1
00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:07,700
Where's Brian? Breakfast is getting cold.

2
00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:12,100
In tonight's episode, the part of Brian
the dog will be played by Carter Banks. 

3
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:14,900
- Here I am. Sorry, I...
- Camera two.

4
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,400
- Sorry, I overslept.
- Yes, well, do you want breakfast?

5
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:21,600
Or would you rather
chew on your own ass, as usual?

6
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:27,900
Well, I'm... I'm sure
you have something to say to that, hm?

7
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:37,300
Oh. Oh, God, sorry. Can you give me the line
again? Not the whole line, just the end of it.

8
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:41,100
Oh! Let's cut. All right,
you're sleeping with which producer?

9
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:44,300
God, as soon as my movie deal
kicks in, I am such a ghost!

10
00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:48,300
It seems today that all you see

11
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:51,600
Is violence in movies and sex on TV

12
00:00:51,700 --> 00:00:55,200
But where are those
good old-fashioned values

13
00:00:55,300 --> 00:00:57,800
On which we used to rely?

14
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:01,600
Lucky there's a family guy

15
00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:06,500
Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

16
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,200
Laugh and cry

17
00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:13,500
He's a family guy!

18
00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:17,500
Peter, take off your blindfold.
We're almost there.

19
00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:20,100
Not yet. I don't wanna
ruin my birthday surprise.

20
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,200
Then at least let me drive!

21
00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:25,900
You know it's illegal for women to drive.

22
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,500
A woman driving! That's adorable.

23
00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:33,100
Peter, I don't think...
Peter, please, I'm begging you, stop the car!

24
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:37,000
Oh, we're here. Thank God.

25
00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:38,500
Whoo!

26
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:44,100
Bob's Funland and Putt Putt Golf! The
grown-up in me likes the prospect of fun.

27
00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:48,100
But the kid in me is suicidal
over what a fat bastard I'll become.

28
00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:55,600
- Happy birthday!
- I can't believe it! Quagmire, Cleveland, Joe!

29
00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:58,800
- Who are you?
- The guy whose car you just slammed into!

30
00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:00,700
Lois, you invited everyone!

31
00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:08,200
Excuse me, excuse me. My friend is
differently-abled. May he go ahead of you?

32
00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:10,100
Of course.

33
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,800
Frontsies, backsies, backsies, backsies.

34
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:18,200
Well, hello! You must be
this beautiful to ride the Quagmire.

35
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:23,100
- Careful, Joe.
- Kiss off! Yeah!

36
00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:30,000
Your father! Sometimes I don't think he'll
be happy until he's completely paralysed.

37
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:37,800
Ooh! How deliciously evil-Iooking.
It's like something out of Stephen King.

38
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,800
OK, for my 307th book,

39
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:46,400
uh, this couple is attacked by a... a...

40
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,500
A lamp monster! Ooh! Ooooh!

41
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,500
You're not even trying any more, are you?

42
00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:55,600
When can I have it?

43
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,500
A lot.

44
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:12,700
A 10-gauge. I've never handled
one of these before.

45
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:15,100
Agh!

46
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,800
Ah! Yes!

47
00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:20,800
This is my rifle, this is my gun
This is for fighting, this is for fun

48
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:28,700
Oh, dang. Now I hate windmills even more.

49
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:32,300
Let me give you a tip, pally.
The shortest distance between two points

50
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:35,800
is the full-body-English
high-arcing rainbow shot.

51
00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:45,900
I know what you're thinkin'.

52
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,800
Sir, I'm gonna have to ask
you and your party to leave.

53
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:54,000
You've caused nothing but trouble.

54
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:58,600
Perhaps we should just continue the party
at some other type of location.

55
00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:02,400
No, no, no, wait. I know this guy.
We went to high school together.

56
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:04,100
- We did?
- Yeah.

57
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,200
He was a loser then, and he's a loser now.

58
00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:08,300
Oh, we used to kid this guy all the time.

59
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:13,200
Bob misses his mommy!
Bob misses his mommy!

60
00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:20,800
So we're not goin' just cos some little pissant
tells us to. I demand to see the owner.

61
00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:23,000
That's me. I'm Bob Funland.

62
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:25,700
Wha... You own this whole place?!

63
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:30,600
That's right. This place is my legacy. So
what have you done with your life, you jerk?

64
00:04:30,700 --> 00:04:32,700
Uh... Uh...

65
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:38,000
I'm Neptune, god of the sea!
I sink ships and conjure up storms!

66
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:41,200
No, you're not. I am.
And you know nothing of my work.

67
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:48,100
Look at this, Lois. See, right here.
I was voted Most Likely to Succeed.

68
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:52,500
Peter, that's not you. That's not even
a yearbook, it's a People Magazine. 

69
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:55,500
Oh. I wondered why they had
the wrong picture and name.

70
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:58,000
Can't we just enjoy the rest of your birthday?

71
00:04:58,100 --> 00:05:02,000
Look. It says
"Happy birthday, Daddy. Love, Stewie."

72
00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:04,100
Let me see that!

73
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:08,300
Did you forge my name?! Oh, is that
backward "S" supposed to be cute?

74
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,500
I'm going to crap double for you tonight!

75
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:14,200
Face it, Lois, I'm a nobody.
Why can't I be famous like Bob?

76
00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:16,300
Or my cousin, Kathy Griffin?

77
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,400
Then I got on Suddenly Susan, 
and that was, like, really cool.

78
00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:22,800
I still do stand-up, people laugh
and give me money, that's also cool.

79
00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:25,400
Isn't this great, catching up? Anyway...

80
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:29,100
- She's still talking.
- I don't get it. I poured it in her drink.

81
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,900
...name was Steve Rock.
First black I ever did it with.

82
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,900
- Oh, boy.
- "Never go back." But I went everywhere.

83
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:38,900
Don't be depressed, Dad.
Here, I made you a present.

84
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,300
My God! It's... good. Really good.

85
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:47,400
It's partly an expression of my teenage angst,
but mostly it's a moo-cow.

86
00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:51,300
It's lovely, Chris.
Go ahead, Peter, make a wish.

87
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,000
I'd sell my soul to be famous!

88
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,400
Hup. I got a live one. Peter Griffin.

89
00:05:57,500 --> 00:06:01,500
Ooh, sorry, chief. Seems he already
sold his soul in 1976 for Bee Gees tickets.

90
00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:04,600
Oh, and again in 1981 for half a Mallomar.

91
00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:07,300
Aw, heck! Where's a lawyer when I need one?

92
00:06:10,300 --> 00:06:13,400
Don't forget this.
Maybe you could hang it in your office.

93
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:16,800
Son, I'll put it someplace
where everyone can see it.

94
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:26,700
Excuse me. I'll give you $1,000
for what you have in the back there.

95
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,700
$1,000 for a bumper sticker?

96
00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:35,000
No, no, no. I mean that painting.
I must have it for my gallery in SoHo.

97
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,900
- I'll give you $5,000. What do you say?
- I say...

98
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:42,800
I love you, you freakin' son of mine! I got
5,000 bucks for that painting you made me!

99
00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:45,200
But I painted that just for you.

100
00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:49,400
Don't feel bad, Chris. I didn't even want it.
Now we all get a free trip to New York

101
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,900
cos Mr Monatti thinks
you could be a famous artist.

102
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,800
- Monatti? Antonio Monatti?
- You've heard of this man?

103
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:58,500
Oh, oh, oh! He's only
the biggest art dealer in New York!

104
00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,500
I met him when I was hanging out
with Andy Warhol in the '70s.

105
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,500
Peter, we are not going to New York.

106
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,500
Lois, our son has been
blessed with a great gift,

107
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:20,500
and I'm gonna do everything I can
to nurture that talent and help him succeed.

108
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:23,600
Then I'll use him to live out
all my frustrated hopes and dreams,

109
00:07:23,700 --> 00:07:26,600
because that's good parenting,
right, Bing Crosby?

110
00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:29,100
Right, Peter.
And if your kids give you any lip,

111
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,600
you can beat 'em with
a sack of sweet Valencia oranges.

112
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:37,200
They won't leave a bruise, and they'll let 'em
know who's boss. There's no doubt about it.

113
00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:40,500
- But that doesn't sound right.
- Are you givin' me lip, boy?

114
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:45,100
I'll take this belt off and put the smack-down
on you. Is that what you want? Huh?

115
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,500
- Hey! Hey! What... Ow! Knock it off!
- Huh?

116
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,300
- Like that, huh?
- Get away from me, you dead crooner.

117
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:06,000
Hi, this is David Leisure. You probably
remember me as the neighbour

118
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,300
from TV's "Empty Nest". 

119
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:12,500
No? Well, how about those car commercials
when I played Joe Isuzu? 

120
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,600
The... the guy who lied? 

121
00:08:14,700 --> 00:08:18,700
Oh, come on! Those were really popular. 
They ran all the time. 

122
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,500
All right, look. Just buckle up. 
Can I get my cheque now? 

123
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:26,900
Oh, kids, look at that man over there, grabbin'
his own crotch. Oh! So alive, this city!

124
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,500
- Look! Central Park!
- There's the Empire State Building!

125
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:37,100
- There's a hot-dog cart!
- Chris, don't spoil your appetite.

126
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:41,500
New York has some of the best restaurants in
the world. They even have Indian food here.

127
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,600
Not the "ub-ub" kind, the "mm-mm" kind.

128
00:08:43,700 --> 00:08:46,100
- Welcome to the Big Apple, fella.
- Just make sure

129
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:49,000
there's a Wall Street Journal
by the changing table.

130
00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:51,200
And send a masseuse up. Legitimate!

131
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,500
Hey, waiter. The name's Peter Griffin.

132
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,100
My son's gonna be the best thing
to happen to New York

133
00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:01,000
since Mayor Giuliani
had all the homeless secretly killed.

134
00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:03,100
And all I gotta do is paint!

135
00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:07,200
Hey, you guys have any bellhops
that are rats, like the Muppets?

136
00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:10,000
Mom, can we go
see a Broadway play tonight?

137
00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:13,000
Count me out. I'm never going
to the theatre with Peter again.

138
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,000
Remember when you were younger,

139
00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:20,600
Uncle Vanya used to spend whole nights
translating books for you.

140
00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:25,400
Uncle Vanya and I worked without rest,
afraid to spend a kopeck on ourselves.

141
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:31,500
What the hell is this?
For cryin' out loud, somebody throw a pie!

142
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:36,600
Screw the theatre. Mr Monatti invited us to a
cocktail party so Chris can meet some artists.

143
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:40,900
It's at the Museum of Modern Art. Oh, God.
I hope that's not some kind of museum.

144
00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:51,300
- Mapplethorpe? Not just photography?
- Oh, no. Early on he did caricatures.

145
00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,300
Uh, OK, Tim.
Who's your favourite sports star?

146
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,600
- Uh, Reggie Jackson.
- OK.

147
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,100
I'll draw him pooping
on your chest. What number is he?

148
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:03,000
Welcome. Chris, there are a number
of artists here I'd like you to meet.

149
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:05,200
Hey, hey, hey. Let's talk turkey, Monatti.

150
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:08,200
We've been here all day,
and Chris isn't a famous artist yet.

151
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,800
Creating art takes
a lot of training and technique.

152
00:10:10,900 --> 00:10:13,900
- All the great artists I knew took classes.
- Even Walt Disney?

153
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:20,100
Do I... do I have to?

154
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,600
You want to be a star, don't you?
Then take it off!

155
00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:26,100
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's nice.

156
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,600
Art school? We don't have that kind of time.
Chris, give me your ear.

157
00:10:29,700 --> 00:10:32,100
- Peter!
- Mr Griffin, please.

158
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:36,200
Please, I invited you so that Chris could
make an impression on the art community.

159
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:40,800
Why not do some sightseeing? If you leave
Chris in my hands, the name Griffin

160
00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:43,300
- Will be as well-known as Kandinsky.
- Who?

161
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:44,400
- Rembrandt?
- Who?

162
00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:45,500
- Da Vinci?
- Who?

163
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:46,800
- Bazooka Joe?
- There you go.

164
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:54,000
Ah, the United Nations!
Oh, I wish Chris could see this.

165
00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:57,800
Isn't it inspiring how so many
different cultures can come together?

166
00:10:57,900 --> 00:11:00,400
Yeah, and use up
all the towels in the men's room.

167
00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:04,100
- Peter!
- Sorry.

168
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:11,200
- These things never get 'em completely dry.
- Where's Stewie?

169
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:17,700
Hm! Hidden missile silos
behind the Great Wall.

170
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,300
Ancient Chinese secret, huh?

171
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,700
Mr Monatti, shouldn't I be painting now?

172
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:27,700
Trust me, painting is the least important
thing about being a successful artist.

173
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,700
You need an image!
Let's take this Rhode Island lump of clay

174
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:35,100
- And turn it into the toast of New York!
- Ha, ha, ha! I love toast!

175
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:39,400
- Cut it and tint it green, the colour of money.
- And boogers!

176
00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:44,000
I feel we've been walkin' in circles.

177
00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:47,700
I don't know how you can find anything
in this city. It's so confusing.

178
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:51,600
Well, I bet if Hillary Clinton
becomes senator, she'll straighten it out.

179
00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:53,900
Even though she couldn't straighten out Bill.

180
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,600
Ha, ha, ha!
I love when you use topical humour.

181
00:11:57,700 --> 00:11:59,700
It's just like watching Murphy Brown. 

182
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:03,300
Hey, Murphy. Blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, John Sununu.

183
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,300
Murphy. Blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, Tipper Gore.

184
00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:14,000
Hey, Murph. You can't blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah the Ayatollah.

185
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,700
Blah, blah, blah,
Bishop Desmond Tutu. Blah, blah.

186
00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:22,500
Shouldn't my mom and dad be here by now?

187
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:27,300
They'd rather wander through SoHo,
looking for an address that doesn't exist.

188
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:31,100
Ha, ha, ha! That's my dad!
Well, maybe tomorrow, we could all...

189
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:34,200
- Oh, there's Kate Moss.
- Where? I don't see her.

190
00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:38,500
Agh! Are you the Matrix?

191
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:42,800
- Kate, this is my new discovery, Christobel.
- My name's Chris.

192
00:12:42,900 --> 00:12:46,100
Not any more. Christobel
will look better in Interview magazine.

193
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,700
Nice to meet you. I love artists.

194
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:50,700
Whoops! A crack in the floor.

195
00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:56,500
- Lois. Gimme a penny,
- You're not gonna throw it over the edge?

196
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:57,900
No. Yes.

197
00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:11,900
I've just scheduled your first exhibit!

198
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,400
Wow! I can't wait to tell my dad.

199
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:17,700
Yes. I know how important
your success is to your father.

200
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:20,800
That's why he'll understand
that you can never see him again.

201
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:23,300
Yeah. Of course he will. Dad's very...

202
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,500
Whaaaat?

203
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:29,400
Christobel, the art world
is a place of culture and breeding.

204
00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:33,600
Your father is, uh...
How can I say this without upsetting you?

205
00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:36,700
- Your dad is a pig!
- Ah! Ha, ha, ha!

206
00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:42,900
So, you see, it's up to you, son. If you don't
wanna disappoint your father, keep him away.

207
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:47,000
There's my boy! Hey, come on, Chris.
Let's go to Barneys and fart in the suits.

208
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:49,700
All right, Dad! I... Oh.

209
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:55,100
- I mean, uh... I can't see you any more.
- What are you talkin' about? You're my son.

210
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:59,300
Mr Griffin, he's going to be a great artist.
He now belongs to the public.

211
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,900
And apparently, I'm dating Kate Moss.

212
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:06,100
Oh, and, um, don't say anything bad
about her, cos she might be here right now.

213
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,300
Wait a minute! You can't...
you can't just push me aside.

214
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:11,200
I made you! And I can destroy you!

215
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:14,600
Damn, they musta put it in the wrong baby.

216
00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:17,600
Oh, Bobby Williams,
I'd love to go out with you.

217
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:27,700
I can't believe Chris. If I hadn't used
his painting to patch that window,

218
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:31,200
- He'd still be in that dump in Quahog.
- That "dump" is our home.

219
00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:33,800
"Dump"? Oh, so now
you're too good for us, too?

220
00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:37,900
This is a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity for Chris, not you.

221
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:41,300
- Are you so selfish you can't see that?
- Yes, I am.

222
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,300
Peter, your son is using
his talents to pursue his dream.

223
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,100
I have no son. Except for Stewie.

224
00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:51,100
- And Meg!
- Aah!

225
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,400
I had a dream

226
00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:56,200
It's all about you

227
00:14:56,300 --> 00:14:58,300
Meg Griffin

228
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:01,200
Not much you can do

229
00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:03,800
Meg Griffin

230
00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:08,000
You can't dance, you can't sing

231
00:15:08,100 --> 00:15:11,600
No, you pretty much can't do a thing

232
00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:15,200
Never fear, Daddy's here

233
00:15:15,300 --> 00:15:21,000
Honey, you're gonna
make our name famous

234
00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:27,400
You'll be larger than life

235
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:30,600
I'll be proud you fell out of my wife

236
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:34,500
You'll be known far and wide

237
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:38,100
Like that princess who died

238
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:41,100
I'm gonna make you famous

239
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,600
Wait and see

240
00:15:44,700 --> 00:15:48,700
Honey, I'm gonna do this for you

241
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:54,500
But it's really for meee...

242
00:15:56,700 --> 00:16:04,600
...eeee!

243
00:16:04,700 --> 00:16:07,700
Fine. If Chris doesn't need me,
I don't need him.

244
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,900
You'll love being famous, Meg,
and this is the town to do it in.

245
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,100
I don't know, Dad. What am I gonna do?

246
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:17,700
Everybody's good at somethin'. It's just a
matter of findin' the special hidden talent.

247
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:22,600
But promise me, when you make it big,
you'll let me take advantage of all the...

248
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:40,700
I can't think of anything.
I guess I don't have any talent.

249
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,800
Come on, think harder!
There's gotta be somethin' you can do.

250
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,400
- That's amazing!
- Oh, thanks.

251
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,800
I roomed with Scott Hamilton at prep school.

252
00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:57,200
- Nothing happened.
- No, the bird came when Meg whistled.

253
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:59,200
Oh. No, those are just my bird calls.

254
00:16:59,300 --> 00:17:01,700
Do it again! Do it again!

255
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:08,300
Yeah? Well, what d'you want?

256
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,600
- Uh...
- You called me, right?

257
00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:12,800
Oh, no, no. I wasn't calling you.

258
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,400
Oh, oh, this is funny to you? Yeah?

259
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:20,100
You know what a pain in the ass it is
to get across town, this time of day? Huh?

260
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,000
Listen, uh, mister,
we don't want any trouble here.

261
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:26,000
I don't fly, you know.
I take the subway like everybody else.

262
00:17:26,100 --> 00:17:30,100
Oh, and people don't stare.
You make me puke. Bitch.

263
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:36,400
Mr Monatti, I don't feel like painting.
I wanna see my dad.

264
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:40,900
Listen, Christobel. I've sunk $5,000
turning you into a New York bohemian.

265
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,600
All you have to do is paint. Now get busy!

266
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,800
I have to go oil up and start squeezing
into my leather pants. Excuse me.

267
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:49,700
Oh, jeez. Kate, what should I do?

268
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:54,000
I don't know. You're the flavour of the month.
Oops! Window open.

269
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,600
- I'm goin' over there. I'm gonna...
- No, no.

270
00:18:06,700 --> 00:18:10,200
- I'm gonna go over there and punch her.
- No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.

271
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,700
This is humiliating!

272
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,600
It's show business, baby.
You gotta start somewhere.

273
00:18:16,700 --> 00:18:18,900
No, I don't. I quit.

274
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:22,700
Now, wait just a minute, young lady.
Don't you walk away from me.

275
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,000
Hey! Hey! Don't you start runnin'!

276
00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:27,700
Wait! Meg! Meg, get off that bus.

277
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,000
Don't... don't you go to LaGuardia!

278
00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:33,600
Meg? Meg, listen to me.
Don't you dare get on that plane.

279
00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:37,800
Don't shell out five bucks for headphones
for Magnolia.  OK. Now, I'm pissed.

280
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,500
- Well, thank God that's over.
- Yeah.

281
00:18:41,100 --> 00:18:45,800
- Wanna go crap on the Statue of Liberty?
- I've lived my life here and never been there.

282
00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:49,300
- I've never been to the Empire State Building.
- Boy, we're a pair.

283
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,600
- Aren't we?
- Unbelievable. Let's go.

284
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,500
- Chris!
- Hey! You guys made it!

285
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,400
Of course! We wouldn't miss your big day.

286
00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:12,000
Wait a second. I don't see any strippers
passing out free tacos. Lois, you lied to me!

287
00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:15,800
- Is Dad mad at me?
- Oh, he just doesn't understand.

288
00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:18,800
I know artists have to make sacrifices, and...

289
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,000
Oh, my God! Are you Kate Moss?

290
00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:26,500
Oh, for someone with no breasts, you've
done very well for yourself. Good for you!

291
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:33,400
1541.
Michelangelo unveils the Sistine Chapel.

292
00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:38,100
1886. Seurat completes La Grand-Jatte. 

293
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:44,000
1940. Georgia O'Keeffe paints a lot of flowers
that look suspiciously like vaginas.

294
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:48,000
But in the new millennium,
there is only Christobel!

295
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:55,300
- Hey, that's not art. Amateur!
- How jejune!

296
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:59,000
Hey, that's my dad. Except for that one.

297
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,000
That's my dad if he were a cat.

298
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:03,400
He's the whole reason I'm here.

299
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:06,900
Ladies and gentlemen,
I apologise for these eyesores.

300
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:11,100
I guess I was wrong about you.
You're no artist. You're just a no-talent punk.

301
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:15,400
Now hold on a second. You can talk
to my daughter that way, but not my son.

302
00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:17,700
- Now, apologise.
- The hell I will.

303
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,800
You owe me for all that money
I invested in your worthless son.

304
00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:24,000
All right. Well, here's
a little something in return.

305
00:20:24,100 --> 00:20:27,700
Work of art? Or container
of crazy purple knockout gas?

306
00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:48,900
Dad, I'm sorry I'm not gonna be
a famous artist you can mooch off of.

307
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,100
And I'm sorry I have no talent.

308
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:55,300
Ah, that's OK, kids. So I don't have
my name on an amusement park,

309
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,600
and maybe I'll never be famous.

310
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,600
But I got three wonderful children,
and a wife that loves me.

311
00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:04,400
That's right. I guess when it comes
right down to it, you're a pretty lucky...

312
00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:07,500
Oh, my sentiments exactly.

313
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,200
Come on, Griffins. Let's go home.

314
00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:12,200
Hey, watch where you're goin'.

315
00:21:14,500 --> 00:21:17,000
This child is beautiful. I must have him.

316
00:21:17,100 --> 00:21:20,400
You mean like Gina Gershon beautiful,
or beautiful beautiful?

317
00:21:20,500 --> 00:21:23,400
Peter, this is heterosexual
fashion designer Calvin Klein.

318
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:27,900
I've been looking everywhere for
a face to launch my new line of diapers.

319
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,000
And I think I've found it.

320
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:35,300
Well, Bob Funland may have his name
on the sign, but only a Griffin has this.

321
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,700
Ooh! Yeah!

322
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,300
Workin' it, make me want it. Yeah!

323
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:46,500
Mm, baby! I'm gonna sex you up, baby.

324
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:52,700
I'm going to sex you up so crazy, yeah!
Oh, you're loving this, aren't you?

325
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,300
Visiontext Subtitles: Yasmeen Khan

326
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,500
ENGLISH SDH



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