1
00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:05,440
"It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:08,840
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:12,440
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:14,520
"On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:18,320
"Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:23,240
"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

7
00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:24,720
"Laugh and cry

8
00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:30,040
"He's a family guy

9
00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:41,320
That's funny. I don't remember
buying Stewie these toys.

10
00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:48,320
My God. It all makes sense now.

11
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:53,040
My baby is some kind of diabolical genius
bent on world domination!

12
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:59,320
Bravo, Lois. The last horse
finally crosses the finish line.

13
00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:03,440
All these months I should've been paying
attention to what you've been saying.

14
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,120
You're an evil child.

15
00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:08,720
Why? Why did I have to go and smoke pot
when I was pregnant with you?

16
00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:13,440
Cheer up. Be proud. You've given birth
to the future emperor of the world.

17
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:16,840
Pity you won't be around
to enjoy it. Cheerio.

18
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,120
Aaagh!

19
00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,120
- Lois! Lois!
- Huh? Hm?

20
00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:24,320
- What's the matter?
- I just had the strangest dream.

21
00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:28,840
Something about Stewie
and Cheerios... It's gone.

22
00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,440
Come on, get up.
It's opening day for the Sox.

23
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,840
Hey, Chris, Meg! We're going to Fenway!

24
00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:36,840
You can't pull the kids out of school
for a baseball game.

25
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:40,040
Nothing they learn in school
they can't learn on the street.

26
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,240
- It's 3 o'clock. Where the hell is Louie?
- You tell me.

27
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:47,120
Louie left his house at 2.15
and has to travel a distance of 6.2 miles

28
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,640
at a rate of five miles per hour.
What time will Louie arrive?

29
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:54,040
- Depends if he stops to see his ho.
- That's called a variable.

30
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,440
- Look what I made for the game.
- What's that mean anyway?

31
00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:02,120
- "And the Lord said 'Go, Sox. "'
- Dad, don't you have to work today?

32
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:05,920
It's nothing a little phone call
can't take care of.

33
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:10,040
- Hello?
- Mr Weed? I can't come to work today.

34
00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:15,040
I was in a terrible plane crash. My entire
family was killed and I am a vegetable.

35
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,520
I'll see you tomorrow.
Huh? Huh?

36
00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:20,840
Please, Peter. Your excuses
are lamer than FDR's legs.

37
00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:23,440
Too soon?

38
00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:31,320
- Here it comes, Jeremy!
- I got it! I got it!

39
00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:36,240
Yes! Yeah! Whoo! All right!
I'm the man! Yeah!

40
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:40,720
Hold on to this. It'll be a souvenir of your
first Major League game with your Dad.

41
00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:43,520
My God! I shall cherish this for ever.

42
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:46,440
I'll trade you this baseball
for your souvenir bat.

43
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:49,240
- Sure.
- What did you learn?

44
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:53,240
We haven't done anything together like this
since we saw Mike Tyson get beat.

45
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:57,320
All right, Mike.
The word again is "onomatopoeia".

46
00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:00,920
- Uh, C.
- I'm sorry. That's incorrect.

47
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:02,120
Oh, dang.

48
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:05,720
I'm so glad you talked us all
into playing hooky.

49
00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:09,640
Me, too. Maybe we can get on TV if we take
our shirts off and run onto the field.

50
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:13,040
- I'm not taking my shirt off.
- There. Now they're old news.

51
00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:15,840
- Peter!
- Go, Sox! Go...

52
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:17,720
Aaargh!

53
00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:23,520
Hm.

54
00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:30,640
- Peter?
- Oh... Hi, Mr Weed.

55
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:34,440
- It seems you've made a full recovery.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.

56
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:37,640
That plane crash I told you about,
it turned out to be gas.

57
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:41,120
Aha! Liar. Tomorrow, my office, 9.30.

58
00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,840
I'm tired of Mr Weed treating me
like a common doormat.

59
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:49,040
I want him to treat me like a deluxe one
from Pottery Barn with the fancy straw.

60
00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:51,120
I don't care for Pottery Barn.

61
00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:54,720
If you want Mr Weed to respect you,
you're gonna have to earn it.

62
00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:57,920
Earn it...

63
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:04,040
- Why have you forsaken me?
- Mr Weed?

64
00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:08,120
I heard you ran into my identical twin
brother at the ball game yesterday.

65
00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,840
If you don't buy that,
sorry I was at the ball game.

66
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:13,520
Peter, I just received terrible news.

67
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:16,520
This company has been taken over
by a conglomerate.

68
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:20,120
After 23 years of faithful service,
I've been terminated!

69
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,720
Wow. The business world sure is funny.

70
00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:28,240
What do you call it when a guy in middle
management moves to upper management?

71
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:31,320
- I don't know. What do you call it?
- A promotion.

72
00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:35,120
Oh, thanks. Here's a memo.

73
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,040
Sometimes the business world's funny.

74
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:48,040
And so on behalf of
the El Dorado Cigarette Company,

75
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:51,120
I'd like to welcome you to our family.

76
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:55,640
I think you'll be very happy
with the changes we've made.

77
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:59,120
This is sweet! Why are you
putting a window in the factory?

78
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,520
So Aunt Bee has a place
to let her pies cool.

79
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:06,040
Hello, boys. Today's pie is cherry.
It'll be ready just in time for lunch.

80
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:09,520
Wow. These guys sure know
how to run a company.

81
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:11,840
Look how happy those morons are.

82
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,320
They'll never realise we're using toys
to get children addicted

83
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,520
to our company's cigarettes.

84
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,520
Good boy, Connor.

85
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:25,840
Pull.

86
00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:38,920
Can't we eat? I'm so hungry,
I could ride a horse.

87
00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:42,720
I don't get it.
I could ride it to the store, I guess.

88
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:47,640
I told you we're not starting without your
father. Dinner just isn't dinner without him.

89
00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:52,640
Perhaps I could help simulate the
experience. Yum, yum, yum...

90
00:05:55,040 --> 00:06:00,040
Hey, family, anyone in the mood for lobster?
Ow! Oh, God! One of them has my pupil!

91
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,440
Agh, agh, agh!

92
00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:03,240
Oh, God! Agh! Agh!

93
00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:04,720
Ah.

94
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:07,120
How can you afford lobster on your salary?

95
00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,520
- I got a raise.
- What?!

96
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,640
The new owners gave everyone raises.

97
00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,640
Even Kenneth, the badass mail clerk
with the heart of gold.

98
00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:19,120
- Hi, Kenneth. Did I get any mail?
- No! If you come any closer, I'll slice ya!

99
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,720
OK, OK. Man, what a badass.

100
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:25,120
Yeah? That "badass" just gave
half his pay cheque to orphans.

101
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,240
Orphans with diseases.

102
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,920
And check out the new toys we're making.

103
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:36,640
Baby Smokes-A-Lot?

104
00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:40,320
Tastes like happy.

105
00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:42,440
Cool! That's imitatable.

106
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:46,520
What the hell? "El Dorado Cigarettes"?
That's who bought your company?

107
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,240
Oh, my God!
They're trying to corrupt our children!

108
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,920
Those bastards turned a whole generation
of Americans into smokers

109
00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:55,040
with subliminal advertising.

110
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:58,120
- Timmy, where's Lassie?
- She's out in the orchard, Ma.

111
00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,840
Peaches are coming
in mighty early this year.

112
00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:01,720
Smoke.

113
00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:05,120
You know what they say:
"Early peaches, long summer".

114
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:06,040
Smoke.

115
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:08,720
What's that, Lassie?

116
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:10,040
Are ya smoking yet?

117
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:13,640
If kids see this doll,
they're gonna think smoking's OK.

118
00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:16,520
You have to talk to these
new bosses in the morning.

119
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:20,240
Don't worry, Lois. I'll set 'em straight.
Just like I did with Chris.

120
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:25,520
- Dad, what's the blowhole for?
- I'll tell you what it's not for, son.

121
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:29,640
And when I do, you'll understand
why I can never go back to SeaWorld.

122
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:36,440
We need to talk. My wife says
you're trying to get kids to smoke.

123
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,240
- That's just not true.
- What about this toy?

124
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:41,320
It's just a doll with a cigarette.

125
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:46,440
Barbie has a Dream Car, but you don't see
eight-year-old kids driving. They're fun toys.

126
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,520
- Smoke.
- Not now, Jerry.

127
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:52,440
Trust me. The last thing we want
is to get kids to start smoking.

128
00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,920
What about that graph on the wall that says

129
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,840
"The first thing we want
is to get kids to start smoking. "

130
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,720
That's just something
my son made me in art class.

131
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:03,440
Huh. Then what about that poster that says

132
00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:07,440
"The graph was not made in art class.
We really do want kids to start smoking. "

133
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,240
We're a caring company.

134
00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:14,240
I mean, would you really be the president
of a company that didn't care about kids?

135
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:18,920
- No. But I'm not the president.
- Yes, you are... if you want to be.

136
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,120
Ah.

137
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:23,520
Oh, wow. Imagine me, president.

138
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:31,840
I'll do it!

139
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,240
- How did it go?
- I'm not finished yet.

140
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:46,240
- Aren't you gonna ask me how it went?
- Did you talk to the executives?

141
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,640
Peter, answer me!

142
00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:51,640
- I did. They made me president.
- Of the whole company?

143
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:53,120
All right, Dad!

144
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:57,240
You shoulda seen the way they treated me.
I've never gotten that respect before.

145
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,040
- Great work-out, Bobby.
- Up yours, sack-breath!

146
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,840
That's Mr Griffin.

147
00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:05,240
Peter, why would they make you president?

148
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:10,240
Maybe it's because I can recite all
50 states in a quarter of a second.

149
00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:14,840
- That was just a loud yelping noise.
- Jeez, Lois. I thought you'd be proud of me.

150
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,920
The company finally thinks
I'm worth something.

151
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:20,120
Wait till you see all the perks we get.

152
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,040
Um... hi. Can I help you?

153
00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:29,920
Some company hired me to stand next
to you all day, so you'd look better.

154
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,720
- That's ridiculous.
- Meg? Did you get less ugly?

155
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:33,840
Yeah!

156
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:39,440
- Surprise!
- Everything looks the same.

157
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:40,720
It looks the same.

158
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:45,520
But El Dorado Cigarettes coated the inside
of the house with a microfilm of Teflon,

159
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:46,640
so it's easy to clean.

160
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:47,920
Oh.

161
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,320
Maybe I shouldn't have had 'em do the floors.

162
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,120
I'm Nudes on Ice!

163
00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:58,440
This is so exciting.
Your father's first day as president.

164
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:00,320
Good morning, First Family.

165
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,720
- Lois, what's in this coffee?
- Isn't it wonderful?

166
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,840
They sent Martha Stewart
to help me with the housework.

167
00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:12,440
I take back all the bad things I said
about them. The coffee is delicious, Martha.

168
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:17,520
A little chicory perks up the taste
of roasted coffee beans. It's a good thing.

169
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:23,440
I think it's a crappy thing!
In fact, this is my last cigarette ever.

170
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:27,720
You make me sick being bought off
with a few lousy perks.

171
00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:30,320
Oh, I beg to differ.

172
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:38,240
Oh, you don't need to park here, Mr Griffin.
You have an executive parking space now.

173
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,240
That looks exactly like my old space.

174
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:42,920
This one comes
with your own company suck-up.

175
00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:45,240
- Morning. Nice day.
- It's a little cloudy.

176
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:48,440
Absolutely. One of the worst days
I've seen in years.

177
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,640
- Good news about the Yankees.
- I hate them.

178
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,320
Pack of cheaters, they are. I love your tie.

179
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:56,640
- I hate this tie.
- It's awful, it's gaudy, it's gotta go.

180
00:10:56,640 --> 00:11:00,640
- And I hate myself.
- You make me sick, you fat sack of crap.

181
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,840
- I'm the president
- The best there is.

182
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:06,520
- But you just said you hated me.
- But... not you the president.

183
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:11,920
The you who said you hated you.
You, who love, hate, Yankees, clouds...

184
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,440
I'll have that fixed for you, sir.

185
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:21,720
Here's your new digs. Now get
to work, sport. We're counting on you.

186
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:29,840
Wow. My own office.
I guess I'd better get busy.

187
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:45,240
Agh!

188
00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,720
Gentlemen, we have a problem.

189
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:02,240
There's an anti-smoking bill
that could put us out of business.

190
00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:05,840
Yes. Apparently, causing cancer
is this year's "hot button".

191
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:09,120
We've tried everything
to get through to these politicians.

192
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:12,240
Harvard lawyers, lobbyists,
wisecracking leprechauns.

193
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:16,520
Excuse me. Do you have a dollar?
I'm a little short.

194
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:19,320
That's the problem.
They're idiots in Washington.

195
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:22,840
Instead of a smart guy, we should
send a moron they can relate to.

196
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:27,240
Where are we going to find someone
who's that stupid?

197
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:31,440
- Yeah. And not just stupid. Fat, too.
- That's exactly what we need.

198
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,640
Wait. Didn't we just make
a fat, stupid guy president?

199
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:40,240
You bet we did. Gentlemen,
our new tobacco lobbyist is... that guy!

200
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:35,320
So what's this big assignment
you got for me, chairman of the broad?

201
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:39,840
"Chairman of the broad".
When did you become such a stitch?

202
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,320
Don't you remember? You gave me writers.

203
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,720
"I don't want to say you're rich,
but when you walk into a bank,

204
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:49,240
all the tellers go 'Whoopee!"'

205
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:51,920
That wasn't funny.
I thought you were Jewish.

206
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:55,040
- He's only half-Jewish.
- You're fired.

207
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:59,640
Here's the thing. Some troublemakers
in Congress are trying to shut us down.

208
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:02,840
We need someone important like you
to go down to Washington

209
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:05,840
and help those bastards see
what fun-loving people

210
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,840
the tobacco industry's made of.

211
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:09,840
Washington? Sweet.

212
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:12,920
But I gotta warn you,
I've made some enemies on the Hill.

213
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:17,320
And that's when Clarence Thomas
forced me into his chambers

214
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,320
and showed me lewd pictures.

215
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,840
We have indisputable evidence
that not only have you never been

216
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:27,640
in the same room as Clarence Thomas,
you've never been in the same state.

217
00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,640
How do you respond to that?

218
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,920
Bababooie! Bababooie!
Howard Stern's penis! Bababooie!

219
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,720
How long is Dad gonna be in Washington?

220
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:41,240
As long as it takes.
He's a very important man now.

221
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,720
He's the spokesman for his entire industry.

222
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:58,440
Thank you, Martha.
Brian, could you pass me the TV guide?

223
00:14:58,440 --> 00:14:59,920
- Piss off!
- What?

224
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:03,440
I'm sorry. It just feels like for ever
since I've had a smoke.

225
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,640
I'm just a bit testy. Stop staring at my tail!

226
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:12,840
Mr Harrison? I see those government guys
you were telling me about.

227
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:16,640
I'll show 'em a good time
and get 'em to come around to our side.

228
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:20,320
Excuse me. Al Gore? George W Bush?

229
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:21,320
- Yes?
- Yes?

230
00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:23,920
Great. And what's your friend's name?

231
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,320
Dick Armey.

232
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:35,920
- Oh, God. No, seriously. What's his name?
- Dick Armey.

233
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:47,040
Oh. Oh, I just got it.

234
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:52,920
Hey. Hey, Armey. Hey, what's your
wife's name? Vagina Coastguard?

235
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:56,040
I'm kidding. Get in the car.
We're going to a skin bar.

236
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:57,120
- OK.
- Great.

237
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,440
That sounds good.

238
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:05,640
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. I don't know what happened.

239
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:09,120
Oh, it's OK. It's OK, Senator.
This girl didn't have a family.

240
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:12,440
It'll be like she never existed.
Grab ahold of yourself.

241
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:17,720
You may have killed her when you shoved
all those dollar bills down her throat.

242
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:22,040
You may have killed her when you hit her
with the stool. I'm not a doctor.

243
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:25,640
But I'll tell you what didn't
kill her... Smoking.

244
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,240
You have our support.

245
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:33,120
Look, kids. Here's your father
in People magazine with Jim Carrey,

246
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,120
and they're both "Sssmokin'!"

247
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:39,440
I loved that in Mask. "Sssmokin'!"

248
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:43,840
"Sssmokin'!" "Sssmokin'!"

249
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,440
Do I have to listen
to this drivel 24 hours a day?!

250
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:50,440
But, hey, I guess anything's better
than looking at your smelly face!

251
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,840
- Mom!
- Honey, your face smells fine.

252
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:55,440
He doesn't mean it. It's the lack of nicotine.

253
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:59,040
Mom, the school janitor said
that Dad's working for the bad guys.

254
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,840
- He said it through a hole in his throat.
- That doesn't make him right.

255
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:06,240
If I had a hole in my throat,
I'd put pennies in it!

256
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:09,640
Your father's doing great work.
Life's never been better.

257
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:13,120
Yes. I, too, applaud the oaf
for finally showing initiative.

258
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,720
God knows it was years overdue.

259
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,720
You know who I saw at the market today?

260
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:24,320
Patty Croft. Oh, and she has gotten fat!

261
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:28,040
Oh, my God! Stewie, no!
Oh, God. What have I done?

262
00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:31,320
I knew smoking was bad.
But I still sold my soul.

263
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,520
And for what? Martha Stewart?

264
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:37,320
Come on, kids.
We gotta put a stop to this. Now!

265
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,720
Finally.

266
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:44,640
Ah.

267
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:47,920
"They call me Bill

268
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,240
"Yes, they call me Bill

269
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,240
"And I'm standing here on Capitol...

270
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,120
Aoow!

271
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:02,640
Bob Dole's a friend of the tobacco industry.
Bob Dole likes your style.

272
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:13,320
Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole.

273
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:17,440
There you are. I caught Stewie smoking.
That cigarette company is evil.

274
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:21,240
- We can't be a part of this any more.
- This is the best job I ever had!

275
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:25,520
Since I became president, profits
have been higher than Alyssa Milano.

276
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:31,440
- What kind of cheap shot... Joel!
- I'm suing. I'm suing. I'm on it. I'm on it.

277
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,720
- Mr Griffin, time for your speech.
- What about your son?

278
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:38,040
So Stewie had a puff.
He's old enough to make his own decisions.

279
00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:41,120
For God's sakes, Lois, he's one.
Cut the umbilical cord.

280
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:47,640
Ladies and gentlemen of Congress, I am
here today to talk to you about smoking.

281
00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:50,320
Oh, please, Peter, do the right thing.

282
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:54,320
I know a lot of you are already on my side.

283
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:58,320
And for you naysayers,
I have two strong words for you...

284
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:01,840
Come on! Come on!

285
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:05,920
- OK. OK, sure.
- All right. Why not?

286
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,240
Thank you, ladies and...

287
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,640
...and...

288
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,120
Baby needs to suck ash!
Baby needs to suck ash!

289
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,920
Not "ass", you pervert.
Save it for the interns.

290
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,320
Is that a baby?

291
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:27,720
Oh, my God. That's Stewie. Lois was right.
Children under four shouldn't smoke.

292
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,720
I don't care about this job any more.
Cigarettes are bad!

293
00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:34,120
Mr Griffin is right!
Smoking is a horrible vice!

294
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:37,120
It shortens life expectancy
and pollutes our air.

295
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,440
According to recent polls, air is good.

296
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:43,040
Cigarettes killed my father
and raped my mother!

297
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,840
I propose we send a message
to tobacco companies

298
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:50,920
by fining the El Dorado Cigarette Company
infinity billion dollars!

299
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:54,840
That's the spirit, Frank. But I think
a real number might be more effective.

300
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:59,440
All in favour of fining this evil tobacco
giant $100 million dollars say "Aye".

301
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:01,920
- Aye!
- But that'll bankrupt us!

302
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:06,240
You mean the way you've
morally bankrupted America?

303
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,840
Thanks for that zinger.
Give me a snappy line to go out on.

304
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:13,840
Actually, our lunch is here.

305
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:15,640
Uh...

306
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:19,440
Well, that's my mama!

307
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:44,920
Hi, I'm Peter Griffin.
We've had a lot of laughs tonight.

308
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:49,920
But I'll tell you what's not funny.
Killing strippers. Strippers are people, too.

309
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:55,040
Naked people who may be willing
to pleasure you for a price you negotiate.

310
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:59,440
Besides, there's no need to kill 'em.
Most of them are already dead inside.

311
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:02,040
Good night, everyone.

312
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:31,120
Visiontext Subtitles: Yasmin Rammohan

