1
00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:05,440
"It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:08,840
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:12,440
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:14,560
"On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:18,440
"Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:23,240
"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

7
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:24,760
"Laugh and cry

8
00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:30,040
"He's a family guy

9
00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:35,840
On the whole, I enjoy my job as a pharmacist.

10
00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:39,360
In fact, many of my customers
are your mommies and daddies.

11
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:43,640
Jimmy, your mother had awful postpartum
depression after you were born.

12
00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:49,240
And, Danielle, your father had very bad
haemorrhoids that stung him unmerciful.

13
00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:53,640
They were awful. They were like
stinky little balloons. Ugh!

14
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,040
I gave him some special ointment,

15
00:00:56,160 --> 00:01:00,560
and he hurt so bad that he had to
apply it in the car with his sock.

16
00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:02,840
Thank you.

17
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:05,240
- Cool! I wanna be a pharmacist!
- Yeah!

18
00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:08,960
Thank you, Mr Goldman.
Our final speaker is Mr Griffin.

19
00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:12,160
- Yeah!
- Hey, kids! You know what I do?

20
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:15,240
I work at a toy factory.
And you know what I do there?

21
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:18,040
I bet you're just a low-level
assembly-line guy

22
00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:20,560
who stands all day
screwing heads on dolls.

23
00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:24,440
"Ooh, is it on straight?"
"I don't know. " Boo!

24
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,360
- Why, you snot-nosed...
- Mr Griffin!

25
00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,640
He plays in the park. Get him there.

26
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,840
Does anyone have any questions?

27
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,440
Can we listen to the claims adjuster again?

28
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:37,560
Yeah!

29
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,560
Welcome back to Quahog Five News.

30
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,840
Here's Ollie Williams with
the "Black You" weather forecast.

31
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,840
- It's gonna rain!
- Thanks, Ollie.

32
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:49,760
Finally, we go to Asian reporter
Tricia Takanawa,

33
00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:52,760
interviewing a guy
from the Renaissance Fair.

34
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:56,640
Thanks, Tom. Sir, for those who
aren't familiar with the tradition,

35
00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,960
tell us about the Renaissance Fair.

36
00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,240
Yea. But first, bride of Genghis,

37
00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:05,360
thou must explainest to me
thy very peculiar electronic wand.

38
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,360
Whoooooo!

39
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:10,240
Rupert, are you ready to hear our "mad lib"?

40
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:14,440
Ahem. "Cinderella had three
wicked step-watermelons

41
00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:16,960
who were very smelly to her. "

42
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:21,760
"So her fairy god-toilet turned
a pumpkin into a fanny

43
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,840
and sent her off to the poop. "

44
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:28,040
Oh, my! How ruthlessly absurd.

45
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,960
Peter, how was your presentation
to Chris's class?

46
00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:34,160
- It was a waste of time.
- It couldn't have been that bad.

47
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:39,040
I was terrible. Everyone else had an important
job and was way more successful than me.

48
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:42,040
Come on. You... You have a great job.

49
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:45,840
Yeah. You're... you're doing...
you're doing good.

50
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:48,960
If you're not satisfied,
then be more assertive.

51
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:52,440
Invite Mr Weed to dinner
and show him what you have to offer.

52
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,840
I guess I could. I just hope it goes OK.

53
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,160
We've had bad luck with guests.
Remember Margot Kidder?

54
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:02,640
We loved you in the Superman movies.
You were just wonderful.

55
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,240
Aaghhh!

56
00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:16,840
Mr Weed, I, uh... was wondering

57
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:20,440
if maybe you'd like to come to
my house for dinner Friday night.

58
00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,760
- That wasn't so hard.
- What time?

59
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,960
- 7.30, 8.00?
- Fabulous! What shall I bring?

60
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,440
Calm down. Everything will be fine.

61
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:33,640
If I blow this, I'll have to go back to
my old job at The Electric Company.

62
00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:35,840
- Duh...
- Ot.

63
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,760
Dot.

64
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,640
- Buh...
- Et.

65
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:41,640
- Bet.
- Bet. I knew that. Slow down.

66
00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:43,640
- Puh...
- It.

67
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,640
- Pit.
- Pit. Come on, it's my first day.

68
00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:47,360
- Fuh...
- At.

69
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,240
- Fat.
- Oh, that's it, buddy!

70
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:53,840
That must be him.

71
00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:58,240
Oh, God. I hope I don't get so nervous
I can't control the volume of my voice.

72
00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,040
Hello, Peter. How are you?

73
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,360
Fine! Please come in.

74
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:05,240
It's so nice to have you over, Mr Weed.

75
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:09,040
Thank you, Mrs Griffin. I understand
you have a beautiful family.

76
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:13,040
We do. But the children won't be
joining us for dinner. It's their bedtime.

77
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,640
- State your names.
- Meg!

78
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,840
- Chris!
- And I'm Liesl.

79
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:25,240
The Griffin children would like
to say good night to you.

80
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,440
Mmmm. Who would think that
a woman with such beauty

81
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:52,240
would have the culinary skills
of Emeril Lagasse?

82
00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,440
Well, thank you.

83
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:56,160
Bam!

84
00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:00,560
Ahem. Peter, don't you have
something to say to Mr Weed?

85
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,040
Oh, yeah.

86
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:06,960
Mr Weed, I don't care what the guys at work
say. I don't think you're an effeminate weirdo.

87
00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,360
Uh, so, what kind of a name is "Weed"?

88
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:11,840
They gave it to my grandfather
on Ellis Island.

89
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:14,240
Our original name was Bermuda Grass.

90
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:18,240
Peter, being here with your wonderful
family, your beautiful home

91
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:21,840
and your funny talking dog...
well, I'm impressed.

92
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:25,640
Starting Monday, I'd like to promote you
to head of toy development.

93
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,760
Holy crap! Oh, thanks, Mr Weed!
You won't be sorry.

94
00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:32,440
Brian, quit it. You're embarrassing me.

95
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,560
Brian's choking!
Do the Heimlich manoeuvre, quick!

96
00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:43,640
He's dead.

97
00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:45,760
Aaagh! Aaagh!

98
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:49,560
I forgot my purse. Aaaghhh!

99
00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,840
Let's not panic.
Nobody even knows about this yet.

100
00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:57,040
Police! Random dead-body search!

101
00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:00,040
- Oh, my God! Stall 'em!
- Peter, what are you doing?

102
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,560
Just stall 'em, Lois!

103
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,760
Ha-ha! Gotcha! It's just me - Death.
I'm here for the body.

104
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:11,440
Ah. Peter, it's OK. It's just Death.

105
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:12,960
Ah, thank God.

106
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:16,560
- Did someone choke on a roll in here?
- No, no, no. I spit it up.

107
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:17,840
Oh.

108
00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,360
Our top story:
Doreen, I lost your phone number.

109
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,840
We met at the Sky Lounge
last night. Call me.

110
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:27,640
In other news, toy industrialist
Jonathan Weed was found dead

111
00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:31,040
in the home of an employee
who claims Weed choked on a roll.

112
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:35,360
No charges will be filed against
the employee, but the roll is in custody.

113
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,960
I'd do her, do her, wouldn't do her.

114
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,240
Ech, who hasn't done her? Do her.

115
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:50,440
Lose the pigtails and we'll talk.
Do her, do her...

116
00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:55,640
And now, the last man to see Jonathan Weed
alive has offered to say a few words.

117
00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:56,960
Good afternoon.

118
00:07:57,040 --> 00:08:01,760
As you know, we of the Christian faith
believe that Jesus is not really dead,

119
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:04,440
but that he must let
the world think he is dead

120
00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:10,040
until he can find a way to control
the raging spirit that dwells within him.

121
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:20,040
Anyway, before he died, Mr Weed
promoted me to head of toy development.

122
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:24,160
I brought my attorney who confirms
that this constitutes a verbal contract.

123
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:28,440
Isn't that right, Saul?
"Yes, sir. " Thank you.

124
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,240
Glad you all found your way
from the cemetery.

125
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:36,840
I'm Mr Weed's lawyer. We found this tape
among Mr Weed's personal effects

126
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:41,360
with instructions that it be screened
immediately after his funeral. Enjoy.

127
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,360
Good morning. Camera time.

128
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:47,960
- Turn that off. I don't have my face on yet.
- You want to tell us what you're making?

129
00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:52,040
It's just a couple of eggs with
the peppers left over from last night.

130
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:53,560
- Mm...
- Yes.

131
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:56,240
OK, playtime is over.
Turn it off, monkey, OK?

132
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:58,840
Ahem.

133
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:03,640
Hello, friends. If you are watching this,
I am dead, and I bet you're pretty bummed.

134
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,440
- But I have good news.
- Yeah?

135
00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:08,360
The Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory
shall be torn down

136
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:11,960
to make way for the Happy-Go-Lucky
Terminal Disease Institute.

137
00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:15,040
- What?!
- The demolition will begin in... now.

138
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:21,840
OK, we've got your typing test here

139
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:25,040
and all the pertinent data
about your, um...

140
00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:27,240
um, you know, your background

141
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:31,840
and, um... skills and...

142
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,040
- And?
- I gotta be honest with you.

143
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:39,560
I only have another week and a half here,
and I have completely checked out.

144
00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:42,240
- Oh.
- Yeah.

145
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,640
Well, what should I do?

146
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,440
Um...

147
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,360
Chef?

148
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:59,760
Sorry, we're out of towels.
Let me get that for you, sir.

149
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:21,160
I should pay two bucks for stickers
cos this guy can't hear? Come on!

150
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:24,040
Hey, I might be deaf, but I have feelings!

151
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,560
Oh, uh... I mean, what?

152
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:32,160
- Has Dad found a permanent job yet?
- He's going through a career transition.

153
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:36,640
He's sampling a few things, searching
for something that fits him just right.

154
00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:42,040
- Clearly it's not that tube top.
- Looking for a good time, sweet cheeks?

155
00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:45,160
- Oh, my God.
- Peter, get in the car!

156
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:48,040
OK, but it'll cost ya.
You want a Cleveland Steamer?

157
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,760
Get in the car...
What's a Cleveland Steamer?

158
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,240
- It means he'll...
- Whoa, be cool.

159
00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:58,040
Yes, you go to Maple Street,
and then take a left, and then you go...

160
00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,760
- So you want to party or what?
- Get in right now!

161
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:06,960
It's eerie, isn't it?
Like looking into the future.

162
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:12,160
- Forgetful Freddy was so forgetful...
- How forgetful?

163
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:17,440
He was so forgetful, whenever he tried
to remember a name, he drew a... "blank".

164
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:24,360
This is all my fault. If I hadn't pushed you
so hard to invite Mr Weed to dinner,

165
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:26,840
he'd still be alive and you'd have your job.

166
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:30,360
We'll get through this.
We just have to scrimp a little.

167
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,440
Sell some stuff we don't really need.

168
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:35,560
- This'll bring in a couple of bucks.
- Peter, listen.

169
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:40,160
When we got married, you always talked
about your dream job. Remember?

170
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:43,440
You put that dream aside
in order to provide for this family.

171
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:46,440
- Yeah.
- I've saved some money from teaching piano,

172
00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:49,840
and this is the perfect time
for you to pursue that dream.

173
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,160
- Really?
- Yes!

174
00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:55,160
Wow. Since money's tight, I was gonna
suggest that we eat the kids.

175
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:58,440
Jokingly at first, but then
I was gonna gauge your reaction.

176
00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:02,640
If you were cool with it, we could go
from there. But this is a much better idea!

177
00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:05,440
I'm gonna do it!
I'm gonna realise my dream!

178
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:08,640
I am gonna be a Renaissance Fair jouster!

179
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,440
Oh, Peter!

180
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:12,760
Aaaghhh!

181
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:19,440
This is so exciting!
My little jouster's first day.

182
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:23,440
- Here's your lunch.
- Thanks, honey. Aw, egg salad!

183
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:26,040
- Have a good time.
- I'll try.

184
00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:30,840
- Hey, Mort.
- Oh, God! Don't hurt me!

185
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:33,640
- Oh, hi, Peter.
- You gonna be a jouster, too?

186
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,640
Yes. I'm trying to overcome
my fear of swords

187
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:40,440
because a man in a pirate suit
stabbed me in the ear when I was five,

188
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:43,440
and then again when I was 30.
And you? The same?

189
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:47,440
Nah, not really. It kinda
all goes back to when I was 18.

190
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:51,960
I was going through that rebellious phase,
and I was hanging out with a bad crowd.

191
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:55,240
Here, Peter. Try one of these.

192
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,360
- What is it?
- It's a cheeseburger.

193
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:02,560
Now I know it wasn't a cheeseburger.

194
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:06,040
But at that time,
I was ready to believe anything.

195
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:09,240
I didn't know what was going on.

196
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:12,760
I wandered around and ended up
at the Renaissance Fair.

197
00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,760
- I can fly!
- Oh, my God!

198
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:23,960
I was saved by the one and only Black
Knight of the Quahog Renaissance Fair.

199
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:28,160
A word of advice. The path to knighthood
is paved with strength and nobility,

200
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:30,640
not LSD and sideburns.

201
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:36,160
And from that moment on, I knew
someday I wanted to be a knight like him.

202
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:40,360
Mercy! I was once addicted
to antihistamines.

203
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:43,240
I took so many, I thought I was Mr Peanut.

204
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,240
Yeah, that's a great story, too.

205
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,160
So, you think you got
what it takes to be jousters!

206
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:51,960
If you're gonna joust, you gotta want it!
Let me hear your war cry!

207
00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:55,840
Is that the best you got, you pile of crap?

208
00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:59,760
Yes. From an early age,
my parents discouraged loud noises.

209
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,040
You're a candy-ass maggot!

210
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:05,040
- Something funny, maggot?
- No, sir!

211
00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:08,160
- You love the Middle Ages, don't you?
- Sir, yes, sir!

212
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:12,240
The concept of a geocentric universe
gets you sexually excited, doesn't it?

213
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:13,160
Yes, sir!

214
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:17,560
You want to make 16th-century
mathematician Johannes Kepler your bitch?

215
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,240
Sir, yes, sir!

216
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:22,240
- Welcome, apprentices.
- It's him.

217
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:27,960
Look alive. Allow me to introduce the best
of the best, the Black Knight himself!

218
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:32,040
And this is his trophy wench,
Maid Madeleine.

219
00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:39,360
Ding!

220
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:46,160
- Excuse me, Mr Black Knight.
- I'm busy.

221
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:50,840
I just wanted to thank you. I don't know
if you remember, but when I was a kid,

222
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,040
you helped me get my life back on track.

223
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:56,240
Agh! Dammit! Look, I'm busy, all right?

224
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:59,160
- OK, I'll come back later.
- Damn rookies.

225
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:02,040
Are all the other men
out of the shower yet?

226
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:09,640
Hey, porker. Yes, I'm calling you a porker,
and there's nothing you can do about it

227
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:14,360
because I'm protected by my
impenetrable cereal-box fort. Ha-ha-ha!

228
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:16,040
Hey, you! Drunkie.

229
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:19,960
Yes, I'm calling you drunkie, and
there's nothing you can do about it...

230
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:20,960
Agh!

231
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,040
- The toast is ready.
- I'll get it, Lois.

232
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:29,040
Here you go.

233
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,840
Maybe you shouldn't bring
your lance to the table.

234
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:36,440
If I'm gonna impress the Black Knight,
my lance must be with me at all times.

235
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,440
You guys will be so proud
when you see me on that field.

236
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,640
Excuse me. I gotta go practise.

237
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:44,440
Oh, my God, Dad, my earring!

238
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,040
Dad, stop! Argh!

239
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:50,360
Two mutton joints, please.

240
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:54,160
Oh, thou wishest to feast on
the appendage of a humble ovine.

241
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:58,640
Listen, freak. We don't all watch Frasier.
Now give me two mutton joints.

242
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:00,640
Thank you.

243
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:16,240
'Tis a glorious afternoon.
Wouldst thou not agree?

244
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:19,160
Uh, yea, kind shrew.

245
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:24,240
Uh, I before thee... except after C.

246
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:27,560
Wouldst thou take a gander
underneath my frock?

247
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,640
Uh, sure. Whatever floats your boat.

248
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,640
There you go.

249
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,160
Frickin' perverts.

250
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:40,040
Madeleine, go wait in the Hyundai!

251
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,840
What were you doing with my girl?

252
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:47,040
She walks over here and asks me to put a bird
in her panties! I'm going "What the hell?"

253
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:50,840
Oh, God! Peter, play dead!
Curl up in an ass ball or something!

254
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,640
- What's the problem, BK?
- I don't like you.

255
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:56,560
And I don't like you hanging around my girl.

256
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,960
I don't ever want to see you here again.

257
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:02,960
Oh. OK, but we can see each other
outside the fair, right?

258
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:06,960
- I'm just trying to understand the rules.
- If I see you again, I'll kill you!

259
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,040
OK, that's much clearer.

260
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:12,560
Oh, God! I think I just miscarried!

261
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:19,440
What are you doing? I spent hours
soldering that costume for you.

262
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:22,040
I don't need it any more. I quit the team.

263
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,840
You can't quit jousting.
The big meet is today. I thought...

264
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:29,240
Did you just say "big meat"?

265
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:31,960
Oh, my God, I did.

266
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,560
- We almost missed that.
- That was a close one.

267
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,760
But I'm being serious here. We were
all set to come see you joust today.

268
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,960
You were so excited to be
on the field with the Black Knight.

269
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:46,360
I'll be watching him from the stands,

270
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:51,040
because the Black Knight is a big jerk,
just like that guy who fixed our vacuum.

271
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:53,040
There you go. All fixed.

272
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:55,840
A half-eaten meatball was
clogging up the intake.

273
00:17:55,960 --> 00:18:00,240
- Oh. Well, did you save it?
- Uh, no.

274
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:01,640
You bastard.

275
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:09,560
It's an exciting day here at
the Renaissance Fair, wouldn't you say, Tom?

276
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,440
It would be if you didn't remind us all
of our grandmother's cleavage.

277
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:17,760
Let's go to the field, where the Black Knight
prepares to challenge his opponent.

278
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,440
"Ohh...

279
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:30,640
"Hey

280
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:34,360
"Ohh...

281
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:35,560
"Hey

282
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:40,240
Hey, how you doing there, big guy?

283
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,040
You holding up all right?

284
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,560
You want a soda? Hm?

285
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:49,840
Oh, screw it. I tried.

286
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:53,040
The Black Knight's next challenger
is Sir Mort Goldman.

287
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,640
Oh, God! I forfeit!

288
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:09,440
That's it. The Black Knight is out of
challengers and is once again undefeated.

289
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,840
Hey, what's your fat ass doing here?

290
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,240
He's my only means of conveyance.

291
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:17,040
- But I guess I do spoil him.
- Clearly you do.

292
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:21,560
And what are you doing here, Griffin?
I told you never to come here again!

293
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,560
- I don't want any trouble.
- You've got trouble if you don't beat it.

294
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:28,240
- Listen, buddy...
- I said get lost!

295
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,440
- Where's he going?
- Let him go, kids.

296
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:35,840
You see that, kids?
Your father's nothing but a fizzle!

297
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:38,640
Nobody calls me a fizzle
and gets away with it!

298
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:44,840
Except that guy who called me a fizzle
and then ran off. He got away with it.

299
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,760
But most people who call me that
don't get away with it.

300
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:51,440
Actually, that guy was the only one
who ever called me a fizzle.

301
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:56,440
After today, only half the people who called
me a fizzle will have gotten away with it.

302
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:59,040
A new challenger has entered the field.

303
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,040
The crowd has fallen deathly ill.
Silent. Sorry.

304
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:17,160
Oh, my God, I'm gonna die!

305
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:21,560
To the owner of a yellow Hyundai,
your car is being towed.

306
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:22,640
What?

307
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,040
I won!

308
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:31,760
- Peter, that was amazing. You were so brave.
- Nice going, Dad.

309
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:33,960
Boy, that was lucky about the car.

310
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:38,040
Take that, you bastard! Nobody
makes a fool out of Mort Goldman!

311
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:43,640
Spectacular, maggot! How'd you like
to travel with us as our lead jouster?

312
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,760
Thanks, but no thanks, Coach.
I've lived my dream.

313
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:49,840
And besides, my life is here with my family.

314
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,640
But, Mom, what's Dad gonna do for a job?

315
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,960
Lt'll be OK, Chris. Remember
that episode of The Honeymooners

316
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,840
when Ralph lost his job but didn't get it back?

317
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:01,960
Yeah, why was that?
That bugged the crap out of me.

318
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,240
Visiontext Subtitles: Tram Nguyen Zelniker

