1
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It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:05,401 --> 00:00:08,303
Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:08,403 --> 00:00:11,904
But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
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On which we used to rely?

5
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Lucky there's a family guy

6
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Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

7
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Laugh and cry

8
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He's a family guy

9
00:00:32,712 --> 00:00:34,613
Dad, can you help me with my math?

10
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Mr Shackleford says if I don't learn it
I won't be able to function in the real world.

11
00:00:39,215 --> 00:00:42,516
OK, you gotta go down the road
past the old Johnson place.

12
00:00:42,616 --> 00:00:46,018
You're gonna find two roads,
one parallel and one perpendicular.

13
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Keep goin' until you come to a highway
that bisects it at a 45-degree angle.

14
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Solve for X.

15
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Maths. Huh!

16
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Math, my dear boy, is nothing more
than the lesbian sister of biology.

17
00:01:03,325 --> 00:01:06,326
- Hello, sir.
- Enough foreplay. What you sellin'?

18
00:01:06,426 --> 00:01:09,427
Well, I was gonna try to sell you
some Handsome Cream,

19
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but I can see you already
bought out the store.

20
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- Go on.
- So perhaps you'd be interested

21
00:01:14,629 --> 00:01:18,831
in something every homeowner
cannot be without: volcano insurance.

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- Go on.
- According to my uncle,

23
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who's a real whiz with volcanos,
a volcano is coming this way.

24
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Hm. I too have an uncle.

25
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Come in.

26
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- How much is this volcano insurance?
- I-I don't know. Let's say $200.

27
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$200?! That's more than I spent on
all that Handsome Cream. I don't have it.

28
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- What about that jar of money?
- No way. That's Lois's rainy-day fund.

29
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- Come on. It never rains in Rhode Island.
- Yeah, but we've never had a volcano either.

30
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:52,645
Well, don't you think we're overdue for one?

31
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Touché, salesman.

32
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- Agh! What the hell are you doing?!
- Watching you sleep, cutie-pie.

33
00:02:06,750 --> 00:02:09,351
Why, you sick, sick little moo-cow!

34
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You shall watch no more!

35
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- Stewie!
- My glasses! I can't see a thing!

36
00:02:15,454 --> 00:02:19,155
- Why won't you let me get laser surgery?
- I just don't think it's safe.

37
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OK, just a quick incision here
and we should be all done, Mrs Wilson.

38
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- Luke, use the Force.
- Really? Cos I was just gonna...

39
00:02:25,958 --> 00:02:27,759
- Use the Force.
- OK.

40
00:02:33,461 --> 00:02:35,762
- Are you happy?
- I've never been happy.

41
00:02:35,862 --> 00:02:39,063
Oh, don't worry, honey.
We'll get you a new pair tomorrow.

42
00:02:39,163 --> 00:02:41,664
And in the meantime here's a vision test.

43
00:02:41,664 --> 00:02:44,866
What is this? A poopy or a Toblerone?

44
00:02:46,766 --> 00:02:49,668
We now return
to "Girlfriends" on Lifetime.

45
00:02:49,668 --> 00:02:52,369
- Barry was over last night, and...
- Don't tell me.

46
00:02:52,469 --> 00:02:55,870
He left the toilet seat up.

47
00:02:55,870 --> 00:02:57,971
Oh, I ran into Frank. It's funny -

48
00:02:58,071 --> 00:03:02,573
he fought in Vietnam, he's an exorcist,
but there is one thing that terrifies him.

49
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Commitment!

50
00:03:05,674 --> 00:03:08,575
Oh, Midge. You're my third best friend
in the whole world.

51
00:03:08,675 --> 00:03:11,676
- Third? Who are the first two?
- Ben and Jerry.

52
00:03:16,178 --> 00:03:19,079
Peter, did you take the money
from the family jar?

53
00:03:19,079 --> 00:03:22,381
Who, me? Yes, me.
Couldn't be. Then who?

54
00:03:22,481 --> 00:03:24,682
Yeah, I did it. I bought volcano insurance.

55
00:03:24,782 --> 00:03:27,283
Volcano insurance? That's ridiculous.

56
00:03:27,383 --> 00:03:31,284
That's what you said when you
talked me out of getting cloud insurance.

57
00:03:31,284 --> 00:03:35,186
Look at them up there.
Just plottin'. Picking their moment.

58
00:03:35,286 --> 00:03:38,187
So, Bill, we attack tomorrow?

59
00:03:38,287 --> 00:03:40,288
Yes. Tomorrow.

60
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,489
- I mean it this time.
- I do too.

61
00:03:43,589 --> 00:03:48,791
Peter, that was our emergency money. And
your daughter needs a new pair of glasses.

62
00:03:48,891 --> 00:03:52,093
- Lois, no one really needs glasses.
- You wear glasses.

63
00:03:52,193 --> 00:03:55,194
That's only to fool the man
from the draft board.

64
00:03:55,294 --> 00:03:57,695
I can't believe you squandered that money.

65
00:03:57,795 --> 00:04:00,896
I swear, sometimes I feel
like I'm married to a child.

66
00:04:01,496 --> 00:04:03,797
What can I say about my beautiful bride?

67
00:04:03,897 --> 00:04:08,899
Except "Milk, milk, lemonade,
around the corner fudge is made. "

68
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:15,402
Watch who you're calling a child, because if
I'm a child, you know what that makes you?

69
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A paedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna
stand here and be lectured by a pervert.

70
00:04:21,905 --> 00:04:24,706
Can you believe it?
Lois thinks I'm bad with money.

71
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She's got a point. You're the white version of
a black guy who's not good with his money.

72
00:04:30,508 --> 00:04:34,010
Hey-hey, guys and dolls.
Drinks are on doh-ray-mi.

73
00:04:34,110 --> 00:04:38,511
- Where'd you get that?
- This is from my stockbroker Ian Greenstein.

74
00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:41,312
He made some smart investments
that really paid off.

75
00:04:41,312 --> 00:04:45,314
That guy is to money
what Miss Ann-Margret is to...

76
00:04:46,415 --> 00:04:48,415
Let me buy the drinks, Quagmire.

77
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My accountant Larry Rosenblat
just got me a huge tax refund.

78
00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:56,018
And tickets to Bring In 'Da Noise,
Bring In 'Da Funk.

79
00:04:56,118 --> 00:05:00,020
The noise was good, but I thought
they phoned in a lot of the funk.

80
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:04,922
Wait. Rosenblat? Greenstein? You're saying
I need a Jewish guy to handle my money.

81
00:05:05,022 --> 00:05:07,723
Peter, not every Jewish person
is good with money.

82
00:05:07,823 --> 00:05:11,325
Well, yeah, not the retarded ones,
but why would you even say that?

83
00:05:11,425 --> 00:05:16,327
For shock value? Jeez, Cleveland, there's
edgy and there's offensive. Good day, sir!

84
00:05:18,127 --> 00:05:21,829
Mother, you know how
I hate asking for money, but...

85
00:05:21,929 --> 00:05:24,230
Mother, Peter's an excellent provider.

86
00:05:24,630 --> 00:05:28,231
No, Mother, I do not think I'd be
better off married to a chimp.

87
00:05:28,331 --> 00:05:32,233
I don't care how well that chimp
across the street is doing.

88
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:35,034
Really? Well, yeah, OK,

89
00:05:35,134 --> 00:05:39,536
I guess you can tell him I said hi.
But don't make me sound desperate.

90
00:05:40,936 --> 00:05:44,538
I gotta get a Greenstein or
a Rosenblat of my very own.

91
00:05:45,738 --> 00:05:50,240
Nothing else has worked so far

92
00:05:50,340 --> 00:05:54,742
So I'll wish upon a star

93
00:05:55,542 --> 00:06:00,244
Wondrous dancing speck of light

94
00:06:00,344 --> 00:06:04,946
I need a Jew

95
00:06:06,747 --> 00:06:10,348
Lois makes me take the rap

96
00:06:11,049 --> 00:06:15,350
Cos our chequebook looks like crap

97
00:06:15,350 --> 00:06:20,052
Since I can't give her a slap

98
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I need a Jew

99
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Where to find

100
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A baum or stein or stin

101
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To teach me how to whine

102
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And do my taxes?

103
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Though by many they're abhorred

104
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Hebrew people I've adored

105
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Even though they killed my Lord

106
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I need...

107
00:07:30,481 --> 00:07:33,882
A...

108
00:07:33,982 --> 00:07:38,784
Jew

109
00:07:49,588 --> 00:07:53,490
Hi. My name's Max Weinstein. My car
just broke down. May I use your phone?

110
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Now my troubles are all through

111
00:07:57,591 --> 00:07:59,292
I have...

112
00:07:59,392 --> 00:08:01,293
A...

113
00:08:01,393 --> 00:08:03,194
Jew

114
00:08:03,194 --> 00:08:03,994
Hey!

115
00:08:07,996 --> 00:08:10,997
I prayed for you, Max Weinstein.
And here you are!

116
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OK... Listen, uh, thanks for
letting me use the phone.

117
00:08:14,798 --> 00:08:16,599
Thanks for Spaceballs.

118
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- Well, if there's anything I can do for you...
- You can't leave!

119
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Aaargh!

120
00:08:38,808 --> 00:08:41,009
- What do you want?!
- Financial advice.

121
00:08:41,009 --> 00:08:43,710
How the hell did you know
I'm an accountant?

122
00:08:43,810 --> 00:08:46,011
Hello?! Max Weinstein?

123
00:08:48,112 --> 00:08:51,413
I'll try, but I don't know why you
think I can get your money back.

124
00:08:51,513 --> 00:08:56,115
Max, Max, Max, let's not deny our heritages.
You're Jewish; you're good with money.

125
00:08:56,215 --> 00:09:01,317
I'm Irish; I drink and I ban homosexuals from
marching in my parade. Now get my money.

126
00:09:04,318 --> 00:09:07,220
Oh. It's you. Um...

127
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:11,321
I'm not in right now.
Please leave a message. Beep!

128
00:09:11,921 --> 00:09:17,023
Man, I hate these things. Uh, yeah, hi,
this is Peter Griffin. Sorry I missed you...

129
00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:21,425
Peter, play with this. Sir, I reviewed
this contract and it offers no cover at all.

130
00:09:21,525 --> 00:09:24,727
It just says "volcano insurance"
over and over again.

131
00:09:24,827 --> 00:09:29,428
And down here in small print it says "He's
signing it, he's signing it, I can't believe it. "

132
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So?

133
00:09:30,629 --> 00:09:32,630
Refund this man's money and we'll go.

134
00:09:32,630 --> 00:09:35,831
- I don't have your money!
- How about that money?

135
00:09:35,931 --> 00:09:39,633
No way! That's Lois's rainy-day fund!
Ah, dammit.

136
00:09:41,333 --> 00:09:43,934
- You didn't date her cos she was a tickler?
- Tickler!

137
00:09:44,034 --> 00:09:46,635
- You're not a stickler for a tickler?
- Not a stickler.

138
00:09:46,735 --> 00:09:48,736
Not a tickler stickler?

139
00:09:48,836 --> 00:09:51,237
- Tickler stickler ickler...
- Ickler tickler...

140
00:09:52,238 --> 00:09:55,239
- Where the hell is the remote?
- Hey, honey, guess what?

141
00:09:55,239 --> 00:09:58,140
- I got back the money for Meg's glasses.
- Really?

142
00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:00,841
Oh, honey! Oh, hello.

143
00:10:00,841 --> 00:10:04,343
This is my special friend
Max Weinstein. He's Jewish.

144
00:10:04,443 --> 00:10:07,644
- Ooh, my. How exotic.
- Thank you...?

145
00:10:07,744 --> 00:10:11,846
See, here's your rainy-day money,
and I balanced our chequebook too.

146
00:10:11,946 --> 00:10:15,347
- You balanced our chequebook?
- Yep. Isn't that right, Max?

147
00:10:15,447 --> 00:10:18,248
Mm? Oh, yeah, sure. He did it.

148
00:10:18,348 --> 00:10:22,850
I'm gonna call my mother right now and
tell her to tell that chimp across the street...

149
00:10:26,551 --> 00:10:31,153
Look how low I've sunk. Taking credit
for something a smart Jewish person did.

150
00:10:31,253 --> 00:10:34,555
- That's OK, Peter.
- People have done that for too damn long!

151
00:10:34,655 --> 00:10:37,256
It is the white devil that has propagated,

152
00:10:37,356 --> 00:10:39,957
exacerbated, instigated...

153
00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:43,158
Instigated... Line?

154
00:10:43,658 --> 00:10:45,759
Instigated our hatred like a Buick.

155
00:10:45,859 --> 00:10:48,460
God, what was I thinking
when I agreed to this?

156
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:52,462
This is so degrading. This is worse
than the time I was at the Friars Club

157
00:10:52,562 --> 00:10:54,763
and Soon-Yi's retainer fell out of my pants.

158
00:10:57,064 --> 00:11:00,065
Lois, I appreciate
the marshmallow and fish casserole,

159
00:11:00,165 --> 00:11:02,866
but I'm sorry, I can't eat this.

160
00:11:02,966 --> 00:11:05,267
Oh, because it's not kosher?

161
00:11:06,368 --> 00:11:09,269
- Yeah, let's go with that.
- Can Stewie and me be excused?

162
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:12,970
- He's gonna help with my math homework.
- Chris, he's just a baby.

163
00:11:13,070 --> 00:11:15,371
Oh, and you're a regular Rhodes scholar

164
00:11:15,471 --> 00:11:19,873
Where was it you graduated from again?
Hm? The University of Duhhhh?

165
00:11:19,973 --> 00:11:24,875
- I can help you with your homework, son.
- God! Is there nothing you people can't do?

166
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:29,477
- I mean, other than manual labour.
- Peter! What a ridiculous thing to say.

167
00:11:29,577 --> 00:11:34,679
They built the pyramids. You'll have to
excuse Peter. He can be tactless sometimes.

168
00:11:34,779 --> 00:11:37,280
Like when he soiled himself
at that dinner party.

169
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:40,181
I was so sorry to hear
that your father passed away.

170
00:11:40,281 --> 00:11:45,283
Yes. It spread through his body so fast,
but he's at peace now, and the whole thing...

171
00:11:45,383 --> 00:11:47,084
Uh-oh!

172
00:11:48,484 --> 00:11:52,886
Well, there's only one thing that'll top
a great dinner like that... Operation!

173
00:11:52,886 --> 00:11:55,987
- May I play?
- Mom!

174
00:11:56,488 --> 00:11:59,589
Thank you, but I can't stay.
It's Friday. I've gotta go to Temple.

175
00:11:59,689 --> 00:12:01,890
Temple? Like Indiana Jones?

176
00:12:16,096 --> 00:12:17,796
Will you just pick it up already?!

177
00:12:20,397 --> 00:12:25,900
They better not be expecting money. I gave at
church and I'm sure it goes to the same god.

178
00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:28,701
Peter! Max, it was nice of you
to invite us along.

179
00:12:28,801 --> 00:12:32,502
Your husband's got a good heart
but his views on Judaism are misguided.

180
00:12:32,602 --> 00:12:34,703
I'd consider it a mitzvah to educate him.

181
00:12:39,405 --> 00:12:41,606
No, no! No, no, I don't think so.

182
00:12:41,706 --> 00:12:45,407
It's not that I have ideological differences,
I'm just not a hat person.

183
00:12:45,507 --> 00:12:48,609
Hey, I didn't know the principal
of Meg's school was Jewish.

184
00:12:49,309 --> 00:12:52,810
Hey, there's Bill Nye the Science Guy.
And half of Lenny Kravitz.

185
00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:56,112
Optimus Prime? He's Jewish?!

186
00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:04,615
Jeez, Max, I don't know about this. I went to
Catholic school. I'm not sure this is allowed.

187
00:13:04,715 --> 00:13:06,516
Ah, what the hell.

188
00:13:07,616 --> 00:13:12,218
Oh dear. Sister Mary Joseph, it appears
Peter Griffin has entered a synagogue.

189
00:13:12,318 --> 00:13:14,319
Lock and load, Brides of Christ!

190
00:13:22,122 --> 00:13:24,923
Excellent, excellent.

191
00:13:26,924 --> 00:13:29,625
- Hello.
- Oh, we're not Jewish.

192
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:32,826
But I hear you people
have such lovely services.

193
00:13:32,927 --> 00:13:36,128
Oh, my God, I didn't mean "you people", I...

194
00:13:37,228 --> 00:13:39,829
I-I didn't mean "Oh, my God" either.

195
00:13:39,929 --> 00:13:42,630
I know he's your God too.

196
00:13:42,730 --> 00:13:43,931
Shh.

197
00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:48,333
And on this day, the Sabbath,
we gather here to...

198
00:13:48,433 --> 00:13:50,233
Uh-oh!

199
00:13:52,434 --> 00:13:57,036
Well, that was so nice.
A good sermon and such beautiful songs.

200
00:13:57,136 --> 00:13:59,537
Yeah, just like that other
Jewish musical we saw.

201
00:14:03,039 --> 00:14:05,540
A fiddler on the roof. Sounds crazy, no?

202
00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:10,542
But here in our little village of Anatevka,
you might say each one of us...

203
00:14:12,042 --> 00:14:13,743
Khan!

204
00:14:14,343 --> 00:14:16,344
Kha-a-a-an!

205
00:14:17,544 --> 00:14:21,546
- There's my cab. It was nice meeting you.
- Thanks for everything, buddy.

206
00:14:21,646 --> 00:14:24,847
Mr Weinstein, I thought you were gonna
help me with my homework.

207
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:28,049
Sorry, son, I have to go.
But I'm sure you'll do just fine.

208
00:14:28,149 --> 00:14:31,850
I dunno, Max. The kid's not exactly
an honour-roll student. Watch.

209
00:14:31,950 --> 00:14:33,751
- Hey.
- He did it.

210
00:14:33,751 --> 00:14:34,451
See?

211
00:14:34,551 --> 00:14:39,153
Peter, you took me in, fed me dinner, came
to Temple with me. You're a nice family.

212
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:43,255
I have faith that Chris will
grow up to be a real mensch.

213
00:14:45,856 --> 00:14:50,258
Lois, I just figured out how to make sure
Chris becomes a big success.

214
00:14:50,358 --> 00:14:53,059
Tell me this has nothing
to do with Tony Robbins.

215
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:54,659
No, I learned my lesson.

216
00:14:54,759 --> 00:14:58,661
- Could you sign this book, please?
- Tony Robbins hungry!

217
00:15:02,062 --> 00:15:05,064
No, Lois. I'm gonna make Chris Jewish.

218
00:15:05,164 --> 00:15:08,965
- What are you talkin' about?
- He thinks Chris will become smart.

219
00:15:09,065 --> 00:15:12,767
You can't convert someone
because you think it'll help their grades.

220
00:15:12,867 --> 00:15:15,668
I don't wanna hear another word about this.

221
00:15:24,972 --> 00:15:28,673
- Where are we going?
- Son, it's too late for me, and Meg's a girl.

222
00:15:28,773 --> 00:15:33,575
But for you the sky's the limit. We're gonna
go to that synagogue and turn you Jewish!

223
00:15:33,575 --> 00:15:35,776
OK!

224
00:15:36,876 --> 00:15:38,877
Chris, duck.

225
00:15:47,081 --> 00:15:49,582
Mr Griffin, I still don't understand.

226
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:52,883
Why exactly does your son
want to join the Jewish faith?

227
00:15:52,983 --> 00:15:54,984
I dunno, he's bicurious.

228
00:15:54,984 --> 00:15:58,685
I appreciate your interest,
but Judaism takes a serious commitment.

229
00:15:58,785 --> 00:16:02,487
Elliot here has spent years preparing
for his Bar Mitzvah this Saturday.

230
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:05,188
A Bar Mitzvah! Perfect!
How much for one of those?

231
00:16:05,188 --> 00:16:09,189
You can't just buy a Bar Mitzvah.
It requires a lot of study.

232
00:16:09,189 --> 00:16:14,892
Can't we skip it? I mean, if Chris could study
he wouldn't need to become Jewish, right?

233
00:16:16,292 --> 00:16:17,993
Right?

234
00:16:18,093 --> 00:16:19,994
Right?

235
00:16:23,195 --> 00:16:27,197
Don't worry, Dad. I don't need a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm OK just the way I...

236
00:16:27,197 --> 00:16:28,697
Ow! Ow! Ow!

237
00:16:28,797 --> 00:16:32,499
Now, we got no time to lose.
There's gotta be some place in America

238
00:16:32,599 --> 00:16:36,500
where you can take a spiritual ceremony
that begins a lifetime commitment

239
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,601
and blow through it in about 20 minutes.

240
00:16:53,107 --> 00:16:54,508
All right, Dad!

241
00:16:55,608 --> 00:16:57,809
So, how do I look in my new glasses?

242
00:16:57,809 --> 00:17:02,311
How shall I put this? In an attic somewhere
there's a portrait of you getting prettier.

243
00:17:02,411 --> 00:17:06,412
Wow, someone needs a nap.
After lunch it's straight to bed, Stewie.

244
00:17:06,513 --> 00:17:10,114
This isn't the first time
my wit has gone unappreciated.

245
00:17:10,214 --> 00:17:15,516
And in the comedy competition,
Stewie Griffin receives three and a half stars.

246
00:17:15,616 --> 00:17:18,817
Challenger Sinbad receives... four stars!

247
00:17:18,918 --> 00:17:21,919
We have a new champion - Sinbad!

248
00:17:22,019 --> 00:17:24,620
Stewie, any parting words?

249
00:17:25,020 --> 00:17:27,721
Um, you know, I got beat, pure and simple.

250
00:17:28,221 --> 00:17:30,822
You-you are a very funny man.

251
00:17:31,623 --> 00:17:34,824
"Men be acting all like zombies at the mall. "

252
00:17:34,924 --> 00:17:37,125
God, ain't that the truth?

253
00:17:37,425 --> 00:17:40,926
Where's your father and Chris?
It's not like them to be late for lunch.

254
00:17:41,026 --> 00:17:43,227
I think they left a note.

255
00:17:55,232 --> 00:17:57,633
- What do you know about this?
- Nothing.

256
00:17:57,633 --> 00:18:01,235
- I know when you're lying to me, Brian.
- No, no, I swear.

257
00:18:01,335 --> 00:18:03,736
Meg, take Stewie upstairs.

258
00:18:05,436 --> 00:18:08,838
- What-what-what are you doing?
- Oh, you don't know that either?

259
00:18:10,638 --> 00:18:12,939
Last chance, Brian.

260
00:18:17,241 --> 00:18:19,842
Agh! They're in Vegas
gettin' a quickie Bar Mitzvah.

261
00:18:19,842 --> 00:18:20,742
What?!

262
00:18:22,743 --> 00:18:26,445
Well, hel-Lois! Forgive me for pointing.

263
00:18:26,445 --> 00:18:29,746
Quick, I need to borrow your car.
I've got a Bar Mitzvah to stop.

264
00:18:29,846 --> 00:18:32,247
No problem. Let me grab my keys.

265
00:18:44,852 --> 00:18:46,853
Ah. Here they are.

266
00:19:02,259 --> 00:19:06,761
Aw, Chris. In a few minutes you'll become
a smart, successful Jewish man.

267
00:19:06,861 --> 00:19:09,762
I could make a foreskin joke
but this is a solemn occasion.

268
00:19:09,862 --> 00:19:12,963
Besides, there'll be plenty of time
for that on the ride back.

269
00:19:13,063 --> 00:19:17,265
Oh, I got so many of 'em, too.
I know, I know. "Shh. " But later...

270
00:19:36,073 --> 00:19:37,773
Chris!

271
00:19:39,074 --> 00:19:41,075
Chris!

272
00:19:41,475 --> 00:19:45,977
- Stop this travesty right now.
- So Bar Mitzvahs are travesties, huh?

273
00:19:46,077 --> 00:19:49,178
No. My son getting
Bar Mitzvahed is a travesty.

274
00:19:49,278 --> 00:19:51,279
He's doin' it for all the wrong reasons.

275
00:19:51,379 --> 00:19:53,580
Well, lookee here, Herschel.

276
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,581
We got us one o' them self-hatin' Jews.

277
00:19:56,681 --> 00:20:00,583
Nothin' I hate worse than a Jew who
doesn't appreciate her own rich heritage.

278
00:20:00,683 --> 00:20:04,884
Come on, Mordecai, let's get her.

279
00:20:20,691 --> 00:20:25,092
I'm sorry, Lois. I just wanted our son
to be Jewish so he'd be smarter.

280
00:20:25,193 --> 00:20:28,694
Then his wife wouldn't be sorry
she didn't marry the chimp next door.

281
00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:33,696
Peter, just because Steven makes more
money than you doesn't mean he's smarter.

282
00:20:33,796 --> 00:20:36,597
- And I think Chris will do just fine.
- How do you know?

283
00:20:36,697 --> 00:20:40,499
Because I have faith in him,
the way I have faith in you.

284
00:20:40,599 --> 00:20:43,700
Besides, a person's religion
is no guarantee of success.

285
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:48,402
I see what you're saying. The Jewish
are just like us. No better, no worse.

286
00:20:48,502 --> 00:20:51,903
Yeah, and as they say, "zo Zion met grec".

287
00:20:51,903 --> 00:20:54,604
- What?
- I think what he's trying to say is

288
00:20:54,704 --> 00:20:57,005
everything's gonna be OK.

289
00:21:27,718 --> 00:21:30,119
Visiontext Subtitles: Rob Colling

