1
00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:05,440
"It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:05,580 --> 00:00:08,900
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:09,125 --> 00:00:12,725
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:12,878 --> 00:00:14,878
"On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:15,714 --> 00:00:18,914
"Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:19,134 --> 00:00:23,934
"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

7
00:00:24,263 --> 00:00:25,543
"Laugh and cry

8
00:00:25,723 --> 00:00:30,923
"He's a family guy

9
00:00:37,067 --> 00:00:40,987
Thanks for coming, Lois. Mark's wanted me
to see his one-man show for weeks.

10
00:00:41,237 --> 00:00:44,757
I think it's wonderful
you're supporting your old pal.

11
00:00:45,741 --> 00:00:47,821
Go long, Eddie. Go long.

12
00:00:47,910 --> 00:00:49,910
Further. Further!

13
00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:51,800
Ahhh...

14
00:00:51,997 --> 00:00:53,997
Life was crazy growing up in Brooklyn.

15
00:00:54,166 --> 00:00:57,886
We had some real characters in my
neighbourhood, like Frank the mailman.

16
00:00:58,128 --> 00:01:01,528
Hey, Mark.
The ants for your ant farm came today.

17
00:01:01,798 --> 00:01:03,878
And my friend Lonny - that knucklehead.

18
00:01:03,966 --> 00:01:06,366
Yo, Marky! Let's play some b-ball.

19
00:01:06,594 --> 00:01:09,874
B-ball. That's what we called it.

20
00:01:10,139 --> 00:01:12,619
And my grandma -
boy, was she somethin' else.

21
00:01:12,849 --> 00:01:17,929
Marky,
don't forget to take your cod-liver oil.

22
00:01:19,606 --> 00:01:23,726
What a piece of self-indulgent crap.
All the characters sounded the same.

23
00:01:23,985 --> 00:01:26,585
- Great show.
- You did me perfectly.

24
00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,900
Me too. You are so talented.

25
00:01:29,114 --> 00:01:32,714
That was awful. With practice
I could act circles around that guy.

26
00:01:32,951 --> 00:01:35,151
Oh, yeah? Well, put up or shut up.

27
00:01:35,245 --> 00:01:39,845
"This Thursday, auditions for
the Quahog School of Performing Arts. "

28
00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:42,846
- You should try out.
- That's not a bad idea, Lois.

29
00:01:43,085 --> 00:01:45,885
Ready for the best acting
you've seen all night?

30
00:01:46,088 --> 00:01:51,688
Mark! Wow, what a journey! Thank you.
Those three and a half hours just flew by.

31
00:01:54,137 --> 00:01:58,737
Hey, Santos, Pascoal. You've done such
good work today, I got a surprise for you.

32
00:01:59,016 --> 00:02:00,816
Doritos!

33
00:02:01,852 --> 00:02:03,132
Not now. Later.

34
00:02:14,239 --> 00:02:16,239
Help! Help!

35
00:02:16,449 --> 00:02:17,849
Oh, my God!

36
00:02:21,954 --> 00:02:26,154
Thank you. I was boogie-boarding
and I got sucked out by the riptide.

37
00:02:26,458 --> 00:02:29,938
- I thought I was a dead man.
- You gotta be starving. Eat these.

38
00:02:36,968 --> 00:02:39,488
My God! He was just floating
out there by himself?

39
00:02:39,679 --> 00:02:43,399
Yep. He was so grateful,
he invited us all over for dinner tonight.

40
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,240
Good. I don't have to cook.

41
00:02:45,309 --> 00:02:48,629
Cook anyway and we'll throw it out.
I don't want you to get rusty.

42
00:02:49,062 --> 00:02:52,782
Peter, my audition's coming up.
Would you listen to my monologue?

43
00:02:53,024 --> 00:02:55,344
Sure, buddy. Let's hear it.

44
00:02:57,403 --> 00:03:01,403
- Julie, there's somethin' I gotta tell you...
- Ha! That's awesome. Go on.

45
00:03:01,699 --> 00:03:06,979
- Uh... tell you. I saw Dr Philips...
- Wow! Yes! Yes! I love it.

46
00:03:07,204 --> 00:03:10,804
...Dr Philips today.
I might not make it to Christmas.

47
00:03:10,957 --> 00:03:14,277
Oh, drop the bomb. There's not
a dry eye in the house. Keep goin'.

48
00:03:14,502 --> 00:03:17,222
No. I'm gonna stop.
Maybe we'll work on it later.

49
00:03:17,421 --> 00:03:21,221
Well, just so you know, it was good,
but I was also being generous.

50
00:03:24,094 --> 00:03:28,614
Well, you little jaybird! You wanna tell your
mommy and daddy the Griffins are here?

51
00:03:28,890 --> 00:03:31,090
Come on in.

52
00:03:31,309 --> 00:03:32,789
Welcome, Griffins.

53
00:03:32,852 --> 00:03:35,252
Oh... uh...

54
00:03:35,479 --> 00:03:38,879
- We must be early.
- Nonsense. You're right on time.

55
00:03:39,108 --> 00:03:42,828
Oh, my God! She's got hair growin'
out of her boobs and up to her head.

56
00:03:43,070 --> 00:03:45,390
You're, uh... You're completely...

57
00:03:45,572 --> 00:03:49,092
- Nude? Yes, we're nudists.
- Permission to freak out.

58
00:03:49,325 --> 00:03:52,525
- Peter, did you know this?
- I thought he lost his bathing suit.

59
00:03:52,787 --> 00:03:56,387
So you're the man who saved
my husband's life. Dottie Campbell.

60
00:03:56,624 --> 00:03:59,544
- What am I doing? Come here!
- Watch my hands, Lois.

61
00:03:59,752 --> 00:04:01,752
See where they are? No touchie.

62
00:04:01,962 --> 00:04:08,162
This is the back yard. That's premium
blue-tip Bermuda. Real hardy, but soft.

63
00:04:08,510 --> 00:04:10,910
- Good Lord.
- Don't look directly into it, Lois.

64
00:04:11,137 --> 00:04:14,217
The hot dogs and burgers are ready.
Can I get you a beer, Peter?

65
00:04:14,473 --> 00:04:17,273
- What do you got?
- I've got Busch.

66
00:04:17,476 --> 00:04:18,676
Oh, and Busch Light.

67
00:04:18,852 --> 00:04:21,532
Sounds like Jeff's home.

68
00:04:21,772 --> 00:04:24,772
- Hey, sport! How'd you do?
- I got first place, Dad.

69
00:04:24,983 --> 00:04:29,383
Way to go, champ. Jeff plays
varsity tennis for Saint Genevieve High.

70
00:04:29,695 --> 00:04:32,495
- Cool.
- Is this the biggest thing you've ever seen?

71
00:04:32,698 --> 00:04:36,418
Don't get too cocky. I had a big one
like that when I was your age.

72
00:04:36,660 --> 00:04:40,380
You were a show-off yourself, Dave.
You brought it out on our first date.

73
00:04:40,622 --> 00:04:42,942
Lois, I'm scared. Oh, I'll get that.

74
00:04:43,124 --> 00:04:44,124
Hey!

75
00:04:44,292 --> 00:04:47,172
Oh, God! Oh, Dave, sorry! Oh, God!

76
00:04:49,088 --> 00:04:52,288
- Boobies!
- That's enough. I'm glad to be out of there.

77
00:04:52,508 --> 00:04:55,228
What those people are doing
just ain't natural.

78
00:04:55,427 --> 00:04:57,427
- Boobies!
- Did you hear me, young man?

79
00:04:57,638 --> 00:05:00,518
- What was the big deal? They were nice.
- Boobies!

80
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:02,440
- Peter.
- Do it.

81
00:05:04,936 --> 00:05:09,016
- Did you have fun at the circus today, Chris?
- Elephants are bigger in person.

82
00:05:15,028 --> 00:05:18,428
- Break a leg up there, Brian.
- You seem awfully enthusiastic.

83
00:05:18,698 --> 00:05:22,978
At first I wanted you to fail. But then
I realised you'd be out five days a week,

84
00:05:23,286 --> 00:05:26,166
which means I'd be free to throw
some of my sexy parties.

85
00:05:37,549 --> 00:05:39,869
- Brian Griffin.
- Good luck, Brian.

86
00:05:40,051 --> 00:05:44,571
Hi. I'm Brian Griffin, and this is
from John Waltz's Leaving Wichita.

87
00:05:47,058 --> 00:05:50,058
Julie, there's somethin' I gotta tell you.

88
00:05:50,269 --> 00:05:54,189
I saw Dr Philips today.
I might not make it to Christmas.

89
00:05:54,439 --> 00:05:56,839
- Thank you. Next.
- Next?

90
00:05:57,067 --> 00:05:59,267
Hold on, Brian. Stay up there.

91
00:05:59,778 --> 00:06:03,578
See here! Brian Griffin is a brilliant actor
with talent and passion.

92
00:06:03,823 --> 00:06:06,423
But you alleged experts
obviously didn't notice.

93
00:06:06,659 --> 00:06:10,459
Well, I did notice.
I saw a man bare his soul up here.

94
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,504
His pain ran through my heart
like an errant locomotive.

95
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:16,549
But it was wasted. Wasted on all of you!

96
00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:21,616
Well, it looks like we have to
reconsider. Brian, we want you...

97
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:23,676
- Yes!
... off the stage.

98
00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:27,761
But your young friend would be perfect
for our rising-star programme.

99
00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:31,212
Splendid! This calls for a sexy party.

100
00:06:39,689 --> 00:06:42,409
OK, funcakes, let's do a scene.

101
00:06:42,608 --> 00:06:46,728
Stewie, how about you and, let's see...
one of our veterans... Olivia.

102
00:06:46,987 --> 00:06:49,787
I'm not doing a scene with him.
He's inexperienced.

103
00:06:50,032 --> 00:06:52,032
He'll drag my whole performance down.

104
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,400
Are you serious? Is she serious?

105
00:06:54,619 --> 00:06:57,499
OK, Stewie, I'll give you a solo exercise.

106
00:06:58,039 --> 00:07:01,839
You're gonna do an exercise we call
"The Life Cycle". Without using words,

107
00:07:02,126 --> 00:07:06,006
you're gonna act out your entire life
from birth to death as I describe it.

108
00:07:06,171 --> 00:07:08,571
Ready? Lie down.

109
00:07:08,674 --> 00:07:13,474
Now you're being born. Ready?
And burst through the placenta!

110
00:07:13,803 --> 00:07:18,003
Now fast-forward. It's your first day of school.
You're alone and scared.

111
00:07:18,266 --> 00:07:21,586
But it's all right. It's Sloppy Joe day.

112
00:07:21,811 --> 00:07:25,411
Pull it back. The lady touched the bun
and she's not wearing gloves.

113
00:07:25,689 --> 00:07:29,089
Fast-forward. You're a businessman,
you manage a lot of people.

114
00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:33,318
Here comes Henderson.
He lost the big account. You're mad.

115
00:07:33,613 --> 00:07:35,813
Madder. Madder!

116
00:07:35,990 --> 00:07:38,110
Come on. Hot, hot.
There it is. You got it.

117
00:07:38,284 --> 00:07:41,684
And fast-forward. You're an old man now.
You're on your deathbed.

118
00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:45,349
Your son is holding your hand.
You tell him you accept his lifestyle

119
00:07:45,582 --> 00:07:50,102
and regret humiliating him at his sister's
wedding by calling him your other daughter.

120
00:07:50,378 --> 00:07:53,378
And... scene. OK, any comments?

121
00:07:55,383 --> 00:07:58,183
You are the weakest link. Goodbye.

122
00:07:59,553 --> 00:08:03,753
Ha, ha, ha! Oh, gosh, that's funny.
That's really funny.

123
00:08:03,932 --> 00:08:05,932
Do you write your own material?

124
00:08:06,143 --> 00:08:09,343
That is so fresh.
"You are the weakest link. Goodbye. "

125
00:08:09,563 --> 00:08:13,363
I've never heard anyone make
that joke before. You're the first.

126
00:08:13,650 --> 00:08:17,450
I've never heard anyone reference that
outside the programme before.

127
00:08:17,695 --> 00:08:21,895
That's what she says on the show, right?
"You are the weakest link. Goodbye. "

128
00:08:22,074 --> 00:08:28,794
You've taken that and used it out of context
to insult me in this everyday situation.

129
00:08:29,164 --> 00:08:32,564
What a clever, smart girl you must be

130
00:08:32,709 --> 00:08:35,509
to come up with a joke like that
all by yourself.

131
00:08:35,753 --> 00:08:37,753
Mm. That's so fresh, too.

132
00:08:37,922 --> 00:08:40,322
Any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me

133
00:08:40,549 --> 00:08:44,629
while we're hitting these phenomena
at the height of their popularity?

134
00:08:44,928 --> 00:08:46,728
Cos I'm here.

135
00:08:46,888 --> 00:08:48,888
God, you're so funny!

136
00:08:52,226 --> 00:08:55,026
- Meg?
- Jeff! Wow, hey!

137
00:08:55,229 --> 00:08:58,629
- What are you doing here?
- They had a sale on Super Soakers.

138
00:09:00,859 --> 00:09:02,059
Agh! What the heck...?

139
00:09:02,236 --> 00:09:05,436
- Nudist!
- My dad's a tailor, you jerk!

140
00:09:06,072 --> 00:09:09,872
- Gosh, that's awful.
- That's all right. I'm used to it.

141
00:09:10,159 --> 00:09:14,239
I'd better go. So, um... would you
wanna do something sometime?

142
00:09:14,538 --> 00:09:18,818
- Sure. That'd be great.
- Cool. I'll call you later.

143
00:09:27,675 --> 00:09:31,155
Holy moly! It must be my birthday.

144
00:09:43,732 --> 00:09:46,812
Thank you. Thank you. That was, um...

145
00:09:47,068 --> 00:09:50,868
"Me Farting" by Chopin.

146
00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:55,556
Thank you. Thank you very...

147
00:10:00,205 --> 00:10:04,205
- So, Olivia. Beautiful day.
- You're not gonna fart again, are you?

148
00:10:05,919 --> 00:10:09,919
Well, I'd love to stay and chat,
but you're a total bitch.

149
00:10:16,470 --> 00:10:19,550
The quarterly review's tomorrow.
Think your kids will pass?

150
00:10:19,806 --> 00:10:23,486
I'll tell you who won't.
It starts with an O and rhymes with Bolivia.

151
00:10:23,643 --> 00:10:26,043
- Give up? Olivia.
- Really?

152
00:10:26,270 --> 00:10:29,070
She's such a frosty box.
She won't work with anybody.

153
00:10:29,273 --> 00:10:33,473
Stewie Griffin is also on the fence.
If he and Olivia don't deliver at their reviews,

154
00:10:33,777 --> 00:10:36,857
I'll have to kick their
cute little bottoms out of here.

155
00:10:41,368 --> 00:10:44,288
This table is reserved for people with talent.

156
00:10:44,495 --> 00:10:48,215
Stow the 'tude, queenie.
You and I have a problem. Read it and weep.

157
00:10:48,457 --> 00:10:51,777
- "Doesn't work well with others"?
- Mine's no better.

158
00:10:52,002 --> 00:10:56,722
I'll spare you the details, but the phrase
"garden variety" appears a number of times.

159
00:10:57,007 --> 00:10:59,807
- What am I going to do?
- What are we going to do?

160
00:11:00,051 --> 00:11:03,331
Our evaluation's tomorrow.
You need someone to work with,

161
00:11:03,471 --> 00:11:05,791
and I need someone to make me look good.

162
00:11:05,973 --> 00:11:08,093
- I don't know.
- Fine. Refuse my offer.

163
00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:10,987
Get booted out
and wind up like Linda Evans.

164
00:11:11,186 --> 00:11:15,706
Linda Evans, we have a spill in aisle 9.
Linda Evans, a spill in aisle 9.

165
00:11:17,984 --> 00:11:21,384
- Do you like yours with crust or without?
- How do you like yours?

166
00:11:21,613 --> 00:11:25,333
Let's both answer at the same time.
One, two, three.

167
00:11:25,574 --> 00:11:26,574
- Without.
- Without.

168
00:11:26,742 --> 00:11:29,422
Holy moly! That's eight things
we have in common.

169
00:11:29,536 --> 00:11:32,536
- Kids, we're home.
- Hello, Mr and Mrs Griffin.

170
00:11:32,664 --> 00:11:35,984
- You remember Jeff?
- Sure. Lois, I'm gonna borrow your mace.

171
00:11:36,209 --> 00:11:37,729
Agh! That's better.

172
00:11:37,877 --> 00:11:41,077
Meg, did any of the neighbours
see Jeff come over?

173
00:11:41,339 --> 00:11:43,739
Mom! Come on, Jeff.
Let's go in the other room.

174
00:11:43,925 --> 00:11:46,525
Now, Meg, no need to get so testes... testy.

175
00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,760
Oh, nuts... I mean crap!

176
00:11:48,929 --> 00:11:52,529
- You wanna sit down?
- Wait a second. Don't sit down yet.

177
00:11:52,808 --> 00:11:56,608
- Dad, what are you doing?
- I'm, uh... keepin' the couch fresh.

178
00:11:56,853 --> 00:11:58,253
- Dad!
- It's OK, Meg.

179
00:11:58,313 --> 00:12:00,833
I understand what's goin' on. I'm gonna go.

180
00:12:01,023 --> 00:12:03,943
Oh! Just step on these coasters
on your way out.

181
00:12:04,151 --> 00:12:08,151
Don't step on the hot lava.
The carpet is hot lava.

182
00:12:09,573 --> 00:12:11,173
I can't believe you guys!

183
00:12:11,241 --> 00:12:13,841
How could you bring
that naked kid to our house?

184
00:12:13,952 --> 00:12:16,672
Because I like him. He remembers my name.

185
00:12:16,871 --> 00:12:20,791
I'm sorry, honey, but we don't think
you should see him any more.

186
00:12:22,293 --> 00:12:24,413
I hate the sound of her cryin'.

187
00:12:24,587 --> 00:12:27,187
You know what sounds even worse?

188
00:12:27,297 --> 00:12:29,497
Ahh! Listen to that.

189
00:12:30,842 --> 00:12:33,042
Don't you hate that?

190
00:12:33,261 --> 00:12:35,541
That is awful.

191
00:12:35,763 --> 00:12:40,043
I think it's easier on me
cos I'm the one makin' the sound.

192
00:12:43,354 --> 00:12:46,954
Nice effort, Brad. But let's remember
our performance hierarchy:

193
00:12:47,232 --> 00:12:51,032
Legitimate theatre, musical,
stand-up, ventriloquism, magic, mime.

194
00:12:51,278 --> 00:12:54,998
Next up is Olivia. Liv, what monologue
are you doing for us this time?

195
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:58,040
I'm not doing a monologue.
I'm doing a piece with Stewie.

196
00:12:58,159 --> 00:13:00,559
A duet? Really? Let's see it.

197
00:13:01,620 --> 00:13:03,700
Five, six, seven, eight.

198
00:13:06,291 --> 00:13:09,691
- " Who's got the greatest gal around?
- " You do

199
00:13:09,961 --> 00:13:13,241
- " Who's got the sweetest man in town?
- " You do

200
00:13:13,506 --> 00:13:17,586
"Who's got a guy
who makes her smile all day?

201
00:13:17,885 --> 00:13:20,365
By the way, I'm not so bad to look at either.

202
00:13:20,596 --> 00:13:23,876
- " Who's got a guy with lots of brains?
- " You do

203
00:13:24,141 --> 00:13:27,421
- " Who's got a girl who loves chow mein?
- " You do

204
00:13:27,686 --> 00:13:30,286
"Who's got the greatest love in the world?

205
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,280
- " You do
- " And you do

206
00:13:32,482 --> 00:13:33,962
"Thank goodness I've got you

207
00:13:34,150 --> 00:13:37,430
- " Who's got a guy to tell her jokes?
- " You do

208
00:13:37,570 --> 00:13:40,970
- " Who's got a girl to show the folks?
- " You do

209
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:44,720
"Who's got a girl
he'd like to one day undress?

210
00:13:44,993 --> 00:13:48,793
"Give it a rest -
I told you not until we're married

211
00:13:49,039 --> 00:13:52,359
- " Who's got the gal with all the snazz?
- " You do

212
00:13:52,583 --> 00:13:55,983
- " Who's got the fella with pizzazz?
- " You do

213
00:13:56,253 --> 00:14:00,333
"Who's got the greatest love in the world?

214
00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:02,512
- " You do
- " And you do

215
00:14:02,593 --> 00:14:09,513
"Thank goodness I've got you

216
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,722
Watch this. Are you watching?

217
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:18,246
That's for me ever having
doubted you. A-plus!

218
00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:23,186
That's for you wearing purple pants
with blue socks. Eww!

219
00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:25,165
I totally called him on it.

220
00:14:29,284 --> 00:14:32,884
No secrets. I wanna share
Stewie and Olivia with the world.

221
00:14:33,037 --> 00:14:36,037
They're awfully young.
Is this really a good idea?

222
00:14:36,290 --> 00:14:39,690
It's a great idea. I've always
dreamed of becoming an actress.

223
00:14:39,918 --> 00:14:43,438
That's not why I'm pushing Olivia.
Is it suspicious that I said that?

224
00:14:43,672 --> 00:14:45,672
Well, I guess it might be OK.

225
00:14:45,757 --> 00:14:49,677
Sure, Lois. Look at Elroy Jetson. He was
a child actor and he turned out fine.

226
00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:54,090
Do you know who I am? I'm Elroy Jetson.

227
00:14:54,306 --> 00:14:56,626
Yeah, yeah. Come back
when you have some money.

228
00:14:56,809 --> 00:14:59,129
- Take him home, Bamm-Bamm.
- Bamm-Bamm, bam!

229
00:14:59,311 --> 00:15:02,511
I don't wanna go home.
Take me to Astro's grave.

230
00:15:04,524 --> 00:15:06,644
- " You do
- " And you do

231
00:15:06,818 --> 00:15:13,538
"Thank goodness I've got you

232
00:15:20,288 --> 00:15:22,288
Do you hear that? They love us!

233
00:15:22,457 --> 00:15:25,377
- Yes, we're a hit. You were amazing.
- So were you.

234
00:15:25,585 --> 00:15:28,785
It was a good crowd. They didn't
notice you missed that F sharp.

235
00:15:28,921 --> 00:15:33,241
- Yes, well... Beg pardon?
- The F sharp, darling. You were slightly off.

236
00:15:33,509 --> 00:15:36,309
- I'm sure I wasn't.
- Well, maybe it was me.

237
00:15:36,428 --> 00:15:38,628
- Must've been you.
- I was being sarcastic.

238
00:15:38,847 --> 00:15:41,327
- Well, it wasn't me.
- Well, it wasn't me.

239
00:15:48,105 --> 00:15:49,705
Like this. Listen to me.

240
00:15:52,276 --> 00:15:54,396
Hi, Meg.

241
00:15:55,821 --> 00:15:59,421
Peter, was it unfair of us to tell Meg
she couldn't see that boy?

242
00:15:59,574 --> 00:16:05,094
Completely. We totally reamed her. Did you
see that look in her eyes? She hates you.

243
00:16:11,377 --> 00:16:15,257
There it is, kids. Your first marquee.
Meet you inside.

244
00:16:17,924 --> 00:16:20,124
- Exciting.
- The marquee or the other thing?

245
00:16:20,343 --> 00:16:23,423
- What other thing?
- The sex... with Simon.

246
00:16:23,679 --> 00:16:26,559
- Why else would your name be first?
- It's obvious.

247
00:16:26,807 --> 00:16:30,487
Lead with strength, put your best foot
forward, et cetera, et cetera.

248
00:16:30,769 --> 00:16:32,169
So the sex was good?

249
00:16:32,312 --> 00:16:36,112
- Shut up, you egotistical jerk.
- You shut up, you sack-bellied strumpet!

250
00:16:36,399 --> 00:16:38,879
- Blimp-headed jackass!
- Mealy-mouthed crotch pheasant!

251
00:16:39,110 --> 00:16:45,910
"Thank goodness I've got you

252
00:16:49,411 --> 00:16:52,531
Jeff! What are you doing here?
I'm not supposed to see you.

253
00:16:52,748 --> 00:16:55,268
- Your parents invited me.
- But they wouldn't...

254
00:16:55,458 --> 00:16:58,058
- Yes, we would.
- Oh, my God! What are you doing?!

255
00:16:58,294 --> 00:17:01,494
We were wrong, Meg. If you like Jeff,
we should give him a chance.

256
00:17:01,714 --> 00:17:03,914
We wanted him to feel welcome in our home.

257
00:17:04,133 --> 00:17:06,813
Mom, I need new batteries for my Walkman.

258
00:17:07,052 --> 00:17:09,852
Hey! Why is everybody else naked?

259
00:17:11,306 --> 00:17:13,306
Yahtzee! I win!

260
00:17:13,391 --> 00:17:16,511
Yeah! In your face! In your face! In your face!

261
00:17:17,896 --> 00:17:20,896
- I gotta go. Thanks, Mr and Mrs Griffin.
- Our pleasure.

262
00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:22,427
Nice hanging with you.

263
00:17:22,566 --> 00:17:27,286
- I hope my parents didn't embarrass you.
- Are you kidding? I think they're great.

264
00:17:27,571 --> 00:17:31,291
It took a lot of guts for them to do that.
I'll see you later.

265
00:17:32,993 --> 00:17:34,993
Thanks, you guys. That was really cool.

266
00:17:35,203 --> 00:17:38,883
Peter, can I borrow your lawn mower?
Agh... You got a towel?

267
00:17:39,165 --> 00:17:42,845
Simon, would you be a dear and ask Stewie
to dance on his own feet tonight?

268
00:17:43,127 --> 00:17:46,607
Could you provide Olivia with a bucket
so she can carry a tune?

269
00:17:46,755 --> 00:17:48,755
People, stop this craziness!

270
00:17:48,966 --> 00:17:53,446
The Providence Journal's critic is here.
If we get a good review, the doors'll fly open.

271
00:17:53,636 --> 00:17:55,636
Go get 'em, my little silly-billies.

272
00:17:55,847 --> 00:17:58,127
- Let's just get through this.
- Fine with me.

273
00:17:58,349 --> 00:18:03,349
Wait a minute. You're wearing ruby lipstick.
You're painted up like some jezebel.

274
00:18:03,646 --> 00:18:06,966
You're one to talk. You've been
stuffing your diaper since day one.

275
00:18:07,190 --> 00:18:09,190
It's where I keep my peppermint Mentos.

276
00:18:09,401 --> 00:18:13,881
Just because your breath reeks of rotten
Lunchables doesn't mean mine has to.

277
00:18:29,002 --> 00:18:31,082
Break it up! Break it up!

278
00:18:31,171 --> 00:18:36,371
I don't need this act and I don't need you.
You've done nothing but hold me back. I quit!

279
00:18:36,717 --> 00:18:38,997
All I've held you back from is failure.

280
00:18:39,220 --> 00:18:41,820
Come on, Simon.
We don't need that Bebe No-worth.

281
00:18:42,014 --> 00:18:46,734
I don't know, Stewie. Without Olivia, this act
is like Fire Island after Labor Day: Over.

282
00:18:47,018 --> 00:18:49,738
Fine. I don't need you.
I can manage my own career.

283
00:18:49,938 --> 00:18:52,938
Yes. Yes, I'm quite capable of that.

284
00:18:58,696 --> 00:19:01,616
"I've got my top hat and cane

285
00:19:01,824 --> 00:19:06,824
"And a pocketful of miracles,
pocketful of miracles

286
00:19:09,038 --> 00:19:11,918
- Somebody get a hook!
- This is worse than Seussical!

287
00:19:12,041 --> 00:19:14,641
No, wait. I was about to do this thing.

288
00:19:22,593 --> 00:19:24,593
Oh, hello. Didn't notice you there.

289
00:19:24,761 --> 00:19:28,681
It's not easy living with my family.
Bunch of characters, they are.

290
00:19:28,932 --> 00:19:33,932
Like my father. "Holy crap, Lois.
Check out the freakin' log in the toilet. "

291
00:19:34,145 --> 00:19:36,265
Get off the stage!

292
00:19:38,941 --> 00:19:41,741
What do you say, Bernie?
Two nights at the old rate?

293
00:19:41,985 --> 00:19:45,065
I told you before, kid,
I can't book you without Olivia.

294
00:19:45,322 --> 00:19:48,602
But that's the good news.
We're back together. She's here.

295
00:19:48,741 --> 00:19:53,861
Hi, Bernie. Glad to be back.
Ask Stewie about his sexy parties.

296
00:19:54,997 --> 00:19:58,197
"Ask Stewie about his sexy parties. "
What were you thinking?

297
00:19:58,459 --> 00:20:00,059
- I was...
- I'm not speaking to you.

298
00:20:00,210 --> 00:20:01,210
- But...
- Shut up!

299
00:20:03,547 --> 00:20:07,667
I guess the best advice I got
was from Marty Scorsese.

300
00:20:07,925 --> 00:20:11,445
I was having a problem understanding
why I'd been taking abuse

301
00:20:11,679 --> 00:20:14,879
from this lower-ranking officer
played by Chris O'Donnell.

302
00:20:15,140 --> 00:20:19,820
And... he told me "You don't have to
understand it. Your character does. "

303
00:20:20,145 --> 00:20:21,825
That always stuck with me.

304
00:20:22,022 --> 00:20:24,502
- Stewie?
- Olivia! What are you doing here?

305
00:20:24,607 --> 00:20:28,207
I must be an absolute mess.
The studio made me fire my make-up girl.

306
00:20:28,486 --> 00:20:34,166
I just wanted to stop by and see how
you were doing. I heard some things...

307
00:20:34,533 --> 00:20:36,813
That it's going great for me? You heard right.

308
00:20:37,035 --> 00:20:39,915
- Glad to hear that.
- But, hey... um...

309
00:20:40,163 --> 00:20:44,363
If you're not busy... what say
you and I get the old team back together?

310
00:20:44,626 --> 00:20:47,946
Well, actually, I can't.
I'm on my way to Hollywood.

311
00:20:48,171 --> 00:20:52,091
- I got this part in a movie and...
- Oh, oh, oh, oh... What am I thinking?

312
00:20:52,341 --> 00:20:55,741
I'd love to, but I just... I'm booked solid.

313
00:20:56,011 --> 00:20:59,091
I'm doing a three-episode guest shot
on The Gilmore Girls.

314
00:20:59,347 --> 00:21:02,627
I play Rory's motorcycle-driving boyfriend.

315
00:21:02,892 --> 00:21:06,572
He's a bad boy at heart,
but there's some good in there, Olivia.

316
00:21:06,854 --> 00:21:08,854
And it comes through absolutely.

317
00:21:09,023 --> 00:21:13,223
That's really good to hear, Stewie.
Please, take care of yourself.

318
00:21:16,113 --> 00:21:17,913
See you on the coast.

319
00:21:19,366 --> 00:21:23,566
- So, did you let him have it?
- No. He let himself have it.

320
00:21:26,330 --> 00:21:28,330
This is it.

321
00:21:30,834 --> 00:21:32,714
Hey. How ya doin', kid?

322
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,920
- Are you from Wardrobe?
- No, it's Brian. I brought what you wanted.

323
00:21:37,173 --> 00:21:41,573
- But they won't let me leave it so...
- Hit it once. Please, just once.

324
00:21:44,472 --> 00:21:46,072
Oh, my God. I was flat.

325
00:21:46,140 --> 00:21:48,140
Help me up. Let's go home.

