1
00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:05,439
"It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:08,759
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:08,839 --> 00:00:12,438
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:12,438 --> 00:00:14,438
"On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:15,158 --> 00:00:18,357
"Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:18,437 --> 00:00:23,236
"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

7
00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:24,636
"Laugh and cry

8
00:00:24,756 --> 00:00:29,955
"He's a family guy

9
00:00:35,634 --> 00:00:39,554
Thanks for coming, Lois. Mark's wanted me
to see his one-man show for weeks.

10
00:00:39,634 --> 00:00:43,153
I think it's wonderful
you're supporting your old pal.

11
00:00:43,953 --> 00:00:46,033
Go long, Eddie. Go long.

12
00:00:46,033 --> 00:00:48,032
Further. Further!

13
00:00:48,152 --> 00:00:49,832
Ahhh...

14
00:00:49,952 --> 00:00:51,952
Life was crazy growing up in Brooklyn.

15
00:00:52,032 --> 00:00:55,751
We had some real characters in my
neighbourhood, like Frank the mailman.

16
00:00:55,831 --> 00:00:59,230
Hey, Mark.
The ants for your ant farm came today.

17
00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:01,430
And my friend Lonny - that knucklehead.

18
00:01:01,430 --> 00:01:03,830
Yo, Marky! Let's play some b-ball.

19
00:01:03,950 --> 00:01:07,229
B-ball. That's what we called it.

20
00:01:07,349 --> 00:01:09,829
And my grandma -
boy, was she somethin' else.

21
00:01:09,949 --> 00:01:15,028
Marky,
don't forget to take your cod-liver oil.

22
00:01:16,428 --> 00:01:20,547
What a piece of self-indulgent crap.
All the characters sounded the same.

23
00:01:20,627 --> 00:01:23,226
- Great show.
- You did me perfectly.

24
00:01:23,346 --> 00:01:25,426
Me too. You are so talented.

25
00:01:25,546 --> 00:01:29,145
That was awful. With practice
I could act circles around that guy.

26
00:01:29,225 --> 00:01:31,425
Oh, yeah? Well, put up or shut up.

27
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:36,024
"This Thursday, auditions for
the Quahog School of Performing Arts. "

28
00:01:36,144 --> 00:01:38,824
- You should try out.
- That's not a bad idea, Lois.

29
00:01:38,944 --> 00:01:41,743
Ready for the best acting
you've seen all night?

30
00:01:41,823 --> 00:01:47,422
Mark! Wow, what a journey! Thank you.
Those three and a half hours just flew by.

31
00:01:49,542 --> 00:01:54,141
Hey, Santos, Pascoal. You've done such
good work today, I got a surprise for you.

32
00:01:54,221 --> 00:01:56,021
Doritos!

33
00:01:56,941 --> 00:01:58,221
Not now. Later.

34
00:02:08,819 --> 00:02:10,818
Help! Help!

35
00:02:10,938 --> 00:02:12,338
Oh, my God!

36
00:02:16,218 --> 00:02:20,417
Thank you. I was boogie-boarding
and I got sucked out by the riptide.

37
00:02:20,537 --> 00:02:24,016
- I thought I was a dead man.
- You gotta be starving. Eat these.

38
00:02:30,615 --> 00:02:33,135
My God! He was just floating
out there by himself?

39
00:02:33,215 --> 00:02:36,934
Yep. He was so grateful,
he invited us all over for dinner tonight.

40
00:02:37,014 --> 00:02:38,614
Good. I don't have to cook.

41
00:02:38,614 --> 00:02:41,933
Cook anyway and we'll throw it out.
I don't want you to get rusty.

42
00:02:42,213 --> 00:02:45,933
Peter, my audition's coming up.
Would you listen to my monologue?

43
00:02:46,013 --> 00:02:48,332
Sure, buddy. Let's hear it.

44
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:54,211
- Julie, there's somethin' I gotta tell you...
- Ha! That's awesome. Go on.

45
00:02:54,331 --> 00:02:59,610
- Uh... tell you. I saw Dr Philips...
- Wow! Yes! Yes! I love it.

46
00:02:59,610 --> 00:03:03,210
...Dr Philips today.
I might not make it to Christmas.

47
00:03:03,210 --> 00:03:06,529
Oh, drop the bomb. There's not
a dry eye in the house. Keep goin'.

48
00:03:06,609 --> 00:03:09,329
No. I'm gonna stop.
Maybe we'll work on it later.

49
00:03:09,409 --> 00:03:13,208
Well, just so you know, it was good,
but I was also being generous.

50
00:03:15,808 --> 00:03:20,327
Well, you little jaybird! You wanna tell your
mommy and daddy the Griffins are here?

51
00:03:20,407 --> 00:03:22,606
Come on in.

52
00:03:22,726 --> 00:03:24,206
Welcome, Griffins.

53
00:03:24,206 --> 00:03:26,606
Oh... uh...

54
00:03:26,726 --> 00:03:30,125
- We must be early.
- Nonsense. You're right on time.

55
00:03:30,205 --> 00:03:33,925
Oh, my God! She's got hair growin'
out of her boobs and up to her head.

56
00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:36,324
You're, uh... You're completely...

57
00:03:36,404 --> 00:03:39,924
- Nude? Yes, we're nudists.
- Permission to freak out.

58
00:03:40,004 --> 00:03:43,203
- Peter, did you know this?
- I thought he lost his bathing suit.

59
00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:46,922
So you're the man who saved
my husband's life. Dottie Campbell.

60
00:03:47,002 --> 00:03:49,922
- What am I doing? Come here!
- Watch my hands, Lois.

61
00:03:50,002 --> 00:03:52,002
See where they are? No touchie.

62
00:03:52,122 --> 00:03:58,320
This is the back yard. That's premium
blue-tip Bermuda. Real hardy, but soft.

63
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,800
- Good Lord.
- Don't look directly into it, Lois.

64
00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:04,000
The hot dogs and burgers are ready.
Can I get you a beer, Peter?

65
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,919
- What do you got?
- I've got Busch.

66
00:04:06,999 --> 00:04:08,199
Oh, and Busch Light.

67
00:04:08,319 --> 00:04:10,998
Sounds like Jeff's home.

68
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:14,118
- Hey, sport! How'd you do?
- I got first place, Dad.

69
00:04:14,198 --> 00:04:18,597
Way to go, champ. Jeff plays
varsity tennis for Saint Genevieve High.

70
00:04:18,717 --> 00:04:21,517
- Cool.
- Is this the biggest thing you've ever seen?

71
00:04:21,597 --> 00:04:25,316
Don't get too cocky. I had a big one
like that when I was your age.

72
00:04:25,396 --> 00:04:29,115
You were a show-off yourself, Dave.
You brought it out on our first date.

73
00:04:29,195 --> 00:04:31,515
Lois, I'm scared. Oh, I'll get that.

74
00:04:31,595 --> 00:04:32,595
Hey!

75
00:04:32,715 --> 00:04:35,594
Oh, God! Oh, Dave, sorry! Oh, God!

76
00:04:37,314 --> 00:04:40,513
- Boobies!
- That's enough. I'm glad to be out of there.

77
00:04:40,593 --> 00:04:43,313
What those people are doing
just ain't natural.

78
00:04:43,393 --> 00:04:45,393
- Boobies!
- Did you hear me, young man?

79
00:04:45,513 --> 00:04:48,392
- What was the big deal? They were nice.
- Boobies!

80
00:04:48,392 --> 00:04:50,192
- Peter.
- Do it.

81
00:04:52,511 --> 00:04:56,591
- Did you have fun at the circus today, Chris?
- Elephants are bigger in person.

82
00:05:02,190 --> 00:05:05,589
- Break a leg up there, Brian.
- You seem awfully enthusiastic.

83
00:05:05,709 --> 00:05:09,988
At first I wanted you to fail. But then
I realised you'd be out five days a week,

84
00:05:10,108 --> 00:05:12,988
which means I'd be free to throw
some of my sexy parties.

85
00:05:23,786 --> 00:05:26,106
- Brian Griffin.
- Good luck, Brian.

86
00:05:26,186 --> 00:05:30,705
Hi. I'm Brian Griffin, and this is
from John Waltz's Leaving Wichita.

87
00:05:32,905 --> 00:05:35,904
Julie, there's somethin' I gotta tell you.

88
00:05:35,984 --> 00:05:39,903
I saw Dr Philips today.
I might not make it to Christmas.

89
00:05:39,983 --> 00:05:42,383
- Thank you. Next.
- Next?

90
00:05:42,503 --> 00:05:44,703
Hold on, Brian. Stay up there.

91
00:05:45,103 --> 00:05:48,902
See here! Brian Griffin is a brilliant actor
with talent and passion.

92
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:51,582
But you alleged experts
obviously didn't notice.

93
00:05:51,702 --> 00:05:55,501
Well, I did notice.
I saw a man bare his soul up here.

94
00:05:55,581 --> 00:05:58,380
His pain ran through my heart
like an errant locomotive.

95
00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:01,300
But it was wasted. Wasted on all of you!

96
00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:06,179
Well, it looks like we have to
reconsider. Brian, we want you...

97
00:06:06,179 --> 00:06:08,099
- Yes!
... off the stage.

98
00:06:08,179 --> 00:06:12,098
But your young friend would be perfect
for our rising-star programme.

99
00:06:12,178 --> 00:06:15,378
Splendid! This calls for a sexy party.

100
00:06:23,376 --> 00:06:26,096
OK, funcakes, let's do a scene.

101
00:06:26,176 --> 00:06:30,295
Stewie, how about you and, let's see...
one of our veterans... Olivia.

102
00:06:30,375 --> 00:06:33,175
I'm not doing a scene with him.
He's inexperienced.

103
00:06:33,295 --> 00:06:35,294
He'll drag my whole performance down.

104
00:06:35,374 --> 00:06:37,574
Are you serious? Is she serious?

105
00:06:37,694 --> 00:06:40,573
OK, Stewie, I'll give you a solo exercise.

106
00:06:40,973 --> 00:06:44,773
You're gonna do an exercise we call
"The Life Cycle". Without using words,

107
00:06:44,893 --> 00:06:48,772
you're gonna act out your entire life
from birth to death as I describe it.

108
00:06:48,772 --> 00:06:51,172
Ready? Lie down.

109
00:06:51,172 --> 00:06:55,971
Now you're being born. Ready?
And burst through the placenta!

110
00:06:56,091 --> 00:07:00,290
Now fast-forward. It's your first day of school.
You're alone and scared.

111
00:07:00,370 --> 00:07:03,689
But it's all right. It's Sloppy Joe day.

112
00:07:03,769 --> 00:07:07,369
Pull it back. The lady touched the bun
and she's not wearing gloves.

113
00:07:07,489 --> 00:07:10,888
Fast-forward. You're a businessman,
you manage a lot of people.

114
00:07:10,968 --> 00:07:14,968
Here comes Henderson.
He lost the big account. You're mad.

115
00:07:15,088 --> 00:07:17,287
Madder. Madder!

116
00:07:17,367 --> 00:07:19,487
Come on. Hot, hot.
There it is. You got it.

117
00:07:19,567 --> 00:07:22,966
And fast-forward. You're an old man now.
You're on your deathbed.

118
00:07:22,966 --> 00:07:26,486
Your son is holding your hand.
You tell him you accept his lifestyle

119
00:07:26,566 --> 00:07:31,085
and regret humiliating him at his sister's
wedding by calling him your other daughter.

120
00:07:31,165 --> 00:07:34,164
And... scene. OK, any comments?

121
00:07:35,964 --> 00:07:38,764
You are the weakest link. Goodbye.

122
00:07:39,963 --> 00:07:44,163
Ha, ha, ha! Oh, gosh, that's funny.
That's really funny.

123
00:07:44,163 --> 00:07:46,162
Do you write your own material?

124
00:07:46,282 --> 00:07:49,482
That is so fresh.
"You are the weakest link. Goodbye. "

125
00:07:49,562 --> 00:07:53,361
I've never heard anyone make
that joke before. You're the first.

126
00:07:53,481 --> 00:07:57,280
I've never heard anyone reference that
outside the programme before.

127
00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:01,560
That's what she says on the show, right?
"You are the weakest link. Goodbye. "

128
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:08,279
You've taken that and used it out of context
to insult me in this everyday situation.

129
00:08:08,359 --> 00:08:11,758
What a clever, smart girl you must be

130
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:14,558
to come up with a joke like that
all by yourself.

131
00:08:14,678 --> 00:08:16,677
Mm. That's so fresh, too.

132
00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:19,157
Any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me

133
00:08:19,277 --> 00:08:23,356
while we're hitting these phenomena
at the height of their popularity?

134
00:08:23,476 --> 00:08:25,276
Cos I'm here.

135
00:08:25,356 --> 00:08:27,355
God, you're so funny!

136
00:08:30,475 --> 00:08:33,274
- Meg?
- Jeff! Wow, hey!

137
00:08:33,354 --> 00:08:36,754
- What are you doing here?
- They had a sale on Super Soakers.

138
00:08:38,754 --> 00:08:39,953
Agh! What the heck...?

139
00:08:40,073 --> 00:08:43,273
- Nudist!
- My dad's a tailor, you jerk!

140
00:08:43,753 --> 00:08:47,552
- Gosh, that's awful.
- That's all right. I'm used to it.

141
00:08:47,672 --> 00:08:51,751
I'd better go. So, um... would you
wanna do something sometime?

142
00:08:51,871 --> 00:08:56,151
- Sure. That'd be great.
- Cool. I'll call you later.

143
00:09:04,469 --> 00:09:07,949
Holy moly! It must be my birthday.

144
00:09:19,867 --> 00:09:22,946
Thank you. Thank you. That was, um...

145
00:09:23,066 --> 00:09:26,865
"Me Farting" by Chopin.

146
00:09:27,945 --> 00:09:31,345
Thank you. Thank you very...

147
00:09:35,664 --> 00:09:39,663
- So, Olivia. Beautiful day.
- You're not gonna fart again, are you?

148
00:09:41,143 --> 00:09:45,142
Well, I'd love to stay and chat,
but you're a total bitch.

149
00:09:51,261 --> 00:09:54,341
The quarterly review's tomorrow.
Think your kids will pass?

150
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:58,140
I'll tell you who won't.
It starts with an O and rhymes with Bolivia.

151
00:09:58,140 --> 00:10:00,540
- Give up? Olivia.
- Really?

152
00:10:00,660 --> 00:10:03,459
She's such a frosty box.
She won't work with anybody.

153
00:10:03,539 --> 00:10:07,739
Stewie Griffin is also on the fence.
If he and Olivia don't deliver at their reviews,

154
00:10:07,859 --> 00:10:10,938
I'll have to kick their
cute little bottoms out of here.

155
00:10:15,137 --> 00:10:18,057
This table is reserved for people with talent.

156
00:10:18,137 --> 00:10:21,856
Stow the 'tude, queenie.
You and I have a problem. Read it and weep.

157
00:10:21,936 --> 00:10:25,256
- "Doesn't work well with others"?
- Mine's no better.

158
00:10:25,336 --> 00:10:30,055
I'll spare you the details, but the phrase
"garden variety" appears a number of times.

159
00:10:30,135 --> 00:10:32,934
- What am I going to do?
- What are we going to do?

160
00:10:33,054 --> 00:10:36,334
Our evaluation's tomorrow.
You need someone to work with,

161
00:10:36,334 --> 00:10:38,653
and I need someone to make me look good.

162
00:10:38,733 --> 00:10:40,853
- I don't know.
- Fine. Refuse my offer.

163
00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:43,653
Get booted out
and wind up like Linda Evans.

164
00:10:43,733 --> 00:10:48,252
Linda Evans, we have a spill in aisle 9.
Linda Evans, a spill in aisle 9.

165
00:10:50,252 --> 00:10:53,651
- Do you like yours with crust or without?
- How do you like yours?

166
00:10:53,731 --> 00:10:57,450
Let's both answer at the same time.
One, two, three.

167
00:10:57,530 --> 00:10:58,530
- Without.
- Without.

168
00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:01,330
Holy moly! That's eight things
we have in common.

169
00:11:01,330 --> 00:11:04,329
- Kids, we're home.
- Hello, Mr and Mrs Griffin.

170
00:11:04,329 --> 00:11:07,649
- You remember Jeff?
- Sure. Lois, I'm gonna borrow your mace.

171
00:11:07,729 --> 00:11:09,248
Agh! That's better.

172
00:11:09,328 --> 00:11:12,528
Meg, did any of the neighbours
see Jeff come over?

173
00:11:12,648 --> 00:11:15,047
Mom! Come on, Jeff.
Let's go in the other room.

174
00:11:15,127 --> 00:11:17,727
Now, Meg, no need to get so testes... testy.

175
00:11:17,847 --> 00:11:19,847
Oh, nuts... I mean crap!

176
00:11:19,927 --> 00:11:23,526
- You wanna sit down?
- Wait a second. Don't sit down yet.

177
00:11:23,646 --> 00:11:27,445
- Dad, what are you doing?
- I'm, uh... keepin' the couch fresh.

178
00:11:27,525 --> 00:11:28,925
- Dad!
- It's OK, Meg.

179
00:11:28,925 --> 00:11:31,445
I understand what's goin' on. I'm gonna go.

180
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:34,444
Oh! Just step on these coasters
on your way out.

181
00:11:34,524 --> 00:11:38,523
Don't step on the hot lava.
The carpet is hot lava.

182
00:11:39,723 --> 00:11:41,323
I can't believe you guys!

183
00:11:41,323 --> 00:11:43,923
How could you bring
that naked kid to our house?

184
00:11:43,923 --> 00:11:46,642
Because I like him. He remembers my name.

185
00:11:46,722 --> 00:11:50,641
I'm sorry, honey, but we don't think
you should see him any more.

186
00:11:51,921 --> 00:11:54,041
I hate the sound of her cryin'.

187
00:11:54,121 --> 00:11:56,720
You know what sounds even worse?

188
00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,920
Ahh! Listen to that.

189
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,319
Don't you hate that?

190
00:12:02,439 --> 00:12:04,719
That is awful.

191
00:12:04,839 --> 00:12:09,118
I think it's easier on me
cos I'm the one makin' the sound.

192
00:12:12,118 --> 00:12:15,717
Nice effort, Brad. But let's remember
our performance hierarchy:

193
00:12:15,837 --> 00:12:19,637
Legitimate theatre, musical,
stand-up, ventriloquism, magic, mime.

194
00:12:19,717 --> 00:12:23,436
Next up is Olivia. Liv, what monologue
are you doing for us this time?

195
00:12:23,516 --> 00:12:26,315
I'm not doing a monologue.
I'm doing a piece with Stewie.

196
00:12:26,315 --> 00:12:28,715
A duet? Really? Let's see it.

197
00:12:29,635 --> 00:12:31,715
Five, six, seven, eight.

198
00:12:34,114 --> 00:12:37,514
- " Who's got the greatest gal around?
- " You do

199
00:12:37,634 --> 00:12:40,913
- " Who's got the sweetest man in town?
- " You do

200
00:12:41,033 --> 00:12:45,112
"Who's got a guy
who makes her smile all day?

201
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:47,712
By the way, I'm not so bad to look at either.

202
00:12:47,832 --> 00:12:51,111
- " Who's got a guy with lots of brains?
- " You do

203
00:12:51,231 --> 00:12:54,511
- " Who's got a girl who loves chow mein?
- " You do

204
00:12:54,631 --> 00:12:57,230
"Who's got the greatest love in the world?

205
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,110
- " You do
- " And you do

206
00:12:59,230 --> 00:13:00,710
"Thank goodness I've got you

207
00:13:00,830 --> 00:13:04,109
- " Who's got a guy to tell her jokes?
- " You do

208
00:13:04,109 --> 00:13:07,509
- " Who's got a girl to show the folks?
- " You do

209
00:13:07,629 --> 00:13:11,108
"Who's got a girl
he'd like to one day undress?

210
00:13:11,228 --> 00:13:15,027
"Give it a rest -
I told you not until we're married

211
00:13:15,107 --> 00:13:18,427
- " Who's got the gal with all the snazz?
- " You do

212
00:13:18,507 --> 00:13:21,906
- " Who's got the fella with pizzazz?
- " You do

213
00:13:22,026 --> 00:13:26,105
"Who's got the greatest love in the world?

214
00:13:26,225 --> 00:13:28,105
- " You do
- " And you do

215
00:13:28,105 --> 00:13:35,024
"Thank goodness I've got you

216
00:13:37,704 --> 00:13:39,823
Watch this. Are you watching?

217
00:13:40,623 --> 00:13:43,223
That's for me ever having
doubted you. A-plus!

218
00:13:43,902 --> 00:13:48,022
That's for you wearing purple pants
with blue socks. Eww!

219
00:13:48,102 --> 00:13:49,821
I totally called him on it.

220
00:13:53,701 --> 00:13:57,300
No secrets. I wanna share
Stewie and Olivia with the world.

221
00:13:57,300 --> 00:14:00,300
They're awfully young.
Is this really a good idea?

222
00:14:00,420 --> 00:14:03,819
It's a great idea. I've always
dreamed of becoming an actress.

223
00:14:03,899 --> 00:14:07,419
That's not why I'm pushing Olivia.
Is it suspicious that I said that?

224
00:14:07,499 --> 00:14:09,498
Well, I guess it might be OK.

225
00:14:09,498 --> 00:14:13,418
Sure, Lois. Look at Elroy Jetson. He was
a child actor and he turned out fine.

226
00:14:14,497 --> 00:14:17,617
Do you know who I am? I'm Elroy Jetson.

227
00:14:17,697 --> 00:14:20,016
Yeah, yeah. Come back
when you have some money.

228
00:14:20,096 --> 00:14:22,416
- Take him home, Bamm-Bamm.
- Bamm-Bamm, bam!

229
00:14:22,496 --> 00:14:25,695
I don't wanna go home.
Take me to Astro's grave.

230
00:14:27,495 --> 00:14:29,615
- " You do
- " And you do

231
00:14:29,695 --> 00:14:36,414
"Thank goodness I've got you

232
00:14:42,613 --> 00:14:44,612
Do you hear that? They love us!

233
00:14:44,692 --> 00:14:47,612
- Yes, we're a hit. You were amazing.
- So were you.

234
00:14:47,692 --> 00:14:50,891
It was a good crowd. They didn't
notice you missed that F sharp.

235
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:55,211
- Yes, well... Beg pardon?
- The F sharp, darling. You were slightly off.

236
00:14:55,291 --> 00:14:58,090
- I'm sure I wasn't.
- Well, maybe it was me.

237
00:14:58,090 --> 00:15:00,290
- Must've been you.
- I was being sarcastic.

238
00:15:00,410 --> 00:15:02,889
- Well, it wasn't me.
- Well, it wasn't me.

239
00:15:09,288 --> 00:15:10,888
Like this. Listen to me.

240
00:15:13,288 --> 00:15:15,407
Hi, Meg.

241
00:15:16,687 --> 00:15:20,286
Peter, was it unfair of us to tell Meg
she couldn't see that boy?

242
00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:25,805
Completely. We totally reamed her. Did you
see that look in her eyes? She hates you.

243
00:15:31,604 --> 00:15:35,484
There it is, kids. Your first marquee.
Meet you inside.

244
00:15:37,883 --> 00:15:40,083
- Exciting.
- The marquee or the other thing?

245
00:15:40,203 --> 00:15:43,283
- What other thing?
- The sex... with Simon.

246
00:15:43,402 --> 00:15:46,282
- Why else would your name be first?
- It's obvious.

247
00:15:46,402 --> 00:15:50,081
Lead with strength, put your best foot
forward, et cetera, et cetera.

248
00:15:50,201 --> 00:15:51,601
So the sex was good?

249
00:15:51,681 --> 00:15:55,480
- Shut up, you egotistical jerk.
- You shut up, you sack-bellied strumpet!

250
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:58,080
- Blimp-headed jackass!
- Mealy-mouthed crotch pheasant!

251
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:04,999
"Thank goodness I've got you

252
00:16:08,078 --> 00:16:11,198
Jeff! What are you doing here?
I'm not supposed to see you.

253
00:16:11,278 --> 00:16:13,797
- Your parents invited me.
- But they wouldn't...

254
00:16:13,877 --> 00:16:16,477
- Yes, we would.
- Oh, my God! What are you doing?!

255
00:16:16,597 --> 00:16:19,796
We were wrong, Meg. If you like Jeff,
we should give him a chance.

256
00:16:19,876 --> 00:16:22,076
We wanted him to feel welcome in our home.

257
00:16:22,196 --> 00:16:24,876
Mom, I need new batteries for my Walkman.

258
00:16:24,996 --> 00:16:27,795
Hey! Why is everybody else naked?

259
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:31,075
Yahtzee! I win!

260
00:16:31,075 --> 00:16:34,194
Yeah! In your face! In your face! In your face!

261
00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:38,393
- I gotta go. Thanks, Mr and Mrs Griffin.
- Our pleasure.

262
00:16:38,473 --> 00:16:39,793
Nice hanging with you.

263
00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:44,592
- I hope my parents didn't embarrass you.
- Are you kidding? I think they're great.

264
00:16:44,672 --> 00:16:48,392
It took a lot of guts for them to do that.
I'll see you later.

265
00:16:49,871 --> 00:16:51,871
Thanks, you guys. That was really cool.

266
00:16:51,991 --> 00:16:55,670
Peter, can I borrow your lawn mower?
Agh... You got a towel?

267
00:16:55,790 --> 00:16:59,470
Simon, would you be a dear and ask Stewie
to dance on his own feet tonight?

268
00:16:59,590 --> 00:17:03,069
Could you provide Olivia with a bucket
so she can carry a tune?

269
00:17:03,069 --> 00:17:05,069
People, stop this craziness!

270
00:17:05,189 --> 00:17:09,668
The Providence Journal's critic is here.
If we get a good review, the doors'll fly open.

271
00:17:09,668 --> 00:17:11,668
Go get 'em, my little silly-billies.

272
00:17:11,788 --> 00:17:14,067
- Let's just get through this.
- Fine with me.

273
00:17:14,187 --> 00:17:19,186
Wait a minute. You're wearing ruby lipstick.
You're painted up like some jezebel.

274
00:17:19,266 --> 00:17:22,586
You're one to talk. You've been
stuffing your diaper since day one.

275
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:24,666
It's where I keep my peppermint Mentos.

276
00:17:24,786 --> 00:17:29,265
Just because your breath reeks of rotten
Lunchables doesn't mean mine has to.

277
00:17:43,582 --> 00:17:45,662
Break it up! Break it up!

278
00:17:45,662 --> 00:17:50,861
I don't need this act and I don't need you.
You've done nothing but hold me back. I quit!

279
00:17:50,981 --> 00:17:53,261
All I've held you back from is failure.

280
00:17:53,381 --> 00:17:55,980
Come on, Simon.
We don't need that Bebe No-worth.

281
00:17:56,060 --> 00:18:00,779
I don't know, Stewie. Without Olivia, this act
is like Fire Island after Labor Day: Over.

282
00:18:00,859 --> 00:18:03,579
Fine. I don't need you.
I can manage my own career.

283
00:18:03,659 --> 00:18:06,659
Yes. Yes, I'm quite capable of that.

284
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:14,977
"I've got my top hat and cane

285
00:18:15,057 --> 00:18:20,056
"And a pocketful of miracles,
pocketful of miracles

286
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:24,855
- Somebody get a hook!
- This is worse than Seussical!

287
00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:27,455
No, wait. I was about to do this thing.

288
00:18:34,974 --> 00:18:36,973
Oh, hello. Didn't notice you there.

289
00:18:37,053 --> 00:18:40,973
It's not easy living with my family.
Bunch of characters, they are.

290
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:46,052
Like my father. "Holy crap, Lois.
Check out the freakin' log in the toilet. "

291
00:18:46,052 --> 00:18:48,172
Get off the stage!

292
00:18:50,651 --> 00:18:53,451
What do you say, Bernie?
Two nights at the old rate?

293
00:18:53,571 --> 00:18:56,650
I told you before, kid,
I can't book you without Olivia.

294
00:18:56,770 --> 00:19:00,050
But that's the good news.
We're back together. She's here.

295
00:19:00,050 --> 00:19:05,169
Hi, Bernie. Glad to be back.
Ask Stewie about his sexy parties.

296
00:19:06,049 --> 00:19:09,248
"Ask Stewie about his sexy parties. "
What were you thinking?

297
00:19:09,368 --> 00:19:10,968
- I was...
- I'm not speaking to you.

298
00:19:11,048 --> 00:19:12,048
- But...
- Shut up!

299
00:19:14,247 --> 00:19:18,367
I guess the best advice I got
was from Marty Scorsese.

300
00:19:18,446 --> 00:19:21,966
I was having a problem understanding
why I'd been taking abuse

301
00:19:22,046 --> 00:19:25,245
from this lower-ranking officer
played by Chris O'Donnell.

302
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:30,045
And... he told me "You don't have to
understand it. Your character does. "

303
00:19:30,165 --> 00:19:31,844
That always stuck with me.

304
00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:34,444
- Stewie?
- Olivia! What are you doing here?

305
00:19:34,444 --> 00:19:38,043
I must be an absolute mess.
The studio made me fire my make-up girl.

306
00:19:38,163 --> 00:19:43,842
I just wanted to stop by and see how
you were doing. I heard some things...

307
00:19:43,962 --> 00:19:46,242
That it's going great for me? You heard right.

308
00:19:46,362 --> 00:19:49,241
- Glad to hear that.
- But, hey... um...

309
00:19:49,361 --> 00:19:53,561
If you're not busy... what say
you and I get the old team back together?

310
00:19:53,641 --> 00:19:56,960
Well, actually, I can't.
I'm on my way to Hollywood.

311
00:19:57,040 --> 00:20:00,959
- I got this part in a movie and...
- Oh, oh, oh, oh... What am I thinking?

312
00:20:01,039 --> 00:20:04,439
I'd love to, but I just... I'm booked solid.

313
00:20:04,559 --> 00:20:07,638
I'm doing a three-episode guest shot
on The Gilmore Girls.

314
00:20:07,758 --> 00:20:11,038
I play Rory's motorcycle-driving boyfriend.

315
00:20:11,158 --> 00:20:14,837
He's a bad boy at heart,
but there's some good in there, Olivia.

316
00:20:14,957 --> 00:20:16,957
And it comes through absolutely.

317
00:20:17,037 --> 00:20:21,236
That's really good to hear, Stewie.
Please, take care of yourself.

318
00:20:23,836 --> 00:20:25,635
See you on the coast.

319
00:20:26,955 --> 00:20:31,154
- So, did you let him have it?
- No. He let himself have it.

320
00:20:33,634 --> 00:20:35,634
This is it.

321
00:20:37,953 --> 00:20:39,833
Hey. How ya doin', kid?

322
00:20:39,953 --> 00:20:43,952
- Are you from Wardrobe?
- No, it's Brian. I brought what you wanted.

323
00:20:44,032 --> 00:20:48,431
- But they won't let me leave it so...
- Hit it once. Please, just once.

324
00:20:51,031 --> 00:20:52,631
Oh, my God. I was flat.

325
00:20:52,631 --> 00:20:54,630
Help me up. Let's go home.

326
00:21:21,826 --> 00:21:24,225
Visiontext Subtitles: Sarah Emery

