1
00:00:02,419 --> 00:00:06,137
"It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:06,217 --> 00:00:09,337
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:09,416 --> 00:00:12,815
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:12,935 --> 00:00:15,814
"On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:15,934 --> 00:00:19,013
"Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:19,133 --> 00:00:23,612
"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

7
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,331
"Laugh and cry

8
00:00:25,410 --> 00:00:30,329
"He's a family guy

9
00:00:33,128 --> 00:00:35,127
- Here you go, boys.
- Thanks, Horace.

10
00:00:35,207 --> 00:00:39,805
So I told my boss I'm not staying in that
stupid toy factory. I'm gonna go places.

11
00:00:39,926 --> 00:00:41,604
That's cool.

12
00:00:43,604 --> 00:00:45,603
- Here you go, boys.
- Thanks, Horace.

13
00:00:45,723 --> 00:00:50,401
So I told my boss I'm not staying in that
stupid toy factory. I'm gonna go places.

14
00:00:50,521 --> 00:00:52,201
That's fly.

15
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:56,319
- Here you go, boys.
- Thanks, Horace.

16
00:00:56,398 --> 00:01:00,917
So I told my boss I'm not staying in that
stupid toy factory. I'm gonna go places.

17
00:01:00,998 --> 00:01:03,796
You are livin' la vida loca.

18
00:01:03,916 --> 00:01:07,515
- I better head home.
- What do you mean, "home"? You live here.

19
00:01:09,315 --> 00:01:14,313
Here's to The Drunken Clam, where they
don't ask for proof of age and neither do I.

20
00:01:14,313 --> 00:01:17,391
Quagmire, you forgot to say "Oh".

21
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:21,910
Are you sure? I-I think I did.
All right, well, just to be safe... Oh!

22
00:01:21,990 --> 00:01:26,108
We interrupt this programme for a bulletin
on the approach of Hurricane Norman.

23
00:01:26,188 --> 00:01:29,107
Here with an update
is Greg the Weather Mime.

24
00:01:29,107 --> 00:01:32,106
OK, it's gonna be cold. Very cold.

25
00:01:32,185 --> 00:01:33,905
And there's gonna be wind.

26
00:01:33,905 --> 00:01:39,103
And people's parents will throw faecal matter
down on them from the rooftops. How awful!

27
00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:42,182
Oh. No. I'm sorry. That's rain.

28
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:44,702
Yes. It'll rain.

29
00:01:46,500 --> 00:01:50,299
The number one cause of injury
during a hurricane is broken glass.

30
00:01:50,380 --> 00:01:53,778
So stay away from the windows.
And, Peter, put those away.

31
00:01:53,898 --> 00:01:56,097
Aw, come on, Lois. Just one more song.

32
00:02:02,295 --> 00:02:07,493
Mom, I'm afraid if I fall asleep the hurricane's
gonna sneak up and give me a vasectomy.

33
00:02:07,572 --> 00:02:12,691
Chris, nothing bad ever happens when you're
asleep. Sometimes good things can happen.

34
00:02:12,771 --> 00:02:15,890
Oh, Jenny... Jenny...

35
00:02:15,890 --> 00:02:18,689
Oh, yeah. Jenny, don't stop.

36
00:02:18,689 --> 00:02:25,286
Oh, Richard Jeni, your HBO comedy specials
have brought pleasure to millions.

37
00:02:25,286 --> 00:02:27,366
And what a sweet ass.

38
00:02:29,285 --> 00:02:32,284
- This way, everyone.
- Bless you for helping us, Father.

39
00:02:32,284 --> 00:02:34,964
It's God's wish, my dear.

40
00:02:35,083 --> 00:02:37,362
All right.

41
00:02:37,482 --> 00:02:42,959
Hurricane Norman is about to pound Quahog.
We go live to Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa

42
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:46,479
to see how locals are dealing
with the imminent disaster. Tricia?

43
00:02:46,559 --> 00:02:49,078
Diane, I'm here in...

44
00:02:49,078 --> 00:02:52,276
- Thank you, Tricia. Stay tuned for further...
- Aaargh!

45
00:03:00,073 --> 00:03:02,753
- What a mess.
- Look at that!

46
00:03:03,552 --> 00:03:04,471
Wow.

47
00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:07,951
- Aaargh! Aaargh! For the love of God...
- Oh, my God! Daddy!

48
00:03:08,071 --> 00:03:10,270
Aaargh! Oh, God! Oh, God!

49
00:03:10,350 --> 00:03:16,548
Gotcha! See, kids? Disasters have their
lighter sides too. You just have to be creative.

50
00:03:16,667 --> 00:03:19,466
Yeah, like my dead-rat marionette theatre.

51
00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:23,865
"I'm so stressed. Life sure is a human race. "

52
00:03:27,744 --> 00:03:28,943
That's brilliant.

53
00:03:29,663 --> 00:03:33,141
Oh, my. Look at all the damage.

54
00:03:33,261 --> 00:03:37,460
Thank God
the Open Air Debris Garden is still intact.

55
00:03:37,540 --> 00:03:40,138
Peter, look. The Clam.

56
00:03:40,258 --> 00:03:42,258
Aaagh!

57
00:03:42,857 --> 00:03:45,537
- This is horrible.
- You think this is horrible?

58
00:03:45,657 --> 00:03:48,536
Try losin' a testicle
in a knife fight with your mother.

59
00:03:48,655 --> 00:03:51,055
- What about your bar?
- It's not mine any more.

60
00:03:51,135 --> 00:03:54,133
I sold the place. Let someone else
worry about hurricanes.

61
00:03:54,253 --> 00:03:57,852
- Who'd buy a wrecked bar?
- The bar's not wrecked.

62
00:03:59,452 --> 00:04:02,730
Thank you, God.

63
00:04:02,851 --> 00:04:05,050
Don't mention it.

64
00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:10,727
Wait. Something's different.

65
00:04:16,645 --> 00:04:19,445
Evening, gents.
How about a nice warm lager?

66
00:04:19,445 --> 00:04:23,042
- Help yourself to a packet of crisps.
- Or a ruddy nice plum pudding.

67
00:04:23,042 --> 00:04:26,042
Holy crap! It's a gay bar!

68
00:04:29,721 --> 00:04:32,440
They turned The Drunken Clam
into a British pub?

69
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,919
Well, at least they still got sports on TV.

70
00:04:35,039 --> 00:04:40,637
The new bowler has a cover point, long-on,
square leg, extra cover and two short legs.

71
00:04:40,716 --> 00:04:42,835
What the hell is he talkin' about?

72
00:04:42,915 --> 00:04:45,315
It's cricket. Marvellous game, really.

73
00:04:45,435 --> 00:04:50,032
You see, the bowler hurls the ball towards the
batsman, who tries to play away to fine leg.

74
00:04:50,032 --> 00:04:52,631
He scores by dashing between the creases,

75
00:04:52,712 --> 00:04:56,231
provided the wicketkeeper
hasn't whipped his bails off.

76
00:04:56,311 --> 00:04:59,030
- Anybody get that?
- The only British idiom I know

77
00:04:59,109 --> 00:05:01,629
is that "fag" means "cigarette".

78
00:05:01,709 --> 00:05:06,626
- Well, someone tell this cigarette to shut up.
- Guys, there's no girlie magazines in the can!

79
00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:09,106
All they got is this David Copperfield.

80
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:12,024
Wait. Any pictures of his girlfriend?

81
00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:14,024
No pictures at all!

82
00:05:14,104 --> 00:05:18,902
- I think we should go.
- Yes. This is a dark and evil place.

83
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:24,900
I say, Carruthers,
you know what's very, very funny?

84
00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:27,099
A man dressed in women's clothing.

85
00:05:27,219 --> 00:05:29,619
- Yes, quite. Ripping good laugh.
- Yes.

86
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:36,616
Lois, The Drunken Clam's been taken over
by lousy limey tea-suckin' British bastards!

87
00:05:36,696 --> 00:05:39,694
- Peter!
- Hello. Nigel Pinchley here.

88
00:05:39,814 --> 00:05:46,412
I was introducing myself to your wife, who
I must say is a gorgeous bit of crumpet.

89
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:49,011
- Holy crap. You're one of them!
- Peter.

90
00:05:49,091 --> 00:05:51,890
Nigel and his daughter
are our new neighbours.

91
00:05:52,010 --> 00:05:55,608
I'm afraid I'm the limey bastard
who's purchased your bar.

92
00:05:55,608 --> 00:05:58,408
- Bit of an awkward moment, really.
- Awkward moment?

93
00:05:58,488 --> 00:06:02,606
I'll give you an awkward moment.
One time during sex, I called Lois "Frank".

94
00:06:02,686 --> 00:06:07,205
- Your move, Sherlock.
- Peter! Excuse us.

95
00:06:07,285 --> 00:06:11,683
Why are you acting like this?
Nigel's charming. All British men are.

96
00:06:11,803 --> 00:06:14,483
That's what they said
about Benjamin Disraeli.

97
00:06:15,281 --> 00:06:18,680
You don't even know who I am.

98
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:23,598
The British are a lovely people.
Not physically, of course, but inside.

99
00:06:23,598 --> 00:06:26,197
And Nigel has a very sweet little daughter.

100
00:06:27,677 --> 00:06:30,196
Aw! Look at the little baby!

101
00:06:30,275 --> 00:06:34,995
- What the devil is that ghastly noise?
- It's me. Eliza Pinchley.

102
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:37,193
You wanna flower, little baby?

103
00:06:37,273 --> 00:06:40,472
Excuse me, what I think
you mean to say is, would I like a flower?

104
00:06:40,592 --> 00:06:43,671
You don't so much speak the language
as chew it and spit it out.

105
00:06:43,791 --> 00:06:46,870
Go on. What's wrong with the way I talk?

106
00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:52,988
Everything. Here's a shiny sixpence
if you keep your mouth shut and go away.

107
00:06:54,587 --> 00:06:56,067
Oh...

108
00:06:56,186 --> 00:06:58,185
I know The Drunken Clam was your bar,

109
00:06:58,265 --> 00:07:01,664
but you and your friends can find
somewhere else to act like idiots.

110
00:07:01,785 --> 00:07:04,584
I guess you're right.
You know why I married you, Lois?

111
00:07:04,663 --> 00:07:09,182
It's not just the rack or the caboose.
It's that big sexy brain of yours.

112
00:07:14,579 --> 00:07:19,657
- All right. This place isn't bad.
- Yeah. Good music, real sports on the tube.

113
00:07:21,057 --> 00:07:23,376
I've never seen so many chicks in one place.

114
00:07:23,456 --> 00:07:28,174
Hey, check out those two hotties. They're so
lonely, they're practisin' kissin' each other.

115
00:07:28,254 --> 00:07:30,654
I don't think they're practisin'.

116
00:07:30,774 --> 00:07:33,453
Oh.

117
00:07:33,572 --> 00:07:35,452
Oh!

118
00:07:35,572 --> 00:07:37,572
Ohhh.

119
00:07:42,849 --> 00:07:45,369
So, you ladies ever been penetrated?

120
00:07:46,448 --> 00:07:48,566
- Yep.
- Yep.

121
00:07:48,647 --> 00:07:50,646
- Yup.
- Mm-hm.

122
00:07:53,365 --> 00:07:56,364
Hope the loo is working.

123
00:07:56,364 --> 00:08:00,243
Nice choice for a hang-out, Peter.
There's not even anywhere to sit down.

124
00:08:00,363 --> 00:08:03,561
- Is that some kind of crack?
- Crack? You sayin' I got a fat ass?

125
00:08:03,641 --> 00:08:09,039
Fellas, fellas. What's become of us?
We never squabbled before we lost The Clam.

126
00:08:09,159 --> 00:08:12,158
- Right. It's those lousy fog-breathers.
- Damn British.

127
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:17,436
They took our bar, then our friendship. What's
next? Apple pie, fast cars and action films?

128
00:08:25,753 --> 00:08:29,951
It vas a glorious summer
in Oxford ven I met Freddy Cavendish.

129
00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:34,230
A most remarkable young man whose
friendship vould change my life forever.

130
00:08:34,350 --> 00:08:38,348
You are the anchor
that gives my spirit licence to soar.

131
00:08:38,429 --> 00:08:41,228
Our forefathers wouldn't
take it on the chin like this.

132
00:08:41,347 --> 00:08:46,825
Right. I say we fight the British and drive 'em
back to whatever country they came from.

133
00:08:46,946 --> 00:08:50,544
- Yeah! Yeah!
- We gonna get 'em.

134
00:08:50,824 --> 00:08:54,942
Stewie, look. It's an invitation
to little Eliza's birthday party.

135
00:08:55,023 --> 00:08:57,942
You mean that horrid girl
who talks like a scullery maid?

136
00:08:58,022 --> 00:09:02,220
I didn't realise she'd been born. I assumed
she'd congealed in a gutter somewhere.

137
00:09:02,340 --> 00:09:04,620
Ooh, I'm gonna RSVP right now.

138
00:09:04,740 --> 00:09:10,617
Splendid. An entire afternoon of her "er"s
and "ah"s and "'alf a pound of ha'penny rice".

139
00:09:10,737 --> 00:09:13,816
Why can't the English
teach their children how to speak?

140
00:09:13,936 --> 00:09:15,735
You teach her. If you're up to it.

141
00:09:15,815 --> 00:09:20,333
Oh, yes. This is the part where I'm
supposed to say "I am so up to it. Ha ha ha. "

142
00:09:20,412 --> 00:09:22,612
Well, I am. I accept your challenge.

143
00:09:22,733 --> 00:09:27,930
At her party I shall pass that guttersnipe off
as a lady. What are the stakes of this wager?

144
00:09:28,010 --> 00:09:30,729
- Why don't you shut up for about a week?
- And if I win?

145
00:09:30,810 --> 00:09:34,127
I wasn't betting. Why don't you
just shut up for about a week?

146
00:09:34,127 --> 00:09:35,127
You're on!

147
00:09:38,806 --> 00:09:41,205
Minutemen, present arms.

148
00:09:41,325 --> 00:09:45,004
- Load weapons.
- Boom chaka-laka-laka boom chaka-laka.

149
00:09:45,124 --> 00:09:46,124
Fire!

150
00:09:46,204 --> 00:09:48,402
- Oh, I say!
- Throw the blackguards out.

151
00:09:48,522 --> 00:09:52,722
- I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave.
- Don't tread on me.

152
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:56,400
Yeah, back off. We kicked your ass
in World War II and we can do it again.

153
00:09:56,519 --> 00:09:59,119
Very well, then. If you refuse to go peaceably,

154
00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:03,397
we'll have to use our superior
linguistic skills to convince you to leave.

155
00:10:03,517 --> 00:10:04,716
Just try it.

156
00:10:04,716 --> 00:10:07,116
- Bye.
- Sorry to bother you.

157
00:10:07,196 --> 00:10:11,115
I never saw it that way before...
Wait a minute. How the hell did they do that?

158
00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:15,913
We're not gonna let this stop us.
I've never been defeated. Except once.

159
00:10:32,107 --> 00:10:33,306
- Eric?
- Peter?

160
00:10:33,386 --> 00:10:38,384
Oh, my God. I haven't seen you since
high school. What are you doin' these days?

161
00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:40,103
- I'm the red guy.
- Oh, my God.

162
00:10:40,184 --> 00:10:42,103
- What about you?
- I'm the green guy.

163
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,502
- No kiddin'?
- Yeah.

164
00:10:44,583 --> 00:10:46,782
- Hey, is that Stacy Beacham?
- Where?

165
00:10:51,180 --> 00:10:55,498
Now, don't worry, these guys are trained
to stay perfectly still. Check it out.

166
00:10:55,578 --> 00:10:59,496
Hey, Margaret Tha... What the hell...?
I thought you English guys never move.

167
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,895
No, that's just our women.

168
00:11:04,695 --> 00:11:10,093
Bloody hell! My lunch was in that hat!
Egg and chips with jam butties.

169
00:11:11,173 --> 00:11:15,890
- Welcome to the Quahog beer party.
- I do feel a little guilty about pollutin'.

170
00:11:15,971 --> 00:11:20,168
- I felt Guilty once, but she woke up.
- Peter, what are you doin'?

171
00:11:20,288 --> 00:11:24,367
It may taste like a warm cup of
tobacco-chewer's spit, but it's still beer.

172
00:11:24,488 --> 00:11:27,286
Good point. Bottoms up!

173
00:11:27,366 --> 00:11:29,765
Ha! Take that, you lousy Brits!

174
00:11:35,683 --> 00:11:39,562
Peter! We waited up all night.
Where were you?

175
00:11:39,682 --> 00:11:42,161
Wh-where was I? Where were you?

176
00:11:42,281 --> 00:11:45,680
- Out drinkin'. But I was back by two.
- Oh, no.

177
00:11:45,759 --> 00:11:48,878
Our top story: The Clam's Head Pub
has burned to the ground.

178
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,078
Our own Tricia Takanawa is on the scene.

179
00:11:51,157 --> 00:11:57,555
Is Quahog in the grip of a serial arsonist?
Police say no, but our producer says yes.

180
00:11:57,675 --> 00:12:01,474
Here's an artist's depiction
of what the arsonist might look like.

181
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:06,871
Anyone with information regarding this
suspect should contact police immediately.

182
00:12:06,952 --> 00:12:10,750
One thing is certain: The pain here is palpable.

183
00:12:10,870 --> 00:12:14,069
For many, this charred portrait of Elizabeth II

184
00:12:14,149 --> 00:12:19,547
gives poignant new meaning to the phrase
"Hey, check out that flaming queen. "

185
00:12:19,667 --> 00:12:22,347
In a late development
the police have a new suspect.

186
00:12:22,467 --> 00:12:26,744
We now go live to Hispanic
reporter Maria J... Ji... Jim...

187
00:12:26,865 --> 00:12:28,544
- Jimenez.
- I know what it is.

188
00:12:28,663 --> 00:12:31,663
At this moment we're
approaching the suspect's house.

189
00:12:31,663 --> 00:12:35,141
This is better than COPS. You know
there's a fat drunk guy in there.

190
00:12:35,741 --> 00:12:37,461
- Hold it!
- Freeze!

191
00:12:37,541 --> 00:12:39,939
- There he is.
- Griffin, you're comin' with us.

192
00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:42,339
I wanna see what they do with this jackass.

193
00:12:42,459 --> 00:12:44,858
- Hands up!
- Oh, Peter, you didn't!

194
00:12:44,938 --> 00:12:47,736
- Hey, fatty's wife is a babe.
- That's it.

195
00:12:47,857 --> 00:12:53,254
It appears the real arsonist is in custody,
thanks to an anonymous tip to the authorities.

196
00:12:53,335 --> 00:12:55,334
Good. Good.

197
00:12:55,454 --> 00:12:59,852
Ah, the fat guy's struggling. Hit him,
you stupid pigs! Hit him. Use the billy...

198
00:13:04,851 --> 00:13:08,249
This Minutemen flag was found
in the wreckage of The Clam's Head.

199
00:13:08,249 --> 00:13:12,048
You are clearly guilty of arson,
so you are free to go.

200
00:13:12,127 --> 00:13:15,726
Straight to jail. Ha!
Now you got burned! No bail.

201
00:13:17,246 --> 00:13:20,844
- Peter, tell me you didn't do this.
- Lois, I didn't do it.

202
00:13:20,924 --> 00:13:24,243
You can trust me, right?
Let's sit down and talk about this.

203
00:13:24,324 --> 00:13:28,041
- I wanna believe you but... agh!
- Gotcha!

204
00:13:28,121 --> 00:13:30,441
But seriously, you can trust me.

205
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:34,520
Oh, Lois, I'm so sorry
this terrible tragedy has befallen you.

206
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,919
Thank you, Nigel. You're very kind.

207
00:13:37,038 --> 00:13:38,918
- Can I touch your bum once?
- What?

208
00:13:39,038 --> 00:13:42,716
I expect to see you at Eliza's birthday bash.
I won't take no for an answer.

209
00:13:42,836 --> 00:13:46,635
Unless the question is "Do you not like me?"

210
00:13:46,715 --> 00:13:49,833
Get it? Double negative, you know.
Yes, very good.

211
00:13:54,112 --> 00:13:56,112
Hey hey hey, check out the new meat.

212
00:13:56,231 --> 00:13:59,310
- I like the fat one. More cushion for pushin'.
- Thank you.

213
00:13:59,431 --> 00:14:03,428
- Hey, we gonna have a good time together.
- Gosh, everybody's so nice here.

214
00:14:03,508 --> 00:14:07,707
I mean, they're gonna be disappointed
when they find out I'm not gay, but wow.

215
00:14:08,227 --> 00:14:14,104
Oh, my God. See that guy? That's the most
vicious killer I ever put away, Steve Bellows.

216
00:14:14,225 --> 00:14:18,023
- He's so mean, he shot a man for snoring.
- Where have I heard that before?

217
00:14:18,103 --> 00:14:22,102
It's in this simulated-leather edition
of Time-Life's Killers of Quahog.

218
00:14:22,222 --> 00:14:27,220
They're all here. John the Biter, the Berserk
Hobo, the Golden Autumn Day Strangler...

219
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:30,019
Maybe Steve won't remember you.

220
00:14:35,817 --> 00:14:41,495
Well, well. Officer Swanson. You and
your friends are dead. You're all dead!

221
00:14:41,615 --> 00:14:43,414
Oh, good.

222
00:14:43,494 --> 00:14:46,212
He thinks we're zombies. He'll leave us alone.

223
00:14:46,212 --> 00:14:51,291
No, no, no! If you're ever going to
be a lady, you must speak like one.

224
00:14:51,411 --> 00:14:56,009
Now try it again. "The life
of the wife is ended by the knife. "

225
00:14:56,089 --> 00:14:58,408
The loif of the woif...

226
00:14:58,489 --> 00:15:00,887
No, no, no. Not "loif". Life! Life!

227
00:15:01,007 --> 00:15:04,486
- That's what I said. Loif.
- Listen, you tin-eared piece of baggage.

228
00:15:04,606 --> 00:15:08,684
We've got five days left, and I'll not
lose my wager. Now repeat after me.

229
00:15:08,805 --> 00:15:12,604
"Hello, Mother,
have you hidden my hatchet?"

230
00:15:12,683 --> 00:15:16,202
'Ello, Mother, 'ave you 'idden my 'atchet?

231
00:15:16,202 --> 00:15:20,880
Oh, God, no. It's an H sound,
you moron. H! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

232
00:15:21,001 --> 00:15:24,479
- Ew. Your breath smells like kitty litter.
- I was curious!

233
00:15:26,079 --> 00:15:31,396
- Our husbands couldn't have done this.
- Cleveland can't even light the damn hibachi.

234
00:15:31,476 --> 00:15:33,876
Excuse me. Where can I find Nigel Pinchley?

235
00:15:33,996 --> 00:15:36,594
I'm from Quahog Insurance.
I have a cheque for him.

236
00:15:36,674 --> 00:15:41,393
- Five million dollars?!
- He took out a policy just before the fire.

237
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:43,991
Doesn't that strike you as a little suspicious?

238
00:15:44,071 --> 00:15:48,070
No, not really. In fact,
it seems to happen all the time.

239
00:15:52,988 --> 00:15:57,187
- Oh, no. Here comes Steve!
- I haven't forgot about you boys.

240
00:15:57,266 --> 00:16:01,265
Saturday night at midnight.
You're dead. All of you are dead.

241
00:16:01,385 --> 00:16:05,183
Midnight on Saturday? Thank God!
We can still be in the talent show.

242
00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:08,063
From the top, boys. A-five, six, seven, eight.

243
00:16:13,860 --> 00:16:19,058
Once again, here is how it should sound.
"How do you do?" Here's how you sound.

244
00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:21,978
Now try it again.

245
00:16:22,057 --> 00:16:25,976
- How do you do?
- What did you say?

246
00:16:25,976 --> 00:16:29,975
"The life of the wife is ended by the knife. "

247
00:16:30,375 --> 00:16:33,573
I think she's got it. I think she's got it!

248
00:16:33,653 --> 00:16:38,052
"The life of the wife is ended by the knife

249
00:16:38,172 --> 00:16:40,850
By George, she's got it!
By George, she's got it!

250
00:16:40,970 --> 00:16:44,050
Now, what ends her wretched life?

251
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:47,768
"The knife, the knife

252
00:16:47,848 --> 00:16:50,167
And where's that bloody knife?

253
00:16:50,248 --> 00:16:53,765
"In the wife, in the wife

254
00:16:53,765 --> 00:16:58,444
" The life of the wife
is ended by the knife

255
00:16:58,564 --> 00:16:59,964
Bravo, Eliza!

256
00:16:59,964 --> 00:17:05,361
"The life of the wife is ended by the knife

257
00:17:10,039 --> 00:17:12,559
Hello. So nice to see you.

258
00:17:12,559 --> 00:17:17,957
There he is. We need to search the house for
evidence, but one of us has to distract Nigel.

259
00:17:19,157 --> 00:17:21,556
Oh, no, no, no. I couldn't.

260
00:17:21,636 --> 00:17:25,554
What about Loretta? Nigel looks
like he's down with the swirl.

261
00:17:25,554 --> 00:17:31,831
There you are, Lois. Shall I give you the grand
tour and show you my... private quarters?

262
00:17:31,952 --> 00:17:35,551
- I'd love to.
- I must say, you look absolutely...

263
00:17:35,631 --> 00:17:38,230
mmm... mmm... mm-mm-mm.

264
00:17:38,749 --> 00:17:40,549
Don't be shy, lambie lamb.

265
00:17:40,549 --> 00:17:45,546
This is my study, where I... study
things that arouse my interest.

266
00:17:46,546 --> 00:17:49,346
Oh, good. The girls are in place.

267
00:17:49,426 --> 00:17:53,623
Oh, Nigel. Since Peter's been gone,
I've been searching for someone new.

268
00:17:53,744 --> 00:17:58,622
You know? Someone with
a sense of danger and adventure.

269
00:17:58,741 --> 00:18:04,141
- I once played cricket without shin guards.
- Oh, I love a reckless man.

270
00:18:04,220 --> 00:18:08,618
One time I went up to this bloke's flat,
rang the bell and ran like Sebastian Coe.

271
00:18:08,738 --> 00:18:12,016
More! Tell me more!

272
00:18:12,136 --> 00:18:15,536
I burned down my pub for the insurance
money and framed your husband.

273
00:18:15,616 --> 00:18:19,134
I knew it! And what's more,
I have witnesses. Bonnie.

274
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:21,933
Loretta?

275
00:18:22,013 --> 00:18:25,332
Demond Wilson from Sanford
and Son? What are you doing here?

276
00:18:25,332 --> 00:18:27,931
I know. I'm surprised I'm alive too.

277
00:18:28,011 --> 00:18:30,211
Sorry, love. Better luck next time.

278
00:18:30,331 --> 00:18:32,530
Mr Pinchley, I heard everything.

279
00:18:32,610 --> 00:18:37,008
And what you've done is a textbook
example of insurance... fra-ud?

280
00:18:37,128 --> 00:18:38,728
Bloody hell.

281
00:18:38,728 --> 00:18:41,926
- Why the devil were you in the closet?
- I came with Demond.

282
00:18:42,725 --> 00:18:46,125
Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Eliza Pinchley.

283
00:18:46,525 --> 00:18:51,203
Psst. You. Dogbert. Down here.
Get a front-row seat for this one.

284
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,318
How kind of you all to come.

285
00:19:02,318 --> 00:19:03,798
Magnificent!

286
00:19:03,918 --> 00:19:08,795
Old sport, why don't you pull your face from
your loins and bury it into some humble pie?

287
00:19:10,396 --> 00:19:13,395
Bloody 'ell!
I've gone and wet meself.

288
00:19:14,314 --> 00:19:18,512
Don't give me that smug look. Fine!
You have extra-sensitive hearing: Hear this.

289
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:22,790
- I'm telling.
- I... No! I said "vacuum"!

290
00:19:27,309 --> 00:19:32,308
- Hurry, Peter. Steve'll be here in five minutes.
- Oh, crap. We're dead.

291
00:19:34,107 --> 00:19:35,707
This is the end, boys.

292
00:19:35,786 --> 00:19:38,784
Looks like our next stop
is a corner booth in a bar in heaven.

293
00:19:38,905 --> 00:19:41,904
Peter, Nigel confessed. You're free!

294
00:19:41,904 --> 00:19:45,702
You hear that, guys? We're free!

295
00:19:48,582 --> 00:19:51,580
Get ready to die! Oh.

296
00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:55,979
I wonder what this feels like.

297
00:19:56,099 --> 00:19:58,378
Ow! That hurts!

298
00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:02,576
My God, is that what I've been
doin' to people? I belong here.

299
00:20:05,895 --> 00:20:08,894
Horace, I never thought
I'd see you or The Clam again.

300
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:10,493
Florida stunk.

301
00:20:10,574 --> 00:20:14,692
Alligator mounted me when I wasn't lookin'.
Laid eggs in my lower intestine.

302
00:20:14,772 --> 00:20:17,971
But you're all thirsty.
I'll bore you another time.

303
00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:22,769
Here's to our wives. They may not be
as hot as the women you see on TV.

304
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:25,288
Or as entertaining.

305
00:20:25,368 --> 00:20:27,766
But, um...

306
00:20:27,886 --> 00:20:30,686
I don't know where I'm goin'
with this. But thanks.

307
00:20:30,766 --> 00:20:35,764
I guess that lousy Nigel learned his lesson.
Whatever he gets is too good for him.

308
00:20:42,881 --> 00:20:46,160
Dear Stewie, I want you to know
that I blame my father's death

309
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:50,278
and my incarceration in this hellhole
entirely on your awful mother.

310
00:20:50,358 --> 00:20:55,677
If it takes the rest of my life, I shall see that
she suffers a slow and painful death. Eliza.

311
00:20:55,756 --> 00:20:59,076
Excellent. Here, have a look.

312
00:20:59,155 --> 00:21:01,874
Good. Good.

313
00:21:27,865 --> 00:21:31,064
Visiontext Subtitles: Rob Colling

