1
00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:05,520
"It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:05,790 --> 00:00:08,990
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:12,810
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:13,089 --> 00:00:14,969
"On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:19,000
"Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:24,020
"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

7
00:00:24,349 --> 00:00:25,629
"Laugh and cry

8
00:00:25,809 --> 00:00:31,009
"He's a family guy

9
00:00:34,150 --> 00:00:37,230
Some of this stuff... you wonder
who would need it in bulk.

10
00:00:37,486 --> 00:00:39,966
I mean, like watermelons.

11
00:00:41,657 --> 00:00:43,937
Touché, CostMart.

12
00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:46,239
- Brian, will you watch Stewie?
- Sure.

13
00:00:46,453 --> 00:00:49,733
Please keep a close eye on him.
Remember what happened last time.

14
00:00:51,333 --> 00:00:55,653
- Stewie, get down before you hurt yourself.
- Shut up! You're not my mother!

15
00:00:55,921 --> 00:00:58,521
- Good God! Are you all right?
- Fine. Why do you ask?

16
00:01:00,633 --> 00:01:06,513
Mmm, delicious. I will seriously
consider purchasing this product.

17
00:01:07,932 --> 00:01:10,812
Oh, what have we here? May I partake?

18
00:01:11,060 --> 00:01:13,060
Mmm.

19
00:01:15,022 --> 00:01:18,902
Sausage-san.
Plan to buy for samurai buddies.

20
00:01:19,192 --> 00:01:23,272
You don't have to keep moving to the back.
You can have as many as you want.

21
00:01:23,571 --> 00:01:25,051
What are you talking about?

22
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,240
- Can I have more sausage?
- Yeah, me too?

23
00:01:28,243 --> 00:01:32,643
They got a great deal on pianos if you buy
a four-pack. Meg, help me get these down.

24
00:01:32,955 --> 00:01:34,955
- Lois?
- Oh, my gosh.

25
00:01:35,124 --> 00:01:37,124
I don't believe this.

26
00:01:37,334 --> 00:01:41,934
Ross Fishman, is that really you? I haven't
seen you since college. How are you?

27
00:01:42,213 --> 00:01:45,133
Great. Wow, Lois! You haven't aged a bit.

28
00:01:45,341 --> 00:01:48,261
Oh. Thank you.

29
00:01:48,387 --> 00:01:52,787
This 12-pack of fungicide
is for my daughter Meg.

30
00:01:53,057 --> 00:01:55,577
Help me.

31
00:01:58,396 --> 00:02:00,796
- He's funny.
- Is it 1981?

32
00:02:02,024 --> 00:02:03,744
Ah, yes, there you are!

33
00:02:03,901 --> 00:02:08,821
You people at the Industrial Adhesives
Corporation know how to make a tasty glue.

34
00:02:09,114 --> 00:02:11,034
Well, then, let the banquet begin.

35
00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:15,200
- What are you doing? Don't eat that.
- For God's sake, don't be such a nerd.

36
00:02:15,495 --> 00:02:18,495
I'm keeping an eye on you.
If Lois sees this, she'll kill me.

37
00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:22,706
- You can let go of my hand now.
- You can let go of mine.

38
00:02:35,096 --> 00:02:36,776
- Oh...
- Crap.

39
00:02:36,974 --> 00:02:39,974
I can't tell you how wonderful
it's been to see you.

40
00:02:40,102 --> 00:02:43,102
It's a crime that it's been so long.
We were so close.

41
00:02:43,313 --> 00:02:45,713
We could get together for coffee, catch up.

42
00:02:45,940 --> 00:02:49,340
Well... I don't know, Ross. I'm married now.

43
00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:53,769
So am I. Does that mean we're not allowed
to stay in touch with old friends?

44
00:02:54,073 --> 00:02:57,473
Tell you what. If you change
your mind, here's my card.

45
00:02:59,078 --> 00:03:01,878
Look, Dad. They have 12-packs of kidneys!

46
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:04,800
You got to buy the cooler, too.
That's how they get you.

47
00:03:07,085 --> 00:03:09,285
- OK, thanks.
- Well?

48
00:03:09,504 --> 00:03:12,784
The good news is they make
a solvent that'll get us unstuck.

49
00:03:13,049 --> 00:03:15,129
But it takes two weeks for delivery.

50
00:03:15,343 --> 00:03:18,343
We're stuck like this for a bloody fortnight?!

51
00:03:18,554 --> 00:03:21,274
- You cannot tell Lois about this.
- What if I do?

52
00:03:21,390 --> 00:03:26,190
- I have pictures of you in her wedding dress.
- You said there was no film in that camera!

53
00:03:26,479 --> 00:03:30,599
- Stewie, it's time to change your diaper.
- Mind if I watch?

54
00:03:32,109 --> 00:03:35,829
And I'm ashamed of myself
that I let Peter's jealousy prevent me

55
00:03:36,071 --> 00:03:39,391
from rekindling an old friendship
just because it was with a man.

56
00:03:39,616 --> 00:03:43,216
Peter's not very understanding
when it comes to you and other men.

57
00:03:43,494 --> 00:03:45,694
Like that time at the movies?

58
00:03:48,165 --> 00:03:51,765
I... I... this is... My, this is terribly awkward.

59
00:03:52,044 --> 00:03:54,724
But I... I wanted to tell you something.

60
00:03:54,963 --> 00:03:58,443
But I... I seem to be
so charmingly befuddled.

61
00:03:58,717 --> 00:04:02,597
- Ah, that Hugh Grant is so handsome.
- Oh, is that how it is?

62
00:04:02,888 --> 00:04:05,488
Come here, you home-wrecking bastard!

63
00:04:05,682 --> 00:04:08,802
Don't do it, Dad! He's bigger than you!

64
00:04:09,018 --> 00:04:11,138
And when you went to that concert?

65
00:04:11,312 --> 00:04:15,632
Thank you. Thank you very much.
This next one is for all the ladies out there.

66
00:04:19,778 --> 00:04:21,858
Then there was last Saturday night.

67
00:04:22,072 --> 00:04:26,952
- Oh, look at that handsome man.
- You son of a bitch!

68
00:04:27,285 --> 00:04:30,165
I can't let Peter's irrational
emotions run my life!

69
00:04:30,413 --> 00:04:33,613
I'm gonna call Ross and see
if it's not too late for his offer.

70
00:04:33,833 --> 00:04:35,833
- Would you mind finishing up?
- Sure.

71
00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:38,843
Yes, do you like cleaning my doody, Brian?

72
00:04:38,963 --> 00:04:44,243
Say it. Say "I like cleaning your doody,
Stewie. " Ha! Don't forget the taint.

73
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:53,410
TC, fly the chopper around the island.
I'll talk to the women.

74
00:04:53,643 --> 00:04:57,363
- Tattoo here will look out for the kidnappers.
- Higgins.

75
00:04:57,522 --> 00:05:00,602
We'll need security to unlock
the gate for me. OK, Tattoo?

76
00:05:00,859 --> 00:05:02,859
- It's Higgins.
- What?

77
00:05:02,943 --> 00:05:04,943
The name is Higgins.

78
00:05:06,781 --> 00:05:09,181
- What's your name?
- Tattoo.

79
00:05:10,034 --> 00:05:15,114
Oh, Peter. I'm just...
gonna go out for a few hours.

80
00:05:15,455 --> 00:05:18,335
So, I... I'll return in... a few hours.

81
00:05:18,583 --> 00:05:20,983
Yeah, I'll do it when this is over.

82
00:05:21,169 --> 00:05:23,769
Hey, Lois, can you grab me a beer?

83
00:05:24,005 --> 00:05:25,885
- Lois?
- Dad, I think she went out.

84
00:05:26,090 --> 00:05:27,970
- Then you be Lois.
- OK.

85
00:05:28,175 --> 00:05:31,855
Lois, can you grab me a beer?
Oh, my God! You've really let yourself go!

86
00:05:32,137 --> 00:05:35,017
Maybe if you bought me
nice clothes once in a while!

87
00:05:36,725 --> 00:05:40,805
Peter Griffin, we know you're in there!
Come out with your hands up!

88
00:05:41,105 --> 00:05:43,505
Fooled ya!

89
00:05:44,233 --> 00:05:46,233
You sure did. What the hell is this?

90
00:05:46,318 --> 00:05:50,118
The new police surveillance van.
We're going on a beer run. Wanna join us?

91
00:05:50,363 --> 00:05:52,763
I quit drinking. I might be an alcoholic.

92
00:05:52,991 --> 00:05:54,391
- What?
- Oh, my God!

93
00:05:54,533 --> 00:05:59,253
Fooled ya! Come on. Let's go drink
till we can't feel feelings any more.

94
00:05:59,538 --> 00:06:03,458
This van has the latest in
law-enforcement technology. Watch.

95
00:06:04,334 --> 00:06:07,734
Suspect! Suspect!
You have the right to remain silent!

96
00:06:08,004 --> 00:06:09,484
Sweet.

97
00:06:09,673 --> 00:06:11,553
- Let me try.
- Cleveland, don't!

98
00:06:11,758 --> 00:06:16,038
Minority suspect! Minority suspect!
Danger, he's got a gun!

99
00:06:16,346 --> 00:06:19,826
Oh! Ow! Ow! Oh! Ow! Oh! Ow!

100
00:06:22,268 --> 00:06:23,788
Hey, Joe! The van's gone!

101
00:06:23,936 --> 00:06:27,456
It's got a cloaking device that
disguises it as two homeless guys

102
00:06:27,606 --> 00:06:30,006
fighting over a wedge of cheese.

103
00:06:32,194 --> 00:06:35,074
Peter, isn't that Lois
over there in that diner?

104
00:06:35,322 --> 00:06:38,722
- Why would Lois be there? I already ate.
- Take a look.

105
00:06:38,950 --> 00:06:42,070
Oh, my God! That is Lois!
Why the hell would she...

106
00:06:42,287 --> 00:06:43,887
Whoa. I can see your skin cells.

107
00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:47,160
I saw you on Scientific American.
You looked great.

108
00:06:47,416 --> 00:06:51,696
- Please! Where my eyes are half-closed?
- God, just take the damn compliment!

109
00:06:55,424 --> 00:06:59,544
- What is Lois doing with another man?
- Is it possible she's a whore?

110
00:06:59,804 --> 00:07:04,804
Just on weekends? To help pay for
her mom's dialysis? As in my fantasy?

111
00:07:05,142 --> 00:07:07,342
Let's start over. Hi, I'm Quagmire.

112
00:07:07,435 --> 00:07:10,635
- I wish I knew what she was saying.
- I think I can help.

113
00:07:10,772 --> 00:07:16,252
Oh, your wife and children are beautiful. It's
so good to catch up, Ross. I'm glad I called.

114
00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:19,690
I'm glad you did, too.
Was your husband OK with you coming?

115
00:07:19,947 --> 00:07:23,227
Uh... Yes, he turned out
to be just fine with it.

116
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:28,858
All right. Let's see what we can pick up.

117
00:07:29,123 --> 00:07:32,923
Please don't spit in my eggs.
Please don't spit in my eggs.

118
00:07:33,167 --> 00:07:36,687
Thank you for the eggs!
I hope he didn't spit in my eggs.

119
00:07:36,921 --> 00:07:39,241
Doug, I spit in that guy's eggs.

120
00:07:39,423 --> 00:07:42,543
Our armies are ready.
We will leave the sewers

121
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,280
and strike back at the humans
in the overworld.

122
00:07:46,847 --> 00:07:49,727
I'm glad we both found someone
to make us happy.

123
00:07:49,975 --> 00:07:52,855
I enjoy being with you, Ross.
I'm having a great time.

124
00:07:53,103 --> 00:07:57,383
Oh, my God! That's who that is.
Ross Fishman, Lois's old boyfriend.

125
00:07:57,691 --> 00:07:59,971
- We're losing them.
- I gotta hear more.

126
00:08:00,193 --> 00:08:02,473
The power's not supposed to go that high!

127
00:08:02,695 --> 00:08:05,095
Damn itch. I wonder who gave it to me.

128
00:08:05,282 --> 00:08:10,402
Probably that skank who needed a ride.
Last time I do somebody a favour.

129
00:08:10,703 --> 00:08:13,703
Oh, God! They must have heard me!
Oh, God! I can hear me!

130
00:08:23,632 --> 00:08:27,032
Ugh! What the hell
do you think you're doing?!

131
00:08:27,302 --> 00:08:29,582
I'm cleaning myself.

132
00:08:29,804 --> 00:08:33,484
You were clean 15 minutes ago.
Now you're just on vacation.

133
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:38,681
So, Lois is seeing old boyfriends, huh?
Well, two can play at that game.

134
00:08:38,979 --> 00:08:41,659
I just gotta find my little black book.

135
00:08:57,955 --> 00:08:59,355
Ah, here it is.

136
00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:09,308
- Brenda?
- Peter! Oh, my God. It's been 25 years!

137
00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:12,913
Yeah. So, I guess you're married now, huh?

138
00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:15,378
Yeah.

139
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:21,237
Hey, Ricky, you were right! I was pregnant!

140
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:26,408
Hey, what's up, Pete? Long time no see.

141
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,804
Patty, the years have been great to you.

142
00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:32,906
- I owe that to my better half.
- Who is it, sir?

143
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:40,317
- Angie?
- Peter? Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Come in!

144
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,040
Uh... what is all this stuff?

145
00:09:51,214 --> 00:09:55,014
Peter, I have been waiting
for this moment for 25 years!

146
00:09:55,301 --> 00:09:57,581
I haven't washed my hand
since you touched it.

147
00:09:57,803 --> 00:09:59,803
Oh, my God! That's disgusting!

148
00:09:59,973 --> 00:10:04,773
And look! Look! I left the toilet just
as it was the night we went to the prom.

149
00:10:05,102 --> 00:10:08,382
It's the little piece of you
that's kept your memory alive.

150
00:10:08,647 --> 00:10:11,127
But now I have you back.

151
00:10:11,358 --> 00:10:14,438
Oh, well. At least I still have you.

152
00:10:14,694 --> 00:10:16,694
You hungry?

153
00:10:17,822 --> 00:10:20,422
Oh, crap.

154
00:10:21,451 --> 00:10:22,851
Let me handle this.

155
00:10:23,035 --> 00:10:28,315
You were going 65, fella. That's ten miles
over the... Why are you holding his hand?

156
00:10:28,666 --> 00:10:30,546
- We met on the Internet.
- Shut up!

157
00:10:30,751 --> 00:10:34,431
He lured me to the park with promises
of candy and funny stories.

158
00:10:34,713 --> 00:10:38,993
- Ever hear of super industrial adhesive?
- Actually, yes, we have.

159
00:10:46,599 --> 00:10:51,279
- Dad, why do you keep looking at the door?
- Oh, Meg. You and your drugs.

160
00:10:51,604 --> 00:10:54,004
I wonder who that could be.

161
00:10:55,441 --> 00:11:00,041
- Peter Gifford?
- My God! Dora, my old girlfriend.

162
00:11:00,362 --> 00:11:04,642
What a surprise that you would look me up!
You always thought I was so handsome.

163
00:11:04,950 --> 00:11:07,950
Peter, can I see you in the other room?

164
00:11:08,161 --> 00:11:09,881
- Yeah, go. Say it.
- Should I?

165
00:11:10,038 --> 00:11:12,638
- I can't.
- Just say it.

166
00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:16,873
How far can you get this banana...
I can't say it. She's looking right at me.

167
00:11:17,128 --> 00:11:19,048
What the hell is this about?

168
00:11:19,213 --> 00:11:23,013
- It's about you and Ross Fishman!
- What?!

169
00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:25,980
I saw you and him breaking
the Fifth Commandment!

170
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:28,699
Congress passes these things for a reason!

171
00:11:28,930 --> 00:11:33,330
That's it! You're suffocating me
with your jealousy. I can't take it any more.

172
00:11:33,602 --> 00:11:38,002
I'm calling a marriage counsellor.
I can't even have coffee with a friend!

173
00:11:38,315 --> 00:11:42,515
- What is your problem?!
- You want to know what my problem is?

174
00:11:42,777 --> 00:11:45,577
- I love too much!
- What are you talking about?

175
00:11:45,821 --> 00:11:48,701
- Don't you see? We're alive!
- You're scaring me.

176
00:11:48,949 --> 00:11:54,029
Good! Embrace the fear! Dance with me,
Lois. Dance the dance of life!

177
00:11:56,122 --> 00:11:58,242
Maybe you should call that counsellor.

178
00:12:00,418 --> 00:12:03,018
Mr and Mrs Griffin,
I've reviewed your situation.

179
00:12:03,213 --> 00:12:05,933
- I have a suggestion.
- We'll do whatever it takes.

180
00:12:06,132 --> 00:12:08,932
I'd like to put video cameras
in every room of your house

181
00:12:09,176 --> 00:12:11,656
so I can observe your
uncensored behaviour.

182
00:12:11,887 --> 00:12:15,967
Just like that show Big Brother.
Except somebody'll be watching.

183
00:12:18,852 --> 00:12:20,852
I've looked through the footage.

184
00:12:21,062 --> 00:12:25,942
I've compiled an accurate cross section
of your home life. Here are the results.

185
00:12:28,778 --> 00:12:31,258
- Peter, give Chris a spanking.
- OK.

186
00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:34,489
Chris, I'm watching the game.
You know what to do.

187
00:12:35,660 --> 00:12:38,460
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

188
00:12:38,662 --> 00:12:41,782
This hurts me more than it hurts you. Ow!

189
00:12:42,124 --> 00:12:45,004
"Dear Diary, Kevin is so hot. "

190
00:12:45,252 --> 00:12:48,332
"Today he was out
in the yard raking leaves. "

191
00:12:48,588 --> 00:12:52,468
"God, I wish he'd throw me
into that pile of leaves. "

192
00:12:54,636 --> 00:12:58,316
Hey, what's everybody...
Oh, my God! My diary! I hate you all!

193
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:02,780
Keep going.

194
00:13:03,186 --> 00:13:07,786
No. It's step, hip, step, pivot.
Are you trying to piss off the volcano?

195
00:13:08,273 --> 00:13:10,593
Get my back, would you?

196
00:13:10,692 --> 00:13:13,692
Oh, that's it. Ooh, that feels good.

197
00:13:14,029 --> 00:13:18,229
- Can you give me a hand with this jar?
- Oh, for heaven's sake, Peter.

198
00:13:18,408 --> 00:13:21,208
Gotcha.

199
00:13:23,913 --> 00:13:26,433
To be honest, I've never seen
such dysfunction.

200
00:13:26,624 --> 00:13:30,624
Mr and Mrs Griffin, what I'm about
to suggest may seem unorthodox.

201
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:35,720
I recommend a trial separation, during which
time I advise that you date other people.

202
00:13:36,008 --> 00:13:38,728
I believe this will help you
gather perspective.

203
00:13:38,928 --> 00:13:40,928
- Date other people?!
- Oh, my God!

204
00:13:41,138 --> 00:13:45,018
I realise this is upsetting.
That's why I've invited Howie Mandel

205
00:13:45,308 --> 00:13:49,788
to lighten the mood by blowing up
a surgical glove with his nose.

206
00:14:07,829 --> 00:14:09,629
This feels really weird, Lois.

207
00:14:09,789 --> 00:14:13,909
I know. But maybe the doctor's right.
This time apart could be good for us.

208
00:14:14,085 --> 00:14:17,765
I don't know. Splitting up didn't work
too well for Pacman and his wife.

209
00:14:18,047 --> 00:14:21,327
- Forget about her.
- You're too good for her anyway.

210
00:14:21,593 --> 00:14:24,393
- Cheer up, man.
- Hey, you want to eat us? Huh?

211
00:14:24,595 --> 00:14:27,395
- We're turning blue!
- I've got nowhere to run.

212
00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:30,120
He's gonna get us!

213
00:14:30,350 --> 00:14:31,950
- Oh.
- Oh.

214
00:14:32,018 --> 00:14:34,898
He's not budging.
Come on. Let's go to Qbert's.

215
00:14:35,147 --> 00:14:40,147
- I appreciate you putting me up, Cleveland.
- Our house is your house, Peter.

216
00:14:40,443 --> 00:14:44,243
I'd sit here and chat, but I need
to get back upstairs to Loretta

217
00:14:44,531 --> 00:14:48,811
because it's our anniversary
and the getting's good.

218
00:14:49,118 --> 00:14:54,518
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

219
00:14:54,832 --> 00:14:59,552
When is it gonna be my turn?
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

220
00:15:01,088 --> 00:15:03,608
You are welcome to stay
as long as you like.

221
00:15:03,799 --> 00:15:07,119
Thanks, Muriel. So, what do you guys
do for fun around here?

222
00:15:07,344 --> 00:15:10,864
We like to watch old movies
while listening to "Hotel California"

223
00:15:11,014 --> 00:15:13,494
to see if it syncs up in a significant way.

224
00:15:13,725 --> 00:15:16,005
And so far, no. Nothing has.

225
00:15:19,438 --> 00:15:21,238
- Hello?
- Is Peter there?

226
00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:24,040
Oh, hi, Quagmire. No, Peter's not home.

227
00:15:24,235 --> 00:15:28,155
We're... we're having
some minor marital problems.

228
00:15:28,405 --> 00:15:32,325
Our therapist has advised us
to date other people.

229
00:15:32,492 --> 00:15:35,772
- Hey, Lois, you want to go out?
- What? I don't know, Glen.

230
00:15:36,037 --> 00:15:39,437
Peter and I just separated.
I feel like I need more time.

231
00:15:41,667 --> 00:15:44,467
- How about now?
- We are supposed to see other people.

232
00:15:44,670 --> 00:15:47,790
I guess it's better to go out
with you than some sex pervert.

233
00:15:48,006 --> 00:15:50,326
I'm in! Giggetty-gaggety-gaggety-goo!

234
00:15:55,847 --> 00:15:59,247
Oh. God blast it!
Will you hold it for five seconds?!

235
00:16:03,647 --> 00:16:05,167
OK.

236
00:16:07,191 --> 00:16:10,911
So, Mr Griffin, how does it feel
to be a bachelor on the prowl again?

237
00:16:11,153 --> 00:16:15,553
It's not as great as you'd think. I don't have
the same way with women that I used to.

238
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,920
That was nice. That was nice.

239
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:24,440
I had a great time with you today,
beautiful stranger. What's your sign?

240
00:16:26,585 --> 00:16:29,385
Gross. I still think
you're neat, though.

241
00:16:29,629 --> 00:16:33,309
You should try a video dating service.
That's how Muriel and I met.

242
00:16:33,591 --> 00:16:36,671
Let me show you Mort's tape.
He was so charming.

243
00:16:38,262 --> 00:16:42,382
Agh! Oh, my eyes! Could you please
turn down that very bright light?

244
00:16:42,641 --> 00:16:45,361
It's burning my retinas.

245
00:16:45,561 --> 00:16:47,681
Ladies, I'm a very desperate man.

246
00:16:47,854 --> 00:16:51,974
My name is Mort and I live with my mother.
And I have very low standards.

247
00:16:52,234 --> 00:16:55,754
Oh, God!
There's blood in my mucus!

248
00:16:59,865 --> 00:17:02,745
Agh! What the hell is wrong with you?!

249
00:17:04,036 --> 00:17:06,636
Hey, there's the mail! Oh, finally.

250
00:17:09,875 --> 00:17:12,475
It takes an hour for the solvent to take effect.

251
00:17:12,669 --> 00:17:17,589
What takes an hour? We could watch
Rita Rudner do five minutes of stand-up.

252
00:17:17,799 --> 00:17:18,879
Ba-zing.

253
00:17:19,051 --> 00:17:21,651
We're gonna have a swell time tonight, Lois.

254
00:17:21,845 --> 00:17:25,165
Thank you for being such a good friend
and looking after me.

255
00:17:25,307 --> 00:17:28,307
No problem. It's chilly out,
so I brought you a jacket.

256
00:17:28,518 --> 00:17:32,238
- Oh. No, thanks. I'll be fine.
- Please?

257
00:17:36,024 --> 00:17:41,424
Muriel and I feel that you need to follow
your therapist's advice and start dating.

258
00:17:41,780 --> 00:17:45,060
- Jeez, Mort. I don't know if I'm ready.
- Come on, stud.

259
00:17:45,324 --> 00:17:47,804
We've set it up for you
to go out with our niece.

260
00:17:48,036 --> 00:17:50,636
Honey! Come on out here
and meet Peter Griffin.

261
00:17:51,456 --> 00:17:54,176
This is our niece, Jennifer Love Hewitt.

262
00:17:54,292 --> 00:17:57,092
- Nice to meet you.
- All right, I'm getting up.

263
00:17:57,295 --> 00:18:01,895
Hi. Peter Griffin. We can go anywhere except
the disco. They don't let me in any more.

264
00:18:10,348 --> 00:18:14,228
Ow! Crafty Mexicans and your glass candy.

265
00:18:17,647 --> 00:18:20,327
- What's going on?
- There's a girl in that well.

266
00:18:20,566 --> 00:18:23,766
- Oh, my God!
- Nobody has arms long enough to reach her.

267
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:27,303
Except that guy. But he's helping
that woman tickle a midget.

268
00:18:27,531 --> 00:18:32,451
Tee-hee. Stop it. Tee-hee.

269
00:18:33,912 --> 00:18:36,192
Oh, God, you want to rescue her, don't you?

270
00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:40,615
It's times like this I wish they'd
used me for stem-cell research.

271
00:18:40,794 --> 00:18:42,274
Help me!

272
00:18:42,462 --> 00:18:47,142
It rubs the lotion on its skin,
or else it gets the hose again. Ha!

273
00:18:47,467 --> 00:18:50,267
All right, I'm gonna lower you in.

274
00:18:51,220 --> 00:18:54,900
I just noticed. How often do you see
a 17th-century well in this day and age?

275
00:18:55,182 --> 00:18:58,982
- Hurry up. The glue's wearing off!
- All right, all right!

276
00:19:06,026 --> 00:19:08,306
We're not stuck together any more.

277
00:19:08,528 --> 00:19:10,808
- Thank God!
- You said it.

278
00:19:11,030 --> 00:19:13,510
- Want to hold hands on the walk home?
- Sure.

279
00:19:13,741 --> 00:19:16,141
Susie! Thank God you're all right!

280
00:19:16,327 --> 00:19:18,847
Wait a minute. This isn't my little girl.

281
00:19:19,038 --> 00:19:21,438
Hey, that was my wife!

282
00:19:21,665 --> 00:19:22,665
- Tee-hee!
- Tee-hee!

283
00:19:24,793 --> 00:19:27,193
- I Know What You Did Last Summer?
- Never heard of it.

284
00:19:27,379 --> 00:19:29,299
- The Devil and Daniel Webster?
- Nope.

285
00:19:29,464 --> 00:19:32,184
- Party of Five?
- Was that a porno?

286
00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:36,100
Sometimes you gotta do a lot of crap
before they put you in anything decent.

287
00:19:36,346 --> 00:19:40,866
The food here is fantastic.
This is where I took Lois on our first date.

288
00:19:41,142 --> 00:19:43,462
You ordered a pie for an appetiser?

289
00:19:43,644 --> 00:19:47,844
I'll go to the john and fire one out in five
minutes. That should make room for dinner.

290
00:19:48,148 --> 00:19:51,428
- Here's your table, Mr Quagmire.
- Thanks. How about drinks?

291
00:19:51,693 --> 00:19:54,973
Martini for you and the usual
roofie colada for your date?

292
00:19:55,238 --> 00:19:58,638
No, no, no. I wouldn't bring...
A glass of wine.

293
00:19:59,825 --> 00:20:03,305
Oh, my God! That's Jennifer Love Hewitt!

294
00:20:03,579 --> 00:20:07,579
Wow! I wonder who she's here with.
She could date any man she wanted to.

295
00:20:09,710 --> 00:20:11,710
There. Made lots of room.

296
00:20:11,921 --> 00:20:16,001
That sign in the bathroom about washing
your hands, that's for the staff, right?

297
00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:19,299
- Technically, yes.
- That's what I thought. Great.

298
00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:22,431
Oh, man! These all look good,
every one of 'em.

299
00:20:22,639 --> 00:20:24,239
- You want some bread?
- No!

300
00:20:24,432 --> 00:20:26,712
Peter, is that you?

301
00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:29,135
Peter?! Oh, no! I can't let him see me!

302
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:33,028
It's OK, Quagmire. We're just doing
what the therapist said to do.

303
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:36,594
Peter, I think it's great you're out
with Jennifer Love Hewitt.

304
00:20:36,819 --> 00:20:39,139
Hi. I loved you in Heartbreakers.

305
00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:41,521
You be on your best behaviour.

306
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:45,158
- Here you go, sweetheart. Open up.
- No!

307
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:48,086
There you go. Isn't this romantic?

308
00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:53,008
That's it! You have got to be the most vile,
disgusting human being I've ever met!

309
00:20:53,209 --> 00:20:57,409
And I have never been
more turned-on in my life.

310
00:20:58,923 --> 00:21:01,643
Hold on, toots!
I don't care what our therapist says.

311
00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:05,843
I won't stand by and watch my husband
lock lips with another woman! Beat it!

312
00:21:06,138 --> 00:21:08,338
- What's your problem, grandma?
- You are!

313
00:21:08,515 --> 00:21:10,915
And I only saw Heartbreakers on a plane!

314
00:21:11,143 --> 00:21:14,143
And the flight was delayed,
so the headphones were free!

315
00:21:14,354 --> 00:21:16,354
Wow. That was pretty cool, Lois.

316
00:21:16,565 --> 00:21:18,565
I guess I finally understand...

317
00:21:23,112 --> 00:21:25,232
You better run, you little bitch!

318
00:21:25,322 --> 00:21:28,922
I guess I finally understand
how you can get so jealous sometimes.

319
00:21:29,159 --> 00:21:32,279
Seeing her kiss you like that
just made me crazy.

320
00:21:32,413 --> 00:21:36,613
I guess we're gonna have to learn
to control our jealousy... together.

321
00:21:36,875 --> 00:21:37,995
Together.

322
00:21:38,126 --> 00:21:39,926
Ma'am, you dropped your napkin.

323
00:21:40,128 --> 00:21:41,528
Here's your drink, sir.

324
00:21:41,671 --> 00:21:44,591
We'll work on it later. I love you, Lois.

325
00:21:44,715 --> 00:21:46,515
I love you too, Peter.

326
00:21:49,095 --> 00:21:52,375
What a couple of freaks.
God, I need a drink.

327
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:55,040
Waiter! Martini and a roofie colada.

