1
00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:10,900
All right, we're gonna use a fan brush here.
I want you to take some hunter green,

2
00:00:10,900 --> 00:00:14,500
and we're gonna put a happy little bush
down here in the corner.

3
00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:17,200
And that'll just be our little secret.

4
00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:20,500
And if you tell anyone
that that bush is there...

5
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:23,600
I will come to your house and I will cut you.

6
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:28,200
Aw, jeez. Mine doesn't look
anything like his. Ah, the hell with it.

7
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,800
It seems today that all you see

8
00:00:37,900 --> 00:00:41,200
Is violence in movies and sex on TV

9
00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:44,800
But where are those
good old-fashioned values

10
00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:46,900
On which we used to rely?

11
00:00:47,900 --> 00:00:51,100
Lucky there's a family guy

12
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:56,100
Lucky there's a man who positively
can do all the things that make us

13
00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,800
Laugh and cry

14
00:00:57,900 --> 00:01:03,100
He's a family guy

15
00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:17,400
Ha! Boy, you throw like a fishwife.
Come on, ya hairy, lubbin', friggin' rod.

16
00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:20,700
Chris, are you gonna take that
from a fisherman?

17
00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:23,000
No way!

18
00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:25,300
Argh!

19
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:28,400
Argh! Oh, for the love of Pete! Oh!

20
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:35,800
- I'm good.
- Oh, how fun. And it's for a good cause.

21
00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:39,900
All the money goes to the families
of fishermen who've been eaten by sharks.

22
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:44,000
Ladies and gentlemen,
the mayor of Quahog, Adam West.

23
00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:47,600
Thank you. Thank you very much.

24
00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:50,400
Thank you. Thank you.

25
00:01:50,900 --> 00:01:53,700
Thank you. Mm. Thank you.

26
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:55,100
Thank you.

27
00:01:55,100 --> 00:02:01,400
It was 360 years ago that Quahog founder
Miles "Chatterbox" Musket set sail

28
00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:04,100
for the new colony of Rhode Island.

29
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:08,500
You know what I'm gonna do when we get
to shore? First, I'm gonna have a snack.

30
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:11,100
No, no, no. Shower first, snack second.

31
00:02:11,100 --> 00:02:14,200
I hope I see Indians!
Think they'll have American cheese?

32
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:19,100
Ever the free thinker, Miles was
thrown overboard for speaking his mind.

33
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:21,600
He was as good as dead. 

34
00:02:21,700 --> 00:02:25,400
But, as legend has it, 
he was saved by a magic clam, 

35
00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:29,600
who brought him to shore
and shared the vision of a new colony, 

36
00:02:29,700 --> 00:02:32,500
which would be called Quahog. 

37
00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:37,500
There are fields for tilling, woods for timber,
and always the bounty of the sea.

38
00:02:37,500 --> 00:02:41,000
Look at all this sand! Do you know
there are beaches with black sand?

39
00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:44,600
- Did I not pack my towel?
- Are you listening? I'm trying to help.

40
00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:47,900
And help he did. 
Thanks to the clam's leadership, 

41
00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:51,400
Quahog became a great
and prosperous settlement. 

42
00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:54,900
But relations between Miles
and the clam soon soured. 

43
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,000
I know he's an Indian,
but what kind of a name is Squanto?

44
00:02:58,100 --> 00:03:02,200
- Leslie or something like that would be nice.
- Shut up! Just shut up!

45
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:05,700
God! Keep it to yourself once in a while! Oh!

46
00:03:05,700 --> 00:03:09,300
Here, look what I'm doing.
All right? Look, watch this.

47
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,900
Huh? Look. See that, see that?

48
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,200
Now try it with me. Huh? OK? OK?

49
00:03:18,700 --> 00:03:24,300
Things only got worse. Before long, 
Miles began to contemplate killing the clam. 

50
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,000
I was awake last night, Miles.

51
00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:33,900
I saw you.

52
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,800
I think it's time for me to go.

53
00:03:39,900 --> 00:03:41,900
I'll send for my things.

54
00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:47,600
Wait! Don't go! I'm sorry!

55
00:03:50,900 --> 00:03:54,100
Miles never spoke again.
But every year until his death -

56
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:58,200
from a combination of tuberculosis
and a tomahawk to the head -

57
00:03:58,300 --> 00:04:04,000
he went to the shore on this day
in hopes that the magic clam would return.

58
00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:07,400
Today we citizens of Quahog
continue this tradition.

59
00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:11,100
What's that? Something out at sea?

60
00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:15,200
Clam ho-o-o-o!

61
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,400
They're giving your cue, Peter.

62
00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:21,500
Whose idea was it to make
the suit out of foam rubber?

63
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:25,900
It's such an honour to play the magic clam.
Aren't you proud of your dad, kids?

64
00:04:25,900 --> 00:04:29,800
Are you kidding? God, this is worse
than having Ronald McDonald for a father.

65
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:33,500
- Bye, Dad! Don't wait up!
- Whoa!

66
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:36,900
Come back here. You're not going out
with all that make-up on.

67
00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:39,100
- But, Dad...
- Upstairs!

68
00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:41,400
You're a McDonald, not a whore.

69
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,600
I think I got a wave here!

70
00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:55,000
Huh. So that's what Peter's penis looks like.

71
00:04:55,500 --> 00:05:00,000
How could you embarrass me?! Nobody
better pull this crap at my slumber party.

72
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:03,500
Don't worry. You and your friends
are gonna have a great time.

73
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:05,900
Yes, yes, how delightful it will be.

74
00:05:05,900 --> 00:05:10,900
A pubescent herd of gabby wretches
prattling on about boys and music

75
00:05:10,900 --> 00:05:13,700
and jellybeans and stickers...

76
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:18,700
Oh, we'd better stop by the hospital
so I can get my cooties shot.

77
00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:22,600
Shut up.

78
00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:25,000
Just leave me and my friends alone tonight.

79
00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:29,400
Meg, will you relax? None of us
are gonna do anything to embarrass you.

80
00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:31,800
Jeez, I gotta get gas.

81
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:36,800
Hey, any of you guys want a soda?
I'm gonna go inside and get a soda.

82
00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:37,900
Mom!

83
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,900
Meg, you know your father
loves you very much.

84
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,100
- Mr Griffin?
- Oh, my God.

85
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:47,900
Hey, Meg, it's Kevin from next door.
I didn't know you worked here.

86
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:51,000
Hey, Kevin, come here.
Come here! Say hi to Meg.

87
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,300
She's right in there, right there.

88
00:05:55,800 --> 00:06:00,500
OK, I'd put Brad Pitt's face
on Brendan Fraser's body

89
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:02,900
with Ben Affleck's butt.

90
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,800
My turn, my turn.

91
00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:09,800
I'd take James Brolin's face,
Mark Spitz's body,

92
00:06:09,900 --> 00:06:13,200
and Milton Berle's legendary genitals. Ah!

93
00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:17,300
- Mom, what are you doing?
- I love slumber parties.

94
00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:21,600
OK, truth or dare. Who here
has gone all the way? Hm?

95
00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:26,100
At my sleepovers, we used to practise
French kissing. Now, everybody pair up.

96
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:29,800
- All right, Mom!
- Chris, get outta here right now!

97
00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:33,800
- Um... I can't.
- OK, finish up and then come out.

98
00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:36,200
Lois, have you seen my fake beard?

99
00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:38,800
Oh, crap! I'm stuck in the stairs.

100
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:40,900
Oh, God, kill me now.

101
00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:47,400
Hello.

102
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:49,300
Karen!

103
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:54,300
All right, Meg, I need you to boil some water.
Girls, I'm gonna need towels. Lots of 'em.

104
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,800
- OK, let's go.
- Oh, jeez. I'm sorry, Meg's friends.

105
00:06:57,900 --> 00:07:02,100
Look, I'll make it up to you. I'll get you
Davy Jones for your school dance.

106
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:07,100
- Ow! Ah, jeez! Lois, what is that? Acid?
- You guys are ruining my life!

107
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,900
I'm sorry, honey. I know how you must feel.

108
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:14,500
If you care about me, you won't show
your faces for the rest of the night.

109
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,200
Well, then it's a good thing I have this.

110
00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:19,900
I am not a crook.

111
00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:24,700
Look, I mean it. All of you.
Oh, God, where's Stewie?

112
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:28,400
Well, Beth, what do you think?
Does Mark find you attractive?

113
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:31,500
- I don't know.
- Well, have you asked him?

114
00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:32,900
Not exactly.

115
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:36,300
All right, let's try some role-playing.
I'll be Mark.

116
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:40,800
You ask me out to the box social or whatever
the devil it is you children do these days.

117
00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:44,500
Peter, don't!

118
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:49,000
God, your hand is like ice!
Just here. Give it to me.

119
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:52,200
Ooh, that'll warm it up a little.

120
00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:54,600
Oh, that's nice.

121
00:07:54,900 --> 00:07:56,700
Oh! Oh! Oh!

122
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,000
- Peter, wait till...
- Sha... shaargh!

123
00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:01,200
Oh, Peter.

124
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,000
- Argh!
- Argh!

125
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:12,300
- What happened to your friends?
- My family scared them away.

126
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:16,600
I wish there was some way I could make
them understand how embarrassing they are.

127
00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:18,700
Welcome back to "Diane!"

128
00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:21,600
Erica, it's time for Mario's little confession.

129
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,300
Erica, you know I love you,
but I gotta come clean.

130
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:29,100
I'm... I'm not really a man.

131
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,900
I'm a woman.

132
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,300
Oh, my God. You're a woman?

133
00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:37,800
Well, actually, I'm not really a woman.

134
00:08:37,900 --> 00:08:40,300
I'm a horse.

135
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,800
Oh, my God. You're a horse?

136
00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:45,600
Actually, I'm not really a horse.

137
00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:47,700
I'm a broom.

138
00:08:51,100 --> 00:08:54,300
OK, OK. So, how do you feel?

139
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:58,100
To be honest with you, Diane, I'm surprised.

140
00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:08,100
Man, this is a great show. They drag these
idiots up on stage and then blindside 'em.

141
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:11,200
Like this one guy, didn't know
he was actually two midgets.

142
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,700
Oh, those poor, unsuspecting people.

143
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,700
Well, maybe some of them deserved it.

144
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,100
Hello, and welcome to Diane! 

145
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:25,000
Today's guest is tired
of being embarrassed by her family.

146
00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:29,600
- Meg, how did you get these tickets again?
- Let's bring them up right now.

147
00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:32,900
Whatever problems we have
can be settled in the privacy of...

148
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:36,100
- The Griffin family.
- Suckers.

149
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:38,700
Uh-oh.

150
00:09:42,100 --> 00:09:45,800
And we're back. Griffins, do you have
anything to say to your daughter?

151
00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:51,500
I can't believe you'd do this to us, Meg.
Maybe now I won't give you the antidote.

152
00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:55,300
- To what?
- To the poison you just drank!

153
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:59,300
See what I mean? This is not normal.

154
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:04,200
You there, Bingo. It seems the naughty baby
has made a messy-poo in his...

155
00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:07,100
I say, what's this? Volume. Volume!

156
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:11,200
Look, what's the big deal? I mean,
we're just a regular American family.

157
00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:13,700
We have family dinners,
and we go to church...

158
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,400
Yeah, and you even manage
to humiliate me there.

159
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,900
- Whoa! Is that really the blood of Christ?
- Yes.

160
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,100
Man! That guy must've been
wasted 24 hours a day, huh?

161
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:27,900
We have a caller on the line. Go ahead.

162
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:32,100
Yes. Yes. I say,
do you have Prince Albert in a can?

163
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,700
Quiet, quiet, quiet. Shut up. Shut up.

164
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,600
Well, you'd better let him out!

165
00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:42,700
That's hilarious!

166
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:46,400
Meg, you have two parents
who love you and...

167
00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:51,100
What does that say under me?
Oh, go yourself, Diane.

168
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:54,000
She said a swear!

169
00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:58,400
Peter, do you think there might be
any validity to what Meg is feeling?

170
00:10:58,500 --> 00:11:00,700
Who are you callin' Uncle Tom?!

171
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,100
- What?
- OK, time out.

172
00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:06,700
This kind of acrimony
isn't gonna resolve our differences.

173
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,400
Just shut up and throw a chair.

174
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:11,600
- OK.
- Argh!

175
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:15,200
Hm.

176
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,300
Uh-oh. Fire! Fire!

177
00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:22,700
City Hall is burning!
Don't worry. I'll put it out.

178
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:27,400
Hey, great show out there.

179
00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:32,200
If you want an autograph, you either
gotta give me a pen or get me some snow.

180
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:36,100
I look at you and I see a series.
We would like to put cameras in your house

181
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:39,700
and follow the drama that is your family.
Kinda like The Real World. 

182
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,800
All right! Then everyone'd get
to see me and my wacky antics.

183
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,000
Bleh!

184
00:12:05,900 --> 00:12:08,700
- So, do we have a deal?
- Let's shake on it.

185
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,300
Mom, are we on TV right now?

186
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,900
Yes, Chris.
Your father signed a contract,

187
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,300
and now we're gonna be on TV
for the next six months.

188
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:27,300
How could you do this? You turned my life
into the 24-hour Loser Channel.

189
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,900
You! Cameraman! Make sure
you use that Cybill Shepherd filter.

190
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,500
If it makes her look half-human,
it'll take six months off my face.

191
00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:36,900
Um...

192
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:41,900
I... I find the toothpaste with a pump
is a little easier to get on the brush.

193
00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:45,900
Um... you might have noticed
my underwear has a hole in it.

194
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,900
It's... you know... I don't see
any reason to throw it out.

195
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:55,100
The waist is still fine, you know...
You can see it's still real stretchy.

196
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:57,200
Mom, you have to do something!

197
00:12:57,300 --> 00:13:01,200
Dad's on TV parading around in his
underwear like some gross European guy!

198
00:13:01,300 --> 00:13:05,700
Oh, now, sweetie,
your father is just a free spirit.

199
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:09,900
Here. A good breakfast
is the foundation of a good day.

200
00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:14,300
And a bad breakfast
is the foundation of indigestion. Hey-oh!

201
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,600
Hi. I'm Brian.

202
00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:21,100
What the hell is this? I said egg whites only!

203
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:25,700
Are you trying to give me a bloody
heart attack? Make it again!

204
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,100
Ah, the breakfast thing.

205
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:31,500
Yes. It wasn't even about the eggs, really.

206
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:35,300
Frankly, I like the yolks.
I don't... I have no problem.

207
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:39,100
It's just there's always been a lot
of tension between Lois and me,

208
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:42,300
and it's not so much that I want to kill her,

209
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:46,800
it's just I want her not to be alive any more.

210
00:13:47,900 --> 00:13:53,000
I sometimes wonder if all women
are this difficult, and then I think to myself

211
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:58,300
"My God! Wouldn't it be marvellous
if I turned out to be a homosexual?"

212
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:07,000
One time my dad pooped in the
neighbours' yard, then lied about it.

213
00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:10,700
I knew it! Well, I'm glad I used
his shovel to clean it up.

214
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:15,000
Wow! Joe, this sort of makes you
like Larry from Three's Company. 

215
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:17,500
You know, I always thought he was sexy.

216
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:20,700
Yes! I am all about Larry over here!

217
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:29,600
Um, on Sundays we generally catch
the early-bird special

218
00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:32,000
here at the Lobster Shanty.

219
00:14:32,100 --> 00:14:34,900
There's fresh seafood, good prices.

220
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:40,100
- Plus... it's a shanty.
- And you get to pick your own lobster.

221
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,900
Yes. That one looks
like he's got some fight in him.

222
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:45,700
Take off the rubber bands! I'm going in.

223
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:50,500
Oh, my God, it is them! I can't believe
the Griffins eat here like everyday people.

224
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,500
We're, like, trying to eat here.

225
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,500
- Meg, put your bib on.
- I don't wanna wear a bib.

226
00:14:55,500 --> 00:15:01,300
Meg, honey, it's very cold in here. Maybe
you'd be more comfortable with your bib on.

227
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,900
- She means your nipples are stickin' out.
- Mom!

228
00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:06,200
Nipples! Nipples!

229
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:09,000
That's it! I want those cameras off!

230
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:12,300
Fourth wall! You're breaking the fourth wall!

231
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,900
Meg, you're the one that got us
on TV in the first place.

232
00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:19,300
Well, now I am getting us off TV. I quit.

233
00:15:19,900 --> 00:15:22,200
Hm. This isn't necessarily a bad thing.

234
00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:24,500
We can't do the show without Meg.

235
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:28,800
Why not? Our research shows that Meg
is the least popular character on the show.

236
00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:33,800
But everyone loves the rest of you. Lois,
women 25 to 49 see you as a role model.

237
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:35,700
- Really?
- Absolutely.

238
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,200
- What about me?
- You?!

239
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:41,900
Look, the bottom line is
you folks are still under contract, OK?

240
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,500
But I've come up with a solution
I think will make everyone happy.

241
00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:50,900
- Jason Gallagher.
- Present.

242
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,300
Meg Griffin.

243
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:55,100
- Oh, sorry I'm late, Mr...
- Here.

244
00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:06,100
- Hello?
- Over here.

245
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:10,200
- Thank you for meeting us here. Cigarette?
- Peter.

246
00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:13,300
- Sorry. We have to keep this brief.
- Why are we here?

247
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:17,900
No cameras. The TV executives don't want
viewers to be confused and think you're Meg.

248
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,900
- You're gonna let them recast me?
- Could've been worse.

249
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,800
They could've gone with plan B.

250
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,500
- Brian, put a mask on.
- I have an announcement.

251
00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:31,800
"Meg Griffin's plane was shot down
over the Sea of Japan."

252
00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:35,300
"It spun in. There were no survivors."

253
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,700
Who do I see about a Section Eight?

254
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,400
Fine! Do your stupid show without me.

255
00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:46,600
I'll be at Cleveland's house. I don't
wanna be a part of this family any more.

256
00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:48,500
- Meg!
- She'll be OK.

257
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:52,300
We gotta go. The cameramen think
we're taking Chris to soccer practice.

258
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:56,900
We're gonna be late!
Why won't you talk to me?!

259
00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:02,300
Oh, Meg, honey, our home is your home
for as long as you like.

260
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:04,500
We could offer you the guest room,

261
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:09,300
provided that it doesn't bother you
that my Great Uncle Chet died in there.

262
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:11,400
Oh. I guess not.

263
00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:13,500
Uh, when did he die?

264
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:18,000
We think sometime between
The Tonight Show and The Today Show. 

265
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:26,700
You know, some people think
that dandelions are weeds,

266
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,600
but, uh, you know, I always think...

267
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:33,200
who the hell decided tulips were so great?

268
00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:37,400
Hey. Hey, I'm over here. Hey!

269
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:44,700
- Hi, Chris.
- You know my name?

270
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:48,400
Of course I do, silly. I'm your sister, Meg.

271
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:49,500
Oh.

272
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,900
Uh, I don't know if Mom and Dad told you,

273
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,700
but we usually have breakfast naked
and I'm allowed to videotape it.

274
00:17:55,800 --> 00:18:00,500
Ooh, my skin's getting so slippery.
Hope I don't pop out of my top.

275
00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:01,700
Ohh.

276
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:06,200
Hey, camera guy, check this out.
"Peter Griffin and Madame."

277
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:09,700
Oh, Madame,
you're a lusty old girl, aren't you?

278
00:18:09,700 --> 00:18:12,300
You're the one with
your hand up my backside.

279
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,900
Oh! She got me.

280
00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:19,600
Hey! Hey, come back here!
She's gonna sing "Rainbow Connection"!

281
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,300
Mr Quagmire, can I use your toothpaste?

282
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:26,200
Oh, my God! Excuse me.

283
00:18:26,300 --> 00:18:30,300
No problem, Meg. You probably bought me
another three minutes. Giggedy-giggedy!

284
00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:34,600
The funniest thing happened at work today.

285
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:35,800
- There was...
- Hi.

286
00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:38,100
- Hey!
- I had the worst day.

287
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:40,800
I didn't make cheerleader
because I'm so plain,

288
00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:44,000
and I still don't have a date
for Friday night, as usual.

289
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:49,500
I'm going to write in my journal about how
I'll never grow big, full breasts like these.

290
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:59,500
It's not fair. If I don't get any airtime,
how am I ever gonna get my own spin-off

291
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:02,900
where I'm a retired baseball umpire
who opens a bar?

292
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,900
At the centre of the earth!

293
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,600
We don't get many of you
molten-rock men in here.

294
00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:14,600
Well, at these prices I'm not surprised.

295
00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:18,900
That's it, pal, you... are... outta here!

296
00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:26,100
To hell with the cameras. How could we
ever let them replace our little girl?

297
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:27,500
I miss her, Peter.

298
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:32,100
Me too. She's like that dorky Baldwin brother
who isn't as good-Iooking or successful

299
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:36,400
and never answers my letters, but he's
still a Baldwin, dammit, and so is Meg.

300
00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:38,100
Let's go get her back!

301
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:41,500
- What can I do for you?
- I'll tell you what you can do.

302
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:45,800
Fire that sexy, interesting version
of our daughter and make us a family again,

303
00:19:45,900 --> 00:19:46,900
or we walk.

304
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:50,100
Fire her? She's the highest-testing
character on the show!

305
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:53,500
- Besides, you can't quit. You have a contract.
- Oh, yeah?

306
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:56,100
Well, here's what I think of your contract.

307
00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:00,000
I think it's awful and I don't much care
for it at all, my good sir.

308
00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:01,700
Lois, we're outta here.

309
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:06,800
Well, you put me in a very awkward position,
Peter, but I guess I have no choice.

310
00:20:11,300 --> 00:20:13,600
Mom? Dad?

311
00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:15,500
I'm home!

312
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,500
- Who are you?
- We're the Griffins.

313
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,100
No, you're not. You're Tom Arnold.

314
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:24,700
And you're Fran Drescher. And you're,
um, that fat guy from Boogie Nights. 

315
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,900
And you're... the Olsen twins?

316
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,200
Blast! Damn you all. Victory is mine.

317
00:20:31,300 --> 00:20:34,300
Whose leg do you have to hump
to get a dry martini around here?

318
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:43,800
Oh, Peter, you promised me
you wouldn't drink at the stag party. 

319
00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:50,700
Ugh! I do not sound like that.

320
00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:54,900
This is terrible! We're the laughing stock
of the town and we've lost our daughter.

321
00:20:58,500 --> 00:21:00,600
- Meg!
- Oh, Mom!

322
00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:04,400
Look, I don't care if you guys embarrass me.
I wanna come home.

323
00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:07,600
Oh, sweetie, it's good to have you back.

324
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:10,900
Hey, honey, I'm sorry
we missed your ball game.

325
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,100
What?

326
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:15,200
Here's an ice cream. We love you, Meg.

327
00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:16,700
I love you too.

328
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,200
Hey, Lois, there's a Bible in here.

329
00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:36,900
Hey, look at me! I'm a Christian!
I'm reading the Bible!

330
00:22:21,900 --> 00:22:24,400
Visiontext Subtitles: Abigail Smith

331
00:22:30,700 --> 00:22:32,700
ENGLISH SDH



9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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