1
00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:05,519
"It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:08,838
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:08,918 --> 00:00:12,518
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:14,517
"On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:15,237 --> 00:00:18,436
"Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:18,516 --> 00:00:23,315
"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

7
00:00:23,435 --> 00:00:24,715
"Laugh and cry

8
00:00:24,835 --> 00:00:30,034
"He's a family guy

9
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:35,912
Some of this stuff... you wonder
who would need it in bulk.

10
00:00:36,032 --> 00:00:38,512
I mean, like watermelons.

11
00:00:40,031 --> 00:00:42,311
Touché, CostMart.

12
00:00:42,431 --> 00:00:44,510
- Brian, will you watch Stewie?
- Sure.

13
00:00:44,630 --> 00:00:47,910
Please keep a close eye on him.
Remember what happened last time.

14
00:00:49,309 --> 00:00:53,628
- Stewie, get down before you hurt yourself.
- Shut up! You're not my mother!

15
00:00:53,708 --> 00:00:56,308
- Good God! Are you all right?
- Fine. Why do you ask?

16
00:00:58,227 --> 00:01:04,106
Mmm, delicious. I will seriously
consider purchasing this product.

17
00:01:05,226 --> 00:01:08,105
Oh, what have we here? May I partake?

18
00:01:08,225 --> 00:01:10,225
Mmm.

19
00:01:12,024 --> 00:01:15,903
Sausage-san.
Plan to buy for samurai buddies.

20
00:01:16,023 --> 00:01:20,102
You don't have to keep moving to the back.
You can have as many as you want.

21
00:01:20,222 --> 00:01:21,702
What are you talking about?

22
00:01:21,822 --> 00:01:23,822
- Can I have more sausage?
- Yeah, me too?

23
00:01:24,701 --> 00:01:29,100
They got a great deal on pianos if you buy
a four-pack. Meg, help me get these down.

24
00:01:29,220 --> 00:01:31,220
- Lois?
- Oh, my gosh.

25
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,299
I don't believe this.

26
00:01:33,419 --> 00:01:38,018
Ross Fishman, is that really you? I haven't
seen you since college. How are you?

27
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:41,018
Great. Wow, Lois! You haven't aged a bit.

28
00:01:41,098 --> 00:01:44,017
Oh. Thank you.

29
00:01:44,017 --> 00:01:48,416
This 12-pack of fungicide
is for my daughter Meg.

30
00:01:48,496 --> 00:01:51,016
Help me.

31
00:01:53,615 --> 00:01:56,014
- He's funny.
- Is it 1981?

32
00:01:57,094 --> 00:01:58,814
Ah, yes, there you are!

33
00:01:58,894 --> 00:02:03,813
You people at the Industrial Adhesives
Corporation know how to make a tasty glue.

34
00:02:03,893 --> 00:02:05,812
Well, then, let the banquet begin.

35
00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:09,891
- What are you doing? Don't eat that.
- For God's sake, don't be such a nerd.

36
00:02:10,011 --> 00:02:13,011
I'm keeping an eye on you.
If Lois sees this, she'll kill me.

37
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:17,090
- You can let go of my hand now.
- You can let go of mine.

38
00:02:28,807 --> 00:02:30,487
- Oh...
- Crap.

39
00:02:30,607 --> 00:02:33,606
I can't tell you how wonderful
it's been to see you.

40
00:02:33,606 --> 00:02:36,605
It's a crime that it's been so long.
We were so close.

41
00:02:36,685 --> 00:02:39,085
We could get together for coffee, catch up.

42
00:02:39,205 --> 00:02:42,604
Well... I don't know, Ross. I'm married now.

43
00:02:42,684 --> 00:02:46,883
So am I. Does that mean we're not allowed
to stay in touch with old friends?

44
00:02:47,003 --> 00:02:50,402
Tell you what. If you change
your mind, here's my card.

45
00:02:51,802 --> 00:02:54,601
Look, Dad. They have 12-packs of kidneys!

46
00:02:54,681 --> 00:02:57,401
You got to buy the cooler, too.
That's how they get you.

47
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,680
- OK, thanks.
- Well?

48
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:05,079
The good news is they make
a solvent that'll get us unstuck.

49
00:03:05,199 --> 00:03:07,278
But it takes two weeks for delivery.

50
00:03:07,398 --> 00:03:10,398
We're stuck like this for a bloody fortnight?!

51
00:03:10,478 --> 00:03:13,197
- You cannot tell Lois about this.
- What if I do?

52
00:03:13,197 --> 00:03:17,996
- I have pictures of you in her wedding dress.
- You said there was no film in that camera!

53
00:03:18,076 --> 00:03:22,195
- Stewie, it's time to change your diaper.
- Mind if I watch?

54
00:03:23,475 --> 00:03:27,194
And I'm ashamed of myself
that I let Peter's jealousy prevent me

55
00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:30,593
from rekindling an old friendship
just because it was with a man.

56
00:03:30,673 --> 00:03:34,272
Peter's not very understanding
when it comes to you and other men.

57
00:03:34,392 --> 00:03:36,592
Like that time at the movies?

58
00:03:38,871 --> 00:03:42,470
I... I... this is... My, this is terribly awkward.

59
00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:45,270
But I... I wanted to tell you something.

60
00:03:45,390 --> 00:03:48,869
But I... I seem to be
so charmingly befuddled.

61
00:03:48,989 --> 00:03:52,868
- Ah, that Hugh Grant is so handsome.
- Oh, is that how it is?

62
00:03:52,988 --> 00:03:55,587
Come here, you home-wrecking bastard!

63
00:03:55,667 --> 00:03:58,787
Don't do it, Dad! He's bigger than you!

64
00:03:58,867 --> 00:04:00,986
And when you went to that concert?

65
00:04:01,066 --> 00:04:05,385
Thank you. Thank you very much.
This next one is for all the ladies out there.

66
00:04:09,184 --> 00:04:11,264
Then there was last Saturday night.

67
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:16,263
- Oh, look at that handsome man.
- You son of a bitch!

68
00:04:16,383 --> 00:04:19,262
I can't let Peter's irrational
emotions run my life!

69
00:04:19,382 --> 00:04:22,581
I'm gonna call Ross and see
if it's not too late for his offer.

70
00:04:22,661 --> 00:04:24,661
- Would you mind finishing up?
- Sure.

71
00:04:24,781 --> 00:04:27,580
Yes, do you like cleaning my doody, Brian?

72
00:04:27,580 --> 00:04:32,859
Say it. Say "I like cleaning your doody,
Stewie. " Ha! Don't forget the taint.

73
00:04:38,058 --> 00:04:41,577
TC, fly the chopper around the island.
I'll talk to the women.

74
00:04:41,657 --> 00:04:45,376
- Tattoo here will look out for the kidnappers.
- Higgins.

75
00:04:45,376 --> 00:04:48,456
We'll need security to unlock
the gate for me. OK, Tattoo?

76
00:04:48,576 --> 00:04:50,575
- It's Higgins.
- What?

77
00:04:50,575 --> 00:04:52,575
The name is Higgins.

78
00:04:54,254 --> 00:04:56,654
- What's your name?
- Tattoo.

79
00:04:57,374 --> 00:05:02,452
Oh, Peter. I'm just...
gonna go out for a few hours.

80
00:05:02,572 --> 00:05:05,452
So, I... I'll return in... a few hours.

81
00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:07,971
Yeah, I'll do it when this is over.

82
00:05:08,051 --> 00:05:10,651
Hey, Lois, can you grab me a beer?

83
00:05:10,771 --> 00:05:12,650
- Lois?
- Dad, I think she went out.

84
00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:14,650
- Then you be Lois.
- OK.

85
00:05:14,770 --> 00:05:18,449
Lois, can you grab me a beer?
Oh, my God! You've really let yourself go!

86
00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:21,448
Maybe if you bought me
nice clothes once in a while!

87
00:05:22,968 --> 00:05:27,047
Peter Griffin, we know you're in there!
Come out with your hands up!

88
00:05:27,167 --> 00:05:29,566
Fooled ya!

89
00:05:30,166 --> 00:05:32,166
You sure did. What the hell is this?

90
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:35,965
The new police surveillance van.
We're going on a beer run. Wanna join us?

91
00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:38,444
I quit drinking. I might be an alcoholic.

92
00:05:38,564 --> 00:05:39,964
- What?
- Oh, my God!

93
00:05:40,044 --> 00:05:44,763
Fooled ya! Come on. Let's go drink
till we can't feel feelings any more.

94
00:05:44,843 --> 00:05:48,762
This van has the latest in
law-enforcement technology. Watch.

95
00:05:49,442 --> 00:05:52,841
Suspect! Suspect!
You have the right to remain silent!

96
00:05:52,961 --> 00:05:54,441
Sweet.

97
00:05:54,561 --> 00:05:56,440
- Let me try.
- Cleveland, don't!

98
00:05:56,560 --> 00:06:00,839
Minority suspect! Minority suspect!
Danger, he's got a gun!

99
00:06:00,959 --> 00:06:04,438
Oh! Ow! Ow! Oh! Ow! Oh! Ow!

100
00:06:06,638 --> 00:06:08,158
Hey, Joe! The van's gone!

101
00:06:08,238 --> 00:06:11,757
It's got a cloaking device that
disguises it as two homeless guys

102
00:06:11,757 --> 00:06:14,156
fighting over a wedge of cheese.

103
00:06:16,156 --> 00:06:19,035
Peter, isn't that Lois
over there in that diner?

104
00:06:19,155 --> 00:06:22,554
- Why would Lois be there? I already ate.
- Take a look.

105
00:06:22,634 --> 00:06:25,754
Oh, my God! That is Lois!
Why the hell would she...

106
00:06:25,834 --> 00:06:27,433
Whoa. I can see your skin cells.

107
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:30,633
I saw you on Scientific American.
You looked great.

108
00:06:30,753 --> 00:06:35,032
- Please! Where my eyes are half-closed?
- God, just take the damn compliment!

109
00:06:38,431 --> 00:06:42,550
- What is Lois doing with another man?
- Is it possible she's a whore?

110
00:06:42,630 --> 00:06:47,629
Just on weekends? To help pay for
her mom's dialysis? As in my fantasy?

111
00:06:47,749 --> 00:06:49,948
Let's start over. Hi, I'm Quagmire.

112
00:06:49,948 --> 00:06:53,148
- I wish I knew what she was saying.
- I think I can help.

113
00:06:53,148 --> 00:06:58,626
Oh, your wife and children are beautiful. It's
so good to catch up, Ross. I'm glad I called.

114
00:06:58,746 --> 00:07:01,826
I'm glad you did, too.
Was your husband OK with you coming?

115
00:07:01,946 --> 00:07:05,225
Uh... Yes, he turned out
to be just fine with it.

116
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:10,624
All right. Let's see what we can pick up.

117
00:07:10,744 --> 00:07:14,543
Please don't spit in my eggs.
Please don't spit in my eggs.

118
00:07:14,623 --> 00:07:18,142
Thank you for the eggs!
I hope he didn't spit in my eggs.

119
00:07:18,222 --> 00:07:20,541
Doug, I spit in that guy's eggs.

120
00:07:20,621 --> 00:07:23,741
Our armies are ready.
We will leave the sewers

121
00:07:23,821 --> 00:07:26,340
and strike back at the humans
in the overworld.

122
00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:30,619
I'm glad we both found someone
to make us happy.

123
00:07:30,739 --> 00:07:33,618
I enjoy being with you, Ross.
I'm having a great time.

124
00:07:33,738 --> 00:07:38,017
Oh, my God! That's who that is.
Ross Fishman, Lois's old boyfriend.

125
00:07:38,137 --> 00:07:40,417
- We're losing them.
- I gotta hear more.

126
00:07:40,537 --> 00:07:42,816
The power's not supposed to go that high!

127
00:07:42,936 --> 00:07:45,336
Damn itch. I wonder who gave it to me.

128
00:07:45,416 --> 00:07:50,535
Probably that skank who needed a ride.
Last time I do somebody a favour.

129
00:07:50,615 --> 00:07:53,614
Oh, God! They must have heard me!
Oh, God! I can hear me!

130
00:08:03,012 --> 00:08:06,411
Ugh! What the hell
do you think you're doing?!

131
00:08:06,531 --> 00:08:08,811
I'm cleaning myself.

132
00:08:08,930 --> 00:08:12,610
You were clean 15 minutes ago.
Now you're just on vacation.

133
00:08:13,529 --> 00:08:17,609
So, Lois is seeing old boyfriends, huh?
Well, two can play at that game.

134
00:08:17,729 --> 00:08:20,408
I just gotta find my little black book.

135
00:08:35,924 --> 00:08:37,324
Ah, here it is.

136
00:08:42,323 --> 00:08:47,002
- Brenda?
- Peter! Oh, my God. It's been 25 years!

137
00:08:47,122 --> 00:08:50,401
Yeah. So, I guess you're married now, huh?

138
00:08:50,521 --> 00:08:52,721
Yeah.

139
00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:58,399
Hey, Ricky, you were right! I was pregnant!

140
00:09:00,599 --> 00:09:03,318
Hey, what's up, Pete? Long time no see.

141
00:09:03,318 --> 00:09:05,598
Patty, the years have been great to you.

142
00:09:05,718 --> 00:09:09,597
- I owe that to my better half.
- Who is it, sir?

143
00:09:12,516 --> 00:09:16,715
- Angie?
- Peter? Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Come in!

144
00:09:24,793 --> 00:09:26,913
Uh... what is all this stuff?

145
00:09:26,993 --> 00:09:30,792
Peter, I have been waiting
for this moment for 25 years!

146
00:09:30,912 --> 00:09:33,192
I haven't washed my hand
since you touched it.

147
00:09:33,311 --> 00:09:35,311
Oh, my God! That's disgusting!

148
00:09:35,391 --> 00:09:40,190
And look! Look! I left the toilet just
as it was the night we went to the prom.

149
00:09:40,310 --> 00:09:43,589
It's the little piece of you
that's kept your memory alive.

150
00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:46,189
But now I have you back.

151
00:09:46,309 --> 00:09:49,388
Oh, well. At least I still have you.

152
00:09:49,508 --> 00:09:51,507
You hungry?

153
00:09:52,507 --> 00:09:55,107
Oh, crap.

154
00:09:55,986 --> 00:09:57,386
Let me handle this.

155
00:09:57,506 --> 00:10:02,785
You were going 65, fella. That's ten miles
over the... Why are you holding his hand?

156
00:10:02,905 --> 00:10:04,784
- We met on the Internet.
- Shut up!

157
00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:08,584
He lured me to the park with promises
of candy and funny stories.

158
00:10:08,704 --> 00:10:12,983
- Ever hear of super industrial adhesive?
- Actually, yes, we have.

159
00:10:20,101 --> 00:10:24,780
- Dad, why do you keep looking at the door?
- Oh, Meg. You and your drugs.

160
00:10:24,900 --> 00:10:27,299
I wonder who that could be.

161
00:10:28,579 --> 00:10:33,178
- Peter Gifford?
- My God! Dora, my old girlfriend.

162
00:10:33,298 --> 00:10:37,577
What a surprise that you would look me up!
You always thought I was so handsome.

163
00:10:37,697 --> 00:10:40,696
Peter, can I see you in the other room?

164
00:10:40,776 --> 00:10:42,496
- Yeah, go. Say it.
- Should I?

165
00:10:42,576 --> 00:10:45,175
- I can't.
- Just say it.

166
00:10:45,295 --> 00:10:49,294
How far can you get this banana...
I can't say it. She's looking right at me.

167
00:10:49,374 --> 00:10:51,294
What the hell is this about?

168
00:10:51,374 --> 00:10:55,173
- It's about you and Ross Fishman!
- What?!

169
00:10:55,293 --> 00:10:57,972
I saw you and him breaking
the Fifth Commandment!

170
00:10:58,092 --> 00:11:00,572
Congress passes these things for a reason!

171
00:11:00,692 --> 00:11:05,091
That's it! You're suffocating me
with your jealousy. I can't take it any more.

172
00:11:05,171 --> 00:11:09,570
I'm calling a marriage counsellor.
I can't even have coffee with a friend!

173
00:11:09,690 --> 00:11:13,889
- What is your problem?!
- You want to know what my problem is?

174
00:11:13,969 --> 00:11:16,768
- I love too much!
- What are you talking about?

175
00:11:16,888 --> 00:11:19,768
- Don't you see? We're alive!
- You're scaring me.

176
00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:24,966
Good! Embrace the fear! Dance with me,
Lois. Dance the dance of life!

177
00:11:26,766 --> 00:11:28,885
Maybe you should call that counsellor.

178
00:11:30,885 --> 00:11:33,484
Mr and Mrs Griffin,
I've reviewed your situation.

179
00:11:33,564 --> 00:11:36,284
- I have a suggestion.
- We'll do whatever it takes.

180
00:11:36,364 --> 00:11:39,163
I'd like to put video cameras
in every room of your house

181
00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:41,763
so I can observe your
uncensored behaviour.

182
00:11:41,883 --> 00:11:45,962
Just like that show Big Brother.
Except somebody'll be watching.

183
00:11:48,561 --> 00:11:50,561
I've looked through the footage.

184
00:11:50,681 --> 00:11:55,559
I've compiled an accurate cross section
of your home life. Here are the results.

185
00:11:58,079 --> 00:12:00,558
- Peter, give Chris a spanking.
- OK.

186
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:03,678
Chris, I'm watching the game.
You know what to do.

187
00:12:04,677 --> 00:12:07,477
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

188
00:12:07,557 --> 00:12:10,676
This hurts me more than it hurts you. Ow!

189
00:12:10,876 --> 00:12:13,755
"Dear Diary, Kevin is so hot. "

190
00:12:13,875 --> 00:12:16,955
"Today he was out
in the yard raking leaves. "

191
00:12:17,075 --> 00:12:20,954
"God, I wish he'd throw me
into that pile of leaves. "

192
00:12:22,873 --> 00:12:26,553
Hey, what's everybody...
Oh, my God! My diary! I hate you all!

193
00:12:29,072 --> 00:12:30,752
Keep going.

194
00:12:31,072 --> 00:12:35,670
No. It's step, hip, step, pivot.
Are you trying to piss off the volcano?

195
00:12:35,950 --> 00:12:38,270
Get my back, would you?

196
00:12:38,270 --> 00:12:41,269
Oh, that's it. Ooh, that feels good.

197
00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:45,668
- Can you give me a hand with this jar?
- Oh, for heaven's sake, Peter.

198
00:12:45,668 --> 00:12:48,468
Gotcha.

199
00:12:50,947 --> 00:12:53,466
To be honest, I've never seen
such dysfunction.

200
00:12:53,546 --> 00:12:57,546
Mr and Mrs Griffin, what I'm about
to suggest may seem unorthodox.

201
00:12:57,666 --> 00:13:02,464
I recommend a trial separation, during which
time I advise that you date other people.

202
00:13:02,544 --> 00:13:05,264
I believe this will help you
gather perspective.

203
00:13:05,344 --> 00:13:07,343
- Date other people?!
- Oh, my God!

204
00:13:07,463 --> 00:13:11,342
I realise this is upsetting.
That's why I've invited Howie Mandel

205
00:13:11,462 --> 00:13:15,941
to lighten the mood by blowing up
a surgical glove with his nose.

206
00:13:33,058 --> 00:13:34,857
This feels really weird, Lois.

207
00:13:34,937 --> 00:13:39,056
I know. But maybe the doctor's right.
This time apart could be good for us.

208
00:13:39,056 --> 00:13:42,735
I don't know. Splitting up didn't work
too well for Pacman and his wife.

209
00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:46,135
- Forget about her.
- You're too good for her anyway.

210
00:13:46,255 --> 00:13:49,054
- Cheer up, man.
- Hey, you want to eat us? Huh?

211
00:13:49,134 --> 00:13:51,933
- We're turning blue!
- I've got nowhere to run.

212
00:13:52,053 --> 00:13:54,533
He's gonna get us!

213
00:13:54,653 --> 00:13:56,252
- Oh.
- Oh.

214
00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:59,132
He's not budging.
Come on. Let's go to Qbert's.

215
00:13:59,252 --> 00:14:04,251
- I appreciate you putting me up, Cleveland.
- Our house is your house, Peter.

216
00:14:04,331 --> 00:14:08,130
I'd sit here and chat, but I need
to get back upstairs to Loretta

217
00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:12,529
because it's our anniversary
and the getting's good.

218
00:14:12,649 --> 00:14:18,047
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

219
00:14:18,127 --> 00:14:22,846
When is it gonna be my turn?
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

220
00:14:24,126 --> 00:14:26,646
You are welcome to stay
as long as you like.

221
00:14:26,725 --> 00:14:30,045
Thanks, Muriel. So, what do you guys
do for fun around here?

222
00:14:30,125 --> 00:14:33,644
We like to watch old movies
while listening to "Hotel California"

223
00:14:33,644 --> 00:14:36,123
to see if it syncs up in a significant way.

224
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:38,523
And so far, no. Nothing has.

225
00:14:41,722 --> 00:14:43,522
- Hello?
- Is Peter there?

226
00:14:43,642 --> 00:14:46,241
Oh, hi, Quagmire. No, Peter's not home.

227
00:14:46,321 --> 00:14:50,240
We're... we're having
some minor marital problems.

228
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:54,239
Our therapist has advised us
to date other people.

229
00:14:54,239 --> 00:14:57,519
- Hey, Lois, you want to go out?
- What? I don't know, Glen.

230
00:14:57,639 --> 00:15:01,038
Peter and I just separated.
I feel like I need more time.

231
00:15:03,037 --> 00:15:05,837
- How about now?
- We are supposed to see other people.

232
00:15:05,917 --> 00:15:09,036
I guess it's better to go out
with you than some sex pervert.

233
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:11,435
I'm in! Giggetty-gaggety-gaggety-goo!

234
00:15:16,634 --> 00:15:20,033
Oh. God blast it!
Will you hold it for five seconds?!

235
00:15:24,113 --> 00:15:25,632
OK.

236
00:15:27,512 --> 00:15:31,231
So, Mr Griffin, how does it feel
to be a bachelor on the prowl again?

237
00:15:31,311 --> 00:15:35,710
It's not as great as you'd think. I don't have
the same way with women that I used to.

238
00:15:37,110 --> 00:15:39,829
That was nice. That was nice.

239
00:15:39,909 --> 00:15:44,228
I had a great time with you today,
beautiful stranger. What's your sign?

240
00:15:46,108 --> 00:15:48,907
Gross. I still think
you're neat, though.

241
00:15:49,027 --> 00:15:52,706
You should try a video dating service.
That's how Muriel and I met.

242
00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:55,905
Let me show you Mort's tape.
He was so charming.

243
00:15:57,305 --> 00:16:01,424
Agh! Oh, my eyes! Could you please
turn down that very bright light?

244
00:16:01,504 --> 00:16:04,224
It's burning my retinas.

245
00:16:04,304 --> 00:16:06,423
Ladies, I'm a very desperate man.

246
00:16:06,503 --> 00:16:10,622
My name is Mort and I live with my mother.
And I have very low standards.

247
00:16:10,702 --> 00:16:14,221
Oh, God!
There's blood in my mucus!

248
00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:20,900
Agh! What the hell is wrong with you?!

249
00:16:22,020 --> 00:16:24,619
Hey, there's the mail! Oh, finally.

250
00:16:27,618 --> 00:16:30,218
It takes an hour for the solvent to take effect.

251
00:16:30,298 --> 00:16:35,217
What takes an hour? We could watch
Rita Rudner do five minutes of stand-up.

252
00:16:35,217 --> 00:16:36,296
Ba-zing.

253
00:16:36,416 --> 00:16:39,016
We're gonna have a swell time tonight, Lois.

254
00:16:39,096 --> 00:16:42,415
Thank you for being such a good friend
and looking after me.

255
00:16:42,415 --> 00:16:45,414
No problem. It's chilly out,
so I brought you a jacket.

256
00:16:45,494 --> 00:16:49,213
- Oh. No, thanks. I'll be fine.
- Please?

257
00:16:52,693 --> 00:16:58,091
Muriel and I feel that you need to follow
your therapist's advice and start dating.

258
00:16:58,211 --> 00:17:01,491
- Jeez, Mort. I don't know if I'm ready.
- Come on, stud.

259
00:17:01,611 --> 00:17:04,090
We've set it up for you
to go out with our niece.

260
00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:06,809
Honey! Come on out here
and meet Peter Griffin.

261
00:17:07,489 --> 00:17:10,209
This is our niece, Jennifer Love Hewitt.

262
00:17:10,209 --> 00:17:13,008
- Nice to meet you.
- All right, I'm getting up.

263
00:17:13,088 --> 00:17:17,687
Hi. Peter Griffin. We can go anywhere except
the disco. They don't let me in any more.

264
00:17:25,605 --> 00:17:29,484
Ow! Crafty Mexicans and your glass candy.

265
00:17:32,604 --> 00:17:35,283
- What's going on?
- There's a girl in that well.

266
00:17:35,403 --> 00:17:38,602
- Oh, my God!
- Nobody has arms long enough to reach her.

267
00:17:38,602 --> 00:17:42,002
Except that guy. But he's helping
that woman tickle a midget.

268
00:17:42,082 --> 00:17:47,000
Tee-hee. Stop it. Tee-hee.

269
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,480
Oh, God, you want to rescue her, don't you?

270
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:54,799
It's times like this I wish they'd
used me for stem-cell research.

271
00:17:54,799 --> 00:17:56,278
Help me!

272
00:17:56,398 --> 00:18:01,077
It rubs the lotion on its skin,
or else it gets the hose again. Ha!

273
00:18:01,197 --> 00:18:03,997
All right, I'm gonna lower you in.

274
00:18:04,796 --> 00:18:08,476
I just noticed. How often do you see
a 17th-century well in this day and age?

275
00:18:08,596 --> 00:18:12,395
- Hurry up. The glue's wearing off!
- All right, all right!

276
00:18:18,993 --> 00:18:21,273
We're not stuck together any more.

277
00:18:21,393 --> 00:18:23,672
- Thank God!
- You said it.

278
00:18:23,792 --> 00:18:26,272
- Want to hold hands on the walk home?
- Sure.

279
00:18:26,392 --> 00:18:28,791
Susie! Thank God you're all right!

280
00:18:28,871 --> 00:18:31,390
Wait a minute. This isn't my little girl.

281
00:18:31,470 --> 00:18:33,870
Hey, that was my wife!

282
00:18:33,990 --> 00:18:34,990
- Tee-hee!
- Tee-hee!

283
00:18:36,989 --> 00:18:39,389
- I Know What You Did Last Summer?
- Never heard of it.

284
00:18:39,469 --> 00:18:41,388
- The Devil and Daniel Webster?
- Nope.

285
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:44,188
- Party of Five?
- Was that a porno?

286
00:18:44,188 --> 00:18:47,987
Sometimes you gotta do a lot of crap
before they put you in anything decent.

287
00:18:48,067 --> 00:18:52,586
The food here is fantastic.
This is where I took Lois on our first date.

288
00:18:52,666 --> 00:18:54,985
You ordered a pie for an appetiser?

289
00:18:55,065 --> 00:18:59,264
I'll go to the john and fire one out in five
minutes. That should make room for dinner.

290
00:18:59,384 --> 00:19:02,663
- Here's your table, Mr Quagmire.
- Thanks. How about drinks?

291
00:19:02,783 --> 00:19:06,063
Martini for you and the usual
roofie colada for your date?

292
00:19:06,183 --> 00:19:09,582
No, no, no. I wouldn't bring...
A glass of wine.

293
00:19:10,582 --> 00:19:14,061
Oh, my God! That's Jennifer Love Hewitt!

294
00:19:14,181 --> 00:19:18,180
Wow! I wonder who she's here with.
She could date any man she wanted to.

295
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,059
There. Made lots of room.

296
00:19:22,179 --> 00:19:26,258
That sign in the bathroom about washing
your hands, that's for the staff, right?

297
00:19:26,378 --> 00:19:29,377
- Technically, yes.
- That's what I thought. Great.

298
00:19:29,457 --> 00:19:32,377
Oh, man! These all look good,
every one of 'em.

299
00:19:32,457 --> 00:19:34,056
- You want some bread?
- No!

300
00:19:34,176 --> 00:19:36,456
Peter, is that you?

301
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:38,775
Peter?! Oh, no! I can't let him see me!

302
00:19:38,775 --> 00:19:42,574
It's OK, Quagmire. We're just doing
what the therapist said to do.

303
00:19:42,654 --> 00:19:45,974
Peter, I think it's great you're out
with Jennifer Love Hewitt.

304
00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:48,373
Hi. I loved you in Heartbreakers.

305
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:50,653
You be on your best behaviour.

306
00:19:51,172 --> 00:19:54,172
- Here you go, sweetheart. Open up.
- No!

307
00:19:54,172 --> 00:19:56,971
There you go. Isn't this romantic?

308
00:19:57,051 --> 00:20:01,770
That's it! You have got to be the most vile,
disgusting human being I've ever met!

309
00:20:01,770 --> 00:20:05,969
And I have never been
more turned-on in my life.

310
00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:09,968
Hold on, toots!
I don't care what our therapist says.

311
00:20:10,048 --> 00:20:14,047
I won't stand by and watch my husband
lock lips with another woman! Beat it!

312
00:20:14,167 --> 00:20:16,367
- What's your problem, grandma?
- You are!

313
00:20:16,447 --> 00:20:18,846
And I only saw Heartbreakers on a plane!

314
00:20:18,966 --> 00:20:21,966
And the flight was delayed,
so the headphones were free!

315
00:20:22,046 --> 00:20:24,045
Wow. That was pretty cool, Lois.

316
00:20:24,165 --> 00:20:26,165
I guess I finally understand...

317
00:20:30,444 --> 00:20:32,563
You better run, you little bitch!

318
00:20:32,563 --> 00:20:36,162
I guess I finally understand
how you can get so jealous sometimes.

319
00:20:36,242 --> 00:20:39,362
Seeing her kiss you like that
just made me crazy.

320
00:20:39,362 --> 00:20:43,561
I guess we're gonna have to learn
to control our jealousy... together.

321
00:20:43,641 --> 00:20:44,760
Together.

322
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,640
Ma'am, you dropped your napkin.

323
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,160
Here's your drink, sir.

324
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:51,159
We'll work on it later. I love you, Lois.

325
00:20:51,159 --> 00:20:52,959
I love you too, Peter.

326
00:20:55,358 --> 00:20:58,637
What a couple of freaks.
God, I need a drink.

327
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:01,157
Waiter! Martini and a roofie colada.

328
00:21:27,231 --> 00:21:29,550
Visiontext Subtitles: Yasmin Rammohan

