1
00:00:05,159 --> 00:00:09,759
I don't wanna go on a rant here, but America's
foreign policy makes about as much sense

2
00:00:09,759 --> 00:00:13,879
as Beowulf havin' sex with Robert Fulton
at the first battle of Antietam.

3
00:00:13,959 --> 00:00:16,159
When a neo-conservative defenestrates,

4
00:00:16,279 --> 00:00:19,959
it's like Raskolnikov filibustered
dioxin monohydroxanate.

5
00:00:20,079 --> 00:00:21,760
What the hell does "rant" mean?

6
00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:25,480
"It seems today that all you see

7
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:28,560
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

8
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:32,160
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

9
00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:34,280
"On which we used to rely?

10
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:38,280
"Lucky there's a family guy

11
00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:42,960
"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

12
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:44,560
"Laugh and cry

13
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:49,760
"He's a family guy

14
00:00:56,881 --> 00:00:58,361
Go, Dust Mites!

15
00:00:58,481 --> 00:01:02,481
- I wish they'd put Chris in already.
- Relax. It's his first game.

16
00:01:03,961 --> 00:01:05,961
Griffin, get in there.

17
00:01:05,961 --> 00:01:09,481
- They're sending him in. Yay, Chris!
- Attaboy, Chris!

18
00:01:12,161 --> 00:01:14,961
That's my son out there.
I taught him how to wipe.

19
00:01:15,081 --> 00:01:19,561
- Why won't you teach me how to wipe, Dad?
- Because you don't have a bottom, son.

20
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:25,082
- Man, you and that towel are representin'.
- Yo, that's what's just fightin', G!

21
00:01:25,162 --> 00:01:28,362
The Buddy Cianci
Junior High cheerleaders!

22
00:01:28,362 --> 00:01:31,082
Is everybody pumped up?

23
00:01:31,162 --> 00:01:33,162
Give me a D-U-S-T!

24
00:01:33,282 --> 00:01:34,962
D-U-S-T!

25
00:01:35,082 --> 00:01:36,482
M-I-T-E-S!

26
00:01:36,682 --> 00:01:38,282
M-I-T-E-S!

27
00:01:38,362 --> 00:01:40,362
- What does that spell?
- Dust Mites!

28
00:01:40,362 --> 00:01:44,162
- Who's gonna win this game?
- Dust Mites!

29
00:01:44,282 --> 00:01:46,682
My God, what... what just happened to me?

30
00:01:46,762 --> 00:01:50,282
It's those sirens. They had us all
completely under their spell.

31
00:01:50,362 --> 00:01:52,563
Like that hypnotist at the airport Hilton.

32
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,963
And... three!

33
00:01:58,083 --> 00:02:02,283
- Wow. Were we just hypnotised?
- That's incredible. I don't remember a thing.

34
00:02:02,363 --> 00:02:03,963
Why do I taste crotch?

35
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:08,483
I must unlock the secret to
their mind-control powers.

36
00:02:08,563 --> 00:02:11,563
- Can we go now? I'm starvin'.
- The game's almost over.

37
00:02:11,683 --> 00:02:14,683
Try to think about somethin' else.

38
00:02:45,284 --> 00:02:47,284
Ahhhhh...!

39
00:02:50,964 --> 00:02:52,284
- Peter!
- Sorry.

40
00:02:52,364 --> 00:02:55,765
Nice job tonight, Chris.
You wiped the floor with that towel.

41
00:02:55,765 --> 00:02:59,085
Yo, did y'all check me when
that hottie was all up in my Kool-Aid?

42
00:02:59,165 --> 00:03:01,285
I was lookin' to break off somethin',

43
00:03:01,365 --> 00:03:05,085
but my crew gave me the 411 on that skank
and she's all about the bling-bling.

44
00:03:06,165 --> 00:03:09,765
- What's wrong?
- He's speaking in tongues. He's possessed.

45
00:03:09,765 --> 00:03:14,565
Meg, start at Psalm 41. Don't stop readin' till
I tell you. The power of Christ compels you!

46
00:03:14,565 --> 00:03:18,485
- Agh! Agh! Agh!
- The power of Christ compels you!

47
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,565
Stop. He's not possessed.

48
00:03:20,565 --> 00:03:23,086
He's just talking street. Lots of kids do it.

49
00:03:23,166 --> 00:03:25,366
Oh. Well, that's kinda weird.

50
00:03:25,486 --> 00:03:28,686
It's just a phase.
You've gone through a few yourself.

51
00:03:28,766 --> 00:03:31,486
Like those two weeks
you spent narrating your life.

52
00:03:31,566 --> 00:03:34,166
I walked into the kitchen and sat at the table.

53
00:03:34,286 --> 00:03:38,086
I grimaced at the questionable meal
Lois had placed in front of me.

54
00:03:38,166 --> 00:03:43,286
I'd never tell her how disgusted I was with
her cooking, but somehow I think she knew.

55
00:03:43,366 --> 00:03:48,686
Lois had always been full of energy and life,
but lately I had grown aware of her ageing.

56
00:03:48,766 --> 00:03:51,366
The bright, exuberant eyes
I had fallen in love with

57
00:03:51,486 --> 00:03:55,167
were growing dull and listless
with the long fatigue of a weary life.

58
00:03:58,287 --> 00:04:00,767
I awoke several hours later in a daze.

59
00:04:03,567 --> 00:04:05,767
"I was brought up on the streets,
no moms and dads

60
00:04:05,767 --> 00:04:08,367
"I had to fend for myself
with my own two hands

61
00:04:08,367 --> 00:04:10,487
"But today I'm hurtin', and I'll tell you why

62
00:04:10,567 --> 00:04:13,287
"I got a hangnail
hangin' from my cuticle

63
00:04:13,367 --> 00:04:15,687
"A hangnail
It ain't beautiful

64
00:04:15,767 --> 00:04:17,887
"It hurts like a bitch that I did last night

65
00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:20,767
- Hey, what ya doin'?
- Just layin' back in the cot,

66
00:04:20,767 --> 00:04:23,767
peepin' at this here homey.
Yo, Pops, gimme some cheddar.

67
00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:27,568
Some player-haters be throwin' salt
in my game, grillin' me over my gear.

68
00:04:27,688 --> 00:04:30,368
And I needs to be mackin' style.

69
00:04:30,488 --> 00:04:34,688
Well, uh, the important thing is you tried,
son.

70
00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:41,968
There they are. And now to infiltrate this
coven and learn their mind-control secrets.

71
00:04:41,968 --> 00:04:45,888
- I just need to get their attention.
- OK. That was much better.

72
00:04:45,968 --> 00:04:49,768
But it still sucked worse than ever.
What's wrong with you guys?

73
00:05:15,489 --> 00:05:18,769
- Look how cute he is!
- He must be one of the teachers' babies.

74
00:05:18,769 --> 00:05:20,969
He wants to be a cheerleader too.

75
00:05:21,089 --> 00:05:23,489
My! So it's that easy to win you over.

76
00:05:23,569 --> 00:05:26,970
Consider yourselves lucky
I'm not after your gully holes.

77
00:05:28,890 --> 00:05:33,570
Chris starts with all this "Yo, yo, yo" stuff,
and I don't know what he's talkin' about.

78
00:05:33,690 --> 00:05:37,490
So I started beatin' him with a hose.
Then my arm got tired, so I came here.

79
00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:40,890
Perhaps Chris has adopted
another culture's mannerisms

80
00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:43,370
because he doesn't know
enough about his own.

81
00:05:43,370 --> 00:05:47,370
I never thought of that. I should
teach Chris about his Irish roots.

82
00:05:47,370 --> 00:05:50,570
We haven't spent time together
since we played Operation.

83
00:05:50,570 --> 00:05:55,171
- I'm going for the funny bone, Dad.
- Oh! You touched the sides!

84
00:05:55,171 --> 00:05:57,691
He's wakin' up. Get him
back to the bus station.

85
00:05:59,691 --> 00:06:02,971
Dad, I don't wanna be here.
I wanna be chillin' with my homeys.

86
00:06:03,091 --> 00:06:07,691
Now, Chris, it's important
you learn about your Irish heritage.

87
00:06:23,371 --> 00:06:29,372
Archaeological evidence shows Ireland was
very different before the discovery of alcohol.

88
00:06:29,372 --> 00:06:32,092
Most experts believe
it was something like this.

89
00:06:35,692 --> 00:06:38,772
Gentlemen, today we, Ireland's top scientists,

90
00:06:38,772 --> 00:06:42,172
have found a way to convert our
entire population to pure energy.

91
00:06:42,292 --> 00:06:44,372
- It's a glorious day.
- Absolutely.

92
00:06:44,492 --> 00:06:48,172
Hey, Michael McCloud's just
invented a new kind of beverage.

93
00:06:48,172 --> 00:06:50,372
Hm. "Whiskey. "

94
00:07:00,373 --> 00:07:02,693
You were right, Dad. Bein' Irish rocks!

95
00:07:02,773 --> 00:07:07,093
That's more like it, son. Today we're gonna
learn about the Griffin family history.

96
00:07:07,173 --> 00:07:08,693
What's a library, Dad?

97
00:07:08,773 --> 00:07:13,293
It's just a place where homeless people
come to shave and go BM. Let's go inside.

98
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:17,773
Look, Dad. I found
this book on our genealogy.

99
00:07:17,893 --> 00:07:23,293
Way to go, son. Here's a picture of
your great-great-granddad, Osias Griffin.

100
00:07:23,373 --> 00:07:27,174
He owned one of the first dozen telephones.

101
00:07:27,294 --> 00:07:28,974
- Hello?
- Hello, Jonathan?

102
00:07:29,094 --> 00:07:31,174
- No. What number are you callin'?
- Seven.

103
00:07:31,294 --> 00:07:33,094
- This is three.
- Oh. Sorry.

104
00:07:33,174 --> 00:07:37,094
And his great-grandpa was
Thomas Griffin, a great philosopher.

105
00:07:37,174 --> 00:07:40,494
Thomas, would you please go look for a job?

106
00:07:40,574 --> 00:07:42,174
Why?

107
00:07:42,174 --> 00:07:44,894
Wow! That's cool! Go back even further, Dad.

108
00:07:44,974 --> 00:07:46,694
OK. Settle down, spaz.

109
00:07:46,774 --> 00:07:51,694
In 1840, Nathaniel "Nate" Griffin
used to groom horses. What the hell...?

110
00:07:54,774 --> 00:07:56,694
Holy crap, I'm black!

111
00:08:00,575 --> 00:08:02,375
But I-I can't be black.

112
00:08:02,495 --> 00:08:05,975
I gotta say, the man in this book
does look an awful lot like you.

113
00:08:06,095 --> 00:08:08,295
The Diary of Nate Griffin.

114
00:08:08,375 --> 00:08:10,575
"May 7th, 1836."

115
00:08:10,695 --> 00:08:15,775
"I was brushing down Lucy, the new colt,
when she let out a fart right near my face. "

116
00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:20,895
"So I took her head and stuck it by my butt
and blew a huge fart right back at her. "

117
00:08:22,095 --> 00:08:25,175
That laugh's in here, too. See?

118
00:08:25,175 --> 00:08:26,895
Wow. Then it's true.

119
00:08:26,975 --> 00:08:29,376
Cool! I get to be black and Irish.

120
00:08:29,496 --> 00:08:32,896
Now I can wear clothes that
actually show off my big butt.

121
00:08:32,976 --> 00:08:35,896
I gotta tell Bonnie
I'm sleeping with a black man!

122
00:08:37,576 --> 00:08:41,776
Oh, my God! Update! Exclam!
Scott Martin just asked me out again!

123
00:08:41,776 --> 00:08:45,576
Oh, my God. This is date three.
Are you gonna let him get to second base?

124
00:08:45,696 --> 00:08:50,096
I think that would be a bad idea.
And I know something about bad ideas.

125
00:08:50,176 --> 00:08:54,496
I'm telling you, Juice,
she's screwin' around behind your back.

126
00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:58,097
And if I were in your Bruno Maglis,
I wouldn't stand for it.

127
00:08:58,177 --> 00:09:00,177
Another mai tai. Thanks.

128
00:09:00,177 --> 00:09:02,377
So, listen...

129
00:09:02,377 --> 00:09:06,177
- Here comes Scott!
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

130
00:09:09,577 --> 00:09:12,777
Have yet to discover the secret
of their mind-control powers.

131
00:09:12,897 --> 00:09:17,097
Also trying to comprehend their obsession
with the homosexuals from *NS YNC.

132
00:09:19,497 --> 00:09:22,577
Cleveland, you got a minute?
I really need to talk to you.

133
00:09:22,577 --> 00:09:26,177
Sure. I was just goin' for a ride. Hop on.

134
00:09:28,097 --> 00:09:32,978
- I've found out I have a black ancestor.
- Is that right? That's fantastic, Peter.

135
00:09:32,978 --> 00:09:36,298
Yeah, but the problem is,
I got no idea how to be black.

136
00:09:36,378 --> 00:09:39,298
Except for not smilin'
when I get my picture taken.

137
00:09:39,378 --> 00:09:44,778
Well, you should go out and commingle
amongst your newly found brethren.

138
00:09:44,898 --> 00:09:47,098
You know, absorb the culture.

139
00:09:47,178 --> 00:09:50,498
- Wheelie time! Yee-hah!
- Aaargh!

140
00:09:50,578 --> 00:09:55,978
You're right. I should be hangin' around
more black people like myself. Thanks.

141
00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:00,979
- Hey! Peter, what the...?
- It's the vibration.

142
00:10:02,979 --> 00:10:05,899
Who here used to wear a lot of Jheri Curl?

143
00:10:05,979 --> 00:10:10,499
Yeah, that's right. Y'all know that Exxon
Valdez thing? That ain't how it happened.

144
00:10:10,579 --> 00:10:13,179
Some brother just fell in the ocean!

145
00:10:13,299 --> 00:10:15,899
God, I remember that. All those seals died.

146
00:10:17,579 --> 00:10:20,579
It was... it was all over the news.

147
00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:24,179
The... the Channel Two news with Dan Rather.

148
00:10:24,179 --> 00:10:29,580
Although I think Connie Chung might've
been substituting for him that night.

149
00:10:29,580 --> 00:10:34,380
Well, 'bout time for me to be
hittin' the old dusty trail.

150
00:10:35,380 --> 00:10:37,380
I like your hat.

151
00:10:38,580 --> 00:10:40,780
Can't get out that way.

152
00:10:44,380 --> 00:10:46,980
Oh. Found the emergency exit.

153
00:10:48,380 --> 00:10:53,980
1967 was the year that Thurgood Marshall
was named to the Supreme Court of the US.

154
00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:57,580
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

155
00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:03,181
Well, I should probably be saddlin' up now.

156
00:11:05,701 --> 00:11:08,381
Oh. Found the fire door.

157
00:11:10,181 --> 00:11:12,781
Urgh! Look at how fat you are.

158
00:11:12,781 --> 00:11:15,901
You disgust me. Oink, oink, fatty.

159
00:11:15,981 --> 00:11:18,781
You'll take butter on that
English muffin, won't you?

160
00:11:18,901 --> 00:11:21,381
You're the cheerleading squad's token blimp!

161
00:11:21,501 --> 00:11:24,101
You don't deserve to eat!

162
00:11:27,981 --> 00:11:29,781
Thanks for bringin' me here.

163
00:11:29,781 --> 00:11:33,982
Welcome. For our first order of business,
Cleveland has an announcement.

164
00:11:34,102 --> 00:11:37,182
Yesterday I received reparations

165
00:11:37,302 --> 00:11:39,982
from the family that enslaved my ancestors.

166
00:11:40,102 --> 00:11:41,382
Amen!

167
00:11:41,502 --> 00:11:46,702
The family has become poor white trash since
then, so they only gave what they could.

168
00:11:46,782 --> 00:11:49,902
This tray of scrumptious Rice Krispie treats.

169
00:11:49,982 --> 00:11:55,302
I share them with all of you in the hopes that
one day your wounds may be healed as well.

170
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:56,902
- Amen!
- Right on!

171
00:11:56,982 --> 00:12:00,703
- Hey, why is he taking one?
- This is my friend Peter Griffin.

172
00:12:00,783 --> 00:12:02,983
He recently discovered he was black.

173
00:12:03,103 --> 00:12:05,183
He doesn't look very black to me.

174
00:12:05,303 --> 00:12:09,383
Gentlemen, please. Please.
Judge me not by the colour of my skin.

175
00:12:09,503 --> 00:12:12,783
For I have always been there with you.

176
00:12:12,903 --> 00:12:15,983
I was there when George and Weezy
moved on up to the East Side.

177
00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:19,983
Oh! Oh! Hallelujah! Those were happy times!

178
00:12:20,103 --> 00:12:23,703
But... but... but I was also
there for the bad times.

179
00:12:23,783 --> 00:12:28,783
When Florida lost James to that
tragic auto accident. Oh! Oh!

180
00:12:28,903 --> 00:12:33,384
And I was there when Tootie got
those terribly painful braces. Oh, yes.

181
00:12:33,504 --> 00:12:37,584
And when Arnold Jackson got
beat up by the Gooch, I was there.

182
00:12:37,704 --> 00:12:43,104
So before you decide that I don't belong here,
remember this: I was there!

183
00:12:50,984 --> 00:12:53,584
Way to go, Peter! You tell it like it is!

184
00:12:55,504 --> 00:12:58,304
Now, Chris, what's the secret to happiness?

185
00:12:58,384 --> 00:13:00,984
- Money!
- Very good. Babs, give him a caramel.

186
00:13:07,985 --> 00:13:10,585
Hey. Hey, Lois, what are
your parents doin' here?

187
00:13:10,705 --> 00:13:14,785
They surprised us with a visit after
I told them about your recent discovery.

188
00:13:14,905 --> 00:13:17,585
Yes. Peter, we hear you're a Negro now.

189
00:13:17,585 --> 00:13:23,105
Yep. I even got my own posse. Big Dog,
T-Bone, Shades, go make some sandwiches.

190
00:13:23,185 --> 00:13:26,905
- We'll hook up later.
- My jacket's in there. Please don't write on it.

191
00:13:26,985 --> 00:13:31,185
I think Chris and Meg should know
the Pewterschmidt side of their ancestry too.

192
00:13:31,305 --> 00:13:34,786
Did you know the Pewterschmidts
were among the first colonists?

193
00:13:34,906 --> 00:13:38,586
Now, kids, don't be taken in
by the man. Stay black and proud.

194
00:13:38,706 --> 00:13:42,386
Here's Silas Pewterschmidt
bartering with some local Indians.

195
00:13:42,506 --> 00:13:44,306
- Cool!
- Here's a picture of...

196
00:13:44,386 --> 00:13:46,586
- Oh. Never mind that one.
- What was that?

197
00:13:46,706 --> 00:13:50,986
Nothing. Just some fellow we fed and took
care of in exchange for doing a few chores.

198
00:13:51,106 --> 00:13:53,786
You mean a slave! Let me see that!

199
00:13:53,906 --> 00:13:55,706
Oh, my God!

200
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,106
It's Nate Griffin!

201
00:13:58,186 --> 00:14:02,787
Well... 'bout time for me to be
hittin' the old dusty trail.

202
00:14:04,907 --> 00:14:07,107
Lois, your family owned my family!

203
00:14:07,187 --> 00:14:10,907
- Daddy, is that true?
- It appears so. Boy, this is embarrassing.

204
00:14:10,987 --> 00:14:14,907
- Yes, it is. And don't call me "boy"!
- Peter! Please, calm down.

205
00:14:14,987 --> 00:14:18,187
Babs, it's time we went to bed.
Things'll look better tomorrow.

206
00:14:18,307 --> 00:14:22,307
Come here, kids. Give Grandma
and Grandpa a kiss good night.

207
00:14:22,387 --> 00:14:23,907
Whoa!

208
00:14:23,987 --> 00:14:24,907
Argh!

209
00:14:24,987 --> 00:14:29,107
You can whip me all you like, white devil,
but you'll never break my spirit!

210
00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:40,188
There must be some clue to the source
of their mental manipulation techniques.

211
00:14:40,188 --> 00:14:42,108
Your Body and You.

212
00:14:42,188 --> 00:14:46,108
"Every four weeks, it's entirely normal
for every young woman to... "

213
00:14:46,188 --> 00:14:50,508
Oh, my God! Oh! That's the most
disgusting thing I've ever heard in my life!

214
00:14:50,588 --> 00:14:53,188
Ugh!

215
00:14:54,188 --> 00:14:57,388
That totally sucked! You guys
call yourselves cheerleaders?

216
00:14:57,508 --> 00:14:59,788
Well, I call you cheer-losers!

217
00:14:59,908 --> 00:15:02,308
Cindi is definitely the alpha of the group.

218
00:15:02,388 --> 00:15:05,509
And what happened with the pyramid?
I almost broke my neck!

219
00:15:05,589 --> 00:15:09,589
The pyramid. Of course!
That must be the key to their power.

220
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:14,509
Mission objective: Eliminate Cindi and take
her place at the top of the pyramid.

221
00:15:14,589 --> 00:15:18,589
They're getting nude! I mustn't watch.
It's not the proper thing... Whoa!

222
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,789
I say! Nice ones, Jeanine.

223
00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:23,909
And look at Lisa in all of
her curvaceous glory.

224
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:27,109
It appears my wee-wee has been
stricken with rigor mortis.

225
00:15:30,189 --> 00:15:32,909
- Good mornin'.
- Peter, what on earth are you wearing?

226
00:15:32,989 --> 00:15:38,510
It's a dashiki. And don't call me Peter. That's
my slave name. Call me Kichwa Tembo.

227
00:15:38,590 --> 00:15:41,190
Cool! And I'll be Mambuto O'Malley.

228
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,710
- Peter...
- Kichwa!

229
00:15:42,790 --> 00:15:45,310
I'd like to have a word with you.

230
00:15:45,390 --> 00:15:46,990
- Peter, I think...
- Kichwa!

231
00:15:47,110 --> 00:15:49,390
Kichwa, we're both sensible men.

232
00:15:49,510 --> 00:15:51,990
There must be something
I can do to make it right.

233
00:15:52,110 --> 00:15:55,590
Actually there is. I want reparations,
just like Cleveland got.

234
00:15:55,710 --> 00:15:59,710
- What are you talking about?
- I want an apology and Rice Krispie treats.

235
00:15:59,790 --> 00:16:01,790
I will not give you an apology,

236
00:16:01,910 --> 00:16:05,991
and I assume "Rice Krispie treats" is
black slang for money, so here's $10,000.

237
00:16:06,111 --> 00:16:08,991
I expect you never to mention
this ugly business again.

238
00:16:09,111 --> 00:16:10,391
$10,000?

239
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:13,111
Not enough? Make it 20.
How do you spell "Kichwa"?

240
00:16:13,191 --> 00:16:16,791
Screw the "Kichwa".
Make it out to "Peter", P-E-T-E...

241
00:16:16,911 --> 00:16:21,311
This just in: Slave-owner descendant
Carter Pewterschmidt has paid $20,000,

242
00:16:21,391 --> 00:16:24,911
or two million pennies,
in reparations to a local black man.

243
00:16:24,991 --> 00:16:26,911
We now go live to the local black man.

244
00:16:26,991 --> 00:16:31,591
Well, the money helps, but I'll
always feel my ancestor's pain.

245
00:16:31,711 --> 00:16:36,112
Hey, from down there, does it look like
I'm talking into a bunch of robot penises?

246
00:16:37,992 --> 00:16:41,112
Lois, come and see what I did
with the money your dad gave me.

247
00:16:41,192 --> 00:16:45,712
Oh, my God! You turned the den
into Pee-wee's Playhouse?

248
00:16:45,792 --> 00:16:47,112
"Come on, get up

249
00:16:47,192 --> 00:16:49,512
"Knock off your nappin'

250
00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:53,392
"It's a crazy, messed-up place
where anything can happen

251
00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:55,592
"There's a chair that freakin' talks

252
00:16:55,712 --> 00:16:58,112
"There's some fish that give advice
Holy crap!

253
00:16:58,192 --> 00:17:02,512
"It's screwy in Peter's Playhouse

254
00:17:02,592 --> 00:17:06,593
- Peter...
- Watch this. Watch this. Hey, Jambi!

255
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:11,193
- OK, say it.
- Mekka lekka hi... God, I hate you so much.

256
00:17:11,313 --> 00:17:14,513
That reparation money
should be going to a black charity.

257
00:17:14,593 --> 00:17:18,593
The king of cartoons will be here in five
minutes, and I won't have you embarrass me.

258
00:17:18,713 --> 00:17:21,393
You're acting ridiculous.

259
00:17:21,393 --> 00:17:23,313
You said the secret word!

260
00:17:24,593 --> 00:17:26,993
Uh-oh.

261
00:17:28,793 --> 00:17:32,593
- Hey, you're that black guy I saw on the
news. - Uh, yeah, that's me.

262
00:17:32,713 --> 00:17:36,394
- I need backup. I've got a stolen vehicle here.
- But this is my car.

263
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:39,394
Suspect's getting belligerent. Officer down.

264
00:17:42,994 --> 00:17:47,914
So it's agreed: We'll keep on pretending to
like pigs' feet just to confound the white man.

265
00:17:47,994 --> 00:17:52,514
Uh, sorry I'm late, you guys.
The white man was makin' me his bitch.

266
00:17:52,594 --> 00:17:55,114
What? Oh, sorry. His be-atch.

267
00:17:55,194 --> 00:17:59,314
Peter, we know about your selfish
squandering of your reparation money.

268
00:17:59,394 --> 00:18:03,594
I shared mine. You, however, have
given nothin' back to the community.

269
00:18:03,594 --> 00:18:05,595
But... that's not true.

270
00:18:05,715 --> 00:18:08,195
I've brought you the greatest gift of all.

271
00:18:08,315 --> 00:18:10,395
A child's laughter.

272
00:18:13,915 --> 00:18:16,795
- Peter, I think you should go.
- Yeah, I'm going.

273
00:18:21,395 --> 00:18:23,195
Hi, guys.

274
00:18:23,315 --> 00:18:25,515
Uh, hey, how's it goin'?

275
00:18:25,595 --> 00:18:28,915
No one wants to sit with me.
It's like I'm a freakin' leper.

276
00:18:28,995 --> 00:18:32,195
- Hey, can we sit there?
- No, these are saved.

277
00:18:32,315 --> 00:18:36,196
- Where is Cindi?
- She'd better show up. It's almost half-time.

278
00:18:37,196 --> 00:18:42,316
Cindi, I'd feel worse about this if you didn't
spell your name with that insufferable i.

279
00:18:42,396 --> 00:18:46,196
Oh, and that cockadoodie smiley face
you use to dot it. You sicken me!

280
00:18:46,316 --> 00:18:48,516
I'm not gonna hurt you.

281
00:18:56,396 --> 00:18:58,716
- Agh!
- Hello, Peter.

282
00:18:58,796 --> 00:19:03,396
Nate Griffin. Oh, my God, you're haunting me
because I've been a terrible black man.

283
00:19:03,516 --> 00:19:06,317
You gotta stop puttin'
so much importance on race.

284
00:19:06,397 --> 00:19:07,997
- I didn't.
- You didn't?

285
00:19:08,117 --> 00:19:12,317
No. If I had, would I have slept with
your white great-great-great-great-granny?

286
00:19:12,397 --> 00:19:15,917
- I guess not.
- I wouldn't have slept with her sister, neither.

287
00:19:15,997 --> 00:19:20,597
You see, Peter, the most important thing is
how a man acts. You see what I'm gettin' at?

288
00:19:20,717 --> 00:19:24,197
You think I should do something good
with that reparation money.

289
00:19:24,317 --> 00:19:27,397
- That'd be mighty fine, Peter.
- I guess you're right.

290
00:19:27,397 --> 00:19:31,397
For what it's worth, I'm sorry my wife's
ancestors made you suffer so much.

291
00:19:31,397 --> 00:19:37,318
Don't worry about me. If it makes you feel
better, I peed in their cereal every morning.

292
00:19:37,398 --> 00:19:41,918
- Well, so long, Peter.
- Wait. Before you go, what's heaven like?

293
00:19:41,998 --> 00:19:45,118
Oh, it's fine. There's a shortage of chairs.

294
00:19:45,598 --> 00:19:47,118
Oh.

295
00:19:47,198 --> 00:19:48,198
Yeah.

296
00:19:48,598 --> 00:19:50,598
Take it easy, Peter.

297
00:19:51,598 --> 00:19:54,718
Look, we're just going to
have to go on without her.

298
00:20:04,118 --> 00:20:06,198
- Give me a D!
- D!

299
00:20:06,318 --> 00:20:11,799
That's enough of that. There's a hunting knife
under your seats. On my command... Argh!

300
00:20:13,199 --> 00:20:17,519
Argh! You idiots! I had them!
Cindi was right. We need a lot more work.

301
00:20:18,399 --> 00:20:20,519
Uh, excuse me. Yeah.

302
00:20:20,599 --> 00:20:22,599
Uh, hi. I'm Peter Griffin.

303
00:20:22,719 --> 00:20:27,319
Listen, uh, as many of you may know,
I recently came into some money.

304
00:20:27,399 --> 00:20:29,799
Well, I don't really deserve it.

305
00:20:29,799 --> 00:20:33,519
So I've decided to share it with my brothers!

306
00:20:36,599 --> 00:20:40,000
Uh... Actually, I just meant the black guys.

307
00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:43,520
That was very generous.
Look how happy you've made everyone.

308
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:47,720
It just goes to show you, Lois,
it doesn't matter if you're black or white.

309
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:51,520
- The only colour that really matters is green.
- Oh, Peter!

310
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,000
I wonder what happened to Cindi.

311
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,720
"Dear diary. Jackpot. "

312
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,800
- " Seems today
- " Seems today

313
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,201
- " That all you see
- " That all you see

314
00:21:09,321 --> 00:21:11,401
- " Is violence in movies
- " Violence in movies

315
00:21:11,521 --> 00:21:13,921
- " And sex on TV
- " Sex on TV

316
00:21:14,001 --> 00:21:16,521
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

317
00:21:16,601 --> 00:21:18,401
"On which we used to rely?

318
00:21:18,521 --> 00:21:21,001
- " Luck-luck-luck-lucky there's a family guy
- " Lucky there's a family guy

319
00:21:21,121 --> 00:21:22,121
- " Lucky there's a
- " Lucky there's a

320
00:21:22,321 --> 00:21:23,401
- " Lucky there's a
- " Lucky there's a

321
00:21:23,521 --> 00:21:25,721
- " Lucky there's a family guy
- " Lucky there's a family guy

322
00:21:25,801 --> 00:21:26,801
- " Lucky there's a
- " Lucky there's a

323
00:21:27,001 --> 00:21:28,201
- " Lucky there's a
- " Lucky there's a

324
00:21:28,201 --> 00:21:32,001
"He's a family guy

325
00:21:32,121 --> 00:21:33,121
"In the house

326
00:21:33,201 --> 00:21:35,201
Visiontext Subtitles: Kerrie Slavin

