1
00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:05,599
"It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:05,719 --> 00:00:08,999
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:12,598
"But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:12,718 --> 00:00:14,718
"On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:15,398 --> 00:00:18,517
"Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:18,597 --> 00:00:23,516
"Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

7
00:00:23,516 --> 00:00:24,916
"Laugh and cry

8
00:00:24,996 --> 00:00:30,115
"He's a family guy

9
00:00:37,394 --> 00:00:39,593
Oh, my, this place is enormous.

10
00:00:39,713 --> 00:00:44,593
They got these plastic disc guns.
I haven't seen one since Cleveland's wedding.

11
00:00:44,713 --> 00:00:47,512
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today

12
00:00:47,592 --> 00:00:50,312
to celebrate the joining
of these two people...

13
00:00:50,392 --> 00:00:54,511
...in the bonds of holy matrimony,

14
00:00:54,591 --> 00:00:57,590
consecrated before God Almighty.

15
00:00:58,110 --> 00:01:00,910
Hey, Stratego. I used to love this game.

16
00:01:00,910 --> 00:01:03,109
Oh, my God. Abe Vigoda?

17
00:01:03,109 --> 00:01:06,509
Go bother Steve Guttenberg.
He's behind the Chinese chequers.

18
00:01:06,509 --> 00:01:07,909
Abe, shut up!

19
00:01:13,388 --> 00:01:17,787
Look at me, Chris. I'm Yanni sans the attitude.

20
00:01:18,507 --> 00:01:20,786
My God, that's amazing.

21
00:01:20,906 --> 00:01:23,306
- You are so talented.
- Huh?

22
00:01:23,386 --> 00:01:26,385
Wait a second. Something's not right here.

23
00:01:26,505 --> 00:01:30,585
You were just making it look like
you were playing. You're a phony!

24
00:01:30,705 --> 00:01:34,504
- Hey! This guy's a great big phony!
- Come on, Chris.

25
00:01:37,103 --> 00:01:38,703
- Agh!
- There you are.

26
00:01:38,783 --> 00:01:41,503
Hey, you're a great big phony,
you know that?

27
00:01:41,503 --> 00:01:43,782
Your mom and I have something for you.

28
00:01:43,902 --> 00:01:46,582
Let me guess. Another
colourful box with a crank

29
00:01:46,702 --> 00:01:50,181
that I'm expected to turn until -
big shock - a jack pops out.

30
00:01:50,301 --> 00:01:55,500
And you laugh and the kids laugh and
the dog laughs and I die a little inside.

31
00:01:55,580 --> 00:01:58,300
Surprise, honey.

32
00:01:58,380 --> 00:02:00,379
A trikey!

33
00:02:00,899 --> 00:02:01,899
I think he likes it.

34
00:02:01,979 --> 00:02:06,498
When I stick this army guy with the sharp
bayonet up my nose, it tickles my brain.

35
00:02:06,578 --> 00:02:10,978
Ow! Oh. Now I don't know math.

36
00:02:12,177 --> 00:02:16,097
- Give it to me now, dammit!
- Not now, Stewie. When we get home.

37
00:02:16,097 --> 00:02:20,496
That's right. You're a big fat phony!

38
00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:26,975
What I'm about to show you is a fight scene
from Star Trek, season one, episode 18.

39
00:02:27,095 --> 00:02:31,974
I'm going to identify when it's Shatner and
when it's his stunt double, Fred Lubbins.

40
00:02:32,094 --> 00:02:33,094
Let's watch.

41
00:02:33,174 --> 00:02:36,893
That's Shatner. That's Lubbins.
That's Shatner. That's Lubbins.

42
00:02:36,893 --> 00:02:38,773
That's Shatner. That's Lubbins.

43
00:02:38,893 --> 00:02:43,692
That's Shatner, but when I freeze-frame,
you can clearly see Lubbins' coffee cup.

44
00:02:43,772 --> 00:02:46,691
- He is the biggest dork on the planet.
- Totally.

45
00:02:46,691 --> 00:02:49,891
And so, because of his
rough-and-tumble style of command,

46
00:02:49,891 --> 00:02:54,090
Captain Kirk is clearly superior
to Jean-Luc Picard.

47
00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:58,489
- Any questions? Meg?
- No. Leave me alone.

48
00:02:58,489 --> 00:03:01,369
Thank you, Neil,
for that irrelevant presentation.

49
00:03:01,489 --> 00:03:05,368
We all know Captain Picard
is the superior officer.

50
00:03:09,567 --> 00:03:13,287
- Ugh!
- Mr Lassenbee's getting arrested.

51
00:03:16,486 --> 00:03:20,685
What in God's name...? Mr Lassenbee,
what the hell's going on here?

52
00:03:20,685 --> 00:03:23,885
There's a law against teaching
the evolutionary theory

53
00:03:23,965 --> 00:03:28,164
that Gil Gerard used a time machine
and ejaculated into the primordial ooze.

54
00:03:28,284 --> 00:03:30,364
This stupid country.

55
00:03:30,484 --> 00:03:34,683
Tom Tucker, live at James Woods High
School with this sensational breaking story.

56
00:03:34,763 --> 00:03:39,482
A teacher caught molesting children...
with crackpot theories. Full story at 11.

57
00:03:39,482 --> 00:03:40,482
And out.

58
00:03:40,562 --> 00:03:43,481
Oh, my God!
That's Tom Tucker from the news.

59
00:03:43,481 --> 00:03:48,560
Hey, kids. Remember, Mr T says
"I pity the fool who does drugs. "

60
00:03:56,879 --> 00:03:59,958
- Better hurry up, Mr Tucker.
- I'm coming.

61
00:04:11,276 --> 00:04:14,556
Reports indicate she has consumed
a record amount of seamen.

62
00:04:14,676 --> 00:04:16,756
Sounds like one powerful hurricane.

63
00:04:16,876 --> 00:04:21,075
In other news, school board elections
took place last evening.

64
00:04:21,075 --> 00:04:25,274
Fred Johnson leads candidate Betsy LaFoe
by a substantial...

65
00:04:34,352 --> 00:04:37,472
Hi, Meg. You know how cute I think you are.

66
00:04:57,668 --> 00:05:01,068
...turmoil when President Bush
stuck his finger in a socket.

67
00:05:01,148 --> 00:05:02,268
Whoa!

68
00:05:02,348 --> 00:05:04,747
Yikes. Awkward.

69
00:05:04,867 --> 00:05:07,867
...that's where leprechauns
hide their gold. More at 11.

70
00:05:07,947 --> 00:05:13,266
Hey, you know who lives in this house?
A great big phony! That's right.

71
00:05:13,266 --> 00:05:17,145
A phony lives here. A big fat phony!

72
00:05:20,144 --> 00:05:23,264
I say, look at me.
I feel like a regular grease monkey.

73
00:05:23,344 --> 00:05:28,143
- Remember that time I had that Mustang?
- Oh, yeah, you took her for a spin that time.

74
00:05:28,263 --> 00:05:29,463
That was awesome.

75
00:05:29,543 --> 00:05:32,462
Those chowderheads on the corner
busted your stones.

76
00:05:32,542 --> 00:05:36,062
Hey, your sister say anything about me?

77
00:05:37,461 --> 00:05:40,861
- Oh, my God. I'm missing the news!
- We all miss The News, Meg.

78
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:44,340
But Huey Lewis needs time to create.
We have to be patient.

79
00:05:44,460 --> 00:05:48,260
And in entertainment,
Mary Tyler Moore is 64 years old today.

80
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:49,739
- Really? 64?
- Yes.

81
00:05:49,859 --> 00:05:51,939
- I thought she was dead.
- She's alive.

82
00:05:52,059 --> 00:05:53,939
Fantastic. And now this.

83
00:05:54,059 --> 00:05:58,258
Are you a student interested in
the glamorous world of unpaid internships?

84
00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:02,057
If so, you can try out for
Channel Five's young anchor programme.

85
00:06:02,137 --> 00:06:03,537
Oh, wow!

86
00:06:03,657 --> 00:06:07,056
You'll gain valuable experience,
work closely with Tom and me,

87
00:06:07,136 --> 00:06:09,336
and produce your own on-air report.

88
00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:10,456
So call us now.

89
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:11,535
Yeah!

90
00:06:22,853 --> 00:06:26,253
Question number one:
Would you consider growing a moustache?

91
00:06:26,333 --> 00:06:27,653
I guess so.

92
00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:29,852
Question two: Look at my moustache.

93
00:06:29,852 --> 00:06:32,532
Do you think it tickles women
when I kiss them?

94
00:06:32,652 --> 00:06:33,652
I don't know.

95
00:06:33,732 --> 00:06:37,451
Wrong. The answer is: Only slightly,
only slightly. Next.

96
00:06:39,051 --> 00:06:42,050
Oh, God, I can't hire any of these girls.

97
00:06:42,130 --> 00:06:45,250
They're all too pretty.
Their breasts are too perky.

98
00:06:46,249 --> 00:06:47,249
Perfect.

99
00:06:47,329 --> 00:06:49,329
Congratulations. You got the job.

100
00:06:49,449 --> 00:06:54,248
Oh, my God! Oh, thank you, thank you!
This is beyond anything I've ever dreamed of!

101
00:06:54,328 --> 00:06:57,128
You and your partner
will start tomorrow after school.

102
00:06:57,247 --> 00:07:00,247
- Great! Who's my partner?
- Hey, there, hot stuff!

103
00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:11,125
Well, well. It appears the Fates
have conspired in our favour. Eh, Meg?

104
00:07:11,245 --> 00:07:14,444
Stay away from me, Neil.
Just because we're working together

105
00:07:14,444 --> 00:07:16,644
does not mean I like you. Give it to me!

106
00:07:16,724 --> 00:07:18,644
- What's that?
- Give it to me, Neil.

107
00:07:18,724 --> 00:07:24,043
- Give it to me! Give it to me, Neil.
- Yeah. That'll work just fine.

108
00:07:24,123 --> 00:07:24,843
Ugh!

109
00:07:24,923 --> 00:07:28,042
Look who's here.
It's our bright-eyed young interns.

110
00:07:28,122 --> 00:07:31,641
- Did you two wear your eager caps?
- I sure did, Mr Tucker.

111
00:07:31,641 --> 00:07:34,441
Great. Cos you two
are gonna have so much fun!

112
00:07:34,521 --> 00:07:37,520
Don't act any cheerier.
You'll give us all diabetes.

113
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:40,320
- Bite me, Tom.
- Come on, kids.

114
00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:43,439
Here's where we produce
our celebrity interviews.

115
00:07:43,439 --> 00:07:47,119
I did one with Dustin Hoffman.
He's almost impossible to book.

116
00:07:47,239 --> 00:07:50,238
Dustin, it's been a while.
I gotta say, you look great.

117
00:07:50,318 --> 00:07:52,038
Are you trying to seduce me?

118
00:07:52,118 --> 00:07:56,317
I am not trying to seduce you,
Dustin Hoffman. You really look great.

119
00:07:56,437 --> 00:08:00,116
- Uh-oh. Twelve minutes to Wapner.
- I understand your hectic schedule.

120
00:08:00,236 --> 00:08:03,636
We appreciate you taking the time
to be with us here in the studio.

121
00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:07,315
- If there's anything I can ever do for you...
- Bring me Peter Pan!

122
00:08:07,435 --> 00:08:10,235
I'll keep my eye out for him.
Thanks, Dustin.

123
00:08:10,235 --> 00:08:12,034
He's this tall.

124
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:17,034
Can you believe it? Our little Stewie
learning to ride his first tricycle.

125
00:08:17,034 --> 00:08:21,033
This'll be more exciting than when Brian
taught me about Columbus.

126
00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:24,032
- Where are we going?
- We're going to visit the year 1492.

127
00:08:24,032 --> 00:08:26,432
That's when Columbus set sail
for the New World.

128
00:08:26,512 --> 00:08:28,712
- We're on a ship.
- This is the Santa Maria.

129
00:08:28,831 --> 00:08:31,031
Columbus took it to find a route to India.

130
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:33,511
- Any sign of India yet?
- Nothing yet.

131
00:08:33,631 --> 00:08:35,510
Columbus was going to America.

132
00:08:35,630 --> 00:08:38,230
Columbus discovered America
entirely by mistake.

133
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:39,310
Wow!

134
00:08:39,830 --> 00:08:43,309
- What are you doing? Back off, fat man.
- Hang on, Stewie.

135
00:08:43,429 --> 00:08:46,508
What the...? Hey, hey, let go.
Get your filthy paws off.

136
00:08:46,628 --> 00:08:49,708
Let go. Let go, I say. Let go. Don't let go!

137
00:08:50,708 --> 00:08:52,307
Oh, this is exhilarating.

138
00:08:52,427 --> 00:08:54,827
- Go, Stewie!
- Yay, Stewie!

139
00:08:54,907 --> 00:08:58,826
I gotta go check on dinner. You keep
taping Stewie. Don't miss a moment.

140
00:08:58,826 --> 00:09:00,906
I got it.

141
00:09:01,026 --> 00:09:03,625
Look, it's dancing with me.

142
00:09:03,625 --> 00:09:07,225
It's this incredibly benevolent force
that wants me to know

143
00:09:07,225 --> 00:09:09,624
there's no reason to be afraid.

144
00:09:09,704 --> 00:09:14,224
Sometimes there's so much beauty
in the world, it makes my heart burst.

145
00:09:14,224 --> 00:09:16,623
It's just some trash blowing in the wind!

146
00:09:16,703 --> 00:09:20,422
Do you have any idea how complicated
your circulatory system is?

147
00:09:21,822 --> 00:09:26,701
Hi, Mr Tucker. I brought you Rice Crispy
Treats. I remember you said you liked them.

148
00:09:26,821 --> 00:09:29,221
Look. This one is in the shape of a heart.

149
00:09:29,301 --> 00:09:33,220
I'm sorry, but there's a handsome man
in my spoon. Come back later.

150
00:09:34,620 --> 00:09:38,819
Oh, my God.
Meg's in love with Tom Tucker!

151
00:09:40,099 --> 00:09:43,218
Try to move in on my woman,
will you, Tom Tucker?

152
00:09:43,298 --> 00:09:46,818
No one crosses Neil Goldman
and gets away with it.

153
00:09:46,818 --> 00:09:50,417
I added something to your coffee
I don't think you're gonna like.

154
00:09:50,417 --> 00:09:54,417
- Here's your coffee, Mr Tucker.
- What the hell is in this?

155
00:09:54,497 --> 00:09:57,296
Sweet'N Low.
That's for trying to steal my woman!

156
00:09:57,416 --> 00:10:00,415
- Bring it to me with urine in it like I asked.
- Yes, sir.

157
00:10:04,215 --> 00:10:07,614
- Nice bike.
- That's the understatement of the century.

158
00:10:07,694 --> 00:10:12,293
- It's cool. Too cool for you.
- No, no. I think it's right where I'm at.

159
00:10:12,413 --> 00:10:13,493
Out of my way!

160
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:18,412
Oh, I see. Oh, yes, I suppose you do have
to ride it to truly appreciate its virtues.

161
00:10:18,492 --> 00:10:21,892
Well, then, I'll just wait
right here till you get back.

162
00:10:23,012 --> 00:10:26,691
- Where the devil is he?
- You've obviously never met a bully.

163
00:10:26,811 --> 00:10:28,091
What do you mean?

164
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:31,410
He wasn't taking it for a test ride,
he was just taking it.

165
00:10:31,410 --> 00:10:33,690
- You... you mean...?
- Mm-hm.

166
00:10:33,810 --> 00:10:37,489
He... stole... my trikey?

167
00:10:43,288 --> 00:10:46,207
Mr Tucker, has anyone
ever told you your eyes are...

168
00:10:46,207 --> 00:10:50,607
Hang on, sweetie. I've gotta call Peter
Jennings and reschedule our golf game.

169
00:11:01,805 --> 00:11:04,404
This is Peter. You know what to do.

170
00:11:04,404 --> 00:11:09,083
Mr Tucker, Miss Simmons, there's a nut on
top of Town Hall with a high-powered rifle.

171
00:11:09,203 --> 00:11:13,283
The gunman's been identified as the
Mass Media Murderer who targets the press.

172
00:11:13,403 --> 00:11:16,082
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Mass Media Murderer?

173
00:11:16,202 --> 00:11:20,801
I think this would be a fine opportunity
to give our interns real-world experience.

174
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:24,681
That means you'll get to ride
in the news chopper. I'm so jealous.

175
00:11:24,801 --> 00:11:27,880
Better put in for some new interns.
Good luck!

176
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,680
I've got Hugh Downs up here.

177
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,399
I'm gonna splatter his distinguished career
all over the pavement.

178
00:11:33,399 --> 00:11:36,279
- Hey, why me? Why the media?
- I've got my reasons.

179
00:11:36,399 --> 00:11:40,478
Dan Rather thinks he can condense
a whole day's events into a half-hour.

180
00:11:40,598 --> 00:11:43,278
Don't get me started on that arrogant jerk.

181
00:11:43,397 --> 00:11:46,677
- Really? You know him?
- I'm Hugh Downs. I know everybody.

182
00:11:46,797 --> 00:11:49,276
- In fact, he's down there.
- Where?

183
00:11:49,396 --> 00:11:53,996
Ha-ha! See ya later, sucker! And by the way,
Rather is an OK guy in small doses.

184
00:11:56,075 --> 00:11:57,995
Look how close we're getting, Meg.

185
00:11:58,995 --> 00:12:01,274
Hey! That was my lucky assassin hat!

186
00:12:03,594 --> 00:12:05,674
Mayday! Mayday! I'm going down!

187
00:12:10,473 --> 00:12:14,592
Oh, my God, we're gonna die! There's
so much of life I haven't experienced!

188
00:12:14,672 --> 00:12:18,271
I never got the chance to be some
drunk college guy's last resort!

189
00:12:18,391 --> 00:12:21,591
My years of expensive orthodontic work
will be a total waste!

190
00:12:21,671 --> 00:12:26,270
- I never even had my first kiss!
- It's not too late, Meg.

191
00:12:28,870 --> 00:12:31,069
I'm here for you.

192
00:12:33,389 --> 00:12:36,188
Time to sign off.

193
00:12:37,268 --> 00:12:39,468
Remember me, dirt bag?

194
00:13:02,984 --> 00:13:05,383
Wow! You saved
those kids' lives, Mr Downs.

195
00:13:05,463 --> 00:13:07,663
All in a day's work. If you ever need me,

196
00:13:07,783 --> 00:13:10,862
just blow this whistle,
or call John Stossel's cellphone.

197
00:13:10,982 --> 00:13:13,582
Hugh Downs away!

198
00:13:15,181 --> 00:13:18,061
Honey, thank God you're safe.
We were so worried.

199
00:13:18,181 --> 00:13:20,261
We now go to junior anchor Neil Goldman

200
00:13:20,381 --> 00:13:23,460
with exclusive footage
from today's exciting scene.

201
00:13:23,580 --> 00:13:27,379
Thank you, Diane. There may have been
some commotion on the rooftop,

202
00:13:27,459 --> 00:13:32,378
but the real story was inside the mouths
of Meg Griffin and Neil Goldman,

203
00:13:32,458 --> 00:13:35,778
where a meeting of the tongues,
a summit of saliva,

204
00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:39,457
established a new world order of love.

205
00:13:39,577 --> 00:13:40,457
Agh!

206
00:13:43,457 --> 00:13:45,856
Let's watch it one more time
in super slow-mo.

207
00:13:45,976 --> 00:13:48,976
This is where we cease to be Meg and Neil

208
00:13:49,056 --> 00:13:52,175
and begin life anew as Meil.

209
00:13:52,255 --> 00:13:54,375
Oh, my God. He put it on TV?

210
00:13:54,455 --> 00:13:57,574
Isn't that cute, Peter?
Our daughter's first love.

211
00:13:57,654 --> 00:14:03,253
I just want to kill myself! I'm going upstairs
right now and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.

212
00:14:03,373 --> 00:14:05,253
I'm allergic to peanuts!

213
00:14:06,652 --> 00:14:09,772
You don't know anything about me!

214
00:14:09,772 --> 00:14:10,972
Who was that guy?

215
00:14:12,651 --> 00:14:15,571
Constable, I'd like to report
the theft of my tricycle.

216
00:14:15,651 --> 00:14:20,770
Oh, look at the little baby.
Aren't you cute! Where's your mommy?

217
00:14:20,850 --> 00:14:23,849
How dare you condescend to me?
I demand justice!

218
00:14:23,969 --> 00:14:28,569
I'm here to turn myself in. I have
a dismembered hooker bleeding in my trunk.

219
00:14:28,649 --> 00:14:33,648
Oh, look at the little baby.
Aren't you cute! Where's your mommy?

220
00:14:44,446 --> 00:14:46,845
- Where did you get that shirt?
- From Neil.

221
00:14:46,965 --> 00:14:48,245
Hello, lover.

222
00:14:48,365 --> 00:14:52,244
Neil, what are you doing?
I'm not your lover. I don't even like you.

223
00:14:52,364 --> 00:14:56,364
Meg, I strongly suggest you hold
my hand, lest you look like a slut.

224
00:14:56,444 --> 00:14:59,963
Tell these people that there's
nothing going on between us.

225
00:14:59,963 --> 00:15:03,962
Oh, don't be afraid of the fire, Meg.
I won't let you burn.

226
00:15:05,762 --> 00:15:07,362
Al, why haven't I leaped?

227
00:15:07,442 --> 00:15:10,241
Ziggy says you can't leap
until she loves you back.

228
00:15:10,361 --> 00:15:11,641
Don't worry, I'll get her.

229
00:15:13,561 --> 00:15:16,040
What do you want to work on?
Cardio? Upper body?

230
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:19,360
Upper body. I need to get buff,
so I can get my tricycle back.

231
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:23,039
Luckily, we're running a special
for the next 17 minutes.

232
00:15:23,159 --> 00:15:26,359
OK. That's a little unusual but... OK, tell me.

233
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:30,038
The normal plan is 78 months
at 40 a month and 200 down. Watch this.

234
00:15:30,158 --> 00:15:31,638
- Forget the down.
- Yeah.

235
00:15:31,758 --> 00:15:33,557
Goodbye 40 a month, let's do 35.

236
00:15:33,637 --> 00:15:36,757
- 35. That's the cheapest?
- Yeah, hang on, hang on.

237
00:15:36,837 --> 00:15:39,156
Trace, can you bring me
some free gym bags?

238
00:15:39,236 --> 00:15:41,756
I could probably just do
some push-ups at home.

239
00:15:41,836 --> 00:15:45,155
Let's start you off with a body-fat test,
maybe a heart rate.

240
00:15:45,155 --> 00:15:48,755
You're not hearing me. I don't think
this is for me. Thanks, anyway.

241
00:15:48,835 --> 00:15:52,834
And for the future,
you came on a little strong.

242
00:15:56,953 --> 00:16:00,353
- What's going on here?
- We invited Neil's family over for dinner.

243
00:16:00,433 --> 00:16:01,552
- Hi.
- Hello.

244
00:16:01,632 --> 00:16:03,832
- You what?!
- To get to know 'em better.

245
00:16:03,952 --> 00:16:06,152
Seeing as you two
will one day bless our home

246
00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:09,231
with the pitter-patter
of grandchildren as ugly as sin.

247
00:16:09,351 --> 00:16:12,430
Meg, you never told me your mother
was such a stone-cold fox.

248
00:16:12,550 --> 00:16:16,150
- Now I see where you get it.
- Meg, he's so charming.

249
00:16:16,150 --> 00:16:18,030
My name is Chris.

250
00:16:18,149 --> 00:16:22,749
I'm supposed to be on my best behaviour
tonight and not mention poo.

251
00:16:22,829 --> 00:16:25,228
Oh, God, what have I done?!

252
00:16:25,348 --> 00:16:27,428
Well, let's eat.

253
00:16:27,548 --> 00:16:31,547
I think it's very, very nice that our children
had this wonderful kiss.

254
00:16:31,627 --> 00:16:35,826
I remember when Muriel and I had
our first kiss, and it was just awful.

255
00:16:35,946 --> 00:16:40,546
Oh, just awful. We were both very sick.
Weren't we, dear?

256
00:16:40,626 --> 00:16:42,545
Ugh, we were terribly sick.

257
00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:47,224
We were both 14 and it was winter
and we had terrible head colds.

258
00:16:47,344 --> 00:16:52,543
Mine especially was very bad. I had terrible
mucus coming out from inside my nose.

259
00:16:52,623 --> 00:16:55,543
And the other children,
they were very nasty to me.

260
00:16:55,623 --> 00:16:57,743
They said bad, hurtful things to me.

261
00:16:57,823 --> 00:16:59,422
They called me Tasty Cakes,

262
00:16:59,542 --> 00:17:03,142
and they would beat me
and stick pine cones in my ass.

263
00:17:03,222 --> 00:17:07,141
- Those were very bad times.
- I'm sorry to hear that.

264
00:17:07,221 --> 00:17:08,941
Thank you very much.

265
00:17:08,941 --> 00:17:11,220
Excuse me. I'm gonna go throw up.

266
00:17:11,340 --> 00:17:13,820
Please flush the toilet twice.

267
00:17:13,940 --> 00:17:18,339
Once for the bulk, and again for the
remainder. Thank you. Oh, she's a dear.

268
00:17:21,418 --> 00:17:23,738
You're blocking my light, you stupid baby!

269
00:17:23,818 --> 00:17:26,618
My hooligan friend,
I've been racking my brain

270
00:17:26,738 --> 00:17:29,737
in a fruitless attempt
to resolve our unpleasantness.

271
00:17:29,817 --> 00:17:34,736
But then it dawned on me. Your cruelty
merely stems from a deep-seated inner pain.

272
00:17:34,816 --> 00:17:37,816
The obvious remedy
is a healthy dose of outer pain!

273
00:17:41,535 --> 00:17:45,934
Children washing cars to raise money
for charity. Is anything more arousing?

274
00:17:45,934 --> 00:17:51,733
We go to Meg Griffin for a special Channel
Five junior anchor segment on the moon.

275
00:17:51,813 --> 00:17:56,732
The moon. There's a reason
no one goes there. It's cold, and it's ugly.

276
00:17:56,812 --> 00:17:59,932
Its surface is plagued
with craters and jagged peaks.

277
00:17:59,932 --> 00:18:04,811
Oh, wait! That's not the moon.
It's Neil Goldman's face.

278
00:18:04,931 --> 00:18:08,330
Recently, many of you saw me
kissing this freak of nature.

279
00:18:08,410 --> 00:18:11,530
If I wasn't seconds away from death,
I wouldn't have done it.

280
00:18:11,530 --> 00:18:15,809
I mean, who in their right mind would?
I went to the streets to find out.

281
00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:17,409
Would you kiss this guy?

282
00:18:17,529 --> 00:18:19,328
- Ugh! No!
- No way!

283
00:18:19,408 --> 00:18:21,328
- No!
- No!

284
00:18:21,408 --> 00:18:24,207
Oh, God, no!
What's the matter with you? Oh!

285
00:18:24,327 --> 00:18:26,927
It's official. Neil Goldman isn't kissable.

286
00:18:27,007 --> 00:18:30,526
Hear that, Neil? I don't like you.
I never will! Back to you, Tom.

287
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:34,206
Thank you, Meg. I guess beggars
can be choosers. And now this.

288
00:18:36,205 --> 00:18:40,925
- Well, well. Isn't this a darling picture!
- Let me go, man!

289
00:18:40,925 --> 00:18:43,204
- How old are you, Charlie?
- Seven.

290
00:18:43,324 --> 00:18:46,604
Seven? Well, my, my.
You're practically a lady.

291
00:18:46,724 --> 00:18:49,523
Ironic that your fate
is in the hands of an infant.

292
00:18:49,523 --> 00:18:53,522
- Now tell me where my tricycle is!
- I don't know. I lost it.

293
00:18:53,602 --> 00:18:57,122
- Agh!
- I have other ways of obtaining the truth.

294
00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:00,601
No! Don't!

295
00:19:01,201 --> 00:19:05,120
- Stewie? Look what I found.
- My trikey!

296
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:08,200
- What's going on down here?
- We're playing house.

297
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,319
That boy is all tied up.

298
00:19:11,519 --> 00:19:13,199
Roman Polanski's house.

299
00:19:14,599 --> 00:19:18,918
Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker.
Our top story: The president has been shot.

300
00:19:18,998 --> 00:19:22,317
Tragedy strikes the nation.
The president has been shot.

301
00:19:22,397 --> 00:19:25,597
Why's the president in this casket?
We'll tell you.

302
00:19:25,717 --> 00:19:29,116
- Nice job on that report last night.
- Wow! Thanks, Mr Tucker.

303
00:19:29,196 --> 00:19:32,116
That means so much coming
from someone so handsome.

304
00:19:32,196 --> 00:19:37,395
- How'd you like to pick up my dry-cleaning?
- Sure. But isn't that Neil's job?

305
00:19:37,515 --> 00:19:40,314
- Little jerk hasn't been in all day.
- He hasn't?

306
00:19:40,314 --> 00:19:43,994
A breaking story! A geek is on top of
Town Hall! He's about to jump!

307
00:19:45,513 --> 00:19:48,193
- Oh, my God! Neil!
- Is it Neil?

308
00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:50,512
I've been calling him Ned all week.

309
00:19:51,712 --> 00:19:53,712
Oh, my God! Neil, please don't jump.

310
00:19:53,792 --> 00:19:58,911
I was just a piece of eye candy
that she turned into an all-day sucker.

311
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:07,109
Mr Tucker! Thank God you're here!
Someone's got to do something! He'll fall!

312
00:20:07,109 --> 00:20:12,509
I'm on it. Have that cartoon sound-effect
guy cue up the...

313
00:20:12,589 --> 00:20:14,588
Top it off with a...

314
00:20:14,708 --> 00:20:18,587
And if there's time, be ready with a...
"Wah, wah, wah, wah.

315
00:20:18,707 --> 00:20:21,187
You don't care about him at all, do you?

316
00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:25,106
All you care about are your stupid ratings!
You're a horrible man!

317
00:20:25,186 --> 00:20:27,706
- Neil, I'm sorry!
- Meg?

318
00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:32,505
- There he goes!
- Good stuff, good stuff, good stuff!

319
00:20:32,585 --> 00:20:35,105
Neil!

320
00:20:35,185 --> 00:20:39,304
- Meg! You do care!
- Don't read too much into this, Neil.

321
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:42,903
It's hard not to when I'm lying
right on top of you.

322
00:20:42,983 --> 00:20:47,382
Just because you're repulsive and
the most annoying person on the planet,

323
00:20:47,502 --> 00:20:51,582
and I'm not the only one who thinks so,
doesn't mean I want you to kill yourself.

324
00:20:51,702 --> 00:20:55,181
Thanks, Meg. But I was never
really planning to jump.

325
00:20:55,301 --> 00:20:57,901
Wasn't gonna jump? You're a phony!

326
00:20:57,981 --> 00:21:01,500
Hey, everybody!
This guy's a great big phony!

327
00:21:26,976 --> 00:21:29,575
Visiontext Subtitles: Yasmin Rammohan

