1
00:00:01,440 --> 00:00:04,840
"It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:05,108 --> 00:00:08,388
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:08,527 --> 00:00:12,127
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:12,404 --> 00:00:14,404
"On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:15,197 --> 00:00:18,397
"Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:18,657 --> 00:00:23,337
"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

7
00:00:23,659 --> 00:00:25,059
"Laugh and cry

8
00:00:25,201 --> 00:00:30,401
"He's a family guy

9
00:00:33,455 --> 00:00:36,535
On the whole, I enjoy my job as a pharmacist.

10
00:00:36,790 --> 00:00:40,190
In fact, many of my customers
are your mommies and daddies.

11
00:00:40,417 --> 00:00:44,617
Jimmy, your mother had awful postpartum
depression after you were born.

12
00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:50,399
And, Danielle, your father had very bad
haemorrhoids that stung him unmerciful.

13
00:00:50,630 --> 00:00:55,030
They were awful. They were like
stinky little balloons. Ugh!

14
00:00:55,341 --> 00:00:57,621
I gave him some special ointment,

15
00:00:57,842 --> 00:01:02,242
and he hurt so bad that he had to
apply it in the car with his sock.

16
00:01:03,678 --> 00:01:04,758
Thank you.

17
00:01:04,929 --> 00:01:07,209
- Cool! I wanna be a pharmacist!
- Yeah!

18
00:01:07,430 --> 00:01:11,030
Thank you, Mr Goldman.
Our final speaker is Mr Griffin.

19
00:01:11,265 --> 00:01:14,385
- Yeah!
- Hey, kids! You know what I do?

20
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:17,600
I work at a toy factory.
And you know what I do there?

21
00:01:17,852 --> 00:01:20,532
I bet you're just a low-level
assembly-line guy

22
00:01:20,770 --> 00:01:23,170
who stands all day
screwing heads on dolls.

23
00:01:23,354 --> 00:01:27,154
"Ooh, is it on straight?"
"I don't know. " Boo!

24
00:01:28,148 --> 00:01:30,268
- Why, you snot-nosed...
- Mr Griffin!

25
00:01:30,441 --> 00:01:32,641
He plays in the park. Get him there.

26
00:01:32,734 --> 00:01:34,934
Does anyone have any questions?

27
00:01:35,152 --> 00:01:37,632
Can we listen to the claims adjuster again?

28
00:01:37,861 --> 00:01:40,861
Yeah!

29
00:01:43,072 --> 00:01:45,072
Welcome back to Quahog Five News.

30
00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:48,440
Here's Ollie Williams with
the "Black You" weather forecast.

31
00:01:48,700 --> 00:01:50,580
- It's gonna rain!
- Thanks, Ollie.

32
00:01:50,784 --> 00:01:53,584
Finally, we go to Asian reporter
Tricia Takanawa,

33
00:01:53,786 --> 00:01:56,706
interviewing a guy
from the Renaissance Fair.

34
00:01:56,912 --> 00:02:00,712
Thanks, Tom. Sir, for those who
aren't familiar with the tradition,

35
00:02:00,872 --> 00:02:03,192
tell us about the Renaissance Fair.

36
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:05,573
Yea. But first, bride of Genghis,

37
00:02:05,791 --> 00:02:09,791
thou must explainest to me
thy very peculiar electronic wand.

38
00:02:10,043 --> 00:02:11,963
Whoooooo!

39
00:02:12,128 --> 00:02:14,928
Rupert, are you ready to hear our "mad lib"?

40
00:02:15,171 --> 00:02:19,251
Ahem. "Cinderella had three
wicked step-watermelons

41
00:02:19,548 --> 00:02:21,948
who were very smelly to her. "

42
00:02:22,132 --> 00:02:26,852
"So her fairy god-toilet turned
a pumpkin into a fanny

43
00:02:27,135 --> 00:02:29,135
and sent her off to the poop. "

44
00:02:30,470 --> 00:02:33,470
Oh, my! How ruthlessly absurd.

45
00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:36,521
Peter, how was your presentation
to Chris's class?

46
00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:39,843
- It was a waste of time.
- It couldn't have been that bad.

47
00:02:40,058 --> 00:02:44,858
I was terrible. Everyone else had an important
job and was way more successful than me.

48
00:02:45,185 --> 00:02:48,065
Come on. You... You have a great job.

49
00:02:48,312 --> 00:02:51,992
Yeah. You're... you're doing...
you're doing good.

50
00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:55,272
If you're not satisfied,
then be more assertive.

51
00:02:55,482 --> 00:02:58,882
Invite Mr Weed to dinner
and show him what you have to offer.

52
00:02:59,150 --> 00:03:01,430
I guess I could. I just hope it goes OK.

53
00:03:01,526 --> 00:03:04,846
We've had bad luck with guests.
Remember Margot Kidder?

54
00:03:05,070 --> 00:03:09,470
We loved you in the Superman movies.
You were just wonderful.

55
00:03:10,281 --> 00:03:12,281
Aaghhh!

56
00:03:22,161 --> 00:03:24,361
Mr Weed, I, uh... was wondering

57
00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:28,059
if maybe you'd like to come to
my house for dinner Friday night.

58
00:03:28,206 --> 00:03:30,526
- That wasn't so hard.
- What time?

59
00:03:30,707 --> 00:03:33,827
- 7.30, 8.00?
- Fabulous! What shall I bring?

60
00:03:35,293 --> 00:03:37,493
Calm down. Everything will be fine.

61
00:03:37,710 --> 00:03:41,790
If I blow this, I'll have to go back to
my old job at The Electric Company.

62
00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:44,168
- Duh...
- Ot.

63
00:03:44,380 --> 00:03:46,180
Dot.

64
00:03:46,340 --> 00:03:48,140
- Buh...
- Et.

65
00:03:48,341 --> 00:03:50,221
- Bet.
- Bet. I knew that. Slow down.

66
00:03:50,425 --> 00:03:52,305
- Puh...
- It.

67
00:03:52,384 --> 00:03:54,384
- Pit.
- Pit. Come on, it's my first day.

68
00:03:54,594 --> 00:03:56,194
- Fuh...
- At.

69
00:03:56,344 --> 00:03:58,144
- Fat.
- Oh, that's it, buddy!

70
00:04:00,847 --> 00:04:02,927
That must be him.

71
00:04:03,014 --> 00:04:07,414
Oh, God. I hope I don't get so nervous
I can't control the volume of my voice.

72
00:04:07,725 --> 00:04:09,405
Hello, Peter. How are you?

73
00:04:09,601 --> 00:04:11,801
Fine! Please come in.

74
00:04:12,602 --> 00:04:14,802
It's so nice to have you over, Mr Weed.

75
00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:18,700
Thank you, Mrs Griffin. I understand
you have a beautiful family.

76
00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:22,860
We do. But the children won't be
joining us for dinner. It's their bedtime.

77
00:04:27,818 --> 00:04:29,818
- State your names.
- Meg!

78
00:04:30,027 --> 00:04:32,107
- Chris!
- And I'm Liesl.

79
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:35,600
The Griffin children would like
to say good night to you.

80
00:06:00,362 --> 00:06:03,362
Mmmm. Who would think that
a woman with such beauty

81
00:06:03,614 --> 00:06:06,294
would have the culinary skills
of Emeril Lagasse?

82
00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:08,607
Well, thank you.

83
00:06:08,825 --> 00:06:10,425
Bam!

84
00:06:11,409 --> 00:06:14,929
Ahem. Peter, don't you have
something to say to Mr Weed?

85
00:06:15,161 --> 00:06:16,561
Oh, yeah.

86
00:06:16,745 --> 00:06:21,545
Mr Weed, I don't care what the guys at work
say. I don't think you're an effeminate weirdo.

87
00:06:21,831 --> 00:06:24,151
Uh, so, what kind of a name is "Weed"?

88
00:06:24,332 --> 00:06:26,732
They gave it to my grandfather
on Ellis Island.

89
00:06:26,833 --> 00:06:29,233
Our original name was Bermuda Grass.

90
00:06:29,459 --> 00:06:33,339
Peter, being here with your wonderful
family, your beautiful home

91
00:06:33,628 --> 00:06:37,108
and your funny talking dog...
well, I'm impressed.

92
00:06:37,380 --> 00:06:41,060
Starting Monday, I'd like to promote you
to head of toy development.

93
00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:45,360
Holy crap! Oh, thanks, Mr Weed!
You won't be sorry.

94
00:06:45,592 --> 00:06:48,192
Brian, quit it. You're embarrassing me.

95
00:06:48,427 --> 00:06:51,427
Brian's choking!
Do the Heimlich manoeuvre, quick!

96
00:06:58,307 --> 00:06:59,907
He's dead.

97
00:07:00,099 --> 00:07:02,099
Aaagh! Aaagh!

98
00:07:03,434 --> 00:07:06,034
I forgot my purse. Aaaghhh!

99
00:07:08,311 --> 00:07:11,511
Let's not panic.
Nobody even knows about this yet.

100
00:07:11,646 --> 00:07:13,846
Police! Random dead-body search!

101
00:07:14,064 --> 00:07:16,944
- Oh, my God! Stall 'em!
- Peter, what are you doing?

102
00:07:17,691 --> 00:07:19,611
Just stall 'em, Lois!

103
00:07:22,693 --> 00:07:26,013
Ha-ha! Gotcha! It's just me - Death.
I'm here for the body.

104
00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:28,837
Ah. Peter, it's OK. It's just Death.

105
00:07:28,946 --> 00:07:30,466
Ah, thank God.

106
00:07:30,614 --> 00:07:34,134
- Did someone choke on a roll in here?
- No, no, no. I spit it up.

107
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:35,566
Oh.

108
00:07:36,241 --> 00:07:39,161
Our top story:
Doreen, I lost your phone number.

109
00:07:39,368 --> 00:07:41,768
We met at the Sky Lounge
last night. Call me.

110
00:07:41,994 --> 00:07:45,674
In other news, toy industrialist
Jonathan Weed was found dead

111
00:07:45,829 --> 00:07:49,229
in the home of an employee
who claims Weed choked on a roll.

112
00:07:49,373 --> 00:07:53,693
No charges will be filed against
the employee, but the roll is in custody.

113
00:08:00,628 --> 00:08:03,748
I'd do her, do her, wouldn't do her.

114
00:08:03,963 --> 00:08:06,163
Ech, who hasn't done her? Do her.

115
00:08:06,381 --> 00:08:09,461
Lose the pigtails and we'll talk.
Do her, do her...

116
00:08:09,591 --> 00:08:14,791
And now, the last man to see Jonathan Weed
alive has offered to say a few words.

117
00:08:15,135 --> 00:08:16,335
Good afternoon.

118
00:08:16,469 --> 00:08:21,189
As you know, we of the Christian faith
believe that Jesus is not really dead,

119
00:08:21,472 --> 00:08:24,072
but that he must let
the world think he is dead

120
00:08:24,306 --> 00:08:29,786
until he can find a way to control
the raging spirit that dwells within him.

121
00:08:36,062 --> 00:08:40,262
Anyway, before he died, Mr Weed
promoted me to head of toy development.

122
00:08:40,439 --> 00:08:44,559
I brought my attorney who confirms
that this constitutes a verbal contract.

123
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:49,016
Isn't that right, Saul?
"Yes, sir. " Thank you.

124
00:08:50,569 --> 00:08:53,049
Glad you all found your way
from the cemetery.

125
00:08:53,153 --> 00:08:57,753
I'm Mr Weed's lawyer. We found this tape
among Mr Weed's personal effects

126
00:08:57,947 --> 00:09:02,467
with instructions that it be screened
immediately after his funeral. Enjoy.

127
00:09:02,741 --> 00:09:04,661
Good morning. Camera time.

128
00:09:04,826 --> 00:09:09,346
- Turn that off. I don't have my face on yet.
- You want to tell us what you're making?

129
00:09:09,620 --> 00:09:13,620
It's just a couple of eggs with
the peppers left over from last night.

130
00:09:13,913 --> 00:09:15,313
- Mm...
- Yes.

131
00:09:15,456 --> 00:09:18,056
OK, playtime is over.
Turn it off, monkey, OK?

132
00:09:18,290 --> 00:09:20,770
Ahem.

133
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:25,680
Hello, friends. If you are watching this,
I am dead, and I bet you're pretty bummed.

134
00:09:26,002 --> 00:09:27,682
- But I have good news.
- Yeah?

135
00:09:27,878 --> 00:09:30,678
The Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory
shall be torn down

136
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:34,400
to make way for the Happy-Go-Lucky
Terminal Disease Institute.

137
00:09:34,632 --> 00:09:37,632
- What?!
- The demolition will begin in... now.

138
00:09:42,761 --> 00:09:44,761
OK, we've got your typing test here

139
00:09:44,970 --> 00:09:48,050
and all the pertinent data
about your, um...

140
00:09:48,180 --> 00:09:50,380
um, you know, your background

141
00:09:50,598 --> 00:09:55,078
and, um... skills and...

142
00:09:56,225 --> 00:09:58,505
- And?
- I gotta be honest with you.

143
00:09:58,727 --> 00:10:03,127
I only have another week and a half here,
and I have completely checked out.

144
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:05,995
- Oh.
- Yeah.

145
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:08,527
Well, what should I do?

146
00:10:08,606 --> 00:10:10,406
Um...

147
00:10:12,692 --> 00:10:14,492
Chef?

148
00:10:21,112 --> 00:10:24,232
Sorry, we're out of towels.
Let me get that for you, sir.

149
00:10:42,289 --> 00:10:46,489
I should pay two bucks for stickers
cos this guy can't hear? Come on!

150
00:10:46,750 --> 00:10:49,550
Hey, I might be deaf, but I have feelings!

151
00:10:49,668 --> 00:10:53,188
Oh, uh... I mean, what?

152
00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:57,939
- Has Dad found a permanent job yet?
- He's going through a career transition.

153
00:10:58,213 --> 00:11:02,613
He's sampling a few things, searching
for something that fits him just right.

154
00:11:04,383 --> 00:11:08,263
- Clearly it's not that tube top.
- Looking for a good time, sweet cheeks?

155
00:11:08,552 --> 00:11:11,552
- Oh, my God.
- Peter, get in the car!

156
00:11:11,762 --> 00:11:14,562
OK, but it'll cost ya.
You want a Cleveland Steamer?

157
00:11:14,805 --> 00:11:17,405
Get in the car...
What's a Cleveland Steamer?

158
00:11:17,598 --> 00:11:19,998
- It means he'll...
- Whoa, be cool.

159
00:11:20,099 --> 00:11:24,899
Yes, you go to Maple Street,
and then take a left, and then you go...

160
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,826
- So you want to party or what?
- Get in right now!

161
00:11:31,062 --> 00:11:34,262
It's eerie, isn't it?
Like looking into the future.

162
00:11:35,731 --> 00:11:39,651
- Forgetful Freddy was so forgetful...
- How forgetful?

163
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:45,100
He was so forgetful, whenever he tried
to remember a name, he drew a... "blank".

164
00:11:48,029 --> 00:11:52,349
This is all my fault. If I hadn't pushed you
so hard to invite Mr Weed to dinner,

165
00:11:52,614 --> 00:11:55,014
he'd still be alive and you'd have your job.

166
00:11:55,116 --> 00:11:58,636
We'll get through this.
We just have to scrimp a little.

167
00:11:58,867 --> 00:12:00,867
Sell some stuff we don't really need.

168
00:12:01,077 --> 00:12:04,077
- This'll bring in a couple of bucks.
- Peter, listen.

169
00:12:04,287 --> 00:12:08,807
When we got married, you always talked
about your dream job. Remember?

170
00:12:09,081 --> 00:12:12,281
You put that dream aside
in order to provide for this family.

171
00:12:12,541 --> 00:12:15,421
- Yeah.
- I've saved some money from teaching piano,

172
00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:18,947
and this is the perfect time
for you to pursue that dream.

173
00:12:19,211 --> 00:12:20,411
- Really?
- Yes!

174
00:12:20,545 --> 00:12:24,465
Wow. Since money's tight, I was gonna
suggest that we eat the kids.

175
00:12:24,713 --> 00:12:27,913
Jokingly at first, but then
I was gonna gauge your reaction.

176
00:12:28,173 --> 00:12:32,253
If you were cool with it, we could go
from there. But this is a much better idea!

177
00:12:32,550 --> 00:12:35,230
I'm gonna do it!
I'm gonna realise my dream!

178
00:12:35,468 --> 00:12:38,548
I am gonna be a Renaissance Fair jouster!

179
00:12:38,803 --> 00:12:40,483
Oh, Peter!

180
00:12:41,179 --> 00:12:42,899
Aaaghhh!

181
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:49,799
This is so exciting!
My little jouster's first day.

182
00:12:50,059 --> 00:12:53,939
- Here's your lunch.
- Thanks, honey. Aw, egg salad!

183
00:12:54,227 --> 00:12:56,707
- Have a good time.
- I'll try.

184
00:12:59,438 --> 00:13:01,718
- Hey, Mort.
- Oh, God! Don't hurt me!

185
00:13:01,814 --> 00:13:04,614
- Oh, hi, Peter.
- You gonna be a jouster, too?

186
00:13:04,857 --> 00:13:07,737
Yes. I'm trying to overcome
my fear of swords

187
00:13:07,984 --> 00:13:11,664
because a man in a pirate suit
stabbed me in the ear when I was five,

188
00:13:11,944 --> 00:13:14,824
and then again when I was 30.
And you? The same?

189
00:13:15,071 --> 00:13:18,951
Nah, not really. It kinda
all goes back to when I was 18.

190
00:13:19,114 --> 00:13:23,634
I was going through that rebellious phase,
and I was hanging out with a bad crowd.

191
00:13:23,908 --> 00:13:27,108
Here, Peter. Try one of these.

192
00:13:27,368 --> 00:13:30,368
- What is it?
- It's a cheeseburger.

193
00:13:32,788 --> 00:13:34,788
Now I know it wasn't a cheeseburger.

194
00:13:34,955 --> 00:13:38,355
But at that time,
I was ready to believe anything.

195
00:13:39,958 --> 00:13:41,758
I didn't know what was going on.

196
00:13:41,834 --> 00:13:45,354
I wandered around and ended up
at the Renaissance Fair.

197
00:13:45,585 --> 00:13:48,505
- I can fly!
- Oh, my God!

198
00:13:51,963 --> 00:13:56,963
I was saved by the one and only Black
Knight of the Quahog Renaissance Fair.

199
00:13:57,258 --> 00:14:01,378
A word of advice. The path to knighthood
is paved with strength and nobility,

200
00:14:01,635 --> 00:14:04,035
not LSD and sideburns.

201
00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:09,661
And from that moment on, I knew
someday I wanted to be a knight like him.

202
00:14:09,972 --> 00:14:14,092
Mercy! I was once addicted
to antihistamines.

203
00:14:14,349 --> 00:14:17,149
I took so many, I thought I was Mr Peanut.

204
00:14:17,267 --> 00:14:19,267
Yeah, that's a great story, too.

205
00:14:19,477 --> 00:14:22,277
So, you think you got
what it takes to be jousters!

206
00:14:22,478 --> 00:14:26,198
If you're gonna joust, you gotta want it!
Let me hear your war cry!

207
00:14:28,106 --> 00:14:30,306
Is that the best you got, you pile of crap?

208
00:14:30,398 --> 00:14:34,318
Yes. From an early age,
my parents discouraged loud noises.

209
00:14:34,567 --> 00:14:36,767
You're a candy-ass maggot!

210
00:14:37,694 --> 00:14:39,894
- Something funny, maggot?
- No, sir!

211
00:14:40,111 --> 00:14:43,111
- You love the Middle Ages, don't you?
- Sir, yes, sir!

212
00:14:43,321 --> 00:14:47,321
The concept of a geocentric universe
gets you sexually excited, doesn't it?

213
00:14:47,615 --> 00:14:48,415
Yes, sir!

214
00:14:48,532 --> 00:14:52,852
You want to make 16th-century
mathematician Johannes Kepler your bitch?

215
00:14:53,118 --> 00:14:54,718
Sir, yes, sir!

216
00:14:54,910 --> 00:14:57,790
- Welcome, apprentices.
- It's him.

217
00:14:57,912 --> 00:15:03,632
Look alive. Allow me to introduce the best
of the best, the Black Knight himself!

218
00:15:03,956 --> 00:15:07,956
And this is his trophy wench,
Maid Madeleine.

219
00:15:14,711 --> 00:15:15,711
Ding!

220
00:15:19,922 --> 00:15:22,722
- Excuse me, Mr Black Knight.
- I'm busy.

221
00:15:22,924 --> 00:15:27,524
I just wanted to thank you. I don't know
if you remember, but when I was a kid,

222
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,918
you helped me get my life back on track.

223
00:15:30,135 --> 00:15:33,215
Agh! Dammit! Look, I'm busy, all right?

224
00:15:33,470 --> 00:15:36,270
- OK, I'll come back later.
- Damn rookies.

225
00:15:36,472 --> 00:15:39,272
Are all the other men
out of the shower yet?

226
00:15:42,516 --> 00:15:47,116
Hey, porker. Yes, I'm calling you a porker,
and there's nothing you can do about it

227
00:15:47,435 --> 00:15:52,035
because I'm protected by my
impenetrable cereal-box fort. Ha-ha-ha!

228
00:15:52,313 --> 00:15:53,913
Hey, you! Drunkie.

229
00:15:54,105 --> 00:15:57,905
Yes, I'm calling you drunkie, and
there's nothing you can do about it...

230
00:15:58,149 --> 00:15:59,069
Agh!

231
00:15:59,816 --> 00:16:02,216
- The toast is ready.
- I'll get it, Lois.

232
00:16:06,069 --> 00:16:07,469
Here you go.

233
00:16:07,528 --> 00:16:10,328
Maybe you shouldn't bring
your lance to the table.

234
00:16:10,572 --> 00:16:15,052
If I'm gonna impress the Black Knight,
my lance must be with me at all times.

235
00:16:15,365 --> 00:16:18,245
You guys will be so proud
when you see me on that field.

236
00:16:18,492 --> 00:16:20,572
Excuse me. I gotta go practise.

237
00:16:21,202 --> 00:16:23,482
Oh, my God, Dad, my earring!

238
00:16:23,578 --> 00:16:26,178
Dad, stop! Argh!

239
00:16:28,163 --> 00:16:29,683
Two mutton joints, please.

240
00:16:29,831 --> 00:16:33,551
Oh, thou wishest to feast on
the appendage of a humble ovine.

241
00:16:33,791 --> 00:16:38,191
Listen, freak. We don't all watch Frasier.
Now give me two mutton joints.

242
00:16:39,210 --> 00:16:40,410
Thank you.

243
00:16:53,384 --> 00:16:56,584
'Tis a glorious afternoon.
Wouldst thou not agree?

244
00:16:56,719 --> 00:16:59,639
Uh, yea, kind shrew.

245
00:16:59,845 --> 00:17:04,845
Uh, I before thee... except after C.

246
00:17:05,056 --> 00:17:08,376
Wouldst thou take a gander
underneath my frock?

247
00:17:09,016 --> 00:17:11,616
Uh, sure. Whatever floats your boat.

248
00:17:14,769 --> 00:17:16,849
There you go.

249
00:17:17,062 --> 00:17:18,462
Frickin' perverts.

250
00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:21,404
Madeleine, go wait in the Hyundai!

251
00:17:21,522 --> 00:17:23,322
What were you doing with my girl?

252
00:17:23,523 --> 00:17:28,603
She walks over here and asks me to put a bird
in her panties! I'm going "What the hell?"

253
00:17:28,942 --> 00:17:32,622
Oh, God! Peter, play dead!
Curl up in an ass ball or something!

254
00:17:32,778 --> 00:17:35,578
- What's the problem, BK?
- I don't like you.

255
00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:38,621
And I don't like you hanging around my girl.

256
00:17:38,822 --> 00:17:41,142
I don't ever want to see you here again.

257
00:17:41,323 --> 00:17:45,243
Oh. OK, but we can see each other
outside the fair, right?

258
00:17:45,492 --> 00:17:49,412
- I'm just trying to understand the rules.
- If I see you again, I'll kill you!

259
00:17:49,661 --> 00:17:51,661
OK, that's much clearer.

260
00:17:52,370 --> 00:17:55,290
Oh, God! I think I just miscarried!

261
00:17:58,832 --> 00:18:02,432
What are you doing? I spent hours
soldering that costume for you.

262
00:18:02,584 --> 00:18:05,184
I don't need it any more. I quit the team.

263
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:09,098
You can't quit jousting.
The big meet is today. I thought...

264
00:18:09,379 --> 00:18:12,659
Did you just say "big meat"?

265
00:18:13,839 --> 00:18:15,559
Oh, my God, I did.

266
00:18:17,799 --> 00:18:20,319
- We almost missed that.
- That was a close one.

267
00:18:20,509 --> 00:18:24,629
But I'm being serious here. We were
all set to come see you joust today.

268
00:18:24,886 --> 00:18:28,006
You were so excited to be
on the field with the Black Knight.

269
00:18:28,221 --> 00:18:30,541
I'll be watching him from the stands,

270
00:18:30,722 --> 00:18:35,322
because the Black Knight is a big jerk,
just like that guy who fixed our vacuum.

271
00:18:35,641 --> 00:18:37,521
There you go. All fixed.

272
00:18:37,725 --> 00:18:40,405
A half-eaten meatball was
clogging up the intake.

273
00:18:40,644 --> 00:18:44,924
- Oh. Well, did you save it?
- Uh, no.

274
00:18:45,229 --> 00:18:46,509
You bastard.

275
00:18:50,231 --> 00:18:54,631
It's an exciting day here at
the Renaissance Fair, wouldn't you say, Tom?

276
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:58,700
It would be if you didn't remind us all
of our grandmother's cleavage.

277
00:18:58,986 --> 00:19:03,186
Let's go to the field, where the Black Knight
prepares to challenge his opponent.

278
00:19:12,826 --> 00:19:15,426
"Ohh...

279
00:19:15,660 --> 00:19:16,740
"Hey

280
00:19:16,911 --> 00:19:20,511
"Ohh...

281
00:19:20,746 --> 00:19:21,866
"Hey

282
00:19:22,622 --> 00:19:26,622
Hey, how you doing there, big guy?

283
00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:29,624
You holding up all right?

284
00:19:30,876 --> 00:19:34,276
You want a soda? Hm?

285
00:19:35,336 --> 00:19:36,736
Oh, screw it. I tried.

286
00:19:36,921 --> 00:19:40,001
The Black Knight's next challenger
is Sir Mort Goldman.

287
00:19:50,135 --> 00:19:52,135
Oh, God! I forfeit!

288
00:19:52,345 --> 00:19:57,025
That's it. The Black Knight is out of
challengers and is once again undefeated.

289
00:19:57,347 --> 00:19:59,627
Hey, what's your fat ass doing here?

290
00:19:59,723 --> 00:20:02,123
He's my only means of conveyance.

291
00:20:02,349 --> 00:20:05,029
- But I guess I do spoil him.
- Clearly you do.

292
00:20:05,267 --> 00:20:09,667
And what are you doing here, Griffin?
I told you never to come here again!

293
00:20:09,936 --> 00:20:13,856
- I don't want any trouble.
- You've got trouble if you don't beat it.

294
00:20:14,105 --> 00:20:16,705
- Listen, buddy...
- I said get lost!

295
00:20:18,274 --> 00:20:21,074
- Where's he going?
- Let him go, kids.

296
00:20:21,317 --> 00:20:24,597
You see that, kids?
Your father's nothing but a fizzle!

297
00:20:24,860 --> 00:20:27,540
Nobody calls me a fizzle
and gets away with it!

298
00:20:29,946 --> 00:20:33,946
Except that guy who called me a fizzle
and then ran off. He got away with it.

299
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,040
But most people who call me that
don't get away with it.

300
00:20:37,241 --> 00:20:40,841
Actually, that guy was the only one
who ever called me a fizzle.

301
00:20:40,993 --> 00:20:45,993
After today, only half the people who called
me a fizzle will have gotten away with it.

302
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:48,809
A new challenger has entered the field.

303
00:20:49,038 --> 00:20:51,918
The crowd has fallen deathly ill.
Silent. Sorry.

304
00:21:06,213 --> 00:21:07,733
Oh, my God, I'm gonna die!

305
00:21:08,715 --> 00:21:12,235
To the owner of a yellow Hyundai,
your car is being towed.

306
00:21:12,466 --> 00:21:13,466
What?

307
00:21:15,093 --> 00:21:16,973
I won!

308
00:21:18,011 --> 00:21:22,811
- Peter, that was amazing. You were so brave.
- Nice going, Dad.

309
00:21:23,096 --> 00:21:25,216
Boy, that was lucky about the car.

310
00:21:25,389 --> 00:21:29,389
Take that, you bastard! Nobody
makes a fool out of Mort Goldman!

311
00:21:30,183 --> 00:21:35,183
Spectacular, maggot! How'd you like
to travel with us as our lead jouster?

312
00:21:35,394 --> 00:21:38,514
Thanks, but no thanks, Coach.
I've lived my dream.

313
00:21:38,729 --> 00:21:41,729
And besides, my life is here with my family.

314
00:21:41,981 --> 00:21:44,661
But, Mom, what's Dad gonna do for a job?

315
00:21:44,774 --> 00:21:48,094
Lt'll be OK, Chris. Remember
that episode of The Honeymooners

316
00:21:48,317 --> 00:21:51,117
when Ralph lost his job but didn't get it back?

317
00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:54,360
Yeah, why was that?
That bugged the crap out of me.

