.

114
00:07:40,917 --> 00:07:45,839
Hey, check out those two hotties. They're so
lonely, they're practisin' kissin' each other.

115
00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,423
I don't think they're practisin'.

116
00:07:48,548 --> 00:07:51,343
Oh.

117
00:07:51,467 --> 00:07:53,427
Oh!

118
00:07:53,551 --> 00:07:55,637
Ohhh.

119
00:08:01,140 --> 00:08:03,768
So, you ladies ever been penetrated?

120
00:08:04,893 --> 00:08:07,103
- Yep.
- Yep.

121
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:09,271
- Yup.
- Mm-hm.

122
00:08:12,105 --> 00:08:15,233
Hope the loo is working.

123
00:08:15,232 --> 00:08:19,278
Nice choice for a hang-out, Peter.
There's not even anywhere to sit down.

124
00:08:19,402 --> 00:08:22,739
- Is that some kind of crack?
- Crack? You sayin' I got a fat ass?

125
00:08:22,821 --> 00:08:28,452
Fellas, fellas. What's become of us?
We never squabbled before we lost The Clam.

126
00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:31,703
- Right. It's those lousy fog-breathers.
- Damn British.

127
00:08:31,702 --> 00:08:37,208
They took our bar, then our friendship. What's
next? Apple pie, fast cars and action films?

128
00:08:45,879 --> 00:08:50,258
It vas a glorious summer
in Oxford ven I met Freddy Cavendish.

129
00:08:50,340 --> 00:08:54,719
A most remarkable young man whose
friendship vould change my life forever.

130
00:08:54,843 --> 00:08:59,014
You are the anchor
that gives my spirit licence to soar.

131
00:08:59,096 --> 00:09:02,015
Our forefathers wouldn't
take it on the chin like this.

132
00:09:02,139 --> 00:09:07,853
Right. I say we fight the British and drive 'em
back to whatever country they came from.

133
00:09:07,978 --> 00:09:11,731
- Yeah! Yeah!
- We gonna get 'em.

134
00:09:12,021 --> 00:09:16,317
Stewie, look. It's an invitation
to little Eliza's birthday party.

135
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:19,444
You mean that horrid girl
who talks like a scullery maid?

136
00:09:19,527 --> 00:09:23,906
I didn't realise she'd been born. I assumed
she'd congealed in a gutter somewhere.

137
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:26,408
Ooh, I'm gonna RSVP right now.

138
00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:32,663
Splendid. An entire afternoon of her "er"s
and "ah"s and "'alf a pound of ha'penny rice".

139
00:09:32,786 --> 00:09:35,998
Why can't the English
teach their children how to speak?

140
00:09:36,122 --> 00:09:37,999
You teach her. If you're up to it.

141
00:09:38,081 --> 00:09:42,794
Oh, yes. This is the part where I'm
supposed to say "I am so up to it. Ha ha ha. "

142
00:09:42,876 --> 00:09:45,170
Well, I am. I accept your challenge.

143
00:09:45,295 --> 00:09:50,717
At her party I shall pass that guttersnipe off
as a lady. What are the stakes of this wager?

144
00:09:50,798 --> 00:09:53,634
- Why don't you shut up for about a week?
- And if I win?

145
00:09:53,717 --> 00:09:57,178
I wasn't betting. Why don't you
just shut up for about a week?

146
00:09:57,177 --> 00:09:58,220
You're on!

147
00:10:02,056 --> 00:10:04,559
Minutemen, present arms.

148
00:10:04,683 --> 00:10:08,520
- Load weapons.
- Boom chaka-laka-laka boom chaka-laka.

149
00:10:08,644 --> 00:10:09,687
Fire!

150
00:10:09,769 --> 00:10:12,063
- Oh, I say!
- Throw the blackguards out.

151
00:10:12,187 --> 00:10:16,567
- I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave.
- Don't tread on me.

152
00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:20,403
Yeah, back off. We kicked your ass
in World War II and we can do it again.

153
00:10:20,527 --> 00:10:23,238
Very well, then. If you refuse to go peaceably,

154
00:10:23,321 --> 00:10:27,700
we'll have to use our superior
linguistic skills to convince you to leave.

155
00:10:27,823 --> 00:10:29,074
Just try it.

156
00:10:29,074 --> 00:10:31,577
- Bye.
- Sorry to bother you.

157
00:10:31,659 --> 00:10:35,747
I never saw it that way before...
Wait a minute. How the hell did they do that?

158
00:10:35,829 --> 00:10:40,751
We're not gonna let this stop us.
I've never been defeated. Except once.

159
00:10:57,636 --> 00:10:58,887
- Eric?
- Peter?

160
00:10:58,970 --> 00:11:04,184
Oh, my God. I haven't seen you since
high school. What are you doin' these days?

161
00:11:04,307 --> 00:11:05,975
- I'm the red guy.
- Oh, my God.

162
00:11:06,058 --> 00:11:08,060
- What about you?
- I'm the green guy.

163
00:11:08,143 --> 00:11:10,562
- No kiddin'?
- Yeah.

164
00:11:10,645 --> 00:11:12,939
- Hey, is that Stacy Beacham?
- Where?

165
00:11:17,524 --> 00:11:22,029
Now, don't worry, these guys are trained
to stay perfectly still. Check it out.

166
00:11:22,110 --> 00:11:26,198
Hey, Margaret Tha... What the hell...?
I thought you English guys never move.

167
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:28,699
No, that's just our women.

168
00:11:31,617 --> 00:11:37,248
Bloody hell! My lunch was in that hat!
Egg and chips with jam butties.

169
00:11:38,372 --> 00:11:43,293
- Welcome to the Quahog beer party.
- I do feel a little guilty about pollutin'.

170
00:11:43,376 --> 00:11:47,755
- I felt Guilty once, but she woke up.
- Peter, what are you doin'?

171
00:11:47,878 --> 00:11:52,132
It may taste like a warm cup of
tobacco-chewer's spit, but it's still beer.

172
00:11:52,257 --> 00:11:55,176
Good point. Bottoms up!

173
00:11:55,259 --> 00:11:57,761
Ha! Take that, you lousy Brits!

174
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:07,977
Peter! We waited up all night.
Where were you?

175
00:12:08,101 --> 00:12:10,687
Wh-where was I? Where were you?

176
00:12:10,811 --> 00:12:14,356
- Out drinkin'. But I was back by two.
- Oh, no.

177
00:12:14,438 --> 00:12:17,692
Our top story: The Clam's Head Pub
has burned to the ground.

178
00:12:17,774 --> 00:12:19,985
Our own Tricia Takanawa is on the scene.

179
00:12:20,067 --> 00:12:26,740
Is Quahog in the grip of a serial arsonist?
Police say no, but our producer says yes.

180
00:12:26,864 --> 00:12:30,826
Here's an artist's depiction
of what the arsonist might look like.

181
00:12:30,908 --> 00:12:36,455
Anyone with information regarding this
suspect should contact police immediately.

182
00:12:36,537 --> 00:12:40,499
One thing is certain: The pain here is palpable.

183
00:12:40,623 --> 00:12:43,960
For many, this charred portrait of Elizabeth II

184
00:12:44,042 --> 00:12:49,673
gives poignant new meaning to the phrase
"Hey, check out that flaming queen. "

185
00:12:49,796 --> 00:12:52,591
In a late development
the police have a new suspect.

186
00:12:52,715 --> 00:12:57,177
We now go live to Hispanic
reporter Maria J... Ji... Jim...

187
00:12:57,301 --> 00:12:59,052
- Jimenez.
- I know what it is.

188
00:12:59,177 --> 00:13:02,306
At this moment we're
approaching the suspect's house.

189
00:13:02,305 --> 00:13:05,933
This is better than COPS. You know
there's a fat drunk guy in there.

190
00:13:06,557 --> 00:13:08,350
- Hold it!
- Freeze!

191
00:13:08,434 --> 00:13:10,936
- There he is.
- Griffin, you're comin' with us.

192
00:13:11,060 --> 00:13:13,438
I wanna see what they do with this jackass.

193
00:13:13,562 --> 00:13:16,064
- Hands up!
- Oh, Peter, you didn't!

194
00:13:16,147 --> 00:13:19,066
- Hey, fatty's wife is a babe.
- That's it.

195
00:13:19,191 --> 00:13:24,821
It appears the real arsonist is in custody,
thanks to an anonymous tip to the authorities.

196
00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:26,989
Good. Good.

197
00:13:27,113 --> 00:13:31,701
Ah, the fat guy's struggling. Hit him,
you stupid pigs! Hit him. Use the billy...

198
00:13:36,912 --> 00:13:40,457
This Minutemen flag was found
in the wreckage of The Clam's Head.

199
00:13:40,456 --> 00:13:44,418
You are clearly guilty of arson,
so you are free to go.

200
00:13:44,499 --> 00:13:48,253
Straight to jail. Ha!
Now you got burned! No bail.

201
00:13:49,837 --> 00:13:53,591
- Peter, tell me you didn't do this.
- Lois, I didn't do it.

202
00:13:53,673 --> 00:13:57,135
You can trust me, right?
Let's sit down and talk about this.

203
00:13:57,217 --> 00:14:01,095
- I wanna believe you but... agh!
- Gotcha!

204
00:14:01,178 --> 00:14:03,597
But seriously, you can trust me.

205
00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:07,850
Oh, Lois, I'm so sorry
this terrible tragedy has befallen you.

206
00:14:07,974 --> 00:14:10,352
Thank you, Nigel. You're very kind.

207
00:14:10,476 --> 00:14:12,436
- Can I touch your bum once?
- What?

208
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:16,398
I expect to see you at Eliza's birthday bash.
I won't take no for an answer.

209
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:20,484
Unless the question is "Do you not like me?"

210
00:14:20,566 --> 00:14:23,819
Get it? Double negative, you know.
Yes, very good.

211
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,366
Hey hey hey, check out the new meat.

212
00:14:30,490 --> 00:14:33,701
- I like the fat one. More cushion for pushin'.
- Thank you.

213
00:14:33,826 --> 00:14:37,996
- Hey, we gonna have a good time together.
- Gosh, everybody's so nice here.

214
00:14:38,079 --> 00:14:42,458
I mean, they're gonna be disappointed
when they find out I'm not gay, but wow.

215
00:14:42,998 --> 00:14:49,129
Oh, my God. See that guy? That's the most
vicious killer I ever put away, Steve Bellows.

216
00:14:49,253 --> 00:14:53,215
- He's so mean, he shot a man for snoring.
- Where have I heard that before?

217
00:14:53,297 --> 00:14:57,468
It's in this simulated-leather edition
of Time-Life's Killers of Quahog.

218
00:14:57,591 --> 00:15:02,805
They're all here. John the Biter, the Berserk
Hobo, the Golden Autumn Day Strangler...

219
00:15:02,887 --> 00:15:05,723
Maybe Steve won't remember you.

220
00:15:11,768 --> 00:15:17,691
Well, well. Officer Swanson. You and
your friends are dead. You're all dead!

221
00:15:17,814 --> 00:15:19,691
Oh, good.

222
00:15:19,773 --> 00:15:22,609
He thinks we're zombies. He'll leave us alone.

223
00:15:22,609 --> 00:15:27,906
No, no, no! If you're ever going to
be a lady, you must speak like one.

224
00:15:28,029 --> 00:15:32,826
Now try it again. "The life
of the wife is ended by the knife. "

225
00:15:32,907 --> 00:15:35,326
The loif of the woif...

226
00:15:35,410 --> 00:15:37,912
No, no, no. Not "loif". Life! Life!

227
00:15:38,036 --> 00:15:41,665
- That's what I said. Loif.
- Listen, you tin-eared piece of baggage.

228
00:15:41,789 --> 00:15:46,043
We've got five days left, and I'll not
lose my wager. Now repeat after me.

229
00:15:46,167 --> 00:15:50,129
"Hello, Mother,
have you hidden my hatchet?"

230
00:15:50,211 --> 00:15:53,882
'Ello, Mother, 'ave you 'idden my 'atchet?

231
00:15:53,881 --> 00:15:58,760
Oh, God, no. It's an H sound,
you moron. H! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

232
00:15:58,884 --> 00:16:02,512
- Ew. Your breath smells like kitty litter.
- I was curious!

233
00:16:04,179 --> 00:16:09,726
- Our husbands couldn't have done this.
- Cleveland can't even light the damn hibachi.

234
00:16:09,808 --> 00:16:12,311
Excuse me. Where can I find Nigel Pinchley?

235
00:16:12,435 --> 00:16:15,146
I'm from Quahog Insurance.
I have a cheque for him.

236
00:16:15,228 --> 00:16:20,150
- Five million dollars?!
- He took out a policy just before the fire.

237
00:16:20,231 --> 00:16:22,859
Doesn't that strike you as a little suspicious?

238
00:16:22,942 --> 00:16:27,113
No, not really. In fact,
it seems to happen all the time.

239
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:36,620
- Oh, no. Here comes Steve!
- I haven't forgot about you boys.

240
00:16:36,701 --> 00:16:40,872
Saturday night at midnight.
You're dead. All of you are dead.

241
00:16:40,996 --> 00:16:44,958
Midnight on Saturday? Thank God!
We can still be in the talent show.

242
00:16:45,041 --> 00:16:47,960
From the top, boys. A-five, six, seven, eight.

243
00:16:54,005 --> 00:16:59,427
Once again, here is how it should sound.
"How do you do?" Here's how you sound.

244
00:16:59,550 --> 00:17:02,470
Now try it again.

245
00:17:02,552 --> 00:17:06,640
- How do you do?
- What did you say?

246
00:17:06,639 --> 00:17:10,810
"The life of the wife is ended by the knife. "

247
00:17:11,225 --> 00:17:14,561
I think she's got it. I think she's got it!

248
00:17:14,644 --> 00:17:19,232
"The life of the wife is ended by the knife

249
00:17:19,356 --> 00:17:22,150
By George, she's got it!
By George, she's got it!

250
00:17:22,274 --> 00:17:25,486
Now, what ends her wretched life?

251
00:17:25,610 --> 00:17:29,364
"The knife, the knife

252
00:17:29,446 --> 00:17:31,865
And where's that bloody knife?

253
00:17:31,948 --> 00:17:35,618
"In the wife, in the wife

254
00:17:35,617 --> 00:17:40,497
" The life of the wife
is ended by the knife

255
00:17:40,620 --> 00:17:42,080
Bravo, Eliza!

256
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:47,710
"The life of the wife is ended by the knife

257
00:17:52,586 --> 00:17:55,214
Hello. So nice to see you.

258
00:17:55,213 --> 00:18:00,844
There he is. We need to search the house for
evidence, but one of us has to distract Nigel.

259
00:18:02,093 --> 00:18:04,595
Oh, no, no, no. I couldn't.

260
00:18:04,678 --> 00:18:08,765
What about Loretta? Nigel looks
like he's down with the swirl.

261
00:18:08,764 --> 00:18:15,312
There you are, Lois. Shall I give you the grand
tour and show you my... private quarters?

262
00:18:15,436 --> 00:18:19,189
- I'd love to.
- I must say, you look absolutely...

263
00:18:19,272 --> 00:18:21,983
mmm... mmm... mm-mm-mm.

264
00:18:22,524 --> 00:18:24,401
Don't be shy, lambie lamb.

265
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:29,613
This is my study, where I... study
things that arouse my interest.

266
00:18:30,654 --> 00:18:33,574
Oh, good. The girls are in place.

267
00:18:33,656 --> 00:18:38,035
Oh, Nigel. Since Peter's been gone,
I've been searching for someone new.

268
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:43,248
You know? Someone with
a sense of danger and adventure.

269
00:18:43,371 --> 00:18:49,002
- I once played cricket without shin guards.
- Oh, I love a reckless man.

270
00:18:49,083 --> 00:18:53,671
One time I went up to this bloke's flat,
rang the bell and ran like Sebastian Coe.

271
00:18:53,795 --> 00:18:57,215
More! Tell me more!

272
00:18:57,339 --> 00:19:00,885
I burned down my pub for the insurance
money and framed your husband.

273
00:19:00,967 --> 00:19:04,637
I knew it! And what's more,
I have witnesses. Bonnie.

274
00:19:06,512 --> 00:19:07,555
Loretta?

275
00:19:07,638 --> 00:19:11,100
Demond Wilson from Sanford
and Son? What are you doing here?

276
00:19:11,099 --> 00:19:13,810
I know. I'm surprised I'm alive too.

277
00:19:13,893 --> 00:19:16,187
Sorry, love. Better luck next time.

278
00:19:16,311 --> 00:19:18,605
Mr Pinchley, I heard everything.

279
00:19:18,687 --> 00:19:23,275
And what you've done is a textbook
example of insurance... fra-ud?

280
00:19:23,399 --> 00:19:25,068
Bloody hell.

281
00:19:25,067 --> 00:19:28,403
- Why the devil were you in the closet?
- I came with Demond.

282
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:32,782
Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Eliza Pinchley.

283
00:19:33,198 --> 00:19:38,078
Psst. You. Dogbert. Down here.
Get a front-row seat for this one.

284
00:19:46,748 --> 00:19:49,667
How kind of you all to come.

285
00:19:49,666 --> 00:19:51,210
Magnificent!

286
00:19:51,335 --> 00:19:56,423
Old sport, why don't you pull your face from
your loins and bury it into some humble pie?

287
00:19:58,090 --> 00:20:01,218
Bloody 'ell!
I've gone and wet meself.

288
00:20:02,175 --> 00:20:06,554
Don't give me that smug look. Fine!
You have extra-sensitive hearing: Hear this.

289
00:20:08,097 --> 00:20:11,016
- I'm telling.
- I... No! I said "vacuum"!

290
00:20:15,726 --> 00:20:20,940
- Hurry, Peter. Steve'll be here in five minutes.
- Oh, crap. We're dead.

291
00:20:22,815 --> 00:20:24,483
This is the end, boys.

292
00:20:24,565 --> 00:20:27,693
Looks like our next stop
is a corner booth in a bar in heaven.

293
00:20:27,818 --> 00:20:30,946
Peter, Nigel confessed. You're free!

294
00:20:30,945 --> 00:20:34,907
You hear that, guys? We're free!

295
00:20:37,908 --> 00:20:41,036
Get ready to die! Oh.

296
00:20:43,246 --> 00:20:45,623
I wonder what this feels like.

297
00:20:45,747 --> 00:20:48,125
Ow! That hurts!

298
00:20:48,249 --> 00:20:52,503
My God, is that what I've been
doin' to people? I belong here.

299
00:20:55,963 --> 00:20:59,091
Horace, I never thought
I'd see you or The Clam again.

300
00:20:59,172 --> 00:21:00,757
Florida stunk.

301
00:21:00,841 --> 00:21:05,137
Alligator mounted me when I wasn't lookin'.
Laid eggs in my lower intestine.

302
00:21:05,219 --> 00:21:08,556
But you're all thirsty.
I'll bore you another time.

303
00:21:08,679 --> 00:21:13,559
Here's to our wives. They may not be
as hot as the women you see on TV.

304
00:21:13,683 --> 00:21:16,185
Or as entertaining.

305
00:21:16,268 --> 00:21:18,770
But, um...

306
00:21:18,894 --> 00:21:21,814
I don't know where I'm goin'
with this. But thanks.

307
00:21:21,896 --> 00:21:27,110
I guess that lousy Nigel learned his lesson.
Whatever he gets is too good for him.

308
00:21:34,530 --> 00:21:37,950
Dear Stewie, I want you to know
that I blame my father's death

309
00:21:38,074 --> 00:21:42,245
and my incarceration in this hellhole
entirely on your awful mother.

310
00:21:42,327 --> 00:21:47,875
If it takes the rest of my life, I shall see that
she suffers a slow and painful death. Eliza.

311
00:21:47,956 --> 00:21:51,418
Excellent. Here, have a look.

312
00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:54,336
Good. Good.

