1
00:00:01,480 --> 00:00:04,400
"It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:04,609 --> 00:00:07,929
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:08,156 --> 00:00:11,676
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:11,911 --> 00:00:13,911
"On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:17,828
"Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:18,086 --> 00:00:22,766
"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

7
00:00:23,093 --> 00:00:24,573
"Laugh and cry

8
00:00:24,762 --> 00:00:29,762
"He's a family guy

9
00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:39,040
Whoo-hoo, baby! 12 in a row!

10
00:00:40,492 --> 00:00:43,892
You must have had a great body
before it went all fun-house mirror.

11
00:00:44,164 --> 00:00:48,564
- I can't believe how terrific you look.
- I've been taking tae-jitsu classes.

12
00:00:48,837 --> 00:00:51,237
- You should come with me sometime.
- I'd love to.

13
00:00:51,466 --> 00:00:54,346
- Oh! The baby's kicking. Wanna feel?
- Sure.

14
00:00:56,973 --> 00:00:58,973
- You are freakin' dead, kid.
- Peter!

15
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,179
- Oh, I love this time of year.
- Me, too.

16
00:01:02,397 --> 00:01:05,317
The tourists are gone and
we have the town to ourselves

17
00:01:05,527 --> 00:01:10,447
before those idiots from New York show up
to watch the leaves change and take over.

18
00:01:16,917 --> 00:01:18,517
Leafers!

19
00:01:18,670 --> 00:01:21,190
Holy crap. We gotta get outta here.

20
00:01:24,511 --> 00:01:26,911
- What about the boat?
- Leave it!

21
00:01:28,058 --> 00:01:32,458
- Hurry, Peter. They're almost here.
- We're too late.

22
00:01:32,772 --> 00:01:37,572
Yo, check out those colours. Yellow like
a taxi, orange like the ball at the Knicks game,

23
00:01:37,863 --> 00:01:40,583
and red like the sauce
on my mamma mia's gugotz.

24
00:01:40,783 --> 00:01:43,583
Yeah, and brown, like the guys
I don't pick up in my cab.

25
00:01:43,829 --> 00:01:46,229
- Bea-utiful!
- Aagh!

26
00:01:46,416 --> 00:01:48,416
Good evening. Tonight's top story:

27
00:01:48,628 --> 00:01:53,108
Quahog is infested with loud, hairy
creatures, also known as New Yorkers.

28
00:01:53,301 --> 00:01:56,021
They migrate north
every autumn to see the foliage.

29
00:01:56,221 --> 00:01:58,221
I think I speak for all of us when I say

30
00:01:58,433 --> 00:02:01,313
New Yorkers can fornicate
themselves with an iron stick.

31
00:02:04,983 --> 00:02:09,103
- We're gonna be late for church.
- Move it! Damn leafers.

32
00:02:09,364 --> 00:02:12,964
Christ, quit it! Mom,
Chris put his foot on my side again.

33
00:02:13,245 --> 00:02:17,125
- I can't help it. I have long dancer's legs.
- Move it.

34
00:02:17,417 --> 00:02:21,417
Stop whining. Stay on your side.
Lois, get off your ass and do some parenting.

35
00:02:21,673 --> 00:02:24,793
If you don't stop, we won't
go to McDonald's after church.

36
00:02:25,011 --> 00:02:27,611
- Mom!
- Don't worry. We're goin'.

37
00:02:29,392 --> 00:02:32,192
- But you don't get the Super Size.
- Oh!

38
00:02:32,438 --> 00:02:35,638
- OK, you can Super Size, but no apple pie.
- Come on.

39
00:02:35,859 --> 00:02:37,979
OK, but you can't blow on it.

40
00:02:38,154 --> 00:02:40,674
Peter, don't contradict me in front of the kids.

41
00:02:40,866 --> 00:02:45,586
Brothers and sisters fightin' is as natural as
a white man's dialogue in a Spike Lee movie.

42
00:02:45,873 --> 00:02:50,993
Wassup? Can I get two slices of pepperoni?

43
00:02:55,595 --> 00:02:57,875
- Who are all these people?
- Damn New Yorkers.

44
00:02:58,098 --> 00:03:00,098
They took all the good seats.

45
00:03:00,268 --> 00:03:02,268
Aren't you precious!

46
00:03:07,278 --> 00:03:11,278
Some of my novelty items
were provided by Jack's Joke Shop.

47
00:03:11,533 --> 00:03:13,853
If it ain't funny, it ain't worth Jack.

48
00:03:14,871 --> 00:03:17,791
I'd like to welcome
all our out-of-town parishioners.

49
00:03:18,001 --> 00:03:21,601
My cousin, Father Sapienza,
is in from New York to see the leaves.

50
00:03:21,881 --> 00:03:24,961
I'd like to invite him
to do the opening prayer.

51
00:03:25,219 --> 00:03:28,299
Yo, God is good, huh?
And he expects us to be good.

52
00:03:28,557 --> 00:03:32,557
And if you're not, he's gonna come down
and bust your freakin' skull. Amen.

53
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:35,933
Who do you think you're talking to?
God ain't tougher than me.

54
00:03:36,151 --> 00:03:39,151
You can't talk to the father like that,
you stupid gavone.

55
00:03:39,405 --> 00:03:41,685
I oughta come and break your freakin' arm!

56
00:03:41,909 --> 00:03:45,109
Wanna go, tough guy?
I'll snap you in half like an almond biscotti

57
00:03:45,330 --> 00:03:48,330
from Valero's on 51st Street, best in the city.

58
00:03:48,459 --> 00:03:52,059
Fellas, this is God's house.
And the Patriots kick off in 45 minutes.

59
00:03:52,214 --> 00:03:54,734
- Can we move this along?
- Patriots suck.

60
00:03:54,927 --> 00:03:56,927
Blasphemy!

61
00:03:57,013 --> 00:03:58,813
It burns!

62
00:03:59,016 --> 00:04:01,816
Holy water? Where's that acid I ordered?

63
00:04:02,437 --> 00:04:05,157
Hey, Guido, watch this.

64
00:04:05,358 --> 00:04:08,678
Whoa! I've got to lay off the coffee.
Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha!

65
00:04:08,904 --> 00:04:11,104
That's Jack's. Exit 14 off 295.

66
00:04:13,494 --> 00:04:17,014
Tae-jitsu is about power -
for your body and your mind.

67
00:04:17,249 --> 00:04:19,769
Don't be afraid to free the beast inside you.

68
00:04:19,961 --> 00:04:23,161
Left kick, right kick, punch combo, stomp.

69
00:04:23,424 --> 00:04:25,504
Beautiful. Again. Left kick...

70
00:04:25,719 --> 00:04:29,399
- You're doing great for your first lesson.
- I'm really cuttin' loose.

71
00:04:29,683 --> 00:04:32,883
Like Julie Andrews in that movie
where she showed her breasts.

72
00:04:33,104 --> 00:04:36,504
Mary, you'll never leave us, will you?

73
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:40,290
Lovely, but it doesn't quite
answer our question.

74
00:04:46,247 --> 00:04:47,767
Jets rule!

75
00:04:50,336 --> 00:04:55,336
Watch where you're going. Horace, put the
Pats game on the TV and get me a few beers.

76
00:04:55,635 --> 00:04:58,435
Sorry, Peter. Someone stole the remotes.

77
00:04:58,681 --> 00:05:03,081
And the kegs. And I'm not sure,
but I think I've been shot.

78
00:05:03,354 --> 00:05:04,954
Yep.

79
00:05:05,148 --> 00:05:09,228
Hey, pal, watch my seat.
I gotta bleed the lizard.

80
00:05:11,490 --> 00:05:15,810
Public urination is just wrong.
Except during the Million Man March

81
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:18,680
when protesters burned our Porta-Pottis.

82
00:05:18,917 --> 00:05:22,117
Then I used my stream of justice
to put out the hate.

83
00:05:22,339 --> 00:05:25,739
I don't know, fellas. I think
there's potential in this crowd.

84
00:05:26,010 --> 00:05:29,210
Honey, why don't you turn around
and show me the Lower East Side?

85
00:05:29,432 --> 00:05:31,432
- Sure.
- Transvestite! Back off.

86
00:05:31,518 --> 00:05:33,638
- Wait a sec. Pre-op or post-op?
- Pre-op.

87
00:05:33,813 --> 00:05:38,933
Transvestite! Back off. This place blows.
We gotta send these strap-hangers back.

88
00:05:39,237 --> 00:05:41,237
Don't worry. I got an idea.

89
00:05:41,323 --> 00:05:48,523
An idea so smart, my head would explode if I
even began to know what I was talking about.

90
00:05:52,505 --> 00:05:55,385
Aagh! I am a man-eating tree.

91
00:05:55,634 --> 00:05:58,314
Go back to New York or I will eat you.

92
00:05:58,430 --> 00:06:02,950
Just like I ate insane
New York anchorman Dan Rather. Pah!

93
00:06:03,228 --> 00:06:08,348
And look who I had for dessert.
Asexual former mayor Ed Koch. Pah!

94
00:06:08,652 --> 00:06:12,052
Leave my land or I will smite you
with my powerful limb.

95
00:06:12,324 --> 00:06:14,524
What are you, nuts? Give me that branch.

96
00:06:14,702 --> 00:06:16,702
Get off of me!

97
00:06:18,458 --> 00:06:21,058
Oh, my God! Stop fighting!

98
00:06:24,007 --> 00:06:26,687
- Holy crap!
- Oh, my God!

99
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,009
Mom, you could be a world champion,

100
00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:35,303
and no one could hit you below the belt
cos girls don't have anything down there.

101
00:06:35,564 --> 00:06:39,284
- Can you teach me to kick ass?
- No. I do not condone violence.

102
00:06:39,528 --> 00:06:42,928
I won't be responsible for
bringing fistfighting into our schools.

103
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:46,080
Gee, can you hear me
all the way back there in the '50s?

104
00:06:46,204 --> 00:06:49,524
- That was lame.
- Poor Peter.

105
00:06:49,751 --> 00:06:54,071
I emasculated him in front of all those people.
I think he's really upset.

106
00:06:54,340 --> 00:06:57,660
Gather round, everybody.
10 bucks is all it takes.

107
00:06:57,887 --> 00:07:00,287
Step right up and fight my wife.

108
00:07:03,853 --> 00:07:08,253
Come one, come all. She floats like a
butterfly and stings like when I pee.

109
00:07:08,527 --> 00:07:12,727
Peter, I am not a sideshow attraction.
At least, not any more.

110
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:17,147
Me likey bouncy! Me likey bouncy!

111
00:07:17,414 --> 00:07:22,414
I want you to get rid of all of this right now,
cos I am never fighting again, ever!

112
00:07:22,713 --> 00:07:26,113
Come on, Chris. We'll have to go to plan B.

113
00:07:29,806 --> 00:07:32,806
No! Oh, God! Oh, my God!

114
00:07:32,935 --> 00:07:37,535
Help me! Help me!
For God's sake, he's gonna kill me!

115
00:07:37,859 --> 00:07:41,139
Don't worry. It's a trained bear.
He's in no real danger.

116
00:07:44,534 --> 00:07:47,534
He's teaching a class. I can't bother him now.

117
00:07:47,747 --> 00:07:51,947
Sure you can. Hey, Ralph Macchio!
My wife here needs to talk to you.

118
00:07:52,253 --> 00:07:53,733
There you go, honey.

119
00:07:53,922 --> 00:07:57,922
- What is it, Lois?
- I don't think I should do tae-jitsu any more.

120
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:01,898
- I'm afraid I'm gonna hurt someone.
- But, Lois, you're my star pupil.

121
00:08:02,142 --> 00:08:05,862
- I want you in my advanced class.
- Advanced class? No, no, no.

122
00:08:06,106 --> 00:08:08,706
- I'm trying to quit.
- Well, fine. Quit.

123
00:08:08,943 --> 00:08:12,223
- But get used to people walking all over you.
- Hold on, there.

124
00:08:12,490 --> 00:08:15,170
Nobody walks all over my wife,
cos I won't let 'em.

125
00:08:15,410 --> 00:08:17,290
- Peter...
- Quiet. Men are talking.

126
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,977
She learns things eventually.
It just takes her longer. Come on.

127
00:08:21,252 --> 00:08:25,452
If you hurry, I'll let you try on hats.
I won't let you buy, but you can try 'em on.

128
00:08:25,716 --> 00:08:27,036
I'll do it.

129
00:08:38,776 --> 00:08:40,776
Ow!

130
00:08:45,952 --> 00:08:49,552
- Stewie, you wanna swing?
- Yes, why not? I'll have a go at it.

131
00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:52,433
Perhaps a quick stretch first.

132
00:08:54,089 --> 00:08:57,289
Damn. Must have pulled something
playing hoops last week.

133
00:08:58,678 --> 00:09:02,878
I know you're not puttin' that rock
up from here. You ain't got no J.

134
00:09:05,771 --> 00:09:08,891
- Yo, man, that's trippin'!
- You're the one who's trippin'.

135
00:09:09,109 --> 00:09:11,229
Cry home to your mama. She waitin' for ya.

136
00:09:11,404 --> 00:09:14,204
Now don't make me put
my size 13s up your narrow ass!

137
00:09:14,450 --> 00:09:18,050
I don't sweat you. Bring it on, bitch!
Now how you gonna act?

138
00:09:18,289 --> 00:09:21,809
Sheesh! Bringin' that trash in here.
This is my house.

139
00:09:23,421 --> 00:09:26,021
Excuse me. We were about to use that.

140
00:09:26,216 --> 00:09:29,136
- You snooze, you lose, lady.
- You have two choices.

141
00:09:29,346 --> 00:09:32,746
Either my baby swings from
this jungle gym, or you do.

142
00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:37,869
Ooh, Lois! Someone's wearing
their ovaries on the outside.

143
00:09:38,108 --> 00:09:41,028
- She saw me walking to the swing.
- She saw you. Easy, now.

144
00:09:41,237 --> 00:09:45,757
Nobody walks all over me. Those days
are over. Lois Griffin demands respect.

145
00:09:48,539 --> 00:09:53,059
I smell a messy diaper.
God, why does that turn me on?

146
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,400
- Hold it, Meg. Those two are mine.
- What?

147
00:09:59,596 --> 00:10:04,796
That's Randy, and that's Fred.
Randy is the messy one. Fred's very neat.

148
00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:08,940
When you get 'em together,
hold on to your sides!

149
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:12,014
Nice to meet you both.

150
00:10:12,864 --> 00:10:14,864
Murderer!

151
00:10:15,659 --> 00:10:19,259
Stop it, both of you. Starting now,
you two are gonna love each other.

152
00:10:19,540 --> 00:10:21,540
Now stay that way.

153
00:10:22,752 --> 00:10:24,872
It's gonna be weird to potty.

154
00:10:25,882 --> 00:10:29,282
Sheesh, Lois, look at the garbage
those damn leafers dumped on our lawn.

155
00:10:29,553 --> 00:10:33,033
New York Post, New York Magazine,
the New York Mets.

156
00:10:33,309 --> 00:10:37,789
Peter, I'm sick and tired of hearing you whine
about the leafers. Take some action.

157
00:10:38,107 --> 00:10:40,107
Free the beast!

158
00:10:43,948 --> 00:10:46,948
That was strangely arousing. Aagh!

159
00:10:49,873 --> 00:10:54,273
Hello? 911? It's Quagmire.
Yeah. It's in a window this time.

160
00:10:54,463 --> 00:10:59,463
- Wow, look at them run.
- Wait a second, Brian. That gives me an idea.

161
00:11:03,851 --> 00:11:09,251
The Drunken Clam? Why couldn't we go
someplace fancy, like The Olive Garden?

162
00:11:09,609 --> 00:11:13,289
The breadsticks!
Me likey breadsticks! Me likey...

163
00:11:13,447 --> 00:11:16,447
- You're a big girl now. Stop it.
- Hold on, Lois.

164
00:11:16,702 --> 00:11:21,382
Excuse me, New Yorker. You're in my seat,
and I had sex with your mother last night.

165
00:11:21,709 --> 00:11:23,709
- Are you crazy?
- What did you say?

166
00:11:23,878 --> 00:11:26,878
About the seat, or about
my ploughing your father's wife?

167
00:11:27,008 --> 00:11:30,808
- What the hell are you doing?
- Excuse me. Is your refrigerator running?

168
00:11:31,097 --> 00:11:35,177
If it is, it probably runs like you -
very homosexually.

169
00:11:35,352 --> 00:11:37,752
- What?!
- Oh, you wanna dance?

170
00:11:38,816 --> 00:11:41,416
Jets suck, Yankees suck, Knicks suck.

171
00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:47,700
Krypton sucks.

172
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:05,755
That's right. Go back where
you came from, you bastards!

173
00:12:10,943 --> 00:12:15,023
We'll conclude the graduation ceremony
with a demonstration by the black belts.

174
00:12:15,199 --> 00:12:17,199
Let's show 'em what we've learnt.

175
00:12:17,410 --> 00:12:20,890
- Kathy, get in there with Lois.
- I can't. I have cramps.

176
00:12:21,166 --> 00:12:23,446
Why are you putting me up
against the scrubs?

177
00:12:23,669 --> 00:12:28,469
- Be a man and fight me yourself.
- Lois, the sensei is a sacred position.

178
00:12:28,759 --> 00:12:33,079
I could never violate the spiritual bond
of the student-master relationship.

179
00:12:33,349 --> 00:12:35,749
- Then allow me.
- Ooh!

180
00:12:35,978 --> 00:12:39,458
- The bond is broken.
- Then spin the wheel, raggedy man!

181
00:12:39,733 --> 00:12:43,813
Go, Lois! Pummel him
with your powerful fists of female fury.

182
00:12:43,989 --> 00:12:47,709
And then when he's weary,
emasculate him with your incessant nagging.

183
00:12:47,952 --> 00:12:50,752
Women! Yakety-yak, yakety-yak, yak, yak.

184
00:12:50,873 --> 00:12:53,593
You know, huh? Enjoy the fight.

185
00:13:07,688 --> 00:13:09,368
Yah!

186
00:13:09,566 --> 00:13:12,846
Lois, that was amazing. Congratu...

187
00:13:13,112 --> 00:13:16,912
This is mine.
This is where my babies come from.

188
00:13:18,745 --> 00:13:21,545
And now back to the movie of the week.

189
00:13:23,418 --> 00:13:27,018
If this glacier goes slower
than one mile a year, we're all dead!

190
00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:30,293
Tell me something I don't know!
Get out of the way!

191
00:13:34,183 --> 00:13:36,663
Lois, I was watching that.

192
00:13:37,813 --> 00:13:40,813
- What you looking at?
- The underpants. Lose 'em.

193
00:13:41,067 --> 00:13:44,347
Actually, I kinda...
I sorta have a headache, kinda.

194
00:13:44,614 --> 00:13:46,894
- Maybe tomorrow or...
- Take 'em off.

195
00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:48,517
Yeah, OK, honey.

196
00:13:52,416 --> 00:13:55,736
Whoa! What the hell are you doing?
Those are my graham crackers.

197
00:13:55,963 --> 00:13:58,883
Run along, Stewie. Daddy had a rough night.

198
00:13:59,092 --> 00:14:01,892
Why, you tottering, fem-sucked dewberry!

199
00:14:02,138 --> 00:14:06,338
I'm going to go find something
to strike you with. Excuse me.

200
00:14:06,602 --> 00:14:10,202
Good morning.
Peter, you look terrible. What happened?

201
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:14,163
Last night Lois was... the man!

202
00:14:14,447 --> 00:14:18,647
- Good Lord.
- I just want you to know, Brian, I didn't cry.

203
00:14:18,911 --> 00:14:21,911
It's OK. Shh.

204
00:14:24,878 --> 00:14:28,078
Oh, no! Peter! Stewie, what did you do?

205
00:14:28,299 --> 00:14:31,019
He freed the beast
all over the back of Peter's head.

206
00:14:31,220 --> 00:14:33,740
Oh, my God. This is my fault.

207
00:14:33,932 --> 00:14:37,052
This is my fault!
I brought violence into this house!

208
00:14:37,270 --> 00:14:40,870
- I'm the worst mother in the world!
- Ah-ha! I got it all on tape.

209
00:14:42,402 --> 00:14:45,802
OK, this is me
interviewing Ed Sullivan.

210
00:14:46,032 --> 00:14:47,552
What's new, Ed?

211
00:14:47,701 --> 00:14:51,701
Well, Stewie,
tonight we have a really big show.

212
00:14:51,998 --> 00:14:54,878
OK, and now a word
from our sponsors.

213
00:14:55,002 --> 00:14:58,802
It takes a very steady hand.
Don't touch the sides!

214
00:14:58,966 --> 00:15:01,366
Butterfingers!

215
00:15:01,595 --> 00:15:04,075
I was making radio shows for fun.

216
00:15:04,182 --> 00:15:08,382
Everybody does it.
At least, everybody I know. Shut up!

217
00:15:12,944 --> 00:15:18,344
Stewart, take this mommy doll and daddy
doll and show me how they act together.

218
00:15:18,577 --> 00:15:21,177
Oh. Yes, very well. All right.

219
00:15:22,457 --> 00:15:27,457
"Margaret, after 20 years of marriage, your
curious indiscretions no longer faze me. "

220
00:15:27,756 --> 00:15:30,556
"Really? And I suppose
you think I enjoy hanging onto

221
00:15:30,802 --> 00:15:34,282
those hammocky deposits of
gin sugars you call buttocks?"

222
00:15:34,557 --> 00:15:37,757
- What was that? What did you just write?
- Give me that.

223
00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:43,098
"Insecurity. Gender confusion. "
I'll give you something to write about.

224
00:15:43,402 --> 00:15:47,522
Look at me. I'm insane!
I'm Martin Lawrence on a bender.

225
00:15:52,999 --> 00:15:56,399
Mr and Mrs Griffin, does Stewart
have a history of aggression?

226
00:15:56,546 --> 00:15:59,946
No. Hitting Peter is the first
violent thing he's ever done.

227
00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:05,092
Technically, the first was that time bomb
I left ticking in your uterus before I came out.

228
00:16:05,433 --> 00:16:07,633
Happy 50th birthday, Lois.

229
00:16:07,811 --> 00:16:10,811
Your son is learning
misbehaviour from someone.

230
00:16:11,066 --> 00:16:14,466
I... I know who's responsible
for Stewie's behaviour,

231
00:16:14,696 --> 00:16:17,016
but if I told you,
Lois'd beat the crap out of me.

232
00:16:17,199 --> 00:16:21,199
Now, just a minute! The whole reason
I started fighting is because of you.

233
00:16:21,497 --> 00:16:26,097
I felt weak. You never listen to me.
You undermine me in front of the kids.

234
00:16:26,378 --> 00:16:29,578
And besides, you're not exactly
Father of the Year yourself.

235
00:16:29,841 --> 00:16:32,921
Well, there seems to be a lot
of anger in your household.

236
00:16:33,179 --> 00:16:36,379
You owe it to your son to learn
how to manage these feelings.

237
00:16:36,601 --> 00:16:37,721
Manage what?

238
00:16:39,438 --> 00:16:42,118
I know I went a little overboard
with my tae-jitsu,

239
00:16:42,359 --> 00:16:45,959
but from now on we're not gonna have
any more anger in this house, OK?

240
00:16:46,197 --> 00:16:49,117
Tell Chris to quit drawing
pictures of me with a pig's body.

241
00:16:49,327 --> 00:16:51,847
- Don't censure me!
- No more anger!

242
00:16:52,039 --> 00:16:58,239
OK. The psychologist wants us
to try an exercise called role reversal,

243
00:16:58,631 --> 00:17:02,231
where we pretend to be
the person who makes us angry.

244
00:17:02,470 --> 00:17:03,870
I'll go first.

245
00:17:04,055 --> 00:17:07,535
"Don't listen to your mother, kids.
She's worthless and dumb. "

246
00:17:07,810 --> 00:17:11,210
"Lgnore her and only listen to me - Peter. "

247
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:16,040
"I'm Lois. I brake for yard sales,
but I don't let Peter buy anything he likes,

248
00:17:16,239 --> 00:17:20,039
like that Narragansett beer sign
where the hot chick has two mugs for jugs. "

249
00:17:20,328 --> 00:17:23,808
It was eight freakin' dollars,
and we have a dozen places to put it!

250
00:17:24,083 --> 00:17:25,163
Me next, me next!

251
00:17:25,334 --> 00:17:29,134
"I'm the dog. I'm well-read
and have a diverse stock portfolio,

252
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:34,302
but I'm not above eating grass clippings and
regurgitating them on the rug by the door. "

253
00:17:34,597 --> 00:17:38,717
"I'm a pompous antichrist who will probably
drop my plans for world domination

254
00:17:38,978 --> 00:17:42,378
when I grow up and fall in love
with a rough trick named Jim. "

255
00:17:55,167 --> 00:17:56,567
Whoa, Peter, calm down.

256
00:17:56,711 --> 00:18:00,511
I'm sick of Lois's anger-management
techniques. They're not working.

257
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,680
What about writing angry letters
and not sending them?

258
00:18:03,929 --> 00:18:07,409
- I wasn't supposed to send those?
- I got a letter from Dad.

259
00:18:07,684 --> 00:18:13,084
"Dear Meg. For the first four years of your
life, I thought you were a house cat. " Dad!

260
00:18:13,401 --> 00:18:16,001
"Dear Stewie. Get out. " That's nice.

261
00:18:16,113 --> 00:18:20,913
Mine just says "Dear Lois. " And after that
it looks like someone just spit on the paper.

262
00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:24,240
- You got somethin' to say to me?
- Yeah. PS:

263
00:18:27,921 --> 00:18:29,921
Hold on a sec.

264
00:18:30,633 --> 00:18:32,633
Hold on. Relax. Everybody, relax.

265
00:18:32,802 --> 00:18:35,002
I was hoping it wouldn't come to this,

266
00:18:35,097 --> 00:18:38,497
but we need to get our anger under control
before we kill each other.

267
00:18:38,644 --> 00:18:41,244
My psychiatrist gave me
these mood elevators.

268
00:18:41,356 --> 00:18:43,756
I think they could help even us out.

269
00:18:43,984 --> 00:18:46,864
We're not taking pills. It's not natural.

270
00:18:47,114 --> 00:18:49,914
Nor is bleaching the hair
on your upper lip, Martin Mull.

271
00:18:50,118 --> 00:18:51,838
Give us the pills.

272
00:18:53,581 --> 00:18:55,581
- " Ah-um
- " Ba-ba

273
00:18:55,876 --> 00:18:57,876
- " Ah-um
- " Ba-ba

274
00:18:58,046 --> 00:19:01,846
"Ay-oh, Mother Africa

275
00:19:02,134 --> 00:19:03,134
"Ah-um

276
00:19:03,261 --> 00:19:04,661
"Ba-ba

277
00:19:04,721 --> 00:19:07,721
That was fun. What country shall we do next?

278
00:19:07,976 --> 00:19:11,456
Monaco. Wait - that's a principality.

279
00:19:13,191 --> 00:19:17,871
Wanna hear something really funny? Those
pills I gave you were placebos. Sugar pills.

280
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:25,119
Are you telling me I just sang
Ladysmith Black Mambazo for nothing?

281
00:19:25,375 --> 00:19:27,895
Did it kill you to be
multicultural for a minute?

282
00:19:28,087 --> 00:19:33,487
- I died a little inside, yes. You happy now?
- Don't you use that tone of voice, you...

283
00:19:33,845 --> 00:19:36,525
- What were you gonna say? Fat ass?
- Wide load?

284
00:19:36,766 --> 00:19:39,166
- Dough boy?
- Country virtuoso Roy Clark?

285
00:19:39,352 --> 00:19:41,952
- How about all of the above?
- How's this for a name?

286
00:19:42,190 --> 00:19:44,870
"Pony Express is in. "
"What have you got for me, Joe?"

287
00:19:45,110 --> 00:19:47,510
"Let me see. It's here somewhere. "

288
00:19:47,697 --> 00:19:51,017
"Here we are. A big bag
of liver spots for Lois. "

289
00:19:52,704 --> 00:19:55,824
- You... You just hit me.
- That's right.

290
00:19:57,711 --> 00:20:01,831
- You can't hit me! I'm a girl!
- Sometimes I wonder.

291
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:08,004
- Kicking, Lois?
- Ha! Hurts, doesn't it?

292
00:20:08,142 --> 00:20:10,142
You tell me.

293
00:20:15,861 --> 00:20:18,181
Go, Dad! Kick her ass!

294
00:20:18,364 --> 00:20:22,564
- Shut up! This is all Dad's fault.
- I don't like to be touched!

295
00:20:31,299 --> 00:20:32,499
Aaagh!

296
00:20:55,290 --> 00:20:56,490
Aaaaagh!

297
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,680
Man, I'm glad we got that out of our systems.

298
00:21:26,917 --> 00:21:30,317
- I wonder what came over us.
- Maybe people are naturally violent.

299
00:21:30,547 --> 00:21:33,867
I don't believe that.
I think it's all the TV we watch.

300
00:21:34,094 --> 00:21:37,614
- There's so much violence.
- Yeah, TV is dangerous.

301
00:21:37,849 --> 00:21:41,849
Why the hell doesn't the government
tell us what we can and can't watch?

302
00:21:42,021 --> 00:21:44,621
Shame on the network
that puts this junk on the air!

303
00:21:44,733 --> 00:21:48,053
Peter, maybe you shouldn't say
anything bad about the network.

304
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:51,680
What are they gonna do? Cut our budget?
I'm gonna go get a beer.

