1
00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:04,399
- Hi, I'm Brian Griffin.
- I'm Stewart.

2
00:00:04,479 --> 00:00:08,079
Many of you have written in
with suggestions for episodes.

3
00:00:08,079 --> 00:00:11,398
They're mostly God-awful.

4
00:00:11,478 --> 00:00:14,677
Well, we've produced
three of our favourite suggestions.

5
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Favourites? That's charitable.

6
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What is that?

7
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- It's from Dharma and Greg.
- I'm surprised it still works.

8
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- Whoa!
- Enjoy.

9
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"It seems today that all you see

10
00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:31,273
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

11
00:00:31,393 --> 00:00:34,872
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

12
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"On which we used to rely?

13
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"Lucky there's a family guy

14
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"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

15
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"Laugh and cry

16
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"He's a family guy

17
00:01:01,786 --> 00:01:04,066
Now back to "The Newlywed Game".

18
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Carol, how did Nick answer the following:

19
00:01:07,065 --> 00:01:10,184
"The last thing I would ever
give my wife is... blank"?

20
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A little spending money?

21
00:01:12,783 --> 00:01:15,583
Sorry, that's incorrect. Nick actually said

22
00:01:15,663 --> 00:01:17,062
"the antidote".

23
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- Nick, what are you talking abou...?
- Oh, Meg, you were right.

24
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- Oh, my God! A genie!
- I am here to grant you three wishes.

25
00:01:27,380 --> 00:01:31,659
- Peter, three wishes! This is so exciting!
- I want a new hat!

26
00:01:31,779 --> 00:01:34,178
- I want a new hat!
- I want them to have new hats!

27
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Kids, these are your father's wishes.
Get whatever you want.

28
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That's easy. I wish I could see
what Kelly Ripa was like off the set.

29
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So it shall be.

30
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- Great show today, Kelly.
- Thanks. You, too.

31
00:01:53,254 --> 00:01:55,973
Gelman needs us onstage
for a couple of reshoots.

32
00:01:56,053 --> 00:01:58,453
Be right there. I have to put on my face.

33
00:01:59,173 --> 00:02:01,972
Did you see the size of that dressing room?

34
00:02:02,052 --> 00:02:04,771
- They must really want to keep her.
- Your second wish?

35
00:02:04,851 --> 00:02:08,570
I gotjust the thing.
I wish I had my own theme music.

36
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Done!

37
00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:15,849
- I don't hear anything.
- Get up. Try it out.

38
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Sweet!

39
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:56,159
Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah!

40
00:03:02,438 --> 00:03:04,357
Hey, wanna turn that stuff down?

41
00:03:04,437 --> 00:03:08,037
Come on, that's classic travelling music.
Try to enjoy it.

42
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"Riding on a bus, riding on a bus,
sitting next to bums

43
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"There's an open seat, hope that isn't pee

44
00:03:12,635 --> 00:03:16,235
- I'm sick of hearing it!
- I'm sorry, buddy, I can't turn it off.

45
00:03:16,355 --> 00:03:19,034
Then I'm gonna break
every bone in your body.

46
00:03:19,154 --> 00:03:21,833
- I wish I had no bones!
- Done.

47
00:03:23,153 --> 00:03:24,353
That ought to show you!

48
00:03:29,352 --> 00:03:34,150
Oh, no. I gotta fart,
but I don't know which way to lean.

49
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:39,829
I know you might be a little concerned
about me not having bones,

50
00:03:39,829 --> 00:03:42,029
but I gotta tell you, it's not that bad.

51
00:03:42,149 --> 00:03:44,148
Dad's just like Silly Putty.

52
00:03:44,228 --> 00:03:47,827
Look what I can do to Mary Worth's
smug sense of self-satisfaction.

53
00:03:47,947 --> 00:03:50,747
That's right, son. Take her down a peg.

54
00:03:50,827 --> 00:03:53,426
I guess we could all adjust to this.

55
00:03:53,426 --> 00:03:57,025
- Look! I'm making an angel!
- See? Everything's gonna be fine.

56
00:03:57,025 --> 00:03:59,544
Now smile while I write
my name in you.

57
00:04:04,743 --> 00:04:06,743
Argh! Argh!

58
00:04:07,943 --> 00:04:09,142
Let go!

59
00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:14,741
Aagh!

60
00:04:23,219 --> 00:04:25,538
But, Mom, I've got to
use the bathroom now!

61
00:04:25,618 --> 00:04:29,138
Your father gets incredibly filthy
rolling around everywhere.

62
00:04:29,218 --> 00:04:32,937
- He has to take 12 baths a day.
- I don't like Dad any more.

63
00:04:33,017 --> 00:04:36,016
I invited some friends over
to jump on him like a trampoline,

64
00:04:36,016 --> 00:04:38,735
but his roll of fat sucked up Ryan's shoe

65
00:04:38,815 --> 00:04:40,735
and his mom yelled at him
when he got home

66
00:04:40,815 --> 00:04:44,734
and he beat me up at school the next day!
It's all here in this pamphlet.

67
00:04:44,814 --> 00:04:48,813
We have to learn to accept this,
like one of those stories on Dateline

68
00:04:48,933 --> 00:04:53,812
where a family member suffers a horrible
accident and is a burden on everybody.

69
00:04:53,932 --> 00:04:57,811
They pretend to be happy,
but they're dead inside. They're dead.

70
00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,010
And that'll be our lives, hm?

71
00:05:00,130 --> 00:05:02,610
What a big, boneless jerk I am.

72
00:05:02,730 --> 00:05:06,929
I might've screwed up my life but there's
no reason to keep screwing up theirs.

73
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Goodbye, cruel bone-filled world!

74
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Oh, so this is where
all the waste and sewage winds up.

75
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Aaaargh!

76
00:05:26,404 --> 00:05:29,723
Cut and print. That's a wrap.
Greatjob, Peter.

77
00:05:29,803 --> 00:05:32,203
- Coming to the wrap party?
- I don't know.

78
00:05:32,323 --> 00:05:35,522
I got a stand-up comedy class
at The Learning Annex.

79
00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:40,201
Actually, I won't be a stand-up comic.
I'll be more like an amorphous-blob comic.

80
00:05:40,321 --> 00:05:42,320
- I gotta write that down.
- Nonsense!

81
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,920
I'll have the studio send a flatbed for you!
See you at eight!

82
00:05:54,718 --> 00:05:57,317
There's something
I've wanted to say all evening.

83
00:05:57,397 --> 00:05:59,916
What's that,
Mrs Catherine Zeta-Jones Douglas?

84
00:05:59,996 --> 00:06:03,915
- I want to jump your non-bones.
- Jeez, I can't believe I'm your type.

85
00:06:03,995 --> 00:06:07,914
As you can tell from my husband,
I've got a thing for saggy, shapeless men.

86
00:06:07,994 --> 00:06:11,514
I'm married to Catherine Zeta-Jones.
Will you sleep with me?

87
00:06:11,594 --> 00:06:12,993
I'll have to pass.

88
00:06:13,113 --> 00:06:18,392
But Louie Anderson's eating the decorative
soaps in the bathroom. Why not try him?

89
00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:22,591
- Aren't you Peter, the human stunt bag?
- That depends on who's asking.

90
00:06:22,711 --> 00:06:26,510
I'm a doctor doing an experimental procedure
to give bones to ajellyfish,

91
00:06:26,590 --> 00:06:28,990
but I'd like to try it on a human. Interested?

92
00:06:28,990 --> 00:06:30,709
- I don't know.
- Interested?

93
00:06:30,789 --> 00:06:32,989
Didn't you just say that? I'll do it!

94
00:06:34,988 --> 00:06:38,707
The operation was a complete success!
What are you going to do now?

95
00:06:38,787 --> 00:06:42,306
I had the operation
so I could go back to my family.

96
00:06:42,386 --> 00:06:44,986
It's been so long.
What if they don't love me any more?

97
00:06:44,986 --> 00:06:47,785
Where do you think
all those bones came from?

98
00:06:47,785 --> 00:06:49,705
- Surprise!
- My God!

99
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:52,704
You mean it's your bones that are inside me?

100
00:06:52,784 --> 00:06:55,383
Mostly. We picked up
a drifter to fill in the torso.

101
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Like I always say, a family of freaks
is better than no family at all!

102
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Let's go home! You know what's weird?
This was covered by my HMO.

103
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You dare me to pop a wheelie in this thing?

104
00:07:19,778 --> 00:07:22,497
That doesn't sound safe at all.
OK, I dare you.

105
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Wow! That was great!

106
00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:35,894
Six! Six bats.

107
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Seven! Seven bats!

108
00:07:39,573 --> 00:07:41,693
- Is the Count a vampire?
- What's that?

109
00:07:41,773 --> 00:07:46,691
Those big fangs. Have they ever shown him
do somebody in, then feed on him?

110
00:07:46,771 --> 00:07:49,091
You're asking if they've
done a Sesame Street

111
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in which the Count kills somebody,
then sucks their blood for sustenance?

112
00:07:52,970 --> 00:07:54,370
- Yeah.
- No.

113
00:07:54,490 --> 00:07:56,489
There's something out in the yard!

114
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- It looks like the back of a tanker truck.
- Wow! What do you think's inside?

115
00:08:03,288 --> 00:08:05,087
- Maybe it's candy!
- Chris, no!

116
00:08:05,167 --> 00:08:07,487
Lois, Lois. Let him dream.

117
00:08:10,486 --> 00:08:13,765
- Eugh! What is this stuff?
- It's some kind of nuclear waste.

118
00:08:13,885 --> 00:08:16,884
Dear me.
Does anyone else feel a trifle queasy?

119
00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:20,284
What? Do I have a boogie? I say!

120
00:08:20,364 --> 00:08:23,363
It appears my cranium has doubled in size!

121
00:08:26,562 --> 00:08:31,281
How delightful! This toxic stew seems
to have given me telekinetic abilities!

122
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,679
Hey! I can make fire!

123
00:08:37,759 --> 00:08:40,759
Come here a second.
This is gonna be hilarious.

124
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OK, on the count of three. One, two, three...

125
00:08:46,877 --> 00:08:47,957
Do it again!

126
00:08:50,476 --> 00:08:54,076
All right. Clearly something
very strange has happened here.

127
00:08:54,156 --> 00:08:57,275
We've each acquired superpowers
from that nuclear waste.

128
00:08:57,355 --> 00:09:01,554
We've been given a gift.
Whether that gift is Chris's fire conjuring,

129
00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:04,753
Stewie's telekinesis, Brian's superspeed...

130
00:09:04,873 --> 00:09:06,753
- Ask how the queen of England is.
- How's...

131
00:09:06,873 --> 00:09:09,752
- She's great.
... Peter's morphing ability...

132
00:09:09,752 --> 00:09:12,151
Hey, Lois, I'm a wishing troll.

133
00:09:13,071 --> 00:09:15,671
...my superstrength,

134
00:09:15,751 --> 00:09:20,549
or Meg's, um... super-amazing
ability to grow her fingernails,

135
00:09:22,469 --> 00:09:27,148
we must to use these powers properly
and not abuse them for personal gain.

136
00:09:27,268 --> 00:09:28,268
- Understand?
- Yes.

137
00:09:28,348 --> 00:09:30,067
- Mm-hm.
- Got it.

138
00:09:33,746 --> 00:09:38,265
Oh, no. I forgot the detergent. Excuse me,
would you watch him for a moment?

139
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:40,145
Sure thing, ma'am.

140
00:09:40,265 --> 00:09:42,344
Whoa there, little guy. You gotta pay for that.

141
00:09:42,464 --> 00:09:44,664
Go suck a railroad spike. I have no money.

142
00:09:44,744 --> 00:09:48,343
Then I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to take it away from you.

143
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:50,862
Argh! Argh! Argh!

144
00:09:50,942 --> 00:09:53,662
Oh, God! Please help me!

145
00:09:56,661 --> 00:09:59,460
Move it, you slowpoke, the light's green!

146
00:09:59,540 --> 00:10:04,459
What does that cloud look like to you,
honey? To me it looks like... rain.

147
00:10:04,539 --> 00:10:07,458
I used thatjoke at work today.
I'm the funniest guy at the office.

148
00:10:07,538 --> 00:10:11,138
- They say I should do stand-up.
- Oh! This is insane!

149
00:10:20,136 --> 00:10:23,655
Oh, my God, *NSync is in town.
If you get me a lock of Justin's hair,

150
00:10:23,735 --> 00:10:27,134
I'll never ask you
for shopping money again. Please?!

151
00:10:27,134 --> 00:10:30,253
We promised Lois
we'd use our powers responsibly.

152
00:10:30,333 --> 00:10:33,132
I suppose doing the exact opposite
couldn't hurt.

153
00:10:38,051 --> 00:10:42,930
- Hey, do you want to split a Toblerone?
- Oh, gosh! Yeah. I think I do.

154
00:10:43,050 --> 00:10:45,730
Whoo-whoo! Next stop, my thighs!

155
00:10:47,329 --> 00:10:50,049
All right, Meg, wait here. I'll be right back.

156
00:10:50,328 --> 00:10:52,728
Hi. Britney Spears. You mind if I go in?

157
00:10:52,848 --> 00:10:55,647
- Oh, not at all, Miss Spears.
- Oh, call me Peter.

158
00:10:55,727 --> 00:10:58,647
- Hey, fellas.
- Britney? What are you doing here?

159
00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:02,326
I was in the neighbourhood -
I'm gonna steal one of your beers -

160
00:11:02,446 --> 00:11:04,645
and I figured I'd stop by and say hi.

161
00:11:04,725 --> 00:11:06,645
You mind if I have a seat?

162
00:11:08,124 --> 00:11:11,723
- I am out of shape. I got a favour to ask you.
- What is it?

163
00:11:11,843 --> 00:11:14,443
I got a hole in my car's muffler.
I need to plug it.

164
00:11:14,523 --> 00:11:16,722
- Can I have some of your hair?
- I guess so.

165
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:20,721
Oh, great. Thanks. All right, hold still now.

166
00:11:21,841 --> 00:11:24,121
You'll be fine. Give me a kiss.

167
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:29,839
- Agh!
- I'm Gene Shalit now! Bye!

168
00:11:31,839 --> 00:11:33,838
- Here's your martini.
- Thanks.

169
00:11:33,918 --> 00:11:37,517
- Hey, it's gone!
- I'm sorry, ma'am. Here's another one.

170
00:11:37,637 --> 00:11:39,837
What the hell is going on here?

171
00:11:41,716 --> 00:11:45,835
Hi. Can I get some pretzels or something?
I gotta drive.

172
00:11:45,915 --> 00:11:50,034
Hey, did you bring enough breasts
for the rest of the class?

173
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,433
Hector, how long have we known each other?

174
00:11:56,513 --> 00:11:58,712
- Since first grade.
- Yeah. Yeah.

175
00:11:58,832 --> 00:12:01,832
You remember that time
you called me "Chris Gristle"?

176
00:12:01,912 --> 00:12:04,631
- I think so.
- Well, burn for it!

177
00:12:10,110 --> 00:12:13,829
It's a bird, it's a plane,
it's a lower-middle-class Irish family.

178
00:12:13,909 --> 00:12:16,828
This is just one of
many public disturbances

179
00:12:16,908 --> 00:12:21,027
caused by the Griffin family of Quahog,
who seem to have acquired superpowers.

180
00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:24,426
Very strange story, Diane.
Coming up next: Can bees think?

181
00:12:24,506 --> 00:12:27,106
A new study confirms that no, they cannot.

182
00:12:29,025 --> 00:12:31,305
Citizens of Quahog, we have a problem!

183
00:12:31,425 --> 00:12:33,624
You're damn right! Peter stole my hair!

184
00:12:33,704 --> 00:12:35,224
- Settle down, Jeffrey!
- Justin.

185
00:12:35,304 --> 00:12:39,103
Mike. Clearly the Griffin family
is out of control, but not to fear.

186
00:12:39,223 --> 00:12:42,702
I've tangled with superbeings before.
They can be stopped!

187
00:12:42,822 --> 00:12:47,821
You can't stop us, Mayor West!
We are all-powerful!

188
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:50,700
Clearly you've let yourselves
become drunk with power.

189
00:12:50,820 --> 00:12:52,620
Silence!

190
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:55,499
- We demand obedience!
- Or else!

191
00:12:55,499 --> 00:12:59,018
Is that all you can do?
Ow! That kinda hurt!

192
00:12:59,098 --> 00:13:02,218
Is that bleeding?
I guess it's all right. Ouch, though!

193
00:13:02,298 --> 00:13:05,417
Anyone who opposes our demands
will be destroyed!

194
00:13:05,497 --> 00:13:09,016
Our first demand:
You will erect a statue in the town square.

195
00:13:09,096 --> 00:13:13,095
It will depict Blair Warner admitting to
Mrs Garrett that the poem she submitted

196
00:13:13,215 --> 00:13:17,614
for her creative writing class was
plagiarised from a work by Emily Dickinson.

197
00:13:17,694 --> 00:13:20,013
We have spoken! Agh!

198
00:13:22,013 --> 00:13:24,612
That's it! We have to fight fire with fire.

199
00:13:24,692 --> 00:13:28,891
If nuclear refuse gave them superpowers,
it could do the same for me.

200
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:33,210
Citizens, I'm off to the toxic waste dump!

201
00:13:39,609 --> 00:13:42,088
- Mayor West, you have lymphoma.
- Oh, my!

202
00:13:42,208 --> 00:13:44,688
Probably from rolling around in toxic waste.

203
00:13:44,808 --> 00:13:47,687
- I see.
- What were you trying to prove?

204
00:13:47,687 --> 00:13:51,006
- I was trying to gain superpowers.
- That's just silly.

205
00:13:51,086 --> 00:13:53,886
Silly, yes. Idiotic, yes.

206
00:13:58,085 --> 00:14:02,883
No, no! That's not what Mrs Garrett's
bosom looked like. It looked more like this.

207
00:14:03,003 --> 00:14:05,603
Notice the sun spots
at the top of the right can.

208
00:14:05,683 --> 00:14:08,802
Excuse me. I have a message
from the Quahog hospital.

209
00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:16,400
- I just feel awful about this, Mayor West.
- Yeah. Me, too. Stewie, fluff his pillows.

210
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,080
I'll heat up his soup.

211
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,679
I'll go to China to see if there's a cure.
Nope.

212
00:14:21,799 --> 00:14:26,598
Now, now. The doctor says I'll make
a full recovery. But you learned your lesson.

213
00:14:26,678 --> 00:14:30,077
I can't believe we let those superpowers
go to our heads.

214
00:14:30,197 --> 00:14:32,996
- I feel like such a bastard.
- Me, too.

215
00:14:33,076 --> 00:14:35,996
For now, we'll use our powers
to help you get better.

216
00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:41,594
Thank you. As long as I have Mrs Garrett's
giant rack by my bedside, I'll be all right.

217
00:14:41,674 --> 00:14:44,274
Girls! Girls! Girls!

218
00:14:59,070 --> 00:15:03,869
Hear ye, hear ye. I call to order the
first meeting of the We Hate Broads Club.

219
00:15:03,989 --> 00:15:07,268
- Yeah!
- Cos all you need in life is your best pals.

220
00:15:07,268 --> 00:15:10,868
- Sure! As long as those pals ain't dames!
- O-tay!

221
00:15:11,587 --> 00:15:13,387
What was that?

222
00:15:13,467 --> 00:15:16,266
Hey! We told you guys
to quit snooping around here!

223
00:15:16,386 --> 00:15:19,586
We need to find a story
if I'm ever gonna be a big-time reporter.

224
00:15:19,665 --> 00:15:25,064
All right, make like Siamese twins
and split... and then one of you die.

225
00:15:25,184 --> 00:15:28,263
When do we have the grape juice?
I came for grape juice.

226
00:15:31,183 --> 00:15:33,982
Hey, Quagmire, watch this.

227
00:15:34,462 --> 00:15:36,462
Hey, "kick me"!

228
00:15:38,181 --> 00:15:42,660
We have a new studentjoining us this
morning. Her name is Lois Pewterschmidt.

229
00:15:42,660 --> 00:15:45,979
- Ugh! Just what we need, another girl.
- You said it!

230
00:15:47,259 --> 00:15:50,458
Wow! I'd like to play doctor with her!

231
00:15:50,578 --> 00:15:54,257
And remove her inflamed appendix
before it bursts, causing sepsis.

232
00:15:54,377 --> 00:15:57,657
Giggidy-giggidy-giggidy!

233
00:15:59,056 --> 00:16:01,776
- What you reading?
- The Red Badge of Courage.

234
00:16:01,856 --> 00:16:05,655
I sure wish I could meet a brave fella
like the guy in this book.

235
00:16:05,655 --> 00:16:10,374
- You know, I'm a brave guy, Lois.
- You're not brave enough to laugh at death!

236
00:16:10,454 --> 00:16:12,253
Watch me!

237
00:16:12,373 --> 00:16:15,452
Thanks! Like I don't have
enough trouble fitting in!

238
00:16:15,452 --> 00:16:17,772
You're not brave enough
to take your clothes off!

239
00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:19,571
Way ahead of you. Oh!

240
00:16:19,651 --> 00:16:23,371
I bet you're too chicken
to spend a night at the old Selberg place.

241
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:28,649
- Cleveland, mind stepping out of the way?
- Oh, sorry.

242
00:16:30,369 --> 00:16:32,368
I ain't chicken to spend the night!

243
00:16:32,448 --> 00:16:35,448
I ain't neither!
To prove it, I'll go up there tonight!

244
00:16:35,568 --> 00:16:38,367
- See you there, pal!
- You can't stay in that house!

245
00:16:38,447 --> 00:16:40,847
Old man Selberg's ghost still haunts it.

246
00:16:40,847 --> 00:16:43,566
Not to mention the myriad
of bacteria and allergens

247
00:16:43,646 --> 00:16:47,445
from years of substandard housekeeping.
It does not augur well for you.

248
00:16:47,565 --> 00:16:50,964
Aw, zip it, egghead.
You with your big words and your...

249
00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:53,763
and your small difficult words.

250
00:16:53,843 --> 00:16:56,843
Wow! Any boy who would
spend the night in that creepy place

251
00:16:56,963 --> 00:16:59,642
sure would be the bravest fella I ever met.

252
00:16:59,762 --> 00:17:02,242
That Lois is some kind of woman.

253
00:17:02,361 --> 00:17:05,841
Yeah. Just thinking about her
makes my testicles want to drop.

254
00:17:05,961 --> 00:17:08,440
Oops, speak of the devil.
Ooh. Make that devils.

255
00:17:15,558 --> 00:17:20,437
Quagmire's team takes the left side of the
house and Peter's team will take the right.

256
00:17:20,437 --> 00:17:23,237
Whoever's alive in the morning
can bury his dead pals.

257
00:17:23,357 --> 00:17:28,355
Do I have a cobweb in my hair?
It feels like I have a cobweb in my hair.

258
00:17:33,154 --> 00:17:36,633
- What was that?
- Michael Winslow from Police Academy.

259
00:17:47,631 --> 00:17:51,030
- This house gives me the creeps.
- Yeah, let's get out of here.

260
00:17:51,030 --> 00:17:53,629
Wait, wait. We can't let those guys win.

261
00:17:53,629 --> 00:17:58,148
- We ought to pretend we're ghosts, see?
- Then we'll scare the other guys out...

262
00:17:58,228 --> 00:18:00,828
We say we spent the night
and everyone thinks

263
00:18:00,948 --> 00:18:04,627
we're the bravest kids in the world.
Especially Lois.

264
00:18:04,747 --> 00:18:06,826
All right!

265
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,745
Hey, I got a great idea!

266
00:18:14,825 --> 00:18:17,024
This'll really scare them. Everybody set?

267
00:18:17,144 --> 00:18:18,544
- Check!
- Check!

268
00:18:18,624 --> 00:18:20,343
Sock it to me!

269
00:18:24,942 --> 00:18:28,541
If we had a teacup, this would be like
playing find the teacup in the bedsheet,

270
00:18:28,621 --> 00:18:30,541
like I do with my Aunt Sophia.

271
00:18:40,339 --> 00:18:42,338
Aaaagh!

272
00:18:44,018 --> 00:18:48,337
My God! Not only are ghosts real,
but their innards are made of children.

273
00:18:48,417 --> 00:18:49,416
It's us!

274
00:18:49,536 --> 00:18:51,536
Whoo-oo-oo!

275
00:18:53,016 --> 00:18:56,015
- That's a nice effect!
- Yeah, that's really scary,

276
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:59,334
Wait a second. If you're there, and I'm here,

277
00:18:59,414 --> 00:19:03,013
and Istanbul is in this general area,
then who the hell is that?

278
00:19:09,412 --> 00:19:12,931
Ha! Get used to this sight, Diane:
Guys running away from you.

279
00:19:13,011 --> 00:19:16,130
You're so deep in the closet
you're finding Christmas presents.

280
00:19:19,329 --> 00:19:22,809
Remember our story:
We tell Lois we both stayed all night.

281
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:24,928
And I caught the ghost with my lasso.

282
00:19:25,008 --> 00:19:28,207
I punched him so hard
he ran crying all the way back to hell!

283
00:19:28,327 --> 00:19:31,207
She'll have to believe that.
It hangs together perfectly.

284
00:19:31,207 --> 00:19:35,326
Our top story: Cowardly kids
lay down rubber at the old Selberg place.

285
00:19:35,406 --> 00:19:36,405
Turn that up.

286
00:19:36,525 --> 00:19:39,205
Peter Griffin and Glen Quagmire
were seen bolting

287
00:19:39,325 --> 00:19:43,204
out of the supposedly haunted house
after one half-hour,

288
00:19:43,324 --> 00:19:46,523
leaving only their pride
and twin trails of urine behind them.

289
00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:49,602
Cheese and crackers!
Now Lois'll know everything!

290
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:51,202
Not if I can help it!

291
00:19:53,122 --> 00:19:55,201
- Newsroom.
- This is Peter Griffin.

292
00:19:55,321 --> 00:19:58,120
Stop saying that stuff
or we'll watch something else!

293
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,720
Today on The View:
Cooties, the silent killer.

294
00:20:04,399 --> 00:20:07,198
Lois, there's something we gotta tell you.

295
00:20:07,198 --> 00:20:10,997
Yeah. We didn't stay in the haunted house.
We're not brave.

296
00:20:11,117 --> 00:20:14,796
- I've decided I don't care about bravery.
- You don't?

297
00:20:14,796 --> 00:20:18,916
No. I realised what I really like is smarts.

298
00:20:18,996 --> 00:20:22,315
Sorry I'm late, darling.
I was checking my stool for blood.

299
00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:26,714
- Mort Goldman!
- He's so clever! Show 'em, Morty!

300
00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:30,393
Whoo-oo-oo!

301
00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:37,311
He got us again!

302
00:20:37,391 --> 00:20:40,510
This just shows that
women are nothing but trouble!

303
00:20:40,590 --> 00:20:43,390
You said it! Let's you and me
swear off 'em for good!

304
00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:44,789
And how!

305
00:20:47,909 --> 00:20:51,708
Quagmire, it seems to me we've each
made another 500 million dollars.

306
00:20:51,788 --> 00:20:56,307
Good thing we swore off women
so we could accumulate this vast wealth.

307
00:20:56,387 --> 00:20:59,586
Watch the ticker. I'll go microwave
a bagel and have sex with it.

308
00:20:59,706 --> 00:21:01,386
Butter's in the fridge!

309
00:21:27,380 --> 00:21:29,779
Visiontext Subtitles: Karin Baker

